Ahh this is taking awhile to write but it's not dead.. (also, for the unaware, Nitrous Oxide = laughing gas)
Suddenly Dororo moved closer to him and it was like fireworks of sensuality that were impossible to control, and then it was Giroro with his hands delicately framing Dororo's face, holding him close and then pushing him away as he gasped longingly for breath and escape from the cascade of new feelings he'd never felt before that he ashamedly realized he desperately wanted to explore.
"Dororo, Doro- stop, stop! One second!" He clumsily moved the Lance-Corporal away, face and body overheated from head to toe. Everything was searing and hot and his senses dulled to near numbness under the euphoria eruption flooding through him. He was holding Dororo closer than he'd ever held him, but no, he'd never held him like this, it was totally different and his feelings were exploding with confusion and excitement. He didn't know if that was okay, or if that was supposed to be okay, or if he was to be damned whether or not it was "okay", because it was probably the greatest feeling he'd ever felt and for once he wasn't throwing it away or pressing it down in an effort to remain like his normal self, to be calm, serious, angry Giroro, no, it was nothing like usual and it was indulgence and it was gratification and it felt so damn good.
But before he could even really relish the feeling, before it was more than a wild emergency flare going off all thorough out him, disrupting all of his thoughts and movements and leaving him all dazed but happy like a rush of nitrous oxide, he caught a look of pure terror on Dororo's face, horror like he'd never seen before, and the ninja thrust him away and scrambled to his feet, as if burned by Giroro's touch. At first, Giroro just watched him dumbly, unaware of what was going on, as Dororo moved farther away. But the feelings began to sink in toxically, a monstrously sick feeling akin to being shot at point blank, and horror, horror like he'd never known, and he was all tripping and falling and he just needed to get to Dororo, he needed to fix whatever he'd done wrong and correct this and damnit he had just fucked everything up but it'd still okay, it could still be alright, it would be fine if he just-
"Giii~roro? Are you around?" A vixen voice purred out from somewhere behind him, chipper in just all the right ways. The red corporal stopped dead in his tracks. No, no, anything, anything, but that... anything in the world would make a better savior than that.
The gods were not benevolent tonight.
Natsumi poked her strawberry pink-covered head out the door, and smiled down at him. "There you are! I was wondering if you'd like to come in for so-" As she talked, her line of sight slowly slid over Giroro, who had one knee to the ground we're he'd just tripped to, with arms partially outstretched, to Dororo, who was across the yard and slowly shrinking away from any possibility of his touch. Comprehension slowly dawned on her and her face went from beaming joy to no-nonsense in a blink.
"Giroro, what're you doing?" she hissed.
Giroro jerked his hands back sharply, as if he'd been slapped, and held them up pleadingly to her, heart already racing at her appearance.
"No, wait, I wasn't doing anything, I swear-"
"Don't you guys bother him enough? I thought at least you were better than this, jeeze!"
Okay. That stung.
"No, you don't understand! Let me explain-" He advanced a step and the movement instantly caused a reaction in Natsumi, who was between them in seconds.
"You can leave him alone already, ya jerk! ...Hey, Dororo," Natsumi turned slowly to address the pale frog, voice crumpling into plush pleasantries and hands coming together peacefully, "would you like to come in for some cake?" her words were very deliberate, she was only addressing Dororo.
"Actually, Natsumi-" Giroro began, hoping to parry her blows for a moment, even just a minute, so he could get to Dororo, talk to him, he just needed to fix things, but before he could even finish he was interrupted for the last time.
"-I was just going." Dororo's voice smoothly interjected, completely emotionless. His voice so devoid of warmth that there was absolutely nothing to be read into it. He sounded like he was speaking to Kululu in the most business-like manner possible, not... him. The tone left Giroro more hurt than he wanted to admit. Did that moment mean nothing suddenly? All this time he thought he could read Dororo like a book... it seemed like he was just faking.
"Ah, really? Maybe you can come tomorrow, instead. Eh... Giroro, you alright?"
The rolling of his name off of Natsumi's tongue jolted him roughly back to reality. She didn't know about anything that had just happened, she just wanted to know he was alright... innocent, sweet, Natsumi... Giroro's heart did a dive bomb. What had he done? His hands went over his face and it was just way too overwhelming, it made him utterly sick.
"I'm fine."
...
Dororo stepped quietly through the grass as he approached his home, his mind burdened heavily a few times over. More time had passed than he had expected and only starshine lit his way, obscuring the trees and forms in the deep dark. The moon was held captive by the clouds and passed little light to help his journey. So it was with this light source that he stumbled clumsily over the rocky pathway through the forest, senses numbed and his usually sharp defenses dulled. He couldn't help it, his focus was squandered on having the last hour rewinded in his mind once, twice, a thousand times, every scene dissected and analyzed to the very bones in his pale eyes as he tripped past the trees.
Each time it was played back it was like watching some sad, pathetic movie where the main character's love interest was there the whole time, and they couldn't see it until the very end, but with the added twist that they waited too long and they lost them. Dororo rubbed his arms nervously, wanting the raw friction try to shock him back to normal. It did nothing.
But Giroro isn't a simple love interest, he protested inwardly. Giroro was his friend. Just his friend. Just his always-friend. He hadn't had time to think when Giroro got him so close, only time to react. Now that single action had brought a mountain of regret clashing upwards in his heart, triggered from the collision of the huge tectonic plates of "he was never yours in the first place", "you didn't have the right to do that", and the worst, the most toxic: "you know he gave himself to Natsumi, anyway". And oh, oh, Natsumi! A small shiver went down his spine from between his shoulders to the small of his back. He felt like a monster, he'd held Giroro and Natsumi had been feet away, in the kitchen, and hadn't even known. When he'd noticed her approaching before Giroro did, in those last precious seconds, it was like a horrible drowning of the moment and culmination of the whole thing all at once, it had been just too much. He'd gotten away as fast as he could, tried to extract himself from the situation, anything, anything at all to get away. He just didn't want to get hurt again.
And yet, with the replay of his memories there was the voice that came through clear as day again, tight with frustration and so pained from the need for him to understand,
"You've always been important to me!"
He almost buckled when he remembered that moment, the look Giroro gave him, that finally told him he meant it, he really meant it, and he needed him to know. It send another wave through him and god it did not feel like anything he'd ever felt before, it was not a normal friendly warmth, it was not the biting bitterness his leader could summon at the omission of his name at roll-call, no, it was burning his insides and leaving him breathing much faster than he wanted too and god, why was this so different and why couldn't he ignore it and just be done with it? Why was he trying so hard to do something he couldn't; just walk away and leave Giroro to Natsumi and be alone, like it always was. Why couldn't he accept that there was no way it could end well and just get over that one moment that was all too fast and no thinking of consequences, why couldn't it be done and over with and leave him alone and make his head stop hurting and his heart stop swimming in feelings that were as alien as he was?
He didn't want to say the answer that was so obvious and so blunt on his lips it physically hurt.
Because, his mind viciously replied for him,
You want to love him.
And Dororo responded with the only answer he could possibly allow himself to give,
But I can't.
...
