A beeping brought Gillian out of her day dream. She looked over at Cal but he hadn't moved. Of course he hadn't moved. Two whole days and not even a blink of his eyelids. Sure he made noises but then so did Lewis in his sleep. Come to think of it, Lewis's eyes also moved in his sleep. This was like dealing with a Cal made of stone. He was on his side at the moment, the nursing staff moved him so he wouldn't form pressure sores. When Gillian came back from lunch she had got a shock to see him facing the other way. She had automatically thought he had turned over of his own volition. And then reality had slowly sunk in and she realised that no, it must have been his carers. He couldn't move on his own at this point.
The beeping was the IV indicating one of the medicines Cal was on had run out. Within seconds of it starting up, before Gillian could even think to buzz for a nurse, Jay came into the room with the next one. All of Cal's monitors were also displayed at the station where Jay worked. He had three other patients in his care too. One of them was the result of a car wreck and demanded far more of his time than the comatose Cal. Jay changed over the IV and reattached it to Cal's drip. He gave Gillian a smile on his way out again. Was she such a familiar presence there that he was comfortable with silence now?
She had been there from dawn until dusk for two days straight. There had been no change with Cal. Aside from communicating with Emily, she had managed to shut out the rest of the world. When she told Ria that she would call her with news, Ria actually respected that and waited for Gillian to contact her. There had been enough family emergencies in the Lightman clan for the younger woman to respect Gillian's command for space. They knew how to carry on without supervision and Gillian trusted them enough to not set the building on fire or cripple the Lightman Group into bankruptcy in forty-eight hours.
But Gillian wasn't sure what to do. She even had a hard time trying to let Lewis in on the situation. She didn't want to deliver bad news to anyone, let alone her son, if Cal was going to wake up in a few days. And then what if he didn't? What if he di... She stopped that thought quickly, choking mentally on the word. Her body flushed while her face suddenly felt cold. That was fear. Raw fear. She wanted to race out of the room and keep on running until she couldn't remember what it was that she wanted to escape from. She tucked her hand into Cal's wishing she could draw some strength from him. He would know what to do. He would make the right decision. He would bring her so much comfort if he would just open his damn eyes.
Gillian took a deep steadying breath and then skipped the next one. Cal started to shake. The shakes turned to shudders. Alarms started going off as he convulsed fiercely. Gillian shot to her feet, panic blocking her voice from making a sound. It didn't matter. Jay was there within seconds. He pulled Cal over on to his back and simultaneously reached for the call button, pressing it three times in quick succession. Another nurse appeared in the doorway and quickly made their way over to the bed. Cal's violent tremors were enough to lift his head from the bed. Gillian could see a grimace on his features. A doctor arrived and she was finally shoved out of the way while the medical team worked. The doctor called for various drugs to be pushed through the IV.
Eventually Cal calmed down. But Gillian didn't. She didn't even know she was crying until Jay came to comfort her. He soothed her and told her Cal was all right now. The doctor came to introduce himself as the ICU shift doctor and explain that Cal had had a mild tonic-clonic seizure, that it was common in coma patients and that he was being treated with a benzodiazepine to try and prevent another. They would use it carefully because it had the potential to alter Cal's rate of breathing and lower his blood pressure, two things Gillian already knew Cal's neurologist, Doctor Rockwell, did not want to happen. How could they treat him with something so conflicting? Where was the line of balance? It scared Gillian more. There were no certainties, nothing tangible to hold on to; no way of holding on to hope.
PJ
Gillian needed a plan. She needed help. A physical therapist arrived shortly after the seizure to take Cal through some basic movements designed to keep his blood flowing and not allow his muscles to deteriorate too much with disuse. Plus, he had a hip fracture that needed to heal properly, and seeing as he couldn't walk around on it on his own, the therapy was the next best thing. Gillian took that moment to slip out and make phone calls. She didn't get that far though. She ducked into a bathroom and sat on the closed lid of a toilet in one of the cubicles and silently cried her heart out. When she was alone she let a few sobs escape but mostly she held it in. It was not the release she needed but she did feel better for it afterward. She sat for a while thinking. She hadn't done laundry in a while. Or gone food shopping. She needed to start doing some of those every day things instead of spending all her time at the hospital. She still had obligations to their family and to their business. Cal would understand; he would insist if he could. It wasn't like he missed her when she was gone. That thought made her feel sick. Was that being cruel? Or just accurate?
Gillian blew her nose with toilet paper. She already had a wad of it in her hand that she had been wiping her eyes with. At the sink she saw herself in the mirror and was shocked. She looked terrible. She hadn't even put make up on that morning. And she didn't remember not doing it. Putting make up on had been a part of her morning routine since she was seventeen. She wondered what else she was forgetting to do. She did make Lewis's lunch that morning right? She was pretty sure she had.
Gillian washed her face with cold water and let the shock of it against her flushed face rush through her. She needed to focus, she needed to plan and she needed to make this work. She wanted to spend time with Cal, she needed to, she didn't want to worry and wonder about him when she wasn't there, but she also needed to be there for Lewis and allocate time for work obligations. Then there was Emily and the other mundane normal routines, like laundry, food, paying bills. Finding Cal's car. Oh she had to get gas too! She told herself to do it on the way home. She needed to stop waiting for Cal, to stop relying on him. She needed to be able to do this on her own, to make the decisions that needed to be made. Gillian found some make up in her bag and applied it lightly. She studied herself in the mirror again. She looked determined now. Good.
The first thing she did was call Ria at work. It was clear the younger woman was relieved to hear from Gillian. Her first question was to ask how Cal was. Gillian thought back to that morning, the grimace of discomfort on his features as his body seized out of his control and swallowed down a lump in her throat that made everything feel awkward. "He's stable," she replied, which was partly true. "But there's no change in his condition. We're waiting for a few more days to go by to know more."
"Well that's good that he's not getting worse," Ria quickly found something to be positive about.
"Yeah," Gillian agreed. But she didn't want to talk about Cal because it made her feel funny inside, anxious mostly, but also too aware of how much she wanted to go into his room and shake him by the shoulders and tell him to just wake the hell up. "Listen, I need you to do me a favour."
"We're already looking into it," Ria interrupted. "Aiden arrested Malrose. He confessed to the sabotage. Aiden's just waiting to see what happens with Cal before he lays charges."
That did not bring Gillian any comfort at all.
"He wanted to come by and talk to you but I headed him off."
"Thank you," Gillian murmured. Life had been going on around her while she had been stuck in the bubble of Cal's bedside.
"You weren't there so I figured you wouldn't really know anything. He called the hospital to speak to Cal's doctor anyway... about, you know."
Gillian knew. About whether there would be a manslaughter charge.
"There was no reason to disturb you."
Gillian thanked her again. Well that was at least one thing off her mind; the man who had done this to Cal was behind bars. "Cal's car?" Gillian started.
"Oh yeah, uh, Aiden said it was impounded by the police before he could get to it. I said I'd let you know where it was so you could go and get it? I can go and get it," she offered quickly.
'Cal's keys,' Gillian thought. They would be with his property wouldn't they? That was something else she needed to think about. And his phone. And his wallet. The clothes... she had seen the state of them on him in the emergency room. She hoped they had simply gone into the trash.
"Loker and I can go down and sort it out," Ria offered again.
"Uh," Gillian thought. "His keys. I don't know where they are." She hesitated. "But I have a spare at the house. So I'll go home and get it and drop it off."
"I can come to you."
'Too many options,' Gillian thought to herself. And no clear path through it. Any ideas that led her away from Cal for more than half an hour made her feel so uneasy she knew it wasn't healthy. What she wanted was an assurance that he would be ok if she left for just a little while. "Let me call you back," Gillian said into the phone and hung it up. She found Ajay's number in her cell phone and dialled it on the pay phone.
"Hello?" He answered neutrally.
"Ajay, it's Gillian."
"Oh hey," he was surprised. "How are you?" He asked awkwardly.
"I'm fine, listen, I really need you to do me a favour."
"Whatever you need," he responded easily.
"I need you to bring Emily up to the hospital. She needs to see Cal and he needs to know she's here."
"Is he awake?"
"No," Gillian answered after an awkward beat. "But..." but what? She had nothing else.
"Yeah her avoiding going up there isn't a good idea," Ajay saved the conversation.
"Thank you. This evening ok?"
"She has a class finishing in half an hour."
"That would be perfect. I need to sort some things out and I don't want to..." she stopped. It sounded so silly. She didn't want to leave Cal alone. He wasn't alone. He was surrounded by people.
"Yeah of course. We can come up and sit with him for a while," Ajay sounded more determined now.
"Thank you," Gillian said again.
"Hey look, if there's anything else. You know. Just call."
Gillian let that sink in. She wasn't alone either. She was surrounded by people who cared for her. And Cal. "For now, I just need you to look after Emily for me. Bring her up to the hospital. Make sure she talks or something. She should deal with..."
"I know. I keep telling her that. I'm not sure what to do though."
"We can talk about it later."
"That would be great," Ajay sounded relieved. "We'll see you soon."
Gillian ended that call feeling more focused than before. So she had someone to sit with Cal covered and she could then go to get his car key and take it to work where Ria would organise getting his car back. That was two things off her list. What else did she need to sort? She phoned Aiden. His phone went to voicemail. She left a message. She just wanted to check in with him. There was no change with Cal. But Gillian felt she should keep the police detective informed. He was working favours for her on his end. It was better that she knew what was going on and the vice versa. In case something changed...
What was next? Cal's personal property. Gillian relinquished the phone, considering herself lucky no one else had wanted to use it and interrupt her. She was certainly not the only worried family member hovering around these hallways, not that she'd had the heart to talk to anyone else. Gillian approached the nurses' station in the centre of the intensive care unit. A young woman was there. "Hi," she gave Gillian a smile.
"Julia," Gillian finally recalled her name. "I was wondering. Cal's personal property."
"Oh I can get that for you," Julia was immediately on her feet.
"If you're busy," Gillian tried to convey it wasn't important.
"Not a problem. Won't be a minute," she turned and headed out of her little booth. She went down the hallway out of sight and Gillian studied the monitor that was a replica of the one in Cal's room. She read off his heart rate, oxygen stats and blood pressure easily, noting that while the numbers were slightly too high for normal, they were his unique brand of what she should expect.
Julia was back within a minute with a large, brown, heavy-duty, paper bag in her arms. "Here you go."
"Thanks."
"If you're going to throw anything out, make sure you use the biohazard disposal bins," she added and Gillian caught her meaning immediately. She dreaded all over again having to deal with what was contained inside the crackly paper. She gave a nod in acknowledgement and took the parcel back to her husband's room, so she could rifle through his things in private.
When she entered Cal's room she was surprised to see him on the other side now. And of course she had remind herself that no, he hadn't rolled himself, someone had moved him. The physical therapist was gone and the first thing she did was check his monitor, check the white board where more of his information was displayed, and then check his face. No changes. Gillian picked up her chair and moved it to the other side of the bed, the one that made her nervous because it was home to his IV lines and ventilator machine. She worried that she would knock something out. Gillian leaned down to give Cal's forehead a kiss. And that was when she noticed the blood.
