The next afternoon, there was a knock on the door of Crane and Tetch's flat. "Tell whoever it is to go away – I have a massive headache, and I blame your mind control device, Jervis!" snapped Crane from his room. "It's probably been sending out all sorts of damaging electromagnetic waves!"

"It's perfectly safe, I assure you – I never would have tested it on humans if it wasn't," muttered Tetch, heading toward the front door. "Indeed, I never would have tested it on animals if it wasn't, though honestly I'm not sure which one the Joker is."

He opened the door. "Speak of the devil," he commented. "You're both back. How did the rest of the evening go?"

"Well, not to kiss and tell, Tetchy, but it was some pretty fabulous roleplaying…" began Joker.

"Puddin', he meant the party," said Harley, elbowing him. "It went great, Jervis. I had Mr. J hidden away in my room before my folks came back, and they went straight to bed. And then this morning Mr. J snuck out before they even realized he was there. It all went off without a hitch."

"Oh, I didn't realize your parents would have been uncomfortable with him staying the night," said Tetch.

"Oh yeah," said Harley, nodding. "They would have flipped. They're kinda from an older generation who don't believe in couples sharing rooms before they're married…plus Dad would probably be paranoid that Mr. J was gonna steal something."

"Yeah, no offense to your parents, Harley, but they ain't got anything worth stealing," said Joker, shaking his head. "I can see where you get your taste for cheap and tacky."

"Now Mr. J, that ain't a nice way to talk about yourself," said Harley with a grin. "Anyway, is Johnny here, Jervis?" she asked, turning back to him. "I got him a present to say thanks for looking in on Mr. J while I was gone."

"He has a headache, which I doubt will be helped by the Joker's presence," said Tetch. "But do come in. Jonathan, it's the clowns!"

"Yes, well, you'll have to excuse me – I have a headache!" called Crane from his room.

"It'll only take a second!" called Harley. "I brought you a present!"

There was a sigh, and Crane entered the living room. "That's very thoughtful of you, Harley, but really not necessary," said Crane. "The greatest present of all would be not having to see the Joker for a very long time."

"Well, I guess that can also be part of your present," said Harley. "I can't imagine I'll ever leave Mr. J again for any reason, unless he kicks me out or something. And then I wouldn't want you watching him because I'd probably be pretty mad at him and think he deserves whatever he gets. Anyway, here's your present," she said, holding out a wrapped gift to him in a very familiar shape.

"A book," said Crane, identifying it before he even opened it.

"A special book," said Harley, nodding. "I made it myself before I left for the weekend."

Puzzled, Crane unwrapped it, to see the title Friends For Life. "It's a photo album," explained Harley. "Of all the pictures I've taken of us together over the years. Thought it might bring back some good memories."

"Oh…yes," stammered Crane. "There's that time we all broke out of Arkham together and Joker left me behind claiming the getaway car was full when it was just you two in it…and here's us in Arkham, with the Joker giving me bunny ears, how delightful. And here's…"

"That was Jervis's Wonderland themed birthday party," said Harley. "Remember I went as Alice?"

"I remember I was hugely offended by it," muttered Tetch under his breath.

"And there you are in your Jabberwocky costume before Mr. J destroyed it," said Harley, pointing. "See? All kindsa good memories!"

"Mostly involving Joker being annoying," agreed Crane.

"It's what I do best!" chuckled Joker. "Well, unless you ask Harley, of course. She'll say that's something else," he added with a grin.

"Thank you, Harley, it's hugely thoughtful," said Crane, sincerely. "You clearly went through a lot of effort."

"Hey, anything for a friend," said Harley, smiling and hugging him. "Well, we'll leave you to recover from your headache," she said. "Mr. J and I need to get home to the babies."

"Yes, with their fondness for chewing wires, you'd better hope they haven't chewed through the wires on your spying machine," commented Tetch.

"Shut up, runt!" snapped Joker.

"What spying machine?" asked Harley, confused.

"Your necklace," said Tetch, nodding at her. "It's a location tracker and recording device. That's how Joker located you, and he was eavesdropping on you ever since you left."

"Is that true, puddin'?" demanded Harley, rounding on him.

"I was…concerned, pooh," said Joker, slowly. "I didn't want anything to happen to you..."

"You tracked my location, and spied on me behind my back?" asked Harley in disbelief. Then she suddenly beamed. "Oh puddin', you do care!" she cried, leaping into his arms. "It's the most romantic thing ever! You couldn't bear for us to be separated, so you eavesdropped on me just so you wouldn't have to be parted from me for a single second!"

"Yeah…that's right, pumpkin pie!" said Joker, cheerfully. "And so if I heard any guys chatting you up, I could kill 'em horribly!"

"Oh puddin', you know just what to say!" sighed Harley. "I never get tired of you threatening to kill people for me – it's just adorable! Now let's go home so I can thank you properly for keeping such a close eye on your Harley girl," she said, taking his hand and leading him out the door.

Joker turned to wink at Crane and Tetch. "Thanks, boys, I owe ya. Enjoy your Friendzone for Life book, Craney!"

His hysterical laughter was diminished by Tetch slamming the door. "Don't listen to him, Jonathan," he said. "It's a very thoughtful gift."

"It is," agreed Crane, flipping through it. "Despite the Joker's inevitable presence. And here's one without him," he said, finding a page and smiling. "Harley took what I believe is termed a selfie when we both happened to be crashing the same Victorian Antique exhibit at the museum. She was stealing the Joker a creepy clown doll as a surprise, and I was after some memento mori. See the skulls?" he asked, holding the book up to Tetch.

"Yes, delightful," said Tetch, sarcastically.

"Well, it was for us," said Crane, smiling down at the photo where both he and Harley were smiling, her arm around his neck. Harley had written underneath it, Best Co-Robbers Ever! Go Team Jonley!

"What does that mean?" asked Tetch, reading it.

"I believe it's the amalgamation of both our names together – Jonathan and Harley," said Crane. "Such things are apparently done these days on the internet or something."

"I thought it was used for couples," said Tetch.

"Well, a man can dream," agreed Crane.

"And knowing the internet, they probably will," commented Tetch.

"This is not to be shared with the internet," retorted Crane. "This is a special gift that Harley has given me, a special, one of a kind gift that she put a lot of effort into, collecting the photos and writing captions and scrapbooking together…"

He trailed off. "And here's one of us before it all went wrong," he murmured. "At the University, me as a professor and Harley as my student."

"Goodness, Jonathan, what were you wearing?" asked Tetch, glancing at the photo.

"I'll have you know, jackets with elbow patches are very fashionable for professors!" snapped Crane.

He read the caption: My best teacher ever, and the first friend who understood and cared. Thanks for always being there for me, Johnny. I'll always be here for you too.

"That would have been lovely if Joker hadn't added, 'in the Friendzone,' to it," commented Tetch, pointing.

"Yes. Fortunately, I still have a lot of white-out on hand from my teaching days," sighed Crane, entering his room to get it.

The End