Just One Look

If you will,

Then we'll go as fast as we go far

Maybe we'll be forgotten

When the world is torn apart

Cause the sun won't be so blinding.

And the rain will finally come.

And the ashes will finally pile up to prove we're finally done

I Feel So, Box Car Racer

---

I sigh as I walk around the room for the millionth. It isn't as nice as mine was as the Skellington Manour. It's not anything like it, in fact. Its big, sure, but there's no lace or antiques or ivory wallpaper. The room is a dark but vibrant purple, like something out of a H.I.M. flyer, and covered in posters. Black furniture covers the room. The bathroom is black marble and beautiful. It's a different kind of luxury, it's a Gothic Mansion and has been decorated accordingly.

"I really can't thank you enough," I tell Izzy for the hundredth time.

"It's nothing, Shock." She smiles genuinely at me with Barrel at her side.

"Nothing? Your letting me move in with you…" I sigh again, smiling as I flop onto the bed…my new bed…

"You needed a place to stay," She tells me, looking me in the eye.

…A bed I will never share with Lock, ever.

"But this is…too much…" I pause, smoothing the sheets down a bit. "But it's so great, really, thank you Iz." I smile and hug her.

I still can't believe she's letting me move in with her, you know? Barrel and Izzy have been the best in this past week. After the…whole…thing with Lock, those two were completely supportive. Izzy let me stay at her house and after she told her parent's what had happened they agreed to let me move in. They don't mind at all, not even with the fact that I'm…well, expecting. Even when they heard that I was keeping it, and really keeping it, not adopting it out.

But…they also know they don't really have a say in it…it is up to Izzy in the long run. They're never at the Manor. They have another mansion in the South County of Halloween Town, which is way bigger. The only reason they come to this one is because Izzy goes to school here, but for the most part they stay in their other mansion, even when she is in school. Once she's 18 and has graduated this mansion goes completely to her and her parent's will be living in the South Halloween Town mansion permanently, which leaves Izzy free to do as she likes with it. Since she's not going to University, and neither am I, I came up with the idea of her maybe renting out some of the rooms for rent or the basement for shows on weekends (I've always wanted to have an underground place for bands to play, but East Halloween town is more of that scene).

But it's not just Izzy. Barrel has been great about it too, he's always there for me. I don't have to thank him, he always knows how thankful I am to him, though I do think he is taking it a little far with Lock. He refuses to talk to him, despite the fact that they do live together. He says if it doesn't get better soon he's probably going to have to move out and maybe stay here. He's unbelievably mad at Lock…but Lock hasn't said anything to him either. Lock hasn't said anything to any of us for a matter of fact. He's just been hanging out with a few of his friends from school for the most part. At least he's not talking to Ava either…I don't think.

"So," Barrel says, breaking our silence. "How is your graduation speech coming?" He asks. I flush red.

"It's good. I'm using a lot of song lyrics I wrote as quotes and stuff…" I say to him. Though I'm not sure if it's a good or bad thing, on Monday of this week my English teacher approached me, telling me I was being asked to give a speech at graduation, because supposedly, my "writing and poetry was superb." I agreed, and to tell you the truth the only reason why I wanted to do it was to take my mind off of Lock, but if anything I just think about him more. It's the farewell speech, the last one to let out our class. I'm excited and nervous. That speech is supposed to be all about love and friendship…I hope I am living up to it.

The one thing I can tell you right now, is I'm really egar for the rest of my life to start.

---

I'm sitting there in the first fucking row and I'm sweating my brains out under this stupid gown and cap. Our class president, Melikin, is making his speech and it's almost over. Soon he will introduce me and I'll have to walk up and give my speech to everybody. And it seems, the world really hates me right now. You see, on each of the wings of the stage, the parts that are right there next to the audience, there are 10 seats. On the left wing, the principal, vice principal, and 8 other supposedly important figures sit. On the right, there are 10 students seated, only sitting there because they're the 10 students who will receive awards at graduation. And of course, one of those 10 had to be Lock. Lucky for me, Barrel got his seat front and center in the audience, and I have him for support to shoot me nice little encouraging smiles. But it's the stares from Lock that really get me.

The crowd is cheering and people start looking at me. Shit, I think. I know it's time for me to go up. I slowly rise and my white gown flows as I walk. I shake hands with Melikin and go up to the podium. I take a deep breath, my heart is racing so fast I can hardly breath. It's the feeling Lock used to give me. But now I have no time for Lock, even though this entire speech is practically about him…

Shit, well, here it goes…

"Words to live by… 'You want to, but you can't. And when you do, you wish you didn't.' Confusing, but meaningful, just as most of our lives have and will be…

"It's funny how you go through time and nothing changes, but you look back and everything is different." I pause. "You say I choose sadness, and that it has never once chosen me…this is what happens in life. You go through, you're sad, you're angry…you're happy. Eventually everything will fall into its place, but until then, we laugh at the confusion, we live for the moment and we always remember…everything happens for a reason.

"As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let us down probably will." I don't know why but I look at Lock as I say this, but he's staring right back, and not with the kind of 'I have to' look on his face. He's actually listening. That scares me.

"You'll have your heart broken and you'll break others hearts. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did. You'll cry over little things. You'll fight with your best friend. You'll fall in love. You'll change. You'll cry because time is passing so fast, you'll eventually…lose somebody you love. So we will take too many pictures, laugh too much, forgive freely and love like we've never been hurt because every second we spend angry, or upset, is a second of happiness that we can never get back…" I pause again, and take a deep breath. As I speak, I speak slowly.

"We came together, fell apart, and broke each others hearts. But what I have come to realize is that…people don't change, they become more of who they really are. Sometimes this can be hard to face, hard to realize, but we move on, we find someone else, something else, to dream about and live for. Sometimes you kiss someone and you know right then and there that's who you want to kiss for the rest of your life. You don't get to choose, you just fall… It's the same way with your friends. Your true friends. You get this person who is all wrong and all right at the same time, and you know that you love them so much except sometimes they just drive you completely insane, and no one can explain it, and the reason its so confusing, is cause its love. Its friendship. But if love, and friendship, and the things that mattered the most in this life…or afterlife…didn't have any challenges, what would be the point?

"Maybe we're not supposed to be happy. Maybe gratitude has nothing to do with joy. Maybe being grateful means recognizing what you have for what it is. Appreciating small victories. Admiring the struggle it takes simply to be human. Maybe we're thankful for the familiar things we know, and maybe we're thankful for the things we'll never know. At the end of the day, the fact that we have the courage to still be standing is reason enough to celebrate." I stop for a second. I shudder and take another breath. I have read and re-read the next part over thousands of time. I hope as I present it, I will not cry as I have done so many times revising and re-reading it.

"Love…love is something that is losing its meaning. Love is hard to define. You want to know what it is…I think I might have come close writing this…

"Love…is looking into his eyes and forgetting all about the world around you. It's feeling those feelings hours after they're gone and realizing that you'll never be able to find another person that can even compare to them. We've got lists of things we want to change about ourselves, because ever since we've met these people, we become a mess of insecurities…" I stop, bite my lip, and continue. I can feel Lock's eyes burning into me, Barrel is looking on and telling me silently, You can do this. I can feel it.

"We were promised forever and so we're sitting here waiting, because somewhere deep down inside our hearts we want to believe that there is a chance… Everything happens for a reason, and sometimes things fall apart just so other things can fall together. But in the end, what's meant to be will always find its way…

"Someone out there is meant to be the love of your life. Your best friend. Your soul mate. The one you can tell your dreams to will smile at you when you tell them, but they will never laugh at your heart. They will be perfect. Never let you down, and if they do will make it up and make it okay. They will always be there for you…and you will thank God or Buddha or Allah or Satan or whoever you want to thank, that you have found them and they have found you and you have them in your life…"

Finally my speech is almost done and I am at my last paragraph. By this time I am shaking and however much it hurts, I force myself to look at Lock as I say it. "I understand we both grew up. There's things you have to do….The only thing I ask of you if you ever fall in love again, I hope you find yourself. Someone who knows how to appreciate the way you laugh. I am always here for you…"

And slowly, I turn away and I step back, letting Melikin take the stage again. I don't see Lock's reaction, I can't bring myself to look at him again. Melikin says something, but it's deaf in my ears. I watch and see as people rise, scream and cheer. They smile. They clap for me, clap for him, and clap for the time that has come and the goodbyes that are being said. They clap because this has happened, we are thankful that it has. The pain has brought happiness and glory. There is a sea of white and black gowns, and the girls and the boys cheer and throw their caps into the air. There is no Lock in my head for this second. There is only purity and bliss. Izzy comes from her row and Barrel comes from the audience, and they throw their arms around me and we cheer and cry and laugh and smile because it is over and we can start the rest of our lives.

But it wasn't the rest of my life, I realize that now. It was the end of my beginning, and the beginning of enternity.

--

A/N: alright, the graduation speech is mostly stolen from my friend who took it from some place and put it on her sight….idk where, but MOST of it is NOT mine. Some of it is but most is not. Anyways…. REVIEW BITCHES…YOUR GETTING LAZY AT THAT hahahaha no just kidding I love you guys…lol. & thanks so much to the people who have reviewed, you keep me going!