Blue jeans, white shirt
Walked into the room you know you made my eyes burn
It was like, James Dean, for sure
You're so fresh to death and sick as ca-cancer
You were sorta punk rock, I grew up on hip hop
But you fit me better than my favourite sweater, and I know
That love is mean, and love hurts
But I still remember that day we met in December, oh baby!
I will love you 'til the end of time
I would wait a million years
Promise you'll remember that you're mine
Baby can you see through the tears
Love you more
Than those bitches before
Say you'll remember, oh baby, say you'll remember, oh baby ooh
I will love you 'til the end of time
Big dreams, gangster
Said you had to leave to start your life over
I was like, "No please, stay here,
We don't need no money we can make it all work,"
But he headed out on Sunday, said he'd come on Monday
I stayed up waitin', anticipatin', and pacin'
But he was chasing paper
"Caught up in the game" ‒ that was the last I heard
Blue Jeans by Lana Del Rey
Chapter Nine- Blue Jeans
July 10th, 2007
They had spent the night at the motel, and it had been a night to remember. If Valerie wasn't already agonising over the thought of being away from him then she definitely was now.
She was sore everywhere and covered in bruises, but it had all been worth it, she'd take the pain if it meant having Happy. And now that she'd had him she never wanted to give him up.
Valerie was glad that Happy was riding, it gave her a chance to really think about what she was doing. She knew that she wouldn't be coming back to Tacoma. And she knew that would make things hard for her and Happy.
"Why couldn't things be simple?" She said out loud, glad that no one could hear her talking to herself
But Valerie knew that things wouldn't be simple even if she did stay in Tacoma, not with all that shit with Koz still hanging over their heads. They needed a fresh start. And maybe this could be it.
The drive was long and for the most part boring, but she tried to shrug it off as she pulled into Sam's driveway. Sam was waiting out the front with a man Valerie recognised as her husband Ben.
Sam looked almost the same as she had the last time Valerie had seen her, same chestnut brown hair and eyes to match, tanned skin, her normally slim figure was rounded slightly from being pregnant with her second child.
Sam rushed towards Valerie as soon as she got out of the car, pulling her into a bone crushing hug. Ben was more subtle, simply nodding towards her. He looked somewhat older, a little bit of stubble on his chin, colour matching his dark black hair, his hazel eyes shooting over to Happy.
"I'm guessing that's Happy" said Sam
While they hadn't seen each other they had still kept in contact, phone calls and such. So Sam basically knew the whole story, which made what Valerie was doing a whole lot easier.
"That's him" Valerie said
Sam and Ben both walked back inside, giving them a chance to say goodbye, because neither of them knew when they'd see each other next.
"Stay safe, kid" he said, "Don't get into trouble"
"Trouble's my middle name" she replied, walking closer to him
"Anyone causes you trouble you tell me" he said, putting his hands on her shoulders, "Don't try to sort shit out yourself, you call, understand"
Valerie nodded, wrapping he arms around his waist and leaning her head on his chest. Happy couldn't help but be reminded about how she'd done the same thing earlier that day, except they'd been minus a few articles of clothing.
"You'll come back?" She asked
Happy looked down at the girl in his arms, his girl. But she wasn't a girl, she was a woman. She wasn't a kid anymore. She was a tough bitch who didn't let people see her insecurities.
But here she was clinging to him like a child. She was letting him see through the facade, and he wanted to do the same. He wanted to be there, to profess his love for her. Strap her to the back of his bike and take her back to Tacoma, but he knew she'd hate him for it, and he couldn't let her hate him.
"Won't be regular" he told her, "I'll come and go, you ready for that"
"It'll work" she said confidently, "I'll wait"
In that moment Happy had an epiphany of sorts. He realised how much this girl must have loved him. She was willing to wait for him for God knows how long. For the first time Happy saw not only love in her eyes, but devotion, adoration. It was look he swore she would give no other.
Happy pulled her into a kiss, it was possessive, he was trying to show her that she was his. It was a kiss to keep her satisfied for however long he would be gone. The kiss was cut too short for both of them, but he had to get back and she had to get settled in.
"Stay here" she said, an almost a begging tone to her voice, "You shouldn't be driving all the way at night time"
"Sure they'll be okay with that?" He asked, nodding towards the house
"I don't care" she said, taking his hand and pulling him inside, "Hap's going to stay here the night, leave in the morning, is that okay?"
Valerie purposefully asked Sam while Happy was in the room, she'd feel pressured to say yes. But instead Sam offered Valerie a sympathetic look and simply nodded.
"Second door, down the hall" said Sam, "Ben will get your bags out of the car"
Valerie smiled at her before pulling Happy towards the bedroom, as soon as they were inside his lips were on his, both their hands trailing over the others body. They wasted no time and were soon naked on the bed.
Happy sat up, his eyes travelling over the body of the girl naked and asleep beside him. It was early in the morning and Happy knew that Valerie would be up soon, and he wanted to be gone before then. He didn't do goodbyes, but every time he looked at her he found it harder and harder to walk away.
He'd found it hard to walk away when she was eighteen, pregnant and off limits. And now she was twenty-one, his Old Lady, and now that he'd had her he wasn't going to let any other man so much as lay their eyes on her.
She was his, and the tattoo on her side confirmed that.
Happy ran his hands over his work, he'd been selfish putting his name on her, he knew that. He'd claimed her as his, even though he knew that she would be leaving. Happy wouldn't stay faithful, he would mess around with the sweet butts. Not in Tacoma though. Valerie had Lee and Kozik, hell the whole club on her side. And if she ever came back then he didn't want that shit hanging over their heads.
But for now he had to walk away. He knew it was cowardly, but if she gave him one look from those big blue eyes then he would give in and stay, or worse, he'd break his word and take her back to Tacoma.
Happy say there for a few more minutes before finally working up enough courage to get dressed, pressing a kiss to Valerie's hear before walking out the bedroom door.
He had almost made it to the door when he heard a voice calling out his name.
"I didn't take you for a coward" said Sam, Happy scared her shitless, but she was concerned about her friend, so she would put her fear away in order to protect Valerie, "She loves you, you know that"
"I know"
"If you asked her she'd do anything" she told him, "If you asked her to go back to Tacoma she'd do it, she'd hate it but she'd do it for you"
"That's why I'm leaving" he said, "Look after her, she'll need it"
"Being away from you will kill her" she said, "It will tear her apart"
"Why are telling me this?" He asked
"To encourage you to come back" she said, "Don't leave her hanging"
"I won't" he said before walking out the door
Sam returned to bed, trying to ignore the sound of the bike speeding away and what it would mean for her friend.
Valerie woke up, reaching her hand expecting to find Happy on the other side of the bed but instead she felt nothing but cold sheets. She shot up, holding the sheet to her chest as her eyes scanned the room.
Happy was gone. Happy left. Didn't even say goodbye.
These thoughts flew around her head, she kne why he'd done it, it was easier for both of them. But that didn't mean that it hurt any less.
Sam opened the door and came and sat down next to her, reaching out and pulling her into her arms.
"You're going to be okay" said Sam
But Valerie knew she wasn't. She was far from okay, and she wasn't getting better any time soon.
"I need a drink"
'I don't understand how I can know so little about love and how it works. How I can be so bad at it when it's all I've ever wanted. All I've ever known is about leaving or being left.'
Carrie Ryan
