Author's Note: In case it wasn't self-explanatory, a "heal hedge" is a sparkling bush that heals anyone who stands on it.
Chapter 8: Decoy Confessional
"Okay," Courtney said, "Guys, if we want to go to the mountains we'll have to pass over here." Courtney looked around. She noticed a dozen or so outhouses standing around. "What?"
"Are the traps set sir?" a soldier asked a masked man.
"No! I started at four a.m. to set them up and I still have work to do…" he said impatiently.
"Well, in that case, can I help?" the soldier asked.
"You know what, from now on, he is your general," the masked man said, pointing to a bear, "He can speak your language." The man cast an aura of darkness and disappeared to the north.
"What a touchy guy!" Courtney shouted.
"I don't know, I kinda like him," Duncan said familiarly.
"I saw him first," Noah claimed.
"Okay," the soldier said, "You're the general."
"What the…?" Courtney asked in disbelief. "That's a bear!"
"So?" the soldier asked.
"How can a bear be the general?" Courtney demanded.
"Hey, the boss said he could speak English," the soldier shrugged.
"This fight… is so beneath us," Alejandro said.
"You said it," Gwen responded.
Courtney's Resistance attempted to walk right through, completely avoiding the skirmish, but before they could do so, the bear stopped them in their tracks, and slashed Courtney across the face.
"Courtney!" Duncan shouted. Bridgette rushed over to her to heal her wounds.
"Okay, that's it! Bring it on, you stupid fluffball!" Courtney shouted. The bear roared.
"Uhh…" Bridgette said.
"What is it, what?" Courtney asked.
"Well, DJ and I would rather not fight animals," Bridgette said. Then the two of them started riding away.
"Oh, great… our healers take an exodus at the same time. How could this get worse?" Courtney asked.
"Egghead gets a little too chummy with the enemy Gwen wannabe? If you know what I mean?" Duncan asked.
"That's not what I meant and you know it!" Noah responded indignantly.
Courtney was angry. "This is no time for childish antics! We're going to have to fight twice as hard as usual. Resistance, go!"
Curiously, Geoff and Trent started whacking some of the outhouses over. While Geoff was able to quickly bring down one of the outhouses with no trouble, Trent hit one and was damaged slightly. Sierra burned one down completely and was not hit. Noah attacked the same one Trent did but didn't get damaged.
Meanwhile, a group of soldiers were going over to attack Duncan, and soon had him completely surrounded. The good news for Duncan was that he had hurt most of them, and soon the caballeros came to his rescue. Alejandro missed a couple of them, as did Katie, but Sadie hit everyone who came her way; this was good because Katie was more effective when she did hit.
Gwen and Courtney found themselves next to each other, fighting off a group of mages—it was easier for Gwen than Courtney to hurt them, albeit Courtney aimed better. While both dealt damage and were completely unfazed by the counterattacks, they both had reason to feel jealous of Noah, who was now so insanely experienced that the rest of the group was falling behind. Katie and Sadie had the seniority right to promotion, but even they were neck and neck with him.
Trent located what he thought was a heal hedge, but it was dark brown. It ended up pricking him repeatedly, so he moved off of it. There was a heal hedge near it, but Trent didn't move to it for a very good reason—the bear was standing on it.
The bear walked over to where Cody was and attacked him, growling. Trent took this opportunity to usurp the heal hedge rather than being part of the action, although he did get to fight off a couple of wayward mercenaries. Panicking, Sierra breathed fire on the bear. The bear was badly injured, but not dead. The fatal blow was delivered by Gwen, which caused the bear some final confusion as he fell.
"Uh-oh," one of the soldiers shouted, "Our general!"
"Ugh… he wasn't your general," Courtney said annoyed, "It was a bear!"
Bridgette and DJ rode back into the action.
"Poor thing," Bridgette said referring to the bear.
"It's about time you got here," Duncan said impatiently.
Bridgette rushed over to heal Cody, while DJ stood by to heal the smaller wounds of the rest of the team. Cody then, with his trusty sword in hand, attacked a group of soldiers, and easily got them in two blows. Everyone was impressed by Cody's vast improvement—even Gwen. Trent was easily jealous, as he actually had some catching up to do.
The final blow of the match was delivered by Geoff, to a young archer who simply refused to retreat. Courtney looked around and said, "I think that's all of them."
"Okay, princess, now tell us what all these weird outhouses are for," Duncan said.
"The confessional… someone must have put something important in the confessional," Courtney said.
The team searched through the outhouses, until eventually Duncan came across the right one. "Aha!" he shouted. "Here it is!" He walked out, holding a piece of paper.
"It's a note from Harold," Courtney said, reading it. "It says, 'If you are reading this note that means that Tyler and I have either reached sanctuary or gotten captured and/or killed. If you think we reached sanctuary, then come to the… tenth of Cody's stalker?'"
"That's me!" Sierra shouted proudly.
"Courtney, Courtney, Courtney," Alejandro said, "You put our people to shame…"
"Oh… oh, duh," Courtney said. "You were right, Trent. They have gone up to the mountain."
"Let's get out of here before we get caught with this," Duncan said, "Obviously we weren't supposed to find it."
"Agreed," Courtney said, leading the group away.
Meanwhile, somewhere mysterious, Chris was talking to a tall woman with dirty blonde hair and glasses. "Are you quite sure that the Squealing Monk can be held down?" she asked.
"I'm sure. I sent one of my most competent producers down to make sure of it," Chris said. "He couldn't possibly let that tiny resistance through."
"See, that's what I wanted to talk to you about," she said, "He left the battlefield."
"What?" Chris asked. "He let them through? I knew having someone smart do my dirty work was a bad idea."
"Then why did you do it again?" she asked him.
"'Cause he never knew any other way," his tall, daunting lackey said.
"You stay out of this, Chef," Chris said. "Well, not to worry. Even if they find the Squealing Monk, it's hard to assume that they'll understand when he tells them about the Fire Emblem…"
"The Fire Emblem?" the woman asked.
"Eh, I'll tell you after I prove the world is still mine," Chris said.
"Do it quickly, Chris," she said, "Because if you lose your power to a bunch of hormonal teenagers then no one will have mercy on you."
She left, as did Chef Hatchet. "Dang," Chris said, "Who knew ruling the world would be so much work? Well, as long as they don't find the Squealing Monk, I'm safe."
Author's Note: Goodies for this chapter include, alternate versions of the beginning dialogue (one or more of the units is dead), alternate versions of the (early part of the) ending dialogue (Duncan is dead; Sierra is dead/not in the party), Courtney and DJ's Support (Level C), Bridgette and DJ's Support (Level B), Bridgette and Geoff's Support (Level C), DJ and Duncan's Support (Level C), Noah and Cody's Support (Level C) and Cody and Sierra's Support (Level C).
