"So you haven't seen him..?"
I let out a heavy sigh. CeeCee just never seemed to get it. No matter how many times I told her she continued to bring it up anyway. I think she was doing it just to annoy me....no, I knew that wasn't true. She was just as mystified as I was...probably more seeing as she was "convinced" that Jesse and I would confess our love for each other sooner or later. I could do nothing but laugh at that part, knowing it was stupid.
I didn't love Jesse. I barely knew Jesse. Actually if I was being honest with myself I didn't know Jesse at all. The guy was a complete and utter mystery to me, one second he was kissing me, the next he was angry at me, getting me to hide in a strange forest behind a mansion that he didn't own and then the next he disappears from my radar completely. I didn't care though...right? No of course I didn't.
It had been nearly three weeks now since I'd last seen him. The last time had been just after he'd woken me from my restless sleep on the pine needle floor of that sweet smelling forest.
"Will I see you tomorrow?" I had asked him uncertainly, as he had pulled up to my house. For some reason, even then, I had known I wouldn't.
"Don't you always?" He'd replied, smiling his usual crooked smile. Maybe it was because I was suspicious of him but it seemed like his eyes...his deep brown eyes...were trying to tell me something different. Like this wasn't our typical goodnight after he had dropped me off all those other times. This felt permanent.
"Well, I suppose but you're unpredictable so maybe not," I had said it almost accusingly, trying to force him to contradict me. To tell me if this was goodbye. But he'd only chuckled deeply, turning his gaze to the empty road in front of him. I'd sighed before opening the car door.
"'Night," I'd grumbled and was half way out when his hand caught my wrist gently. I'd turned to face him puzzled.
He'd leant forward, his lips brushing my ear. My breath got caught in my throat. Why did this guy have such an effect on me? Why couldn't I continue to hate him like I'd done before? It would cause much less trouble. I was beginning to go back on everything I had said before the day I'd met him. I was going back on giving up on love. I didn't love him but I knew I was falling. Hard. After Paul's betrayal I hadn't wanted anything to do with men, in a boyfriend sense I mean. But then Jesse turns ups and that all goes completely out the window.
"Sweet dreams, mi Querida." My mind had basically gone to marshmallow and I was incapable of making a response as he brushed his cool lips across my cheek before pulling away completely.
I had gotten out of the car without saying anything and not even bothering to ask what he'd called me. And that was the last time I'd seen or heard from him.
I had thought about him a lot obviously, dreamed about him, constantly remembering how he'd last kissed my cheek and whispered in my ear. I still hadn't looked up what "Querida" had meant, almost afraid to know and also afraid to know the affect it would have on me.
Father Dominic hadn't been much help when I'd asked where the hell Jesse had disappeared to. Though of course I didn't say hell. Something stronger maybe but not hell. All he'd said though was "He has a lot to do Susannah. I think there's trouble at home and he's trying to sort out a few things,"
I didn't believe him. Like Jesse's eyes had been that night I just knew Father D wasn't telling me something. I was angry, frustrated and a little hurt. And I was also stubborn enough to try and push it to the back of my mind. Jesse obviously didn't care for me and I didn't care for Jesse. So what if he'd disappeared. I wasn't going to go running after him.
Well that's what I'd tried to persuade myself. It had worked for a while. It was still working now, even with CeeCee going on about how our love for one another had been obvious, through our constant fighting. I rolled my eyes.
"Look Cee, its obvious Jesse never seen me as much else than a tour guide and a pain the ass. It's better off this way. Honest." I was telling the truth it was how I felt about the whole thing. I wasn't lying to CeeCee, I wasn't lying to myself. I wasn't. I couldn't be... But maybe I had to.
Ok, what was happening to me? I am Suze Simon. I don't act like this over a guy. Never. Not even with Paul. Sure I'd shed a tear but never had I let it get to me too much. I'd dumped him and moved on because no guy had the right to me make me feel like shit. Not that Jesse was making me feel like shit but he was making me feel far from normal which was over the line.
"Stop kidding yourself Suze. You care more for this guy than you ever did for Paul and you went out for ages!" CeeCee was angry, her white eyebrows pulling together in frustration. Her glasses had slid down her nose as she glared at me. To say I was surprised would be an understatement. "If you don't go after that guy you're going to regret it, Simon and you know it!"
And with that she got up from the bench the three of us were having our lunch at – Adam was sitting in silence watching our now argument – and stormed off into the school building. I followed her with my eyes, my mouth hanging open in shock.
"Well..." I breathed with a chuckle I knew had only to do with my sudden nerves at what she had just said. I turned round at the sound of Adam getting up too. He looked quite dazed himself but there was another look on his face that I couldn't make out.
"She's right, Suze," He said, his eyebrows like his girlfriends pulling together, though unlike his girlfriend this was in confusion rather than anger at me. "I know nothing about girls and you both know it, but you've changed a bit since he came here."
I started which made him continue.
"Not in a bad way or even a lot! Just enough that me and Cee have noticed. I'm just saying, maybe you should do as she says-" He nodded his head in the direction CeeCee had went, "-and go after him. What have you got to lose?"
Adam didn't wait for an answer and hurried after his girlfriend, either afraid of my reaction to his little speech or afraid of CeeCee being angry at him too for making her wait.
What did I have to lose?
I shook my head at the question; more than I should, that's what I had to lose. More than I ever wanted to admit. I stood up and took in a lungful of air. The rest of the afternoon with CeeCee was going to be awkward. I could just feel it.
I moved around the bench we had been sitting at and started to follow in the direction Adam had went. A hand came round my wrist then. Warm and gentle, it made my heart skip a beat. I closed my eyes, I knew I was going to smile but I told myself I had to be angry first. Jesse couldn't get away with this straight away.
I turned round, what I was beginning to say already half way out of my mouth but I shut it immediately when I seen that I had been mistaken.
It wasn't Jesse. It was Paul. Paul Slater. My blood was already boiling which made me think it probably wasn't all that healthy. I was actually considering taking up those anger management classes Father D had recommended.
"What do you want?" I snapped at his smug face, I yanked my arm away from him. His smile faltered slightly but he covered it quickly enough.
"Aw come on Suze, aren't you over that by now? I thought we were past all this hostility?" He crossed his arms over his chest which made his biceps more pronounced under his green polo. I had to admit he was hot. Nothing on Jesse of course but hot all the same. His dark curly hair was in need of a cut but the way it came down over his forehead would make any girl – who didn't know that he was an ignorant son of a ...well anyway – drool.
I leant on one leg and crossed my arms over my own chest.
"What would make you think that, Paul?" I asked snidely. This guy just never got it. "Are you talking to yourself again? You know what they say; talking to yourself is the first sign of craziness."
He laughed stiffly.
"Well, I guess being snubbed again by another guy would continue to make you hostile." He snarled.
I don't think I have ever hated anyone in my life as much as I hated Paul Slater at that very moment. I turned quickly on my heel and headed towards the school building. I knew if I didn't I'd end up hitting the guy.
"Aw let up Suze! I didn't mean it," Paul's voice came closer behind me as I continued to walk. "What's the problem anyway? That guy would never have been good enough for you."
I could feel my blood reaching the surface as I swirled round to face him. I shoved my hands into his chest forcing him to take a few steps back, away from me. I didn't need to be any closer to him than I already was.
"Oh really? And who would be good enough for me, Paul? Huh? You?" I asked sarcastically. "As if I would want you. Jesse's ten times the guy you'd ever be! Sure he can be as much a dick as you can but at least he doesn't lie about how much he wants to be with me whilst sleeping with someone else behind my back! He may not tell me everything about himself but he doesn't lie to me either! I'd rather have him than you any day! So keep your overly large nose out of my business Slater!"
I stormed away from him then, feeling much more relieved than words can describe. I left Paul open mouthed behind me and headed towards the student car park.
CeeCee and Adam were right. I would regret it if I never went after Jesse. Sure we might ever only be friends. Afterall he had always said he never wanted to be tied down, but I would regret it if I never asked him how he felt. Did he feel for me like how I knew now I was feeling for him? I had to know. Sure e could be an ass but all the other times we'd been together he'd made me laugh.
And to be honest I actually loved when we fought. I had more fun fighting with him than I had arguing with Jake or Brad. (And that's saying something.)
So without having a clue where I was going I hopped into my car and drove out of the school parking lot.
