A/N: This chapter is the turning point of the story. From here on out there will be less angst and a lot more romance! Yay! It also reveals a bit more about Harry's past, so hopefully you'll be able to understand where his thoughts and actions have come from in regards to relationships.
Disclaimer: Once more, Harry Potter and Twilight are not mine.
Chapter 8 – Truth Will Set You Free
Take the chance,
For it will change your fate.
Hold on dear,
The end may be near.
Live your life,
And you will see.
This chance at happiness,
Will set you free.
It was Sunday, a beautiful Sunday. For the second day in a row the sun shone brightly, bringing with it a warmth and happiness to my mood. I desired fresh air. I desired a walk.
Leaving my home, I entered the forest and wandered aimlessly for some time. A smile came to my face when I realized that this was a habit of mine, a habit started in my early years at Hogwarts. It was a pastime that helped clear my mind, but it also reminded me of my loneliness, my despair.
I stopped by a tree, lightly touching its bark as I looked to the green canopy above, blinking back my sudden tears. I wiped them away angrily, upset that a mere thought of Hogwarts could ruin my good mood.
Hogwarts used to be my home and I had loved it more than life itself. I used to talk to the ancient school and its grounds. In fact, talking to the school had been the only times I used my voice at all for several years, until fifth year. I had no friends until then, no one to rely on. But I knew I was different from the beginning. I had accepted that fact long ago.
I began walking again, barely making a sound on the decayed, forest floor. And once more I felt more like a ghost than a living being. 'Would that ever change?' I wondered. I felt unnerved when I realized I wanted to exist. After all that had happened to me, I wanted someone to notice me. I wanted love.
My first years at Hogwarts had been horrid. I remembered how Ron Weasley and a few others had turned the entire school against me from the very beginning. When I thought I had finally found that place I belonged, I was only shunned all the more.
Ron had said I was tainted with evil because I was touched by an evil as a baby. He used to give loud speeches to the Gryffindor common room about my inborn darkness and lust for power. Anyone who touched my bare skin, he had declared, would be cursed for all eternity.
But I could see the jealously behind his eyes and at first I didn't understand why. He had a family and friends, everything I had ever desired. But then he had mocked me about my fortune, about my fame. He scorned me for something I had no control over. Something I would have happily given up for one short moment of love.
I used to cry every night, wishing for just one friend to take away the pain. But no one ever came. And as the first year passed, I found that I had become deeply depressed by the constant and endless humiliation. I found that I was fading.
That was when I began my nighttime strolls. The silence of the corridors and chilly stone floors dampened my pain until I barely felt anything at all. The numbness was something I could live with. It made me feel safe in my own mind.
I used to talk to the old school during those long walks and embraced the comfort the magic of Hogwarts had to offer me. I knew the school was alive in its own way and fell in love with its unyielding support. It was the one thing that gave me the strength to live through the days. To it I spilled out my deepest secrets, my darkest hours.
But it was during one of those nights that Professor Snape had found me. Apparently he had been following me for some time for he looked at me with something akin to pity in his eyes. That night he took me to his office and gave me a talk.
Surprisingly gentle, he told me that I didn't need anyone else. He said I was my own person and if I concentrated on my studies, I'd grow to be a powerful wizard, one others both praised and feared.
I took his words to heart and dove into the books with all my will. Quickly becoming top of my class I realized that I wanted more. I began owl ordering more complicated and slightly darker material. I practiced stealth and eventually adopted a mask of my own. As time passed by, I found that I had become invisible to others. They no longer cared to mock me as I passed. I was forgotten and free to do as I wanted.
That was, until fifth year when the words of the prophecy was discovered. Dumbledore had forced me to Grimmauld Place and told everyone present that I was to be their Savior. And in that moment I made many friends. Not true friends, granted, but they acted as if we had been close after all those long years.
At that point in my life I felt something shift inside of me. I had grown up alone my entire life, but deep down I found that I still wanted a friend. Despite the nature of the friendship, I let it control me, until I nearly lost myself completely.
For the next year and a half I became a good little soldier and best mates with Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger. I had other friends too, like Luna and eventually Draco, but from growing up separate from most human interaction, I followed their lead blindly. I lost my independence, my mind.
Every time I passed Professor Snape, I saw a slight shake of the head, a glance of sorrow. And I felt guilty because I knew what I was doing was wrong. After all those long years I remembered his words clearly, as if he had just spoken them to me, but I could not awaken from my dream.
Blinking, I came back to myself and found that I was kneeling on the forest floor. When had I fallen? I could see the sun, low on the horizon. It was near dusk. I got up to leave.
As I made my way home I thought about the Cullen's. About Edward. They seemed like a nice family, and I wanted to get to know them, but I was scared. I didn't want to lose myself, no longer wanted to be controlled. I was tired of feeling helpless. I wanted to just be me for once in my life.
'But the Cullen's are different than the Wizarding World,' a voice said in my head and I had to agree. They didn't know my past, didn't know my power, and yet they had showed me nothing but kindness. That had confused me for I had nothing to give them in return.
I had only experienced a situation like this once before, with Sirius Black. When I found my godfather, he had loved me unconditionally and I reveled in that love. But my time with him had happened so fleetingly that I could barely remember it. It scarcely seemed real. And I didn't want to begin loving the Cullen's, just to have them disappear in my next breath.
Chirp, chirp.
The pure sounds of a bird drew me from my thoughts and my walking came to a stop. Up ahead of me on the path, a little yellow bird with black wings stood, staring at me. Each sound it made brought it one hop closer.
I smiled, admiring its courage, its life. As I looked into its eyes, I saw the truth reflected in my own. And I finally found the answer to the question I had been pondering for so long now.
'What is the meaning of existence, Edward?' I had asked not a day before. For years I had struggled with that very question, but no wizard, nor vampire, had been able to help. It took a little bird to reveal to me the hidden knowledge.
Soft laughter rang in my ears as I reached out to stroke the bird's feathers with gentle hands. It was not afraid for it knew, even if danger came, it had taken the chance.
Feeling lighter than I had in ages, I finally knew what to do.
It was time for me to live.
~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~
Monday morning came and I walked into the school with a smile on my face. Nothing could dampen my mood, not even the multiple glances and stares coming my way. For the first time in my life I felt happy. I felt free.
Bella seemed pleased when she saw me. In between our morning classes we joked and talked about our day at La Push. It seemed she couldn't Jacob off her mind. She said he had called her already Saturday night, directly after she had arrived home. And with a blush, she told me that she'd been invited back this coming weekend. I was happy for her and hoped my relationship with Edward worked out as well as hers.
It seemed the day couldn't move fast enough. I was eager to give Edward the news. So by the time lunch rolled around, I quickly made my way over to his table. Once I reached it, however, I stopped short at the sight before me.
Edward was not there. Looking at his family, I felt my breath hitch at their solemn expressions. They looked like someone had died.
"Where's Edward?" I asked. My voice felt weak.
Alice patted the empty seat beside her. Edward's seat. Stiffly, I sat down. Rosalie turned away from my stare with a glare of her own, while her mate bit his lip, looking worried. Even Jasper kept quiet and let Alice do the explaining.
She looked at me sadly for a moment before answering my question.
"He's gone James."
"What?" I felt my eyes tear up. I couldn't believe I was hearing this! This had to be a joke, or a dream.
Fearful, I asked, "He's not dead, right?"
Alice hastily shook her head. "No. He just had this foolish notion that you'd be happier if he left. We've been trying to contact him for two days now, but he hasn't answered his phone."
I swallowed, fighting back my pain.
"Where'd he go?"
"I'm not sure. I don't think he's decided yet. Otherwise I would have Seen–" Alice stopped speaking, eyes wide at what she just said.
"It's okay," I whispered, giving her an assuring smile, the most I could muster. "I know Edward can read minds, so I'm guessing you're some kind of Seer."
Emmett laughed suddenly, reaching out to ruffle my hair. And for once I didn't flinch away from the touch.
"You're something else, kid," he said with a grin. "Anyone else would have been seriously freaked out by us. You're not some kind of alien, are you? That would explain why you aren't scared away by all the news."
"Not that I know of," I muttered, my mind on Edward.
Turning to Alice, I asked if I could try to call. She readily agreed and handed me the phone.
Without another word, I got up to leave, wandering over to the lone picnic table sitting outside.
Listening to the rings, I prayed with all my heart that he would answer. 'Please Edward, please,' I silently begged in my mind, hoping he could hear me from a distance. But as the rings continued, I felt my heart break.
Closing my eyes against the tears, I hung up and tried again. Thunder rolled in the distance, bringing with it thick, strangely-colored clouds. I ignored the gathering darkness and called once more.
Alice came to me after a while, interrupting the haze in my mind. She told me to go to class, but I shook my head violently, pushing her away. Eventually she was forced to leave me to my solitude, but I saw her glance back with worried eyes.
As the day wore on, a steady rain began to fall, landing harshly on the ground around me. I barely heard it though, for my heart was pounding too hard for me to hear anything above the endless rings. I wanted to hear his voice. Just one time.
"James."
An arm wrapped around my small body, bringing me closer to the owner's side. They spoke soothing words in my ear.
"School's out for the day. Why don't we take you to our house? There you could continue calling, with us by your side." I buried my face against Jasper's chest, shivering against the icy hold. But I knew I needed the comfort right now. I had never longed for it more.
"I need him, Jasper," I whispered, feeling as if I were breaking inside.
"I know. But he'll come back. You'll see." I nodded and let him guide me to their car. Leaning my head against the cool glass window, I gazed blankly at the shadows passing by. It was raining now harder than ever before.
When we arrived at the house, Esme rushed over to me, worried about the cold. She ordered Alice to find me something dry. I didn't complain when she brought me Edward's clothes to wear. They made me feel closer to him than I actually was.
I sat on the couch and let the phone ring, drowning out the quiet chatter around me. I could feel the occasional stare and heard the passing comments, but for the most part I ignored them. I was planning to call all night long if I had to.
Within the hour, everyone decided to move into the kitchen. I stayed where I was, blinking away my sudden tiredness. It was then that I heard raised voices. Rosalie's in particular.
"…don't care what anyone says. It's his fault Edward's gone. If it weren't for him–" She was interrupted by a quieter voice, one I couldn't hear.
Dropping the phone from my ear, I moved slowly towards the kitchen, fearing what I'd find.
"Haven't any of you noticed? From the moment James came into our lives, Edward changed! He used to be happy to be a part of this family. And now he's gone! Gone because of another."
"Rose, please listen–"
"No Carlisle! This family's gone crazy. It's always James this and James that anymore. Poor boy, he's had a hard life. Stay away from him, give him time! Well I'm through. And I hope you all see reason someday. In fact, I'm beginning to think he bewitched this family into feeling sorry for him!"
There was a quiet pause after that. It seemed no one knew what to say. Reaching up to wipe away my tears, I discovered that my face was dry. Was I upset about this? Apparently I didn't know what to feel anymore.
Carlisle cleared his throat before speaking in a quiet tone.
"James' emotions are authentic. There's no faking on his part, so you don't have to worry about him bewitching anyone. Everything about him is real. It's not some act, Rosalie, to gain our attention.
"And as for Edward, he left because he cares for James. In fact, I believe that care has turned into love."
"No!"
"Yes Rosalie. Edward wants James to become a part of this family. So you better think on it and accept it before your clouded thoughts hurt someone. I dare say Edward would have a hard time forgiving you if you hurt James in any way."
I stood stiffly behind the closed door, ignoring any further words, and pondered the situation. My heart fluttered at the thought of becoming a part of Edward's family, but at the same time I felt guilt ache in my chest. Despite my love for him, it seemed as if my mere presence was breaking his family apart. I didn't want that to happen, for it would also rip me apart. Edward didn't deserve to have a broken family because of me.
I opened the door and stood tall before the surprised vampires, gathering my courage. Staring directly at Rosalie, I spoke the words I knew I had to say.
"I didn't want him to leave. And I'm sorry for coming here in the first place." I shook my head and felt a bitter smile form on my lips. It seemed as if I would never find where I truly belonged. Maybe I should have let Voldemort finish me off. That would have been a heck of a lot easier than dealing with what I felt now.
Taking a deep breath, I continued my speech, welcoming the numbness in my mind.
"But know that I care for Edward too, in a way that I never imagined possible. And I want him to be happy, with his family. So when he comes back I'll leave. I swear to you, you won't ever have to think of me again. I'm good at vanishing."
"James, stop. You aren't going to–"
"It's okay," I interrupted calmly. "I know when I'm not welcomed. After all, who'd want to be around me in the first place? I'm used to it. Just let me stay until Edward comes back. I'd like to know he's safe."
Esme walked towards me but I took a few steps back, unable to meet her eyes. After a few moments of silence, she told me I could stay until he returned.
I nodded gratefully and retreated through the open door, wondering what would happen to me now. I knew there was no where I could go and no one who would understand. I felt dead inside without Edward. So maybe, just maybe, death was the only option I had left.
I wandered through the house until I stopped at a room: Edward's room. I entered, staring at the marvelous view outside, before sinking to the thickly-carpeted floor. With shaky fingers, I held the phone to my ear and called again.
I called for several hours until my eyes drifted closed. The phone was still by my ear when I finally gave in to sleep. Little did I know that the entire household had been watching me from the shadows of the hall. One blonde vampire, in particular, looked deep in thought.
~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~
"James." A voice broke through my nightmare-infested sleep. I groaned, trying to grasp the lingering memories of the dream.
Edward had been holding me, but then I began to fade. An unseen force had been pulling me away from him, slowly at first, then faster when the panic set in. Try as hard as we might, we could not hold on to each other. I was nothing but dust to his hands, being swept away by invisible winds.
"James," the voice spoke again, a little louder this time. They shook me gently and I opened my eyes.
"Rosalie?" I asked, unsure if what I saw was real. She nodded in response to my question. "What's wrong?" The beautiful vampire stared at me before helping me sit up.
"I'm sorry," she finally responded. I looked at her, confused, and waited for her to continue. When she did, it wasn't what I was expecting. "You really care for him, don't you?" It was a statement, not a question.
I didn't have to ask whom she meant. The depth of the answer was so obvious, it shocked even me. I spoke confidently, smiling when Edward's handsome face swam before my eyes.
"Yes."
"I know." The words were quiet, barely even there.
We sat like that, together on the floor, for some time. Eventually, she reached out to touch my hand. I stared into her eyes, wanting to give her what she wanted to know.
"I just want to keep this family safe James. It's hard sometimes, because I know Edward isn't really happy. I can see his loneliness, we all can. He's been alone for so long. But we keep pretending he's alright.
"When you came along things changed. None of us have seen him this passionate about anything before. Whenever your name is mentioned, he gets this glow about him, this light. He loves you. I can see it in his eyes. He was nothing but an empty shell before, but you've filled him with fire.
"I know he ran away because of a misunderstanding. But he'll come back, he always does. There's one thing I need to know first, though.
"Will you hurt him, James?"
I felt my heart beat rapidly in my chest at the question. As much as I wanted to deny any pain, I could not. There would always be risks around me. I knew who I was and could never change that fact. But I realized another thing too. I loved Edward, truly loved him. I couldn't live a life without him.
Looking into Rosalie's eyes, I answered truthfully, with all the sincerity I could muster. It was all I could give.
"I will never hurt him on purpose. And I'll do everything I can to protect him, no matter how small the danger may seem. You have my word."
She understood the logic and accepted my words with a nod. Helping me stand, she pulled out my clothes from the day before, washed and neatly folded.
"Get dressed and come down for breakfast. I doubt Carlisle will let you skip school." Making her way to the door, Rosalie turned to face me when she reached it, giving me a small smile.
"Hurry up, little brother. You don't want to be late." In a flash, she was gone.
I stood, utterly shocked, before a bright smile blossomed on my face. Who knew two simple words could cause such joy in a person's heart?
I dressed quickly and all but glided down to the kitchen, ready for the day.
~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~
School went quickly, surprisingly enough. Although I had been forbidden to call Edward during the day, I found that I was not alone. It seemed that every turn I made brought a different vampire to my side. I was thankful for their support, not used to having anyone by me when I was aching inside.
As soon as we arrived at the house, however, I ran to Edward's room to call. The phone barely rang when he answered. Hearing his voice was so unexpected, it nearly drove the breath from my lungs.
"Hello?" He asked again and I closed my eyes at the sound. Gathering my wits, I whispered his name. There was silence on his end, so I tried again, a little louder.
"Edward, please come home."
"James?"
"It's me. Please Edward?"
He hesitated. "I don't understand, James. I left for you. I'd give anything for your happiness."
"Please!" I pleaded, growing more frantic by the minute. "I need you." My voice broke.
There was another moment of silence, before he said, "I'll be right there."
I blinked, feeling wetness behind my eyes. "When?" I had to know.
"Dawn." He hung up then and I sat in stunned silence until Alice burst into the room.
"James, I just saw–" she started excitedly, but stopped when she saw my face. "James?" She walked to my side and knelt, giving my arm an assuring squeeze.
It was then that I began laughing, hysterically. With a mixture of both chokes and sobs I told her that he was coming home. She hugged me then, and started laughing as well.
The rest of the family came in soon after, and when we told them what had happened, they knelt around me too, sharing my happiness. My heart swelled with an emotion I could not identify, but if I had to guess, I would probably call it love.
Together, we waited until the sun's rays were above the horizon. I sat quietly and embraced the sense of belonging for the very first time in my life.
Thunder crashed in the distance and I smiled. That was not a storm, but my magic, reaching out towards the one I loved. Edward was finally home.
I ran outside and watched him slow his pace. He smiled when he caught sight of me.
Ignoring the others completely, I ran to him as fast as I possibly could, no longer caring about anything except reaching him.
All but leaping into his arms, I knocked him to the ground with the force of my run. Lightening flashed all around us, bringing with it overwhelming heat and electricity in the air, but I didn't care. I was too caught up in gazing down at the timeless beauty in my arms.
And by the way Edward was looking back at me, I knew I was someone special to his eyes. My entire body burned with a passion I had never experienced before. My ears rang with the force of the rush. In that moment I knew I wanted him forever. Only him and no one else.
Underneath a deafening roar of thunder, our lips met. I grabbed onto him with all the strength I had, prepared to hold him until the end of my days. He, in turn, wrapped both arms around my slim waist, holding me closer to him.
"Edward!" I gasped, breaking apart for air. Nuzzling his neck, I whispered, "Don't ever leave me again." I needed to know he wouldn't vanish before my eyes.
"Never James. I swear to you, I'll never leave."
That was all the confirmation I needed, for in the next moment, our lips crashed together once more, our tongues intertwined.
He flipped me over suddenly, dominating the kiss, and I hummed happily at its sweet taste. My hands roamed through his silky hair, pulling him even closer with need.
I knew then, my life would have been meaningless without Edward by my side. And I knew, I was finally home.
