9.

Elliot spent the night on her couch. They hadn't even discussed it. There was no need. Olivia had to head out early though so she told him he probably wouldn't see her the next day. Elliot had planned to see his kids while he was in town, and would check in with her later to hear how Cragen's case was going. He'd like to visit him one more time before he left.

He was still sleeping when Olivia got ready to leave and she glanced at him a few times while she made herself a quick breakfast quietly. They had a good time catching up and just having fun but he would be leaving again soon. How many times could she say goodbye to him? She hoped he'd stay another day. She had a busy day ahead though, and left the apartment without waking him.

Tension was running high between Brian and Nick, and Olivia soon found out that Nick and his wife were temporarily separated. This was a little too much deja vu for one week. More witnesses were being killed off and still the only one being indicted was Cragen. It was frustrating.

Elliot went home at the end of his third day in New York, after visiting Cragen a second time. He had slept at her place but she'd hardly seen him. The case was taking up all of her time. She apologized to Elliot when he called to let her know he got home safely, but he assured her there was no need. He remembered how it worked. The job.

She felt like there weren't getting ahead at all. It was almost as if they were going backwards. Delia was really good and they finally tried to get Ganzel to cooperate after he had found the bugs in his apartment. They needed something to restore Ganzel's faith in Brian. Paula Foster agreed to give Ganzel a pass on the first murder - which was probably Delia anyway - and they managed to catch one of Delia's goons who had once trashed Ganzel's place. Now all they needed was a positive ID from Ganzel so Olivia went to pick him up, accompanied by Brian.

And that's when everything went wrong. Outside Ganzel's place, they stumbled upon two car thieves. Olivia chased one of them while the other one pulled a gun on Brian and Ganzel. Brian pulled his gun too and neither one of them was giving in. When the police arrived they thought they were there to help, but in stead, one of the officers shot Brian in the chest twice, after he had identified himself as a cop on the job.

Olivia was shocked but managed to call the 10-13 in before dropping to Brian's side. She tried to stop the bleeding from his chest but felt a sense of panic gripping her at the site of Brian's limp body. He was trembling, probably from shock and she couldn't do anything to help him. She just held his hand, trying to get a reaction from him. He wasn't unconscious but he wasn't entirely conscious either. The ambulance arrived within minutes and the EMT did the best they could to stabilize Brian. Olivia rode along in the ambulance. She kept talking to Brian, trying to ignore the amount of blood he was losing and the vacant look in his eyes. He had to stay awake, he just had to. He went into cardiac arrest and she wanted to cry. They managed to bring him back but she knew it was critical. She refused to give a statement to IAB about the shooting until she had seen how Brian was doing.

After Brian had been taken to the OR, Olivia ducked into the ladies room to wash her hands. They were covered in blood. Brian's blood. She was shaking and felt confused. What had happened? Why had the officer shot him? And why had she been so desperate when she saw Brian hit the ground? She returned to the waiting area to find Munch and Fin there.

The waiting was the hard part. Olivia admitted to Fin and Munch that she and Brian had had a 'moment' together when he was still working at SVU, and that she hadn't handled it well. All she could think of now was that he just had to be alright. She hadn't realized how much she cared until now and she was pretty certain it had been a prearranged hit, by Ganzel. All they had to do was prove it.

...

Santa Cruz, CA

''Two bullets in the chest? Man, I can't say I like the guy but that's a bit much. So how is he?"

"Doctors aren't making any promises but at least the bullets missed his heart and the main arteries. I'm checking in on him daily."

"Daily huh? Anything you wanna tell me?"

"Please don't start that again El. He's really matured over the years. He's not the same kid he was back then."

"So he's a real man now?"

Elliot just couldn't help himself. He'd never join Brian Cassidy's fan club. Still, the man didn't deserve to die from a police bullet. No cop should. He couldn't believe Cragen was still in prison. He'd been back in California for a week and the poor man was still in solitary confinement. Elliot knew what that could do to a person. He'd experienced it first hand once, when he had requested to be locked up in an attempt to understand one of their perps. It had been hell.

Aside from his worry about his old Captain, he felt uneasy that Brian was apparently back in Olivia's life. On top of that, his therapist started pushing him about Olivia. The man was a professional and no doubt he had sensed there was something there. Something important. He just wouldn't let it go and it was the first time Dr. Myers actually saw a hint of Elliot's anger issues. He barely managed to contain himself and Dr. Myers decided to ask him what exactly was making him angry right now.

"You are!" Elliot shouted, jumping up from his seat. "Sticking your nose into things that are none of your business!"

"Everything we've discussed over the past months is none of my business, Elliot," the man said calmly. "Why is this different for you?"

Elliot took a deep breath and tried to calm down, pacing in the small room for a minute before sitting down again. The man had a point. He had discussed his problems with his father at length with him. And they'd discussed his mother's issues and the impact they had on their family when he was younger, and still now that they were all older. He had told the therapist about his marriage and his children, his difficulties with Kathleen and Dick. Everything. So why would it upset him to talk about Olivia?

Deep down, he knew why. He had always hidden his feelings for Olivia. Tucked them away in a little box inside his heart for nobody to see. Not even Olivia herself. Especially not Olivia herself. His feelings were inappropriate. Saying out loud how he felt about her and putting into words the thoughts he often had about her, would make it all too real. That was why he couldn't talk about it. Not while he was thousands of miles away from her and it had become even more impossible than before to do something about it.

He took another deep breath and tried to steady his voice.

"I just ... don't want to take about it."

Dr. Myers contemplated his words for a minute. Then he told Elliot that he would never force him to talk about anything. Only to consider that it would be beneficial for him to acknowledge whatever feelings he was having, so he could deal with them properly. Elliot knew that but still, he wasn't going to say it. If he ever said it, it would be to Olivia. Not to his therapist or anyone else. Only Olivia.

"You said," Elliot said, as calmly as he could manage, "that putting things into words makes them real. I'm not ready for that."

Dr. Myers nodded.

"What I said was, putting things into words makes them real, so you can face them and deal with them. Don't you want to deal with this matter?"

Elliot leaned forward, his elbows resting on his thighs and his face in his hands. He scrubbed his hands down his face and looked at his therapist.

"Maybe I will one day, but not today."

Dr. Myers had no choice but to accept his answer.

...

New York City

The unit continued digging and found out that Brian's shooting had indeed been a hit, orchestrated from within the NYPD. The sergeant involved had told the officer that shot him, that Brian was part of a major car ring and that he was armed and dangerous. Shooting him would get her her shield. Brian was finally out of the woods and fully awake, and Olivia went to the hospital to show him a photo of the sergeant.

"Ted Koundak, that schmuck," Brian said, looking at the man's picture. "He used to hang around a little bit, you know. He had a thing for Spanish girls. Are you gonna tell me that he paid that chick to put two bullets in me?"

"Ganzel called in a favor," Olivia told him, unable to sugarcoat the truth for him.

"Ganzel?"

"Yeah."

"But Ganzel paid for these flowers. He paid for this room."

Olivia sat down next to him on the bed, moving his arm into her lap to make some room to sit down. She looked at him. He looked strong and vulnerable at the same time and she realized she was really glad to see him getting better and to hear his voice again. And that he really had matured, as she had told Elliot.

"Cassidy ... Ganzel made you," she told him.

Brian couldn't really blame him. He'd found the stupid bugs.

"You should've told Foster," Olivia said softly, leaning over him and stroking his hair.

"No way. She would've just pulled me in. And then what? I go back to investigating dry cleaner break-ins? I'm like you, Liv."

He tried to move but was clearly in some pain. She wished she could do more for him and felt drawn to him somehow.

"This job's the only thing I got."

He was right. It was the same for her. But she was trying to find a life outside the job. It wasn't working so far but she was determined to keep trying.

"I'm not who I used to be," she told him.

Brian smiled, a knowing, friendly smile. "Sure you are."

She didn't want to be who she used to be, so she told him again,

"No. I'm not."

She leaned in and kissed him, a short, soft kiss. She wasn't sure what had prompted her to kiss him now. He'd never really been her type but she felt something then. He reminded her of a time when things were less complicated and they were so much younger. He was part of her history and she felt like he knew her. Better than most anyway.

"That was nice," Brian said softly, smiling at her.

The look in his eyes was soft and kind and Olivia smiled warmly.

"Something about a man in a hospital bed," she said, still smiling and leaning towards him again.

"Okay, Florence Nightingale," Brian joked.

His eyes lit up when she moved in again and hers slipped shut when she kissed him a second time. He was warm and familiar. Strong and sensitive, in his own way. And most importantly, he was here.

...

With the not entirely voluntary help of Ganzel's own attorney, they got all the proof they needed. Ganzel had been with Carissa to take compromising pictures of her with the Captain. When she told him she was leaving him for Brian, Ganzel had killed Carissa himself. As disturbing as the part about Brian was for Olivia, she was greatly relieved that the Captain was finally cleared of the murder charges. And then he was charged again. All charges against Delia Wilson were dropped in exchange for her cooperation against Cragen. Delia had three of her girls testify at a Grand Jury. Paula Foster was charging the Captain with solicitation, assault, forced sodomy, and use of a deadly weapon.

He was innocent and Paula knew it. Delia was the only one incriminating him and there was something very wrong here. Olivia couldn't put her finger on it but she couldn't just let it go. She realized that everyone has a weakness and wondered about Paula's. Paula had a daughter, Sarah, with a rare condition. Her bones were like glass and she needed constant medial attention and supervision, and lots of physical therapy. Olivia got the team on board and they started their own covert investigation into the finances of the head of the Public Integrity Unit. It was ironic and dangerous, but in the end they got results. All Paula had been doing was protect Delia, in exchange for an off-shore trust fund for her daughter, and cash to cover all the medical bills.

Olivia met Paula in the park, where her daughter was doing walking exercises. Paula admitted that she had been lured in gradually by Delia and her attorney and by the time Cragen was arrested, Delia owned Paula.

"You don't understand," Paula said, pleading with her. "You don't understand what it's like to have a child completely dependent on you. Agonizing about her every single day. Terrified about what's gonna happen to her when you're gone. You can't ever understand that. You're not a mother."

That hurt. Olivia was well aware of the fact that she had no children and she sighed, trying to shake it off.

"I'm sorry about your daughter," she told Paula.

"Are you? Because if you take me down, Sarah's got no one. Did you think about that? Look at her. What do you think is gonna happen to her?"

There was always a cost. But a lot of guilty people were going to walk, and an innocent 30 year NYPD veteran, her Captain, was going to suffer if she didn't do this. She had to. Olivia could never look the other way when confronted with injustice. So she arrested Paula Foster.

...

The news networks were eating it up.

"After the arrest of Upper East Side madam Delia Wilson on racketeering and murder charges, the city was stunned today by the arrest of the Attorney General of the State of New York. Charges included promoting prostitution, solicitation, and accepting bribes. Arrested with him was a who's who of city politics: three district attorneys, the head of the DA's Public Integrity Unit, seven members of NYPD's Vice Squad, two state senators, and two deputy mayors."

Cragen was finally out and Olivia went to the hospital to bring Brian up to speed. He was recuperating well and would probably be released in a few days. He was sitting up in bed and grinned when he saw her coming in.

"Hey Florence, can't stay away can you?"

She smiled and sat on the edge of the bed to tell him about all the people that had been arrested. He admitted that the Attorney General had been one of his targets during his undercover operation but he had never expected Paula to be on the take and just working to protect Delia.

"It's amazing how wrong you can be about people sometimes. Makes me wonder if there's anyone left we can trust," Brian sighed.

"Hey, I brought it out in the open. You can trust me," Olivia said with a grin, putting a hand on his hands, that were resting in his lap.

"I do trust you Liv. I know it's been years but I still feel like I know you. You'd never lie to me."

He grabbed her hand and brought it to his mouth, placing a soft kiss on it. She felt like she knew him, too. When he pulled her towards him, she let him. Why not? She didn't want to be alone anymore and at least with Brian, there would be no complications. He didn't have a family and there was no conflict of interests. They were two people who had always lived for the job and were getting old alone. There was no harm in finding solace with each other. She made sure she didn't come anywhere near his fresh bullet wounds when she kissed him. He groaned when he pulled her in and she wanted to apologize for hurting him but he smiled against her mouth.

"It's okay Liv, it's worth it."

She closed her eyes and relaxed, letting the new feeling wash over her while Brian deepened the kiss. What was this feeling? Peace? Whatever it was, it felt good. New, but good.

...

Hey, Livid and E/O shippers, you knew this was coming! What will Elliot say? Please review.