"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN 'SHE'S GONE.'" he roared into the opening of the escape pod.

Joker, splayed haphazardly on the floor with his face pinched in pain, just stared blankly back at him.

He flickered dangerously, irises burning into a deep blue as his field built up around him. He grabbed Joker by the front of his shirt and slammed him against the wall. He ignored the sickening crunch of breaking bones.

"What. do. you. mean. 'she's. gone.'" he repeated in a soft, malicious hiss.

Joker moaned in pain and his head lolled onto his shoulder, clutching at the hand that held him pinned.

Garrus sprinted up behind the two of them, Tali and Liara watching a distance away, coiled for any sign of a dangerous move. He felt like inappropriately laughing, hysterically laughing. What did it matter that they thought he was acting like a menace, she was gone, there wouldn't be consequences. No. No She wasn't gone. She couldn't be.

"Kaidan, put. him. down." Garrus clicked his mandibles uncomfortably, "Do you think killing him is going to make this right?"

"Well I don't know Garrus," he said flaring up a little more, "Maybe if he'd just listened and got off the damn ship. I don't know. Maybe SHE WOULD BE HERE." He moved to slam Joker against the wall again but felt Garrus' restraining hand on his arm.

He moved to blast Garrus back, but Joker spoke through clenched teeth, "No Garrus its okay let him do it."

He snapped his head over to glare at the pilot, "Now you say something."

"Do what ever you want Kaidan, "he said with depthless sadness in his eyes, "No one is going to hate me more than I hate myself right now."

He felt the anger drain from him and his biotics buzz and fade, trying to force back his own guilt. Being angry was easier. He should have stayed, could have helped her, would have saved her. He released Joker, watching him slide to the floor with a groan of pain as Liara and Tali moved in with medigel.

Garrus tried to put a supportive hand on his shoulder but he nudged it off and began running.

He didn't know where, or why, but as the escape pods grew more and more distant, he could see Shepard's face, memorized to the most insignificant freckle, grow in clarity as she faded from existence into sharp longing and pain.