Big Sister

First Loss

Lena ran into her parent's room before jumping up on their bed and onto her mom, waking both of her parent's. Stuart could tell that Dana was feeling sick.

"Lena, honey, why don't we let mommy sleep a little longer" he said pulling her off of Dana.

"I want breakfast" Lena announced.

"Okay then lets go make breakfast… I will meet you downstairs in a few minutes I need to get dressed." he told her and she left the room.

"You alright?" he asked Dana.

"I'm not feeling too good… thanks for handling Lena" she said.

"Of course, don't worry about it. I can handle the little munchkin by myself for a day" he said putting clothes on.

"Thank you" she said and he kissed her forehead before going downstairs to find Lena getting stuff out for pancakes as she had helped her dad make them many times before.

"We making pancakes?" he asked.

"My favorite, you know that daddy" she said. He measured out the ingredients for Lena who put them in the bowl before mixing the batter.

"Can I pour it?" she asked and he picked her up so she was sitting on the countertop near the stove and Lena poured way too much batter in the pan.

"Stop" he said taking the batter from her.

"That pancake is the size of the pan!" Stuart said and she laughed.

"So?" she asked.

"Are you going to eat a pancake that big? It's bigger than your face" he argued and she laughed.

"I can eat it" she said

"This could feed 3 kids, Lena, but if you want to give it a try go ahead" he said putting her down knowing he will finish whatever she fails to be able to eat.

Lena was sitting eating the pancake when Dana came downstairs not looking any better.

"Mommy we made pancakes" Lena said.

"I see that, that pancake big enough for you?" she joked.

"Yes, daddy let me pour" she said.

"I can tell, I'm sure they are very yummy but I'm not feeling so good so they are all for you and daddy" she explained.

"Do you want some coffee?" Stuart asked.

"No I shouldn't" she said catching his attention. She has been feeling sick recently and they have been slipping up at using condoms so it makes sense that she might be pregnant.

"Um everything okay?" he asked. He isn't going to assume anything he doesn't need to repeat what happened a year ago.

"It's been a while since my last period. I'm not sure but I will get a test today" she told him.

"Okay" he said kissing her before putting her in some toast so she still gets some food even though she is feeling sick.

A few hours later Dana walked into their room and handed him the positive pregnancy test.

"I'm pregnant" she said smiling and he kissed her happily.

"We are going to have another baby" he said kissing her again.

"I found you!" Lena said running over and tagging him and running away. "You're it"

"I honestly forgot we were playing" he said and Dana laughed.

"I love you" he said.

"Love you too... go chase our daughter…" she said when he ran after her in the house. "Outside"

"You are never going to get me!" Lena shouted stopping running for just long enough to stick her tongue out at him before she took off again.

"Oh I will" he said chasing her before eventually catching her and tickling her.

"Daddy stop" she said laughing making him smile. He is so glad that their little family is about to get bigger.

~3 months pregnant~

Dana and Stuart went to pick up Lena from her daycare after getting back from Dana's appointment to make sure everything is going well, which thankfully everything is fine, and they got to even see their baby.

"I think we should tell Lena today" Dana said. She didn't want to tell her before because so much could go wrong in the first 3 months and telling her and something going wrong would make things much worse. They haven't told anyone but Stuarts sister Amelia and most of Dana's sisters have already figured it out for themselves but knew not to say anything to Lena.

"She will be thrilled, she hasn't been very subtle about wanting a little sibling." he said and she laughed.

"No she hasn't. The one day she asked me if her little sibling will be there before Christmas… it was November. Like no, but I'm rethinking this shirt" Dana said.

"Please you look beautiful" he said kissing her.

"Aww thanks you have to say that" she said.

"No I don't!... Okay fine, if I didn't it probably wouldn't go well for me but I mean it" he said as they got out and went into her daycare.

"Mommy, daddy. Why are you both here?" she asked confused since most days Dana drops her off and Stuart picks her up and they rarely both come to get her.

"We both got done with work a little early and came to pick you up. Did you have fun?" Stuart asked as he signed her out.

"Lots of fun" she said.

"Was she good?" Dana asked the daycare worker.

"Yeah she was fine, helped me clean up today" she said.

"Good we always clean up our mess right Lena?" she asked and Lena nodded.

"Ready to go, kiddo?" he asked her.

"Yeah" she said and they went home.

"So we have a bit of an announcement" Dana said to Lena.

"I'm going to be a big sister?" she asked.

"Uh yeah actually" Stuart said.

"Really? Every time I ask you say no" she said happily.

"Yes really" Dana said.

"And it's not like last time when you told me but I wasn't going to be one?" she asked.

"No sweetie this time it's really happening" Dana confirmed. Lena ran over and hugged them.

"Yay, can I have a baby sister… please" she said.

"Oh honey we don't know if you will have a sister or brother yet" Stuart said.

"A sister, please" she begged.

"Lena, we don't have any control over if we are having a little girl or boy" Dana explained.

"But why not!" she said.

"Sorry sweetie if you have a brother or sister is just up to chance" Stuart said.

"Okay I think I will have a little sister… I can teach her everything; the best hiding spots for hide and seek, how to steal cookies when you aren't looking and all that stuff" Lena said happily.

"Are you stealing cookies?" Dana asked.

"No" Lena said as if she didn't just admit to it.

"You just confessed" Stuart said.

"You have no proof, I didn't confess to anything" she said sassily.

"Alright I'm not sure if I believe you" Stuart said.

"I'm so excited, when will my little sister be here?" she asked.

"Again not necessarily a sister but in December" Dana said.

"That's forever from now" she complained.

"It will go fast, why don't you go play while we make supper." Stuart said and Lena went to go play in her room.

"Well that went better than when I told Nate about Lena" Stuart said.

"Yes but on his defense he did think you were going to give him a dog" she said.

"Speaking of Nate, I need to tell him. Hopefully he takes it better this time" he said.

"I'm sure he will… either way our little family is going to get bigger" she said as he wrapped his arms around her his hands resting on her stomach.

~4 months pregnant~

Dana was feeling even worse than she normally does especially since it's suppertime and she normally feels okay at this time of day. What concerned her was she wasn't just feeling nauseous but was feeling very faint. Stuart noticed she wasn't feeling well and went behind her and hugged her which stabilized her.

"You alright?" he asked.

"I don't feel so great" she said practically leaning against him for support.

"What's wrong?" he asked worried that he is more or less holding her upright.

"I feel like I'm going to pass out" she told him and he leads her over to the couch and made her sit down.

"Have you talked to your doctor about this?" he asked thinking she is probably just getting a bit of a stomach bug.

"Yeah he said that if it keeps going on to make an appointment and to make sure to eat and drink enough water" she said.

"And you have been, right?" he asked.

"Do I look like I haven't been eating enough?" she asked gesturing to her slightly rounded stomach.

"Okay that's not a safe question for me to answer. Have you been drinking enough?" he asked.

"I drank like 20 glasses of water today" she complained.

"Okay a little bit excessive and I'm sensing a bit exaggerated" he said and she laid her head against his shoulder.

"What if something is wrong?" she asked.

"I'm sure nothing is wrong, you probably just getting a little sick. Remember when you were pregnant with Lena you thought something was wrong all the time. You would ask me almost daily if she felt like she was moving weird" he reasoned.

"Yes and saying 'I don't know maybe she's moving weird because she's claustrophobic' was not appreciated." she said and he laughed earning a warning look from Dana.

"Oh come on, it's funny." he said. "You needed to lighten up. The only reason her movements felt weird to you because you were anxious and ready to view it that way."

"So you are saying how she was moving didn't feel weird to you?" Dana asked.

"Of course it felt weird. She was an unborn baby moving inside you, it was weird. Honestly it creeped me out a little bit" he said not realizing how much he should just stop talking.

"Our daughter moving creeped you out" she asked clearly upset.

"Well a little bit but I wasn't going to tell you because you were… I should shut up" he said realizing how bad it is to tell his pregnant wife it creeps him out when their unborn child moves especially since she's going through her 'emotional stage'.

"You should have awhile ago" she said going to get up.

"Okay I'm sorry. I love you, Lena and lil one but I think you should stay sitting" he said really fast assuming she's mad.

"I have to pee, I did drink 20 cups of water today" she said moving towards the bathroom. After a few steps Stuart had to grab her quick to soften her fall as she blacked out. She felt the blood pooling between her legs and started crying.

"Stuart" she said, it coming out in a desperate sob.

"I'm taking you to the hospital" he said not noticing that she's bleeding.

"I'm bleeding!" she said in hysterics.

"Oh my god… okay it's okay. Just try to stay calm" he said. He reacted the same way when she went into labor, he was more freaked out than her but tried to stay calm for her and failed miserably.

"I have to get you to the hospital" he said going to help her up and out in the car when Dana finally had a sober thought.

"Lena" she said.

"Oh god, Lena… Lena!" he screamed and she ran downstairs.

"What? I was-" she started before seeing her mom in such bad shape.

"What's wrong with mommy?" she asked in tears scared that something is wrong with mommy and sissy.

"We have to take her to the hospital now!" he said and put her flip flops on before running out to the car.

"Is mommy and sissy going to be okay?" Lena asked her dad on the way to the hospital. The question made Dana even more visually upset so Lena put her hand on her shoulder.

"It's okay, mommy"

"Thank you sweetie, but it doesn't look good for sissy" Dana said knowing that she miscarried. She thought since she passed her first trimester that she didn't have to worry about this happening. Her doctor even said it was safe to tell Lena because everything was going well so the risk of miscarriage was so low.

"What?" Lena asked crying.

They got to the hospital and immediately took her back and Stuart was forced to leave Dana's side to stay with Lena. He immediately called his sister Amelia.

"Everything okay?" she asked.

"Dana miscarried! We are at the Saint Mary's hospital and I need you to come for Lena, please" he said.

"Oh my god, I'm on my way" she said before immediately leaving. A few minutes later she came into the hospital and a crying Lena ran over to her immediately hugging her.

"Aunt Milly, mommy is sick and she said sissy isn't okay" she said as Amelia picked her up and went over to Stuart hugging him.

"Thank you" he said.

"What are family for and all that, go your wife needs you" she said and Stuart left to go back to Dana.

Amelia took Lena back to her house knowing Lena shouldn't be waiting in the hospital but a place she is familiar with.

"Are you hungry, sweetie?" she asked and Lena shrugged.

"How about I make you a grilled cheese? How does that sound?" she asked and Lena only shrugged again.

"I'm not really hungry" Lena said.

"I know sweetie, but you have to eat something." she said starting to make her a grilled cheese.

"Is mommy going to be okay?" she asked in a small voice.

"She will be but she's going to be feeling bad for a little while. You can help both mommy and daddy by being on your best behavior, okay?" she said and Lena nodded.

"Sissy isn't going to be okay? What does that mean?" Lena asked. Amelia wasn't sure if it's her place to say what happened to their unborn child.

"Oh honey I think that is something you should talk to your parent's about" she asked.

"Is sissy sick too? Will I still be a big sister?" she asked.

"Oh honey sissy isn't going to be around"

"What do you mean?" she asked upset.

"Something bad happened" she said trying to think of how to explain this to a 5 year old.

"Did sissy go away like Misty the cat did?" she asked. Lena never had a pet but Amelia had a cat named Misty that Lena always played with when she came over and she died a few months ago.

"Yes, unfortunately she did." Amelia said.

"Oh" she said sadly. Lena picked at her grilled cheese not wanting to eat.

"I'm sorry, honey. I know you were really looking forward to being a big sister and meeting your little sister" she said sitting next to Lena who hugged her and Amelia hugged her back knowing she needs it right now.

"I was going to teach her everything and we were going to play together all the time." she said.

"I know sweetie"

"How can something go wrong? She was still in mommy's belly" Lena said.

"Sometimes things just go wrong, and sometimes even while she is still in mommy's belly." she said.

"Well mommy didn't do anything wrong, did she?" she asked.

"No honey mommy did nothing wrong. No one is at fault for this." she said and Lena nodded.

That night Amelia tucked Lena into the bed in her spare room hoping she will be able to sleep.

"Aunt Milly" Lena asked sitting up in bed.

"Yes sweetie?"

"What happens when you die?" she asked. "My friend from school says when good people die they go to heaven. Is sissy in heaven?"

"Yeah i guess so"

"Is Misty there too?"

"Yes Misty is there too"

"So they are together, good. I loved Misty now sissy can play with her like I did" she said and Amelia smiled at her.

"Yes and I'm sure they have lots of toys up there" Amelia said.

"Can you read me a bedtime story, it helps me sleep" Lena said.

"Sure, what story"

"Cinderella" she requested and she went to get the book before reading it until Lena fell asleep.

"Good night" she said tucking her in before leaving.

Lena ran over to her dad and he picked her up.

"Hey how are you?" he asked.

"I miss sissy" she said.

"Me too, sweetie." he said and Amelia caught up to Lena.

"I'm sorry, she's fast"

"It's okay, thanks for watching her."

"Of course, I love this kid"

"Lena, honey, you see that room?" he asked pointing to Dana's room only 2 doors down.

"Yes"

"Mommy in there, go see her" he told her and Lena went in.

"Mommy!" Lena said.

"Hey there honey, come here" Dana said and Lena went over and got in bed with her.

"Are you okay?" Lena asked hugging her.

"I'm alright, honey. How are you?"

"Okay, sissy is really gone?" she asked looking up at Dana from laying against her chest.

"Yeah honey, unfortunately she is"

"She is with Misty now"

"Misty?"

"Aunt Milly's kitty"

"Yes she is. I love you"

"Love you too, mommy"

Stuart watched as Lena went into Danas room making sure she goes into the right room.

"I told her about what happened" Amelia said.

"What did you tell her?"
"That sissy is no longer with us and that sometimes bad things just happen. She asked if she was with Misty, my cat, so I of course told her yes."

"Okay that's fine. I was dreading talking about it with her so thanks"

"How is lil' Stewie" she joked.

"Will you stop. I'm an adult, I have kids" he said annoyed.

"Still my little brother"

"We are twins, you are only 4 minutes older"

"Still beat you"

"That… that is the weirdest race I have been in." Stuart said and Amelia laughed.

"How are you?"

"As good as I can be. I was looking forward to being a father again"

"I know you were. How is Dana?"

"She's holding up. Last night was rough. I just worry she's blaming herself, she does that too much. Just have to keep an eye on her"

"Yeah do you think you two will try again?"

"We weren't trying then, but no I don't think it's a good idea to risk this happening again and putting her through it again. Besides, she had some medical problem towards the end with Lena and I thought I might loss both of them. I'm not willing to purposely risk that."

"You should really be more careful then. You and Dana both seem to get pregnant accidentally easier than when you try"

"Yeah good point" he said before they both went into Dana's room. He went over and hugged Dana and Lena, who is laying in bed with Dana.

"You okay?" he asked her and she nodded but it was more for show than an actual answer.

"I love you" he said kissing her forehead.

"Love you too"

Once Dana was able to go home from the hospital the family went home together. Stuart carried in a sleeping Lena and followed by Dana and Amelia.

"Honestly I can take her for a while, it's no problem." Amelia said.

"Thank you but I think it's best to try and go back to a normal schedule and Lena needs to be home." Dana said.

"Are you sure? It's not a problem really, it's totally okay if you need some time" she said.

"Honestly if anything Lena is making this easier" she said.

"Ok well if that changes just let me know" Amelia said before going over to her brother.

"Here let me put her to bed" Amelia said and Stuart passed over his sleeping daughter to his sister.

"It's okay, Auntie Millie is just putting you to bed" Amelia said when Lena temporarily woke up when being passed from her dad to her aunt. Lena immediately went back to sleep against her shoulder. She carried her up and tucked her into bed and gave her bunny before turning the light off and leaving.

"Are you sure you are okay to jump right back into things?" Stuart asked concerned.

"Sitting around doing nothing without the distraction of an energetic 5 year old and work sounds like hell." Dana admitted. "Are you okay with that?"

"Yes, I'm just worried about you" he said.

"I know you are. We will get through this together. You okay?" she said.

"Uh… honestly right now I don't know how to feel. Kind of numb"

"Me too." she said and he went over and hugged her.

A few days have passed and though the loss hung over the family they managed to get back into routine. Both Dana and Stuart went back to work and Lena going to school. They knew that it was important to keep Lena on a schedule despite what is happening, which made it easier for everyone.

Dana stepped out of the shower and wrapped herself up in a towel before wiping off the steam from the mirror and looking at her reflection. She slowly undid her towel before hesitantly letting it fall to the floor. She looked at her slightly rounded stomach in tears as she rested her hand against her stomach. What was previously a happy normal action before and during her pregnancy with Lena was now filled with sorrow. Despite everyone constantly reassuring her this isn't her fault she still couldn't get over the guilt that her body wasn't able to bring their baby to term.

"I would ask if you are okay but that's a stupid thing to ask" he said startling her since she didn't know she was being watched. She covered herself up with the towel again before turning towards her husband.

"Sorry I didn't mean to startle you, the door was ajar" he said and she nodded.

"It's okay" she said wiping the tears away. "Lena asleep?"

"For now, she will wake up and be in soon I'm sure. What were you thinking?" he asked going up behind her and hugging her from behind.

"I want you to tell me the truth, I mean it, the truth. What did I do wrong? Why couldn't my body carry our baby to term?" she asked.

"Okay, hypothetical for you: A middle aged man who never smoked, isn't around people who smoke either, gets diagnosed with lung cancer…" he started.

"Okay I see where you are going with this" she said.

"You should, it wasn't that difficult" he said and she laughed play slapping him.

"It wasn't your fault, you didn't do anything wrong. I know it's not what you want to hear because you want a reason but sometimes bad things do just happen." he said.

"I know we haven't before but… could we maybe try for a … baby?" she asked and he sighed leaning against the wall.

"Dana you just…" he started.

"Not now, obviously, but in the future." she said.

"How about you put on some pjs and we can talk in the room." he said before going into their bedroom. Dana finished drying herself off and put her hair up in the towel to stop it from dripping before going into their bedroom and getting dressed. She thought that Stuart would be on board with them trying for another baby but now she's beginning to worry he doesn't want to have another baby with her.

Dana sat down on the bed next to him, "You don't want to have another baby?"

"I didn't say that" he argued.

"That's what you are thinking" she argued.

"You think you know what I'm thinking?" he asked her.

"If you wanted to have another baby with me you wouldn't have told me to get dressed and meet you in our room. It's like telling someone to sit down is normally not followed by good news"

"It's not that I don't want to have another baby with you, I don't think it's a good idea" he said.

"What do you mean?"

"I don't think it's worth risking putting you through this again, or the same thing as what happened with Lena" he said.

"The doctor said I was healthy enough to have a baby" Dana argued.

"I know but the doctor said you were healthy when you first got pregnant with Lena. Towards the end you were horribly sick and when Lena was born for a while there it looked like I would loss both of you. That was the scariest day of my life. When they were trying to get both of you stable, I had no idea what was going on. I don't think it's worth risking your health, the baby's health or god forbid either of your lives" he said and Dana nodded.

"Yeah that's probably for the best" she said sadly.

"I'm sorry I know this is disappointing"

"I just wanted to have another baby with you. One planned would be nice" she said and he laughed.

"What you don't like the surprise? Planning a pregnancy is so overrated. Who needs to be married before getting pregnant" he joked before seeing Lena walk in.

"Lena, what are you doing up?" he asked.

"Can't sleep, me and bunny are going to sleep in the big bed" she announced crawling into bed in between them.

"Told you" Stuart said even though both knew she would be in soon as she often comes in.

"Lena you really need to start sleeping in your own bed" Dana said even though she knows Lena wasn't really going to listen to her.

"Mommy am I ever going to be a big sister?" she asked getting underneath the blankets and holding the stuffed bunny close to her.

"Oh no sweetie, I don't think so" she said sadly.

"Why?"

"Well honey, mommy is…" he starts.

"Sometimes things just aren't meant to be, honey, I'm sorry. Now you and Mr. Bunny here need to go to sleep" she said.

"Bunny is a girl" Lena said.

"Oh sorry, go to sleep" Dana said turning off the light laying down next to her.

"I'm sorry, I know you are upset but we can't risk losing you" Stuart whispered to her once Lena was asleep.

"I know" she said looking at Lena who is sound asleep between them. "You're right, I love our little family"

I decided to parallel this with Lena losing Frankie, and I might do Dana and Lena talking about dealing with it. Anyways let me know what you think.