Chapter 9- Nobody's Fault

Greetings everyone and welcome to June! So, a theme seemed to yell at me this week and I think I got the message.

Guest: "What if Hailey protects Jay from being hurt and gets injured in the process, Jay struggles and blames himself."

Vanchi1211: "They [Hailey and Jay] were ambushed (talk about the finale!) or something, but Hailey pushed Jay out of harm's way. She got hurt and taken to the hospital. Jay of course blamed himself and went self-destructive and pushed everyone away, even her."

RCMCWolf: "I agree with vanchi1211! What Jay would [do] if Hailey get hurt."

So, I was beginning to figure out a one-shot when I came across this prompt.

Anon: "Did you watch the finale? How about you twist the story and Jay actually got hurt in the van shooting?"

It suddenly clicked. The wheels started churning and the story was finally revealed. The details may not be exact, but I hope this meets everyone's expectations and you guys are satisfied with how it all turns out. Strap in, because it's going to be a wild ride.

The plan was so perfect. The loophole they searched months for was upon them. Kelton was about to go down, mere hours before being elected the Mayor of Chicago. Nothing was expected to go wrong. They were all stationed in their assigned places, just waiting for the person of the hour to show. Everything was going to plan until it happened. Hailey was reaching for her coffee when the blood curdling gunshot rang out, just feet from the van. Her hand was approaching the cup when she flung forward, gun flying off the counter and thunking on the floor. At the time, Jay didn't know if she was reacting to the surprising shot or if she was hit. Every instinct told him to grab her, grab a vest, and lay as low as possible; which he did in rather rapid succession. They didn't speak, half thinking that would keep the plan moving. Plus, he wanted the shooter to think he'd done his job. The bullets were flying at sporadic moments and uncoordinated places, marks of an untrained assassin. Things were spraying all around them: metal, lead, wood and papers from the counter. But through the terrifying ordeal, Jay kept his death grip on Hailey. He grunted at the halfway point, fighting the flashbacks to another time in his life, reminding himself this wasn't then and it wasn't going to last as long. And almost on cue, things stopped. No more bullets, no more flying objects, just silence followed by shouts.

"You good," Jay asked? The body under him didn't move.

"Hailey," he inquired, turning her onto her back, now realizing why she wasn't, or couldn't respond. An exit wound was located on a very critical part of her torso, hovering on the left side of the body. Blood was spilling out freely, the whole front of her thick and red. Jay's hands were seriously shaking now, making it hard to detect a pulse through his own sped up heart rate. He closed his eyes and tried to breathe, the clumps of tears making that next to impossible. The guilt was swarming in now, pretty much screaming this was his fault. He was her partner. His main reason for existing was to protect her. He should have been the one sitting there, checking the exterior of their spot, something. He failed her, plain and simple.

"Are you guys alright," Voight cried towards the van, a little concerned when nothing came back. He inched closer to the shot out vehicle.

"Jay?!" Something told Jay it was time to verbalize. It was like the computer system overrode his free will. Whether or not he was ready or wanted to, words fell out of mouth, somewhat combining into one thing.

"She's hit," came this unusual, never before heard voice. Voight was sprinting now, radio at the ready to make that call, the one you never ever want to speak over radio frequencies. The doors revealed a scene Voight would have tattooed on his mind for the rest of time. Hailey was lifeless, dead to the observing eye. Jay was pressing his whole body weight on her side, tears pouring down as he kept repeating for her to wake up. Hank called Jay's name, but his detective never acknowledged.

"10-1, 10-1, officer down. I need an ambulance at our location ASAP!" The dispatcher was responding to the request as Voight shook Jay's shoulder, hard, finally getting a beaded gaze his way.

"What do you need me to do?" Jay's face was white, his mouth was opening before the voice kicked in.

"I failed her. She can't die." Voight now searched for a pulse, exhaling the smallest of amounts when an erratic, but there beat greeted him. He leaned over to hear the faintest of breaths coming out from Hailey. She was in bad shape, but she wasn't gone…yet.

"She's still alive. Keep pressure on it," he replied, flailing a finger at the bullet hole. Members of Intelligence trickled over to the van now, mouths wide open and eyes massive.

"Go find him, NOW," Voight barked. They would nod, get that last glimpse before taking off, clearly not in the mindset to capture the perp peacefully. But, neither guy in the van cared what happened.

The ambulance was pulling up when Voight noticed that Jay had changed. Not emotionally, but physically. He couldn't pinpoint the location, but things were off. That little voice in his mind told him Hailey wasn't going to be the only casualty today.

"Are you good?" Jay vigorously nodded his head, still not letting up on Hailey. And then Jay's whole person changed. He went from an emotional wreck to an informed witness, letting the medics know exactly what happened, not leaving out a detail. He even so much as let go and stepped out of the van, calmly turning to watch qualified people do their thing. Voight was completely perplexed by now, trying to figure out how Jay could switch things on and off so quickly. Jay would go between placing is hands behind his neck and then pacing a couple of steps; getting a thorough look at the world around him, inhaling every sight, smell, particle of the last few minutes. He finally stood still when he saw the coffee cup on its' side still pouring its' contents out. His world flipped just that quickly.

Hailey was loaded into the rig about six minutes later, Jay walking right behind her and the medics. Voight had told Jay to go with her, but Jay had already planned on it. There's a Gill Grissom quote that goes something like, "people never look up." In this situation, people never look down. Because of someone had, perhaps they'd have seen the droplets of blood dripping off Jay, becoming steadier by the footfall. Alas, Voight was too worried and shocked, busying his mind over his detectives being thrown into the back of an ambulance.

She was intubated and placed on heart monitors on the way, her clothing ripped to allow better access to the bullet wound. The paramedic would shout things to the driver who in turn, would alert Med of the incoming trauma. Things weren't good and they didn't get better as they drove, her blood loss near critical, in dire need of an OR to fix the damage. Words like 'excessive' 'kidney' and 'removal' were tossed around, but Jay wasn't hearing any of it. Gone was the robotic personality, now an overly sick one took it's place. He was sitting, resting his elbows on his knees and keeping his clasped hands behind his head. He didn't speak on the way over nor did he even look at her. He just kept his head down and eyes fixed on the ground.

Jay didn't see when they arrived at Med, somehow blocking out the shouts and commotion that happens when a life threatening trauma arrives. People moved around him, too concerned with the patient to care for his psychological well being. Will was the one to take Hailey, swallowing the dread as he noticed Jay in his catatonic state. Maggie yelled that trauma three was open when he pulled the medical caravan through the doors, not hesitating to guide them to their stop. The medics stayed with them long enough to claim their gurney and get out of the way. When they returned, Jay found another personality: anger. He stormed out of the rig, practically running past the waiting room and nurses station, chalking up his weakness and blurry vision to guilt or shock. He would shout Hailey's and Will's name, only stopping when he saw it: Will throwing paddles on Hailey's chest and her body convulsing shortly after. She was dying, that's all that registered. Jay slipped into the room, pigging backing with the trauma surgeon. Jay found a corner and slid, prayer-like hands glued to his lips. There were so many machines, people, wires, things fighting for her to live. But despite it all, the chilling, single, high pitched whine echoed through the room.

Jay actually screamed this time. A new set of tears were falling as Will yelled for Jay to get out, not losing sight of Hailey. He called for more rounds of epi and an increase in defibrillator power. She wasn't down for six or seven minutes, but two. They all smiled over the small victory as multiple beats rang out. They weren't pretty or stable, but Hailey was back. From there it was a race. The trauma surgeon took the reigns from Will, letting people know they were on the move right then. Jay sprung from his feet and bolted with them, ignoring Will's cries that he couldn't go. Jay stood next to the gurney and grabbed a hand, not caring about the dirty, angry looks he was getting from people.

"I'm sorry," he whispered as the elevator chimed the tune of an awaiting car. Her hand slipped away as they pulled her on, Jay standing in place while staring at his now empty hand. He wasn't sure if he should cry or scream or follow them. Instead, his body told him it was time to give up. Jay was out before his head hit the floor.

Will had his back turned when it happened. He was working on Hailey's electronic chart, trying to get it sent up to the OR, when a nurse yelled, 'he fell.' Will didn't need to be told who the 'he' was. In that nanosecond, it felt like he was standing on a beach, watching a hurricane move inland before turning to face the water and be staring down a monster category five storm.

A couple of nurses were kneeling next to Jay, feeling for a pulse and trying to find an explanation for the unexpected collapse. Will literally slid on the floor, landing in a hover over Jay. There was a shake in his being now, doing his best to run the mental tape back, trying to find the hints. Nothing. He hated that he wasn't more aware of what went down.

"His pulse is thready but breathing is good."

"Get him on a gurney," Will commanded, being tapped on the shoulder as he spoke. Everyone grabbed an arm or leg and soon they were headed back to the ED, a new nightmare to deal with. Jay was hooked up to monitors and put on oxygen and IVs in a frantic pace. It was during the clothing removal that they found it: a hole in Jay's back, exiting somewhere in the spleen region. The panic picked up, Will shaking his head over the unstoppable disaster. Just when things seemed to be manageable, a new, larger wave appeared.

"Page trauma."

"They're with Hailey." A mental head smack came from deep in Will's brain. Rhodes and Natalie entered the picture at this point, both a little shocked at what they were witnessing.

"Will, you can't work on him."

"Yeah, like hell." Rhodes now stood inches away from Will, giving him one of those stern glares, telepathically communicating to him to move. Will didn't budge for that, Natalie knowing she had to step in, for Jay's sake.

"Will, this isn't helping Jay. Back off, Connor's got this." The two doctors locked eyes for a moment, common sense finally letting Will know what to do. In the moment, it felt to be a betrayal. Will slunk to a corner and helplessly watched Rhodes confirm the spleen suspicion.

"It's definitely bleeding out. I'm kinda shocked he made it this long," Rhodes muttered under his breathe, handing off the ultrasound wand to a nurse.

"Which OR is open?" A nurse ran to phone the floor, giving Will, Natalie, and Rhodes time to converse the game plan.

"Can you save it?"

"Possibly. He's lost a lot of blood and can't afford a lot more." Will looked over at Jay. He was intubated now and hooked to a machine, for surgery reasons. It was crazy to think how not too long ago, he was awake, mobile, alive. Now, he looked to be inches away from death. The omen is so true, life does move pretty fast.

"Do what you need to do." Will finally spoke. It was at this point he realized the night that was in store for him, for Jay and Hailey, for everyone involved in the circle. Rhodes seemed to pick up on the vibe, giving Will a quick nod before the nurse returned.

"They're ready." It was like the start gun at a track meet because in no time, everyone was heading for the elevator. Will got a final look, leaving it all to the professionals to handle, before stepping away and watching the numbers rise. It dawned on Will he now had free time, hours to torment himself. So he picked a direction and walked, destination anywhere but there.

Thank goodness it was the middle of May. First, daylight stretched much longer than usual. Second, it was far warmer than it was a few months ago. The traditional waiting room was the last thing Will needed. The thought of having to sit in a still, grey, sterile room for hours terrified him, almost more so then the surgeries Hailey and Jay were currently undergoing. Just the idea of absorbing what all was happening was enough to kick him outside. He thought about waiting things out on level ground, perhaps a bench outside the ED. But then the idea of traffic and people crossed that off the list. People were going to inquire. People were going to offer sympathy and assistance. People were going to give that look you see when death is eminent. He couldn't do that right now. Will couldn't exist in an idea of loss. So he sought his safe haven and was relieved to finally be alone. Just him and the city to get through things.

People are emotional, buildings, streets, lights were not. Up here, watching the world do its' thing, life almost slowed down. In this spot of the world, it was about the simple things: getting home, meeting friends, thwarting the incoming darkness. Will watched as those lights on the tiptop of sky scrapers blinked in perfect succession. They were red or white and they didn't miss a beat. In his mental state, Will could've sworn they were speaking to him.

"It will be fine."

"Do not give up."

"They'll make it." Now of course, he couldn't hear these phrases, but seemed to understand what the world was transmitting. Will decided this was the moment to slink down and sob, because what else could he do up here all alone. So he did just that. He didn't really feel the brick wall scrape his scrubs over the deep heaving of his sobs. His bottom met the ground, almost forcing the rest of him to curl into a ball. Fingers met the forehead while elbows greeted the knee caps. Will isn't sure how long he stayed this way, but it was enough time to become stiff and stuck, Natalie's disruptive unlatching of the door breaking him free.

"I thought I'd find you up here," she calmly, somewhat happily remarked. Will just nodded, refusing to leave his place. Natalie stood at the edge of the roof, closing her eyes as she breathed, fully appreciating the fresh, hospital free air.

"This is a stunning view. I swear it hasn't changed in twenty years and it probably won't in another twenty. Its' beauty is timeless." Will just nodded, too depleted to conjure up words. She looked down at his miserable, pitiful pile of a human and sighed. Before long, she was eye level with him.

"Voight is here and the rest of the team is on their way. They're looking for you."

"No, they're not," Will finally mumbled, his gaze not leaving the door across the roof.

"Will," Natalie replied, her voice now brimming with sorrow and helplessness. She wrapped an arm over Will's shoulder, waiting for him to continue.

"If he was looking he would've found me. Called at least. Given me the heads up for what was about to crash in." Will was upset, that much was obvious. Natalie tried to smooth things over, talk Will out of creating another dramatic scene that evening.

"I don't think he knew about Jay. Honestly, I don't even think Jay totally knew. You know how your brother is. Once something happens to someone, he goes out the window. Shuts everyone out, including himself. This isn't Voight's fault."

"In what world is it not his fault."

"Because he didn't fire on the van. Jay and Hailey were doing surveillance away from the sight when they got shot at. No one saw it coming. Voight thinks some higher up tipped the shooter off." Will's head snapped at that last part, finally looking Natalie's way.

"Oh yeah, someone in the department told them about the bust." Will rolled his head deeper into his chest, truly fighting the urge to attack someone, or something, whatever stood in his way. Instead, he sat in utter silence for a bit, listening to his breathing and heartbeat. The episode resided when the word 'update' popped into his head.

"Anything from downstairs?" Natalie pulled Will in closer, noticing his refusal to say 'surgery' or 'OR.'

"Both are still being worked on. Haven't heard any details. Which is a good sign, means they're still fighting." Will nodded, almost swallowing the unknown.

"I want to stay up here." They both sat silent, letting the car horns, sirens, and road sounds be the only liveliness in their little world. Natalie didn't loosen her grip and Will didn't dream of budging. Even after the sun set on them, they clung to each other, relying on the other to get them to the other side of the darkness.

Her pager pinging made them both jump. Natalie let out a little squeak, forcing Will to smile for the first time in forever. He watched as she grabbed for the device and stared for a couple of seconds.

"Hailey's out of surgery and Jay's just about done. Connor is wanting us downstairs." She rose to her feet and turned, sighing as Will remained planted on the ground.

"C'mon," she spoke, offering a hand to help him up.

"It's time to stop fretting, Will. They both need us." Something great happened: Will stood up. He was dizzy and wobbling with every step, but he was on the move, headed back into the battle.

Natalie guided him to the elevator and then down the hall to the waiting room where the rest of the gang was holed up in. They rose as the door opened, expecting a surgeon, not a distraught family member. They were both startled and relived. There was this air of unrest, like a fight was about to break out. No one was sure what to say or if they should move. Like in a movie, people stepped aside, allowing Voight and Will to stare each other down. Will was holding back spiteful words and Voight picked up on that, seeming to be on the verge of apologizing.

"Let's just get through the next few hours," Will spoke. Voight nodded his head, sitting back down before the others followed the lead. Natalie practically shoved Will in a chair far away from the group, still worried over the potential blow up.

That creepy, sickening silence fell over the room, the one Will literally ran away from. He'd look over at faces, seeing them as death warmed over. Some were bleary eyed, others were white with disbelief. Will couldn't take it. The absolute last thing he needed was everyone's presence shouting what he feared: they were dead. Will fought past Natalie's hand holding, abruptly standing and pacing a couple of steps. He was mumbling something no one could understand. It was a combo of breathing exercises and partial words. Voight looked over at Natalie who shrugged, not sure what was happening but assumed it was helping. A knock on the waiting room door picked up heart rates. Rhodes seemed to inhale for entering, like a diver preparing to go underwater. The room was that thick with tension and angst.

"Hey guys," he responded, receiving nothing, which he expected. Will found his seat and sat, vision not leaving Rhodes and the tablet in his hand. It was moments before someone yelled, 'spit it out,' that Conner began his breakdown.

"Ok, we'll start with Hailey. The bullet entered her back and nicked her left kidney and the upper part of her liver before exiting out her torso. As you can imagine, she suffered a large amount of blood loss. The surgeon was able to save the liver, but her kidney was damaged beyond repair so they had to remove it." Connor waited for everyone to take the news in. People didn't get up and scream, but it was pretty close to that. Kim lost it, balling her eyes out in Adam's shoulder. Trudy was being comforted by Voight, who was looking at something in a corner, appearing to be off in some other headspace. Will just kept staring, waiting for the second shoe to drop.

"Unfortunately, that's not all. The right kidney is not functioning properly. It could just be from all the trauma but right now Hailey's looking at a possible transplant."

"When will they know," Atwater asked?

"Probably in the next couple of days. She's getting set up for dialysis right now and they're hoping that'll reverse things, but the doctors aren't completely confident." Another pause arrived, Rhodes waiting for someone to give him the green light. Naturally, it came in the form of Will.

"Jay," he mumbled, a little perturb he had to wait this long. Conner glanced down at the tablet before starting.

"As you know, he was hit on his left side and his spleen was bleeding out. He too lost a lot of blood and had a large amount of internal bleeding. We had him stabilized till the spleen started effecting his other organs. At that point, we had no choice but to remove it. He can live a totally normal life without it and recovery won't be that hard. He's getting a few transfusions right now and is on some strong antibiotics, but I'm hopeful he can get through this."

"Hopeful?"

"Yes. Sorry Will, but that's all I can say right now." Connor looked out at his gut wretched audience, wishing there was someway this was all a massive dream. But alas, crisis don't work that way. They happen and it's up to people to find that peace and perseverance to make it out the other side. He stood and walked to the door, hesitating in an effort to corral the group.

"Let's go see them." In a single file, they trudged behind him, each solemnly getting on the elevator and riding in silence. People were giving each other looks, reassuring in nature. Will felt their gazes turn towards him, but he couldn't do it. He didn't want to be apart of the dismal club. Jay and Hailey were attacked, they got helped, and they were going to get better. That was it, or so Will perpetually told himself. Eventually, they stepped out of the elevator and onto the ICU floor. They'd glanced into rooms like they were on a depressing scavenger hunt. People were asleep or gone, allowing lifeless auras to fill the place. They'd look in, hesitate, and then exhale as their quest continued.

They were in the far right wing of the department. Will was grateful someone chose to keep Hailey and Jay close, next door neighbors if you will. Hailey's room was in the corner with Jay's glass wall adjacent to her. Will stood outside Hailey's room, mutely watching as Intelligence and members of the 21st crammed in, trying to get that first snapshot of Hailey on the other side. In between things, Will saw that she was still intubated and had the scary lines for the dialysis in place. Her body was a vessel right now, just a figure connected to machines. She wasn't a person, but a thing, or being. Will couldn't muster up the energy to walk in there, stare at Jay's girl dying. He stood there long enough to watching Kim hug Hailey and sob, like they just called time of death or something. Adam was holding her hand, calling her 'Hail' and telling her to hang in. Those not over the body were gathered at the foot and sides of the bed, almost daydreaming. In his angry state, Will was ticked, near furious. He couldn't understand why they were mourning her. She wasn't dead so it ticked Will off that they were already in that mindset. So instead of yelling, he stepped away, deciding to have a little reunion with Jay.

Surprisingly, Jay looked normal. I mean, he too was surviving off life intervening things, but wasn't as dire looking as Hailey. Yes, he too was unconscious and had the big scary central line in his neck, but he wasn't intubated and had fewer IV stands and monitors around his bed. The only thing he and Hailey had in common was that they were both scary white and both were unconscious, everything else was a contrast. Jay was splayed on his bed, legs resting on their sides while arms were between his stomach and side. To the unsuspecting eye, he looked to be recovering from an appendectomy not a splenectomy. It was the Mickey Mouse band aid on the shoulder, hiding where the life saving antibiotics were injected, that sealed the deal. What was reported really did go down. Will scooted a swivel stool closer to the bed and sat, holding a hand while listening to the noise happening in the other room. He wasn't sure if they intentionally chose to not visit Jay, but was overly thankful for the alone time. It was greatly needed, that moment of silent acceptance. The next few days and weeks were going to be chaotic. This calming closure to the first chapter was exactly what was need in order to move forward.

Time was lost on Will. He wasn't sure how long he sat there and he really didn't care. But it was sometime later that a quiet knock rapped on the other side of the glass. Will glanced over to a very glum, somewhat scared Hank Voight.

"Can I.."

"-Yeah, of course," Will interrupted, pointing to the chair on the other side of the bed. Will returned to his watching over Jay, not inclined to talk with Voight. The two men became statue like, not moving or speaking or reacting, just remained still as they watched Jay breathe.

"I'm sorry, Will. We should've been more careful, really made sure things were kept in house. Kelton…he has a lot of tentacles in the department, just never thought he'd go this far."

"Yeah," Will replied, truly biting back the venom resting on the tip of his tongue. Hank picked up on that and headed out, stopping at the foot of Jay's bed. He did a final scan of the detective's current state, preparing to deliver his final speech.

"I'm going to see Kelton, do what needs to be done. This unit is going to be yours one day. Do it the right way." And on that note, Voight stormed off into the night. Will wasn't sure what had just been foretold. Perhaps it was grief or revenge or some other adjective he couldn't think of. But he couldn't ignore that that was Hank's farewell. Almost as if he knew his time had come to an end, the words his passing of the baton to the chosen one. In the coming days, it would begin to make sense. But that night, Will shrugged it off, missing the hints of Kelton's demise. Will could care less about the mysterious coded message from Hank Voight. He half hoped to never see the man again.

Twenty-four hours later

"In a shocking turn to the mayoral election, Mayor elect Brian Kelton has been found dead in his home. Early reports indicate he was shot multiple times and police say they haven't located the shooter at this time…" Surely he was dreaming, because there was no way things worked out for the better. How could things have gone from a loss to stunning victory. Jay's eyes were so heavy, but everything else was kicking in. Legs were twitching and arms were working their way to his face, trying to get some band-like thing off. The body was a mixture of pain, soreness, and floating just off the sheets. He wasn't totally aware of why he was in this phenomena so naturally, he began freaking out. Deep, sharp breathing was what interrupted Will from his conversation with Rhodes, both of them turning to face an awakening Jay Halstead.

"Jay, you're alright just calm down." Will was terrified to touch him. In truth, this wasn't the first time Jay woke up, nor was it the second. Through the night, Jay would wake up crying, screaming, asking where Hailey was. The first time, Will made the mistake of telling him everything, which only drove the guilt to new heights. The second time he kept it brief, providing a generalization of things. Regardless of the answer, Jay worked himself into an episode, only sedatives could make him stop. Will slightly hoped Jay remembered it all in an effort to stop the sedative injection incidents. There was just so much they both could endure.

"Where's Hailey," the sleepy voice inquired? Both Rhodes and Will rolled their eyes, the next round of Haldol on the table just in case. Jay was finally able to open his eyes, revealing bloodshot, clouded blue orbs. He may have been on the mend, but he looked the opposite of well.

"She's next door," Will replied. Surprisingly, Jay didn't go off into another rage. He just nodded, wincing as he adjusted in the bed. He looked over the TV and watched the B-roll of police activity. Several police cars were encompassing Kelton's residence and the yellow tape was whipping in the wind. People were coming and going, the coroner escorting a body bag was the thing that got Jay truly awake.

"He's really dead?" Both visitors nodded their heads, Rhodes getting up to turn the TV off. Jay stared at it fade to black, listening to those faint crackles old school televisions made. When he got bored of that, he looked to his left, seeing the glass window and the end of a bed on the other side.

"You want to sit up and see her?" Will was about to reach his hand behind Jay and assist but a literal shove stopped him.

"No."

"Ok."

"Where is everybody?" Will looked to Rhodes who shrugged, leaving the decision entirely up to Will. Jay just glared, a little ticked these two were tip toeing around him.

"Kim and Kevin are next door with Hailey. Antonio is gone."

"Gone?"

"He took off last night and we haven't heard from him. Anyway, Voight was here for a little bit last night, said he was going to do something but hasn't come back. No one can reach or even find him. He's in the wind. And…Adam was arrested last night." Jay's eyes went wide, his mouth slightly ajar. Perhaps this was the dream.

"Yeah, right outside the door. Something about IA. I don't know." Jay nodded, not relaxing his shocked face. Will asked Jay if things were fine, who found that a completely stupid question. The last time he was conscious, he was under the impression they were down, but not finished. In the blink of an eye, the unit was dissolved with only a handful of them remaining, two of them going through a bit of a battle. In a way, he found the unfolding of events to be his fault. Had he been more attentive and on his game, Hailey wouldn't be his hospital next door neighbor. Kelton would probably be alive but also the elected mayor. The unit would still be a cohesive being and Voight would still be the leader. Because of his lack of action, the series of unfortunate events unraveled. So in short, he wasn't alright. He was just plain miserable and guilty. Instead of spewing his deepest thoughts on Will and Connor, Jay rolled on his side a bit and dozed off, letting the group know he needed some alone time. Will and Rhodes got up and left, standing on the other side of the glass door, keeping it cracked a small bit. They were speaking in hushed tones, but Jay was able to pick up snippets of the conversation.

"She's…testing…donor." A single eye cracked open, roving till it found the doctors on the other side of the door.

"What?" Will moaned as he opened the door, standing right in the doorway with hands on his hips.

"It's fine, just get some rest." Jay responded by re-opening both eyes and sitting up, ignoring the pain and pulling that caused.

"What's wrong with Hailey?" Quizzical looks came his way, but Rhodes was the one to finally speak.

"She's looking at a kidney transplant in the near future. Sooner rather than later. Other people are being tested but so far, we haven't found a match." And then a very Jay response came next.

"I'll do it." Will crossed his arms and pointed his head to the Heavens, praying for the words to talk Jay out of it.

"Sorry, you just had a major operation twenty-four hours ago. It's too much in a short amount of time," Rhodes replied.

"So what, I can handle it." Will now moaned, fighting the urge to yell.

"You're already down one organ, it's not recommended you lose another."

"But it's my choice. It's my fault she's even here and I have to fix this. Run the tests, but I'm not budging."

"You realize the risk you're putting yourself under?"

"Yes," Jay strongly replied.

"I don't care what happens to me. She needs to get out of here, live a life." Rhodes looked to Will who, against every fiber of his being, gave the go ahead. Connor all but bolted out of the room, phone at his ear and ordering tests and blood draws. Meanwhile, Will finally took a step into Jay's room and closed the door, pulling up a chair and glaring.

"How bad is she," Jay asked?

"Bad. They had her on dialysis and nothing changed. She now dealing with the early stages of organ failure." Through the report, Jay zoned out, staring into the imaginary figure in the corner. His face was ghostly, somehow looking worse than he did yesterday. Will drifted off when the sniffs and tears formed in the corners, lightly placing a hand on Jay's shoulder.

"I know you won't believe me, but this wasn't your fault." Jay didn't break his focus, only raising a hand to his eye.

"It was evil minded people crashing into the plan. You couldn't have seen it coming. It was nobody's fault."

"You're right, I won't believe you." Will smirked, slightly moaning as he patted Jay's back.

"Can you do one thing for me?" The person in the bed didn't budge.

"Don't slip away." Will meant every meaning.

"I'll be fine. I have to fix this." The nurse knocked on the door at this point, holding up the vials and catheter for testing. Will didn't speak to Jay, letting his words float into the air. He stood outside as the draws, scans, and tests were conducted. In the far corner of his mind, Will couldn't help but feel his brother was knowingly embarking on a deadly mission.

In soap opera, cheesy television fashion, Jay was a perfect match for Hailey. Things began to move quickly. Jay was sleeping when Hailey was taken upstairs, so he missed seeing her come by his room. The sleeping beauty was awoken late in the afternoon, a clipboard bursting with papers for him to sign was handed over before getting whisked away. He didn't bat an eye, just signed and asked to get the show on the road. On the ride up, gone was the emotionless side of Jay. Will noticed the perpetual tapping of his hand on the sheets, his head would pivot from door to medical team to his hands. He wasn't on heart monitors, but Will would've bet money they'd be displaying a flying rate. The elevator door rolled open, allowing Jay and the gang to see the OR suite doors swing on their hinges, letting people know they missed Hailey by just that much.

Pre-op was simple, just removing drainage tubes from the splenectomy and prepping the side for its' incoming poking and prodding. The twitching and world gazing transitioned into deep breaths and arm flinging. It looked like Jay had just bent his finger wrong, shaking off the nagging pain. The nurses left after everything was in place and connected, checking to see if the runway for the transplant was clear. Will waited till the door was closed to finally talk to Jay.

"Well the good news is that if you're ever shot on the left side, there won't be anything major in the way." Jay cocked his head, almost in disgust and annoyance.

"What?!" Will laughed.

"You're already down a spleen and now your kidney is going, there isn't a whole lot left." Jay chuckled, resuming his pre-game routine.

"Nervous?"

"No."

"Right. Your body says otherwise."

"This just needs to work," Jay replied, his voice sounding on the verge of tears. Will sat on the edge of the bed, trying his best to remain in doctor mode.

"Hey, it's going to. You both are going to be ok." For the first time in this whole episode, Jay agreed. Wiping away a tear as he nodded. The OR nurse entered the room, letting them know it was time. Will offered to walk with Jay to the doors, receiving a head shake. Jay said he wanted to do it on his own. The two brothers hugged for a moment before Jay was pulled away. Will watched from the doorway, witnessing Jay get pushed down the hall and around the corner. It's so strange, standing on the sidelines. You wish there was a way to tag in, take up the fight for the greater good. But alas, Will couldn't do more than sit in his seat, blindly hope and wait for a victory.

Whatever relaxing drug they gave him was anything but mild. He knew the second it was inserted. He went from aware of his surroundings to just floating, drifting in and out of remembering where he was and what was happening. He could hear talking and laughing, but it was like they were in another room. Jay was terrified he'd do or say something out of character. He liked being in control so this out-of-body experience was more horrific than the surgery. It was when they transferred him from gurney to bed that he saw her. She was intubated and lacking in life. He could only see the top half of her, but it was enough to scare him. He'd seen people in need of medical attention, but never someone he deeply loved and cared for. You'd think it would all be the same, but it really isn't. He wanted to call her name, but realized an answer wouldn't be coming.

His last memory of her was full of life, happiness, perfection. He didn't recall the scene in the van or the ED and he made it a point to not see her in here, this weigh station between life and death. Now getting that quick snapshot of her, Jay's decision was solidified. Screw it if he made it or not, she had to. It wasn't an option. He was second to her well being. He was the key to keeping her safe and walking out the hospital doors. Whatever pain or difficulty he was about to endure was worth it, it was her living or bust. A nurse got close to Jay's ear now, calmly telling him it was time. Jay forced himself away from Hailey, almost happy to have the clear mask placed over his face.

"Count down from ten," she told Jay. He didn't hesitate.

"10…9…8…"

People never talk about what happens during surgery. Now of course, we've seen things from the surgeon or family's perspective, but never from the patient. Let's do a little exercise. Close your eyes, count to five, and then open. That's literally what it's like to undergo surgery. There is no dreaming or hearing things or living in an alternate life. You don't remember falling asleep and you really don't recall the hours your under general anesthesia. To the patient, it's like taking a long blink. Jay's instance wasn't any different from the norm. He somewhat remembers passing out, but has nothing for the three hours he was under. The same voice who told him to count backwards was the one who told him it was done. The drugs made his eyelids feel like cement, but he would never forget the pain, nausea, and soreness radiating off his body. His throat was sore from the breathing tube and his left side was highly sensitive, like someone gently brushed a blanket on him and he flinched. An ever so soft moan working its' way out of his closed mouth. The world moved around and under him. Every turn and holdup was felt. And an eternity later, he was parked somewhere. People were quiet and he appreciated it. Someone whispered some fact or update but he was too exhausted to comprehend. Things were still, seeming to push him back to sleep, which he easily obliged.

A hand fell on his right one at some point further in time. The idea of moving was too much of a chore, but Jay found the energy to twitch a finger. On the off chance it was Hailey, but it was most likely Will, Jay didn't want to waste the opportunity to tell the person he was fine. He was awarded a small squeeze, praising Jay for not giving up. Unconsciousness tapped on the door and Jay quickly allowed it in.

Coughing and gagging greeted him some time later. His eyelids still wouldn't open, but everything else was more alert. People were praising, but he wasn't sure why he deserved the attention. He fell asleep for several hours, something that everyone does. But it was new voices that connected the dots. A female voice was sniffing, blowing their nose before apologizing. The deep, quiet voice was a dead give away for Atwater. Then the female voice let out a greeting, realizing they weren't close enough to be talking to him. It was time to wake up.

His first sight was her. She was opening her mouth and smiling. It was weak, but it was undeniably Hailey. Now looking around, Jay saw they were back in a hospital room, but this one was bigger than the first one. There was a window on the far left side. Its' curtains were pushed back, letting the room's occupants know daylight was right around the corner. Jay's scattered mind recalled it growing dark when he went upstairs. Making it that he, or they, made it through another night. Jay's eyes lazily looked over to the noise on his right. It was Atwater's voice he heard and the female was actually Kim. They were hovering over a bed, faces beaming. It didn't take Jay long to realize what was going on.

"Hey," he called out, his voice still rough from the tube and not talking for awhile. Kim looked up from her spot and found him, grinning ear-to-ear.

"Hey, you're awake. Look who's also up!" They both stepped away, allowing Jay to get a good look at her. She was tired, that was expected. But it was her. There was this glow, light about her. She was down for the count, but she was far from out. The two of them locked eyes for a moment, Hailey smirking a goofy smile as she watched Jay try to sit up.

"Don't get up," she begged him, but Jay didn't listen. The pain was far worse than the first surgery and he was donning more wiring and drainage tubes, but it all was second to getting up and seeing her. Kevin hurriedly walked to Jay's bed, offering a hand in getting him upright and hanging his feet over the bed.

"Jay, do not get up," Hailey commanded.

"I'm not," Jay replied, the rest of the room not believing him. Jay made a face at Kevin who made a face at Kim who jumped when the messaged went through.

"We need to.."

"-We're going to let you guys get some rest." The two of them tripped over each other as they left, handing out well wishes and promises to return as they slid the door closed. Jay gave them an odd look as they waved on the other side of the door. Eventually, they left Hailey and Jay alone.

"Did you hear?"

"What you did?"

"What? No. Kelton" Hailey shook her head.

"He's dead. Killed in his home a couple of nights ago, last night, I don't know. No one can contact or find Voight and Antonio has checked out. Oh, and Adam.."

"-Yeah, I know that part." Jay nodded, hanging is head as the room filled with silence.

"Voight was here that night and…before he left, he said something about me running the unit and…I don't know…" Hailey worked herself into a sitting position. She winced while grabbing for her side, but soon she and Jay had their feet hanging over their beds.

"So it's just us. The four of us."

"Yeah." She looked over to Will, who was standing outside the door, coffee and food in hand.

"What happens now?"

"I have no idea." Hailey shrieked watching Will's coffee cup splat against the door, his face extra bright red as the brown liquid ran down the glass. He opened the door to a chorus of laughter and groans, taking a bow for his clownish routine.

"What are you two doing? It's not like you just got through major surgery or anything." With Will's assistance, they both were returned to plush pillows and sheets were tucked in.

"I'm going grab another coffee. I'll be back in a second." Jay was dozing off when Will disappeared down the hall. Hailey on the other hand was wide awake.

"Hey."

"What," Jay grunted through his sleep.

"Thank you. You know none of this was your fault, right?" Silence from the other bed.

"Jay."

"Huh," he grunted.

"Did you hear what I said."

"Yeah. But the good news is that I'm now going where you go."

"What?" If she could, she'd reach over and smack him for that odd, super cheesy comment.

"Jay." Snores and deep breathing were all she got and honestly, that was enough.

Was this stretching the power and miracle of medicine? Should this have been separated into two chapters? Was it cheesy and the longest thing I've ever written? A resounding yes to all of the above. To those that made it to the end, congrats! I feel the need to explain why things turned out the way they did. I couldn't picture Jay walking away from Hailey and shutting her out. There is a serious, potential love thing happening with them, I can't imagine a scenario where he walks away and doesn't find a way to help. I can totally see him blaming himself for anything that happened to her and then deciding it was up to him to correct the wrong. Did Hailey save him in this story? Not really. In a way, she gave him the opportunity to examine himself, dig deep into his feelings. Through this ordeal, he finally realized he cannot live without her. Had this never happened, who knows when things would've kicked into gear. I hope this satisfies what you guys were looking for. Onto the next one! Thank you for reading!