AN: Drabble central...enjoy :)

Summary: Hey Carter Q9, Jack is first through the gate but not all goes as planned and so a little worse for wear he asks Sam another impossible question. Season 3-5 K+ rated Humour/Friendship.


HEY CARTER: QUESTION 9: "WHY ARE THERE ALWAYS STEPS?"


He was three-quarters of the way through his departure step when Jack O'Neill heard his 2IC's warning shout.

"Wait!" she called...but it was too late.

"Oh, sh-" The disorientating whoosh took him...tumbling, tugging, disappearing and de-fragmenting.

The gate spat him out in a gut-churning sequence of events.

Reintegration... ... ...weightlessness...blue...brown, sky, stone, sky, treeline, stone, contact-contact-contact, dirt, darkness...silence...stillness... ... ...pain.

"Ow!" he choked hoarsely, trying hard to breathe. He was winded and still a little disorientated. He rolled onto his back and blinked at the deep blue above him. "Wait she says." he groused quietly to himself as he tried to figure out exactly what happened. "Wait...but it's too late, it's always too late." White fire ripped upwards from his elbow to his neck as he attempted to flex his fingers.

The distinctive sound of movement through the event horizon close by caused him to pause mid-movement and arrested his self-piteous groan. He listened...one stepped through, two, three then that familiar fading shimmering sound that would soon be followed by the sharp cutting out snap, but he never heard that bit.

"Sir! Are you alright?" Carter's footsteps on stone, clearly she had been the first through.

"Jack!" Daniel's surprised squawk came next.

Teal'c no doubt was sweeping the surrounding area.

Sam face appeared above him, sideways to his way of thinking. "Are you alright?" she repeated, eyes wide, hand on his arm, instantly searching, her fingers and her vision assessing. She was almost panicked.

"Carter?" Jack forced out, his voice still slightly wispy and breathless from being winded.

"Yeah Sir?"

"Why are there always steps?"

"Sir?" Sam inquired curiously, shifting at his side, leaning further in over him. She was listening but still checking him over. Automatically he reached up and gripped her wrist with his right hand to stop her curious fingers from finding and hurting his damaged left shoulder.

"Every time the gate malfunctions and spit me out hard, why are there always steps?"

Carter's mouth 'Oh-ed' above him, clearly she had no answer to that...but then again it was a rather unexpected question.

Daniel's face appeared. "There are almost always steps Jack, even when it doesn't spit you out."

"Thank's Daniel, that's...useful." Jack sighed and finally allowed the tension to leave his body for the first time since reaching P3-who-the-frick-gives-a-damn-anymore. "Oi vey, that hurts." he breathed, closing his eyes.

"Shoulder again, Sir?" Carter inquired albeit unnecessarily.

"M'fine." Jack assured her tiredly and attempted to move towards sitting up.

"Don't...not yet, Sir. I think your shoulder is-" but it was too late, he learned what she was about to say for himself.

"Oh ye gods!" Jack stomach whirled as a furnace of electric fire tore through his whole being, pinning him back onto the dirt with enough force to make him want to vomit.

"-dislocated." Sam finished.

"Ya think?" Jack bit out as he reached across to feel the damage for himself. Yeah definitely dislocated.

Ignoring the pain and Carter's protests Jack sat up and looked about. The planet was pretty standard, pine trees, DHD and the stargate on a stone plinth of one, two, three, four, five steps this time. Daniel stood between him and the gate and Teal'c observed from near the DHD. Cater was still crouched at his side. None of them looked in any way injured. Jack frowned hard and stared at each of them in turn. "How come none of you got hurled out of that thing at high speed?" He grimaced as the directional head nod he gave disturbed the nerve endings under his skin.

"We ah...we had time to not step through until after it stopped, but you stepped through before...befor-" Daniel's voice trailed off under Jack's displeased glare.

"Before what?" Jack snapped.

"Before one of the capacitors malfunction rectified itself. It caused a instantaneous surge at the mouth of the wormhole." Sam looked guiltily at him and continued in a quieter, more apologetic tone. "I tried to warn you, Sir."

Jack took a deep and steadying breath. He was filled with rage but it was not her fault...not really. "Yeah Major, I know. It's just...why me...and why steps?"

The three other members of SG-1 shuffled a bit and glanced at each other, none of them had an answer.

"I mean, we don't have steps, we have a nice metal ramp...much better for crash landing on!"

"O'Neill, as I recall the last time the stargate malfunctioned it was in fact the ramp at the SGC that caused you to injure yourself."

"Teal'c!" Jack practically roared but pulled up short as the effort caused him pain. "Just...dial the damned gate would you?"

"I'll do it." Daniel offered. "Teal'c, you help Sam."

Jack did not argue with Daniel's countermanding his orders, he could not be bothered, he just wanted to go home. He was hurt and he was embarrassed and that pissed him off more than the pain did. "You know I hate it when this happens!" He looked at his 2IC.

"Yes Sir." Sam answered diligently before she gingerly slipped a hand in around his waist on his injured side.

"Easy." Jack warned her and then glanced at Teal'c who was now preparing to support most of his weight.

"On three." Sam ordered. "One, two, three..."

"Oh mother of good clean..." Jack forced out as he was levered to his feet. He pushed Teal'c back and stabilised himself square inside his own boots.

"Bad?" Sam asked, mirroring his grimace and watching him grip tight to his injury, his wrist limp.

Jack twitched his head at a slight angle. "It's not good Major." he admitted and with that the gate splashed open. He stared at it for a moment, then not wanting to appear weak he drew himself up to his maximum height. "Shall we?"

"Let's go." Sam agreed and after checking that Daniel had finished pushing the buttons on his GDO, she took half a step to the side.

"Aht, aht, aht." Jack warned as Sam dropped further back behind him. "You can go first...all of you!" he ordered sharply and pointed at the menacing ring. No way, no how was he going to be the one who got spat out again if it all went wrong. "And you can keep going first until we find a planet with no damn steps on the other side!" he grumbled. His face suddenly set even grimmer than before, he swore he could see his Major trying hard not to smile as she set her foot on the first step. She was probably amused by the irony of his statement, the planet they were about to go to, Earth, did not have steps on the other side.

Settling himself he watched his team go through and hesitating slightly he tensed his body before taking that homeward step. "It's a ramp, not steps." he reminded himself as the tug of the wormhole once again stole him away.

END


AN: Hehe, poor Jack! :( More to follow as and when :)