Hey everyone, sorry for the long wait. Thank you very much too all my reviewers. Hope you enjoy. Thanks again.
Agent T
After months of recovery Ziva was finally discharged. Tony was present the day of her release, a wide smile plastered upon his face, and trembling hands due to nervousness and excitement. Although Ziva was stronger and able to walk a few steps without tiring, the doctor advised her to stay in bed and rest.
Tony, still worried for Ziva's condition, offered to take in Ziva, giving her access to all his films and food items. Just as she was about to decline Tony immediately interjected with comments of how he had the comfiest bed, surround sound, unlimited amount of cinema classics, and of course pizza. Ziva could not help but smile at his persistence.
"Look, Tony, I will be fine just-" Tony cut her off.
"No, hey, you can sleep on my bed I'll sleep on the couch, you can watch any movies you want and I'll even be your own personal butler. Anything you want or need you could just ask me and I'll run down to the store and get it. And get this, the store is only five minutes from my place so you won't have to wait that long and-" Ziva was losing her patience.
"Tony!" He stared at Ziva wide eyed and waited for her to continue. "No."
Tony's smile faded and Ziva noticed his shoulders fall. He sighed with disappointment just as the nurse walked into the room to move Ziva into a wheelchair to take her downstairs, she of course debated.
"I can walk-" The nurse shushed Ziva before she could continue, irritating Ziva further.
"No you can't, now its hospital policy that all patients once released must be taken to the entrance of the hospital in a wheelchair, please don't make this any harder than it has to be." The nurse seemed agitated as if she had been though the speech over a thousand times.
Ziva stared at her for a few seconds, glanced at Tony who nodded smiling though clearly still affected by her rejection, and finally caved in and accepted the chair. Once Ziva had been placed in the chair and Tony collected all the items that belonged to Ziva she was wheeled to the elevator which provoked a sense of panic in Ziva almost instantaneously. Since the explosion neither Tony nor Ziva had ridden in an elevator, both who had become anxious at the sight of the metallic doors.
"Is there anyway to avoid using the elevator?" Ziva suddenly asked the nurse.
"How do you expect to make it to the lobby in a wheel chair using the stairs? No, there isn't any way to avoid the elevator." Tony stood behind Ziva grateful for her question then sudden hopelessness when he learned the answer.
He had taken the stairs everyday when he came to visit Ziva, and since the explosion his quads had become exceptionally muscular as did his calves.
There was a ding and the elevator doors opened, Ziva began to breathe heavier as flashbacks of the accident flooded her thought process. Tony bit his lip, agitated by the metal compartment. The nursed wheeled Ziva in and turned her chair to face the doors. Tony did not move and the nurse was forced to hold the open door button.
"You coming or what?" The nursed asked after a few moments with no response.
Ziva looked at Tony fearfully and he mustered all his courage and answered, "Of course."
Tony locked eyes with Ziva as he stepped into the elevator, the first elevator he had stepped into in months, and stood right next to Ziva's right side. He moved all the items he had collected from Ziva's room to his right arm so his left hand was free. Ziva noticed and clutched his free left hand.
They shared a moment of eye contact before looking up at the number panel signifying which floor they were on. Tony and Ziva were on the third floor of the hospital.
Three floors, that's it just three floors. Tony thought to himself, trying to be brave despite being as nervous as Ziva.
The nurse released the open door button and the elevator doors closed both Tony and Ziva held their breath. Ziva's hand quivered fearfully in Tony's hand and he tightened his grip to an almost painful hold.
Ding. Two more floors.
Ziva involuntary gasped at the ding due to her currently overactive senses. The nurse momentarily glanced at her face, then, returned her attention to a spot she had been staring at on the floor.
Ding. One more floor.
Ziva's heart beat wildly in her chest; her body felt unnaturally chilly inside from the overflow of adrenaline pumping through her veins, her breathing was ragged. Tony wasn't in a better position. He gripped her hand tighter, and Ziva was sure the hold would leave a bruise but the pain he inflicted was strangely comforting, like she was safe no matter where she was. She tightened her grip.
Ding.
The elevator doors opened revealing the lobby; both Tony and Ziva exhaled sharply, Ziva smiled as the nursed wheeled her to the door.
"Jeez, have you two never been in an elevator before?" The nursed asked once she noticed their excitement of being freed from the elevator.
Tony was about to answer her when Ziva interrupted, "Yes, we have. I died in one."
Although it pained Tony to know Ziva was speaking the truth, he forced himself to stifle a laugh when he noticed the look of horror the nurse had before she wheeled Ziva to the doors and retreated to her duties.
"Well, that shut her up." Tony laughed when Ziva and he were finally alone; she returned his smile and stared at him quizzically.
"What?" Tony asked, curiosity getting the better of him.
"Nothing, I was just…" Ziva trailed off.
"Yes?"
"I was just thinking that a few days at your place would not hurt." Ziva looked at him sheepishly, wondering if he was still willing to offer her his place.
"Yeah?" He asked hopefully, a small hint of a smile appearing at the corners of his mouth.
"If you are still willing to-" Ziva need not say anymore as Tony had already begun to help her from her wheelchair and to his car causing a chuckle to escape from Ziva's lips.
He opened the car door for her and placed her things in the back seat, half running to the driver side he place the key in the ignition and the car roared to life. Ziva watched his face in wonder, he had a wide smile on his face and his eyes had a particularly precious sparkle.
They sat in silence as Tony drove; Ziva admired the trees and buildings as they glided by. Once every few minutes Tony would steal a glance toward Ziva when she wasn't looking but she felt his eyes and smiled her checks ached and only then did she realized she had been smiling the entire car ride. She felt silly, but did not ponder the idea for long because they had arrived at, The Blue Lagoon, Tony's apartment complex.
She silently laughed at the name, and grew excited for this was the first visit to Tony's apartment.
"Well, this is it." He stated and Ziva looked through her window at the tall building before her.
Tony couldn't help but smile at her awed reaction. Ziva quickly observed her surrounding as Tony drove through the security gate and into the parking garage. There was a large black gate surrounding the building, covered by wild flowers and vines.
It almost seemed fairytale like. Ziva lived in nothing compared to the luxurious apartment complex and silently wondered how Tony had managed to afford such a lovely place. It was as if Tony could read her mind when he suddenly began to explain how he had come to live in, The Blue Lagoon.
"When I worked homicide at Baltimore, I met a lot of people and one of my buddy's uncles owns this place. He offered me a great room with cheap rent, on the second to last floor the 43rd floor. Sorry Ziva, but seeing as you're fresh out of the hospital I think we're gonna have to take the elevator again. I've been taking the stairs ever since…" Tony trailed off and Ziva looked at him, he had his eyes glued to the windshield.
"Well, at least I have legs of steel now." Tony laughed humorlessly, Ziva continued to stare at him sympathetically.
She could tell he was still bothered by their near death experience probably just as much as she was, though she would never admit it and neither would he. As Tony drove through the parking garage, slowly making his way to his assigned spot, Ziva asked for an update on the rest of the team; Tony jumped on the opportunity to change the subject.
"Well the Duck man has gotten better, and he has been out of the hospital for about two weeks but they're keeping him in Florida until Gibbs thinks he's okay to travel. Gibbs said they should be heading back to D.C in about a week or so." Tony finally parked in a space directly across from the stairs and elevators.
Just the sight of the metallic doors made the couple uneasy and neither made any move to exit the car. Tony turned the key, shutting off the ignition while they both sat in a silence for a few moments; Tony's hands awkwardly remained at the steering wheel. Ziva had been meaning to ask Tony a question and thought this was the best moment and took advantage.
"Tony?" She began, Tony turned his head to look at her; her head was slightly bent down as she fiddled with her fingernails.
He waited for her to continue, and watched as she struggled formulating the question she was about to ask.
"Has the FBI found Dearing?" The question was like a bucket of ice water falling over Tony head; it took strength to regain ability to speak.
"Um…I…no." His grip tightened on the steering wheel as anger poured throughout his system.
FBI had taken over the case after the incident, claiming that NCIS was in no position to be following a case, but rather recovering from their disastrous attack.
"Any leads?" Ziva hesitated for a moment then pushed on, noticing Tony's reaction.
"I don't know." He answered honestly, the FBI wouldn't tell him anything.
"Why not?"
"Because Ziva! I'm not on the case! I'm not FBI. I did ask them and I've been trying to see if I can help. I went to Fornell but he wouldn't tell me anything either. They all tell me the same thing. 'Those details are classified, I'm sorry Agent DiNozzo.' 'I'm sorry, but I'm not at liberty to tell you those details, I could transfer you to the Director if there are any further problems.' 'That case is classified Agent DiNozzo, I could communicate yo with the lead investigator.'" Tony mimicked the formal voices of the FBI personal, and Ziva knew it was useless to ask the FBI for answers.
"Gibbs probably knows." Ziva muttered quietly trying to calm Tony by placing her hand on his shoulder; he relaxed immediately and apologized for his out burst.
"We're gonna get him. Okay." Ziva comforted him with the memory hidden behind the meaning of her words and the corners of Tony's lips twitched up just a bit before falling again into a tight line.
Tony looked through the windshield at the elevator doors, shook his held, released his grip on the steeling wheel and dropped his hands into his lap. Ziva grew curious to know the reason behind his reaction.
"What?" She asked quietly.
"Because of that jackass…I can't even take the damn elevator to my own home." He huffed and shook his head again dropping his head to look at his hands in his lap.
"Yes you can." Ziva stated confidently and Tony forced himself to look at her. She saw hopelessness in his eyes.
"Shall we?" Ziva asked, opening the door and slowly stepping out, aware of her weak legs.
Tony swung his door open after quickly retrieving her things from the back seat. Together they walked to the elevator doors, but no matter how much they prepared themselves they both felt the adrenaline rushing through them once again. Tony locked his car doors with the button on his keys then pressed the up button on the elevator panel. Slightly flinching when the elevator dinged signifying its arrival they watched as the doors opened. Neither moved forward, and the doors closed.
"We'll just wait for the next one." Tony spoke, trying to keep himself calm.
"Yes." Ziva responded mostly from nerves.
Tony once again pushed the up button on the elevator panel and waited half hoping the elevator would never come. Ding. Damn it. Tony thought to himself. He forced himself to take a step toward the open doors and froze just before entering. Ziva followed him silently. The doors began to close again, but Ziva threw her hand in between them with a gasp.
"Now or never." Tony stated taking a deep breath and stepping over the threshold once the door had opened.
Ziva stepped with him, each moved with the other neither daring to go alone. When the elevator doors closed and the elevator did not move they both panicked.
"Is it stuck?" Tony asked nervously.
Ziva looked at the floor buttons on the elevator panel and laughed, more due to relief then actual humor, as she noticed they hadn't chosen a floor.
"You did not press a button, Tony." She stated matter-of-factly.
"Oh right." He stepped forward clicking the button next to the number forty three and watched as it brighten into a dark red; he made sure he always had some physical contact with Ziva.
The elevator moved shocking Ziva, she gripped Tony's left arm then hugged it while she buried her face in his chest. Tony was too nervous to notice and instinctively wrapped his arms around her.
Ding. First floor, forty two more to go.
Tony focused on breathing as nausea slowly started to creep into his system. Ziva used both her hands to hold onto Tony, his shirt was wrinkling in her tight grip, her eyes were shut, her breathing increased pace as did her heart and Tony's. Neither moved, to frighten of the contraption they found themselves in.
Ding. Tenth Floor.
Tony's fear lessened just a bit to squeeze out a comment.
"Hey Ziva, we're almost there. Just a couple more minutes." Ziva didn't respond, she stood frozen in his embrace.
Ding. Twenty Fifth floor.
Ziva's knees shock and she feared they wouldn't hold her. She was weak and the adrenaline rush she had previously experienced in the hospital elevator did nothing to aid her now.
Ding. Thirtieth floor.
Ziva hadn't calmed and she had begun to tremble. Tony didn't notice as his attention was locked on the number panel of the elevator. Ziva panicked.
"Tony." She managed a choked gasp and Tony pried his attention away from the elevator panel to look at her.
Her eyes were shut, her knuckles were white from holding him so tightly for so long, and she was shaking from weakness and fear. He squeezed her body against him hoping she'd find comfort in his warmth.
Ding. Thirty Fifth floor.
Tony's body automatically tensed at the sound of ding, while Ziva held her breath.
Ding. Fortieth floor.
"Hang in there Ziva; we only have three more floors to go." Tony's voice gave out on the last word. Ziva wanted it over, she wanted out.
"Please." She whispered barely audible, her voice constricted with fear.
Ding. Forty third floor.
The elevator stopped and it seemed like an eternity until the elevator doors finally opened. Ziva breathed and Tony guided both of them out of the elevator when Ziva was clearly unable to take a step on her own. Without breaking there embrace he walked her down the hall to his apartment.
Both their breathing regulated, and when Ziva felt calm enough she release her hold on him long enough for him to reach for his keys. It was then Ziva noticed how nervous Tony had been. His fingers shook viciously to the point where he dropped the keys he quickly bent down and retrieved them and tried again.
He succeeded opening the door and ushered Ziva to follow him. She obediently did as he asked. Ziva, at any other time would have looked around curiously observing his natural habitat, but after her forty three floors in an elevator all she could think about was holding Tony again.
She ignored his apartment and stared at him as he turned to face her. Beams of sweat had formed on his forehead and his face was beat red. Her arms were to her chest hugging herself, until she took a step closing the distance between them and hugging him once again. He didn't fight her, he need her comfort just as much as she needed his. She pressed her face against his chest until she couldn't breathe, he could feel something wet and warm on his chest and realized she was crying.
Ziva quickly turned her head to wipe the tears and breathe. He rested his head on her hair and it felt like days before they finally released each other. They seemed to have calmed down although it wouldn't be for a few hours until they would actually be alright.
Now, with a clearer head, Ziva was able notice her surroundings. His apartment was lavished with mahogany browns and black leathers. He had a television set with a plasma screen TV and DVD's all around it. Stacks upon stacks of movies lay around the TV.
She laughed, once having imaged what Tony's apartment looked like, and she had imaged the movies and large TV. Tony quickly moved to the black leather sofa positioned in front of the TV, and to the side of his favorite recliner, and removed old take out boxes and files (paperwork) which he had brought from work.
"I'm sorry it's a bit of a mess." Tony apologized, his voice still a bit unsteady form the ride in the elevator; Ziva paid little attention as she was drawn to a bookshelf in the far corner of the room, by the recliner and a lamp sitting on a little table.
It looked like the perfect place to read. She scanned over the books before she was interrupted by a noise. Ziva spun her heal to find Tony open a sliding glass door that opened up to a balcony.
"Scared of heights?" He asked her as he gestured for her to follow him outside, she didn't need to answer him.
They both stood on his balcony overlooking a beautiful lake; Ziva's jaw dropped just a little but composed her self quickly.
"It's very beautiful here." She stated quietly taking a deep breath of fresh air.
"Yeah, I like to come out here sometimes and…think. You know you can see the sunrise from here and sometimes the sky is this mixture of pink, orange, and red. It looks like cotton candy. Some days when it's somewhat cloudy out but there's sunlight shooting through the clouds its like heaven is reaching down, the angels are touching the ground. I like to think of them making the world a better place. I like those days. I like those days a lot." Ziva watched him mesmerized as she listened intently at his discretion of the sky.
She felt peaceful, finally safe.
He leaned on the balcony using his forearms to keep him up as clasped hands hung off the other end. His eyes drifted toward the lake where Ziva noticed a kayak drifting through the water. She walked to his side, not touching him, not saying a word, only watching his facial expression and listening for anything else he wished to tell her.
"On bad days, I like to come out here and watch people having the time of their lives with their families. People go camping around the lake here all the time and you can see the kids playing kick ball, and the parents sitting around talking and drinking beers. Laughing, telling stories, playing pranks on each other. And I just… I just, I hate them for it. I hate them, and I hate myself for hating them because I don't want to hate them but…I do." Ziva watched him carefully as he bit his lip to keep it from quivering.
"They all look so happy, with their families. There own perfect lives while I just sit up here alone watching them, hoping that one day…one day…I'll be able to find a love like theirs." Ziva didn't know how to reaction or what to say so she listened letting him know she was there.
"I guess I'm just not cut out to be…I guess I'm just meant to be alone." Tony hung his head defeated and Ziva now knew exactly what to say.
"Tony," She lifted his chin to look at her, eyes locked and she continued, "You are never alone."
That moment, that single moment, that single sentence is all it took.
He looked at her like she had just solved the greatest problem the earth had ever beheld before leaning down and crushing his lips to hers. Her lips were soft, but firm with desire and hopes. While the kiss held fiery passion it also consumed a smoldering patience, a tenderness that was sweetly torturous.
He pulled away searching her eyes for any rejection, any doubt, there was none. Their lips met once again almost frantic this time, urgency spilling out from both of them. The sun was setting as they broke away both desperately in need of air. Their eyes locks, but neither said anything, for both were unsure of what to say or for that matter what to do, but it was clearly neither one regretted their actions.
They settled with watching the sunset, and the way the sky fluctuated between pink, orange, red, purple, dark blue, and finally black. The air grew colder and Ziva's legs were already giving out from the overuse of the day. Tony noticed and led her back through the sliding glass door, which he closed once he had passed through making sure to lock it before he returned his attention to her. She had made her way back to the bookshelf and begun flipping through one book.
Tony couldn't see the title.
"You can read whatever you like and, um, this recliner is the best for reading if you have trouble sleeping. I'm gonna go get ready for bed, you can look around if you like, make yourself feel at home." She smiled at him and nodded.
He figured he should have said that earlier but with the small shock in which they had arrived he assumed everything was backwards anyway. As he was brushing his teeth the fact that he had kissed Ziva was beginning to sink in and he had to keep reminding himself it wasn't a dream.
He wasn't sure how to react, how to face her, how to proceed so he just went on instinct. Once, he finished changing into cleaner more comfort clothes he made his way back to the living room where he had originally left Ziva, she wasn't there.
She wouldn't leave. Would she? He thought to himself, suddenly felling like he had been punched in the gut.
"Ziva?" He called out.
"I'm in here Tony." Relief washed over him and he followed her voice to his…bedroom.
Tony had to admit, he had dreamt about this moment to many times; unfortunately they were just that: dreams, fantasies, completely unrealistic.
He opened his bedroom door, and found Ziva sitting cross legged on the foot of the bed, reading. Yep, just dreams.
Tony covered up his mild disappointment by informing her he would take the sofa and she would take the bed she as she was in a more fragile state then he.
"We can share the bed Tony." She stated and Tony felt tempted to accept but decided against it seeing as they had indeed kissed only a few hours ago.
"Um, that's okay. I'll be fine on the couch." Tony replied nervously.
"Nothing stopped you in Paris." She looked up from her book to his face, a devilish smirk plastered on her face.
"Yeah, well…" He couldn't think of anything else to say so he simply stared at her expectantly.
"We can share the bed then, agreed?" She waited for his answer.
He huffed, "Fine."
"However, you try anything, and I will hurt you. Clear?" She looked at him seriously.
"Crystal." He stated a bit sourly, causing her to smile, leading on his smile.
Ziva place her book on the bed and went to the bathroom to brush her teeth with an extra toothbrush Tony had provided her. He searched threw his drawers for clothing she could change into. When she finished brushing her teeth Tony arrived in the bathroom doorway with a pair of black sport shorts and an old Ohio football sweater.
He closed the door behind him and made his way back to his…their…his bedroom and picked up the book she had chosen. Stephen King's, "It" one of his favorite books. He smiled to himself and placed the book the nightstand when he heard her walking door the hallway.
Tony stopped breathing when he saw her in his clothes. It made her look even more…attractive. Ziva noticed his staring, and decided to comment.
"See something you like?" She stifled a laugh when he looked at her with panicked eyes like a kid that just got catch taking a cookie out of the cookie jar right before dinner.
Tony felt foolish, he thought he had better self control. Ziva flipped the light switch and walked over to her side of the bed. Tony tensed, his dreams suddenly flashing through his head. He shut his eyes tightly forcing his mind to concentrate on anything but…that.
Once, under the covers Ziva sighed and turned away from him, while he turned the opposite way from her. She could smell his cologne and deodorant and she relished in his scent. Just as she was dozing off Tony called her named she answered.
"I never told you this, but when we were in the elevator…and you…" Tony hesitated, Ziva turned to face him, and he followed her movements.
Now, face to face, he continued.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." He stated barely audible and Ziva didn't understand the reason behind his apology.
"Why are you apologizing?"
"Because I thought that you weren't going to make it. Because I let you…die." The last word died on his tongue.
"Tony, you didn't let me die. It's not your fault it has never been your fault." Tony looked at her using the moonlight shining through the bedroom window to make out her features.
After a few moments she saw him nod and she turned to her side once again leaving him facing the back of her head. He slowly turned opposite her.
"Goodnight, Tony." There was no answer and as she sat between consciousness and unconsciousness she could have sworn she heard him whisper, "I love you." It must have just been a dream.
Just a dream.
