A/N: Thank you, elbeewoods.
I own nothing.
Thank you to my guest(s) for your kind reviews.
Jax's hair was still damp as he hurriedly secured his helmet and put on his sunglasses. The good citizens of Charming were still at breakfast so there was practically no traffic on the residential streets. The day was going to be a beautiful one – the sky was a bright blue and the sun provided a gentle warmth on Jax's face. As Jax's bike closed its approach to Tara's house he tapered the speed on his motorcycle until he came to a complete stop. He then cut the ignition and rolled his motorcycle into a parking spot two blocks from Tara's house.
This was the first official day of Jax and Tara being girlfriend and boyfriend. Jax and Tara had spent the rest of last evening in each other's arms, and had talked until Tara's father came home unexpectedly. It had never occurred to Jax until then that Gerald Knowles could have a huge impact on his and Tara's relationship. Before Tara Jax wouldn't have given a rat's ass about a girl's father and the dad's impression of him. Now that opinion had changed and he doubted he would earn any points if he swaggered out of Tara's bedroom door at midnight, not to mention the trouble he would cause for Tara. Tara and Jax's only option was for him to leave out her bedroom window. Tara cut on her radio alarm clock and acknowledged her father's presence while Jax opened her window fully. It was a bit of a contortionist's act – Tara's window was standard-sized, the window didn't raise above a couple of feet and Jax was six feet tall. Jax couldn't help but smile at the memory. He couldn't believe the things he was already doing for his girlfriend. His girlfriend.
The drama of last night should have given Jax pause but it didn't. If anything, it irritated him to have his time with Tara shortened even though it was practically midnight when he left. The interruption spurred Jax into waking as soon as the sunbeams hit his bedroom window; Jax grabbed a towel for his shower and washed in haste. His mother was preparing coffee in the kitchen when Jax walked in. Gemma wore a silk robe while Clay sat at the kitchen table with a mug in his hand. If Jax wasn't so concerned about seeing Tara he would have been angered by Clay's early arrival; right now he just rolled his eyes and decided to compartmentalize it for later. Jax took a quick gulp out of his mother's coffee mug, told her not to expect him early, and walked towards the door.
Jax parked away from Tara's house for two reasons: he wanted to surprise Tara with his unexpected day off from the shop and because he didn't want to spook Tara's dad. Jax figured no father would be thrilled about his daughter talking to a boy with a motorcycle license.
As Jax began unbuckling his helmet his eye caught an unexpected movement on one of the nearby lawns. He was shocked to see a pretty girl in a Pink Floyd sweatshirt cutting chrysanthemums from several neighbor's lawns. Jax smirked. His girl was full of surprises.
Jax sauntered across the empty street as quietly as his Adidas would allow. It would be easier to walk up on Tara while her back was towards him and she was in the midst of swiping red and yellow flowers. Jax crept towards Tara's rear and leaned towards her ponytail. Whispering the word "boo" in Tara's ear produced the desired effect: a girly squeal popped from her lips as she turned her body towards the voice.
"Jax!" Tara's eyes widened and a huge smile appeared on her lips as her arms encircled his neck. "You creep! You know there are laws against stalking, right?"
"Just trying to show my affection," Jax chuckled as he returned Tara's hug with his own. Jax couldn't resist a quick kiss before nodding towards the gardening shears and flowers in Tara's hands. "You know there's laws against property damage, too." Jax laughed when Tara's cheeks flushed at the comment.
"It's all for a good cause," explained Tara as she swatted a piece of mulch off her jeans. "And I only steal flowers from bitches." Tara smiled at Jax mysteriously. "Want to see why?" Jax nodded.
Tara craned her neck when she realized she hadn't heard a motorcycle rumble to announce Jax's presence. "Where did you park?" Jax bent his neck in the Dyna's direction. "Pull up your bike and I'll meet you at the curb." Jax obliged and jogged back to his bike.
Tara was standing at the corner, her saddlebag full of flowers, when Jax arrived. While Tara put on a helmet he checked out a shiny black Cutlass in her driveway. "That your dad's?" Tara rolled her eyes. "Yeah, he's sleeping off his hangover." Jax had planned to ask Tara about her father's arrival last night, but something about Tara's tone told him to delay the question for another time.
"Where to?" asked Jax after Tara climbed aboard his Harley. "Charming Cemetery," stated Tara as she wrapped her arms tighter around Jax. Jax turned his neck to make sure he heard correctly. Tara raised her voice above the engine's sound. "You heard right." Jax chuckled as he revved his engine and took off. Yeah, his girl was full of surprises.
Jax was surprised to see his bike wasn't the only vehicle in the cemetery's parking lot. Acres of beautiful green lawn rolled behind an ornate black gate and the entire premises held a feeling of serenity for its living visitors. Jax took Tara's saddlebag off her shoulders and carried it as she took his hand and led him through the wrought iron doors. "Is this how you spend your Saturday mornings?" Jax was curious. In all the weeks they'd been together Jax had never thought to ask Tara how she spent her Saturday mornings. He'd just assumed she spent it studying.
"Most of them," Tara replied as if it were normal for a teenager to visit gravesites on a Saturday morning. Jax and Tara continued walking for some distance until they stopped in front of a small but pretty tombstone with engraved flowers. Tara made herself comfortable on the green grass in front of the granite and lightly jerked the saddlebag on Jax's shoulder. Jax relinquished it as he sat down hesitantly. He watched as Tara removed gardening shears, flower picks and a water bottle. Tara busied herself with securing the water picks in the ground before filling them with liquid. She then used her scissors to cut off most of the chrysanthemum stems before inserting them into the tiny picks. Before long a pretty patch of flowers bloomed just underneath the words, "Elaine Knowles, Beloved Wife and Mother." Tara seemed satisfied as she perused her work. "I thought mom could use a little pick-me-up. And dad doesn't say anything but I think he likes it." Tara repacked the saddlebag with the leftover materials before stretching her legs and propping her body weight on her elbows. The sun's brightness brought out the reddish highlights in Tara's locks as she lifted her face towards its rays.
Jax felt surprisingly comfortable considering he was relaxing over the casket of Tara's mother. The stillness of the cemetery felt good, and Jax knew only Tara could make him feel at ease in a place typically known for its sorrow.
"This how your visit usually goes?"
"Mainly." Tara cocked her head towards Jax as if reading his mind. "Leukemia." Jax shook his head in understanding.
Several minutes passed by as they lazed on the cemetery's lawn. There was no conversation, just a gentle hush that engulfed them. Jax had begun to allow the breeze to lure him into sleepiness when Tara began to speak. "Being here reminds me of my father, of how he used to be. It reminds me I don't have to end of up like my parents. I don't have to stay in Charming if I don't want and I definitely don't have to end up as a drunk." Tara stared at her flats as she talked. "Most of Charming would beg to disagree of course." Tara shrugged. "My mom used to tell me I could be or do whatever I wanted and being here reminds me of that."
After several more minutes Tara rose and secured her belongings. "Where's your dad's plot?" Jax looked at Tara incredulously. "What?"
"Your father's grave. Which way?"
Jax could think of a million reasons why he didn't want to pay respects to his father but couldn't think of a way to tell Tara without looking like either a pussy or a prick. It had only been months since JT's death while Tara had had several years to come to grips with her mother's. Anxiety began brewing in the pit of his stomach and he thought he might be sick.
"We don't have to go this time." Jax swallowed hard in an attempt to control his breathing. As reluctant as Jax was about visiting his father's grave he would rather do that than be the cause of Tara's worried look. "It's okay," Jax managed a shaky smile as he rose. "It's just this will be my first official visit." Tara placed her hand on top of Jax's and gently squeezed. "It'll be better than you think."
It took a few missteps before Jax found his bearings, but eventually they found their way to the Veterans memorial section. Jax didn't let go of Tara's hand as he slowly came face-to-face with the tall, distinguished marker that bore the name John Teller. Jax didn't know if it was the sunlight but the grave radiated a peace that took Jax totally by surprise. Jax was scared the feeling was a mirage that was fucking with his emotions but it didn't fade even as he crept closer to the shiny marble. Jax produced an audible exhale and didn't realize how shaky his legs had been until he collapsed on the grass while inadvertently pulling Tara down as well. Jax didn't know how long he took just enjoying the peace and fresh air while Tara leaned her head on his shoulder. Eventually Jax wrapped his arms around Tara. "Thank you," Jax spoke as he buried his face into her hair.
Tara raised her head in confusion. "For what?"
"For doing this. For being here." Jax placed a loving kiss on Tara's lips and smiled.
Jax allowed his entire body to lay prone on his back while Tara lay with her head on his stomach. They stayed in that position for what seemed like hours.
"JT was a great father. Loved my mother and the club. His death totally blind-sided us." Jax absentmindedly reached for his cigarettes but remembered they were at his motorcycle. He decided to close his eyes instead and Tara heard the weariness in his voice. "And now that JT's dead I'm the heir apparent and all of a sudden they have expectations for me. I'm supposed to be preparing for something but I have no idea what that is."
Jax began to check off his dad's accomplishments. "Vietnam vet. Founder and president, Sons of Anarchy Motorcycle Club. Owner of an auto repair shop. Devoted father. Loving husband and friend. How am I supposed to follow in the footsteps of such greatness?" Jax had meant the last words to be biting but they only expressed his sadness and loss and confusion. Tara raised her head to look at Jax. Tears were streaming down his cheeks as he looked up at the sky. Tara took one of Jax's hands and stroked it with her thumb.
"Pretty soon I'll start prospecting for the club. My mind keeps going back and forth and I don't know what to think sometimes." Jax paused. "I don't even know if I want to be in SAMCRO without my dad now that Clay's running things. " Tara squeezed Jax's hand while he continued." JT and I were supposed to run the club together but now it's Clay's club and it's gotten real shady. Some of the brothers don't like it and I guess they're waiting around for me to change the trajectory. My mom says the club's my legacy but I'm pretty sure she's sleeping with Clay. What's that say about loyalty?" Jax's tone was sour as he asked the question.
Jax tried to chuckle. "I don't know which one of us is worse off. You're living under the shadow of a drunk and a woman who felt trapped in Charming. I have to be a good man, whatever that means, and run a motorcycle club. At least your goals are well-defined." Tara couldn't help but chuckle as well. "I have no idea what the club or my mother want from me. But at least your mom gave you a choice." Jax allows his words to dissolve among the breeze before signaling for Tara to rise. Jax's mind felt a calmness he hadn't experienced in God knows when. Jax took Tara's hand. "You wanna make one more stop?"
Jax and Tara walked quietly to the very edge of the cemetery. Colorful benches were located along the lawn's periphery and zoo-animal topiaries were scattered here-and-there. Tara realized this portion of the cemetery was for the parents of deceased children. It was hard to be in this area and not smile. Jax walked gingerly around the grave markers until he came across the desired plaque. Tara followed his footsteps and gazed at the beautiful stone that represented Thomas Teller's presence.
"He was a tough kid." Tara nodded at Jax's declaration. She'd seen Jax's brother at Fun Town and at school functions. She remembered him always having a smile on his face. "I liked being a big brother."
"I don't know what hurts more – losing Thomas or JT," continued Jax. "But I'm happy Thomas won't have to deal with this shitstorm."
Tara wrapped her arms around Jax's waist while looking into his eyes. "You won't be going through it alone." Jax felt a warmth deep inside his chest and actually found himself smiling. "I know, babe. You don't know how much I love you for that."
"You mind holding out a little longer for lunch?" Jax straddled his bike and waited for Tara to join him in the saddle.
"Sure," Tara smiled. "You mind sharing?"
"Nah," teased Jax as Tara slid onto the motorcycle.. "It's a surprise."
The bike ride took them to a dirty looking strip mall about twenty minutes outside of Charming. Tara gazed at the decrepit old store fronts with peeling paint and faded signs. An army surplus store, an adult video store, and a liquor store were sandwiched together beside a placed called "Reaper Ink." Jax dangled their helmets atop the Dyna's handlebars and led Tara into a shop that was actually sanitary-looking on the inside. A small bell tinkled to announce Jax and Tara's entrance and a bald, humorless man greeted them almost immediately. Tara took note of his leather kutte and realized this was a SAMCRO establishment.
"Hey, Happy," Jax threw out while examining the dozens of tattoo designs hanging on every inch of wallspace.
Happy gave Tara a hardened once-over which made her flush. "I know you don't expect me to give girlie a tattoo."
"Her name is Tara and no, it's for me," Jax explained a little irritably. "I want something for my father." Happy took in Jax's statement.
"Your mom sign off on your first ink? Don't have me do something I'll regret."
"Nah, Gemma will be fine. She wouldn't block me paying respects to my old man." Jax winked at Tara, and a huge grin formed on Tara's face. She couldn't help but feel proud. Jax was sharing two firsts with her: visiting his dad's grave and getting his first tattoo.
Jax pored over a design portfolio that specialized in death-themed tattoos. He asked Tara's opinion about every sketch that caught his eye. Together they decided to combine the work of two artists: a quarter moon illuminating the tombstone of John Teller, with mourning trees and vultures completing the scene. Happy simply nodded when Tara explained the symbolism to Jax: the mourning trees represented death, but the vultures symbolized not only death but rebirth as well. "John will always be alive in you," Tara whispered softly, her eyes so sincere that Jax had no choice but to hug Tara and thank God for the gift of her love. "I guess you don't get As in English for nothin'," Jax laughed in Tara's hair while she giggled along.
Happy gave Jax a blunt to dull the needle's pain. He shared it with Tara while the tattoo was embedded into his forearm. "Congratulations," Happy said once he'd finished and admired his work. "One more step towards manhood." Jax rolled his eyes, then gave Tara a smug look. "Won't be long before you're sitting in this chair."
Tara laughed out loud at the thought. "I highly doubt it, Jackson."
"Don't be so quick, babe," Jax drawled. "I can be very persuasive."
