8. On Punity and Pizza Delivery Services
There was no turning back now.
That was the most outspoken thought in Youko's mind as she stared disbelievingly at the brown, wooden door in front her. It was without any eye-attracting detail, without any decoration that would have signalled to the rest of the world that residing behind it was Satou Sei. Everything from the polished frame to the round, metallic doorknob was so clinical and mediocre that Youko had a hard time believing that she had the correct address. Yet she was certain that she had not been mistaken.
It turned out to be even more difficult than she had imagined to knock on the door. She had prepared everything she would say, she had gone everything in her mind a million times, but she dared to venture that her plans would come to nothing as soon as she saw Sei. The presence of the White Rose was not something anyone could control, and Youko knew that every plan she had devised would be battered to nothingness by the forceful rays of Sei's radiance, but they at least offered some solace.
She made feeble attempts to address her dishevelled hair which had suffered greatly in the windy weather, and she checked one more time that her clothes were clean and tidy. She cast a final look upon herself from her pocket-sized mirror. She was wearing a blue cotton blouse over a freshly-ironed pink dress shirt, a cream-coloured skirt that reached to her knees and thin, dark stockings. She did not have high heels, because she had been afraid that with her excited heart she would not be able to walk properly in them. Her gleaming, black hair was still a bit messy, but having forgotten her comb, there was nothing she could do.
Holding her breath, she pressed the doorbell once, twice.
She had never been as afraid in her life as she was during those few seconds directly following the two bright rings. For a moment, she hoped that no-one would open the door, that she would be allowed to leave and regroup and face her destiny another day, but when she heard the approaching footsteps, an odd calm engulfed her. Suddenly, she was not shaking any longer, she was not even frightened. This was something she had to do, for the better or worse.
She ran her fingers through her hair one more time, and just when she had finished the motion, the door opened with a soft click, and warm light flooded the corridor.
"Have you not heard that it is very impolite to show up on someone's door without any warning?"
Even as Sei's voice was strangely monotonic and showed no signs of pleasure at seeing Youko, she went ahead to pour tea for the both of them. What Youko had feared the most was that Sei would turn her away, and as Sei asked her whether she wanted to have biscuits or not, it appeared that at least the worst-case scenario would not materialize.
She eyed wistfully at Sei, who was wearing a green bathrobe which only partly covered her legs. While admiring at her slender shins Youko to her own embarrassment caught herself speculating how it would be like to run her fingers on Sei's legs, to press her head on Sei's thighs, and she had to turn her eyes away abruptly to keep herself from blushing.
"Well, are you going to answer me?" Sei demanded as she finally sat down opposite Youko, her voice still somehow phlegmatic. Her hair was longer than during the last time they had met, and Youko noticed small black rings under her eyes. She was as strikingly attractive as ever, even with her inscrutable expression and somewhat worn-out appearance.
"I am sorry to intrude", Youko started, her nervousness resurfacing under Sei's cool gaze. She felt that the other woman could read her every thought, and knowing Sei she guessed that her fears were probably very well founded. "But there was so much I did not have time to say last time, and even though I realize that I am in no position to ask anything, I hope that you will listen to me. Then, if you want me to leave, I will go and swear that you will never see me again."
Looking at Sei's marvellous face, every part of Youko hoped and prayed.
Finally, Sei shrugged nonchalantly.
"Very well. You have time until I am finished with my tea."
"I... I..."
There was a knot inside Youko's head. It was a lump of thorns, lilies, a lump of regret, sorrow, feelings so strong that merely thinking about them could have made Youko's heart burst. And it was all glued together with blood and tears.
All the while Sei's eyes were fixed on Youko. Those incredible grey eyes which revealed nothing.
The teapot was all but empty, and the only sound breaking the silence was the rhythmic drumming of Sei's fingers on the surface of the table.
Youko could not open her mouth.
Was it pride that kept her from making her confession? Perhaps.
Whatever courage she had was evaporating. As anyone else, she, too, was afraid of being hurt. Sei had all the trump cards whereas she had nothing else to offer than her repentant heart.
The wind had suddenly blown itself out, and it had started to rain. It was a gentle, nourishing drizzle, it would wash away the dust and afterwards there would be a stainless night.
"Time is up", Sei said.
"I am sorry."
"I know that."
"You have not made a single joke during all this time, have you?"
Sei's face was like stone.
"Did I ever joke about Shiori?"
Looking outside the balcony, Youko could see velvety darkness and cold, white light emanating from the depressing lamp posts, and the illumination was so devoid of warmth that it actually made the night seem darker. Below her she could still hear the sounds of life, probably good-for-nothings or youngsters, maybe both. Nobody else roamed the streets one-o'clock at night. Someone was swearing, and there seemed to be some quarrel going on, but Youko did not bother to look down.
It was a modest residential area, no luxury condos or five-star restaurants nearby. On the other side of the street there was a small park for children, and a bit further down the road a elementary school stood tall. It was your average suburb on the outer hem of Tokyo. Nothing was exceptionally cosy, nothing was exceptionally displeasing either. No distinctive features. There must have been millions of similar places in the world, built to cater to the needs of the growing population, to keep the society functioning, to shatter any hopes one might have about one's supposed uniqueness.
Looking at the sky, Youko wondered how far the stars she saw actually were, and when had the light radiating from them started their journey towards the surface of the Earth. She did not even want to seriously think about the answer. She was feeling puny enough even without such grand considerations. Still, she could not stop wondering whether somewhere in the universe someone else was experiencing the same feelings as she was, whether the world she knew was only one among the endless dimensions and possibilities.
Perhaps, somewhere innumerable light years away, someone like Mizuno Youko was standing in something resembling a balcony and thinking about someone like Satou Sei. More probably, the whole scene happened only kilometres away from her. Japan was a big country.
Don't you daydream about other dimensions, girl.
"Are you going to be there for long?"
Not, when you can't even handle one.
It was their fourth pot of tea, and not a word had been spoken.
"I am hungry", Sei stated suddenly. "Let's call a pizza delivery service."
Pizza delivery service... Pizza delivery service...Pizza...Delivery...Service...
Youko was hearing something strange, something she had not heard for such a long time that her shoulders started shaking uncontrollably at the wildly insinuating sound. It was only then that she realized she was laughing.
And she could not stop, not even with her dignity of a Rose, not even with all her willpower. She was laughing so violently that tears were filling up her eyes, and when she wiped them away to look at Sei, she saw such a priceless expression in the latter's face that she would have given anything if she could have captured it in one perfect still life.
"Have you finally gone totally mad?"
"I... I just..." Youko's words trailed off as the laughter kept resurfacing every time she thought it was over. "I just can't believe that words like 'pizza delivery service' even exist."
"Why?"
Seeing Sei's dumbfounded face, Youko burst into, if possible, an even harder laughter. She stopped only after she was about to suffocate and her stomach was hurting as if it had been on fire.
"Isn't it obvious? One moment you are thinking about your meaningless existence in this meaningless corner of the universe and contemplating on how to convert into words such things that downright can't be said aloud, and then a minute later someone says 'pizza delivery service'. It's crazy."
Slowly, very very slowly Sei's lips twisted into an uneasy grin.
"I guess it's kind of funny, yeah."
A final after-quake of laughter shook Youko.
"Call the 'pizza delivery service'. I'll have mine with shrimps, olives and onion."
"I wonder who invented pizza", Youko mumbled, her mouth full. There was bound to be tomato jam and dough crusts all over her face, but for once she did not care.
"Probably some Italian nobody who got enough of pasta", Sei quipped. "And I am grateful he or she did."
"This is actually quite good."
"Yeah, the only good thing in my life nowadays – the pizza delivery service near me", Sei said, smirking.
Youko shook her head over-dramatically.
"Be happy, because I don't have even that."
"What, you aren't saving the world from injustice every day? There isn't a harem of pretty girls hidden in your apartment, waiting to fulfil your every perverted desire?"
Youko raised her eyebrows, pulling a falsely clandestine face.
"No comments."
"Well, as long as you don't have my dear Yumi all by yourself, I don't care."
As if I could ever look at anyone else than you.
"Your Yumi? She surely is married by now. She might even have children."
Sei winked.
"Oh, I would not be so certain", she whispered sensuously. "With the common history of ours, I dare say that even now chances are that she is lying on her bed, unable to sleep and her head filled with pictures of me."
There indeed is someone who suffers from insomnia because of you.
"To think that you tried to corrupt even such a sweet little straight girl like her, naughty, very very naughty."
But it's not Yumi.
"Well, I couldn't have just sat about and let her pass me by without even getting a kiss, could I?"
"You are a sick and twisted person, Sei."
"You are just jealous."
And what if I am?
Youko turned her gaze away from Sei, biting her teeth together. No matter how much she had to struggle to control herself, she did not want her mask to crack, neither did she want to spoil the small play between them. If only for a fleeting moment, it was as if nothing had ever happened, as if they were once again twenty, joking and teasing each other randomly, without even a smallest breach between them.
"In your dreams."
She was prepared to hear some nosy retort from Sei, but there came none. Instead, she saw the jester's mask fall off Sei's face so rapidly that it made her sick. Any gleam there had been in her eyes was now gone, and there was not even the slightest trace of a smile on the lips which had been grinning so naturally only minutes ago.
In such a cruel charade, both were going to get hurt eventually. Still, it came as a surprise and a shock for Youko that Sei had been the first one to break.
