Olivia got home and warmed up supper and poured herself a glass of wine. As she was taking everything to the coffee table in the lounge, the buzzer for the gate below went. After she put everything down she stood looking at the buzzer wearily. She wasn't expecting anyone and to be honest she didn't feel like company. As she stood in no man's land her phone started to ring. She moved towards it.
'Benson.'
'Liv. Its Melinda. You upstairs?'
'Hi. Yes, I am. But um…'
'Come on, let me in and I'll explain.'
'Ok.' Olivia pressed the button to let Melinda enter.
A few minutes passed before Melinda knocked on the door.
'Hey Liv.' Melinda said as Olivia opened the door for her.
'Hey.'
Together they walked in silence till the reach the couch and sat down.
'Ok, so you most probably don't feel like company tonight and making small talk etc. but I'm guessing you'll probably not get much sleep tonight.'
Olivia flopped back against the couch, closed her eyes, and sighed.
'Right on all accounts.'
'Ok so I thought I would stay the night.'
Olivia starred at her friend.
'Sometimes it just calms you down to have another person in the house.'
'How did you know?'
Now it was Melinda's turn to lean back again her couch and sigh.
'You all know about my daughter but you don't know about my husband.'
Olivia looked at her friend.
'We met in the army and when we returned from duty we dated a few months and then got married. I fell pregnant a few months later and then we were both recalled. I decided to retire and got a job as a ME but James he couldn't use the excuse of having a small baby at home so he had to report for duty. James only had one tour left before he could retire. He was shot in the line of duty and never returned. Melissa was only three months when he left and seven months when he was killed.'
'Melinda, I am so sorry.'
'Thanks. It was a long time ago. Anyways, those first few weeks after he left my mother came to visit and then again when James was killed and somehow just having her in the house helped me.'
'It must have helped having her there with a small baby.'
Without her even realizing it, Olivia and Melinda spent the next two and half hours chatting about Melinda's life in the army and her life after her husband died. She was only alerted to the passing time as she began to yawn.
'So much for not wanting company tonight.' Olivia laughed as they realized the time.
'Sometimes we don't realize what we want or need until we have it.'
'I guess so.'
They both went their separate ways to get ready for bed and then found themselves both in the kitchen at the same time awhile later.
'Liv, you know I'm here to help right?'
'Yeah.'
'So how about I tell you a few more stories after a nightmare later?'
Suddenly Olivia was embarrassed.
'Liv?'
'I don't like waking people up.'
Melinda moved to touch Olivia's arm and as a result of that movement Olivia brought her eyes to meet Melinda's.
'Please Liv? Let me. When you were missing the others could search for you. All I could do was sit and pray that you wouldn't land up on my table.'
Olivia was moved by the tears that were forming in her friend's eyes.
'You did so much for me that day Melinda. You'll never know how much it meant to know you were looking after me when I was out of it. I knew I was safe because you were there.'
'And I'm here tonight so you're safe.' Melinda whispered as they embraced.
Melinda had always been a light sleeper. She presumed it was because she was a single parent and if she wasn't subconsciously listening for her daughter, she was listening for her phone to ring to call her out on a case. So it was not surprisingly that when Olivia started to plead in her sleep that Melinda heard her. It was actually quite a relief for Melinda because she wasn't sure if Olivia would wake her up after a nightmare. Melinda got up and went into Olivia's room softly. As Melinda stood there trying to wake Olivia up, tears started to form in Melinda's eyes as she heard her friend beg for something. Melinda went to sit on the bed beside Olivia and tried to wake her up in much the same way as she had done months ago at the hospital. Suddenly Olivia's eyes shot open and she moved recoiled from Melinda.
'Sssh Liv. It's okay.'
All Olivia could do was nod her head as she curled up into a ball. Then as if her bed was on fire Olivia flew out of bed and ran towards the bathroom with her hand covering her mouth. By the time Melinda caught up with her Olivia was busy getting sick in the toilet. Melinda gently knelt down behind her, swept her hair out of her neck and started to rub circles on Olivia's back. Melinda stayed in that position, not saying anything, until it seemed like there was nothing left. Olivia was still hurling but she had long since emptied her stomach. Melinda got up to wet a cloth and then started to wipe down the back of Olivia's neck and arms.
'Liv, turn around for me.'
Olivia just shook her head.
'Liv, please. There's nothing left.' Melinda didn't understand why Olivia didn't want to turn towards her. Then Melinda felt Olivia's shoulders started to shake and Melinda understood why she wasn't turning around. Melinda pulled Olivia towards her and for the next half an hour just allowed Olivia to break in her arms.
'Liv?' Melinda spoke gently as Olivia had stopped crying a few minutes ago and was just hiccupping. 'Why don't we move towards the bed? It will be more comfortable. Olivia started to lift herself off of Melinda but fell back. Melinda then realized that after all the crying and getting sick, Olivia's strength wasn't as it normally was.
'Sorry' Olivia mumbled as she tried to sit up for the second time.
'It's ok, Liv. You're just a bit weak from everything. Let me help you.' After getting to her feet Melinda assisted Olivia to stand and then assisted her to get into bed.
'Just hang in there for five minutes. I'll be back.' Melinda said as she left the room. She walked towards the kitchen, put the lights on and started to boil the kettle. As she stood alone in the kitchen Melinda was overwhelmed at the memory of what just happened in the bathroom. By the time the tea was made, Melinda had pulled herself together again and was ready to be a pillar of strength for Olivia. She tapped softly at the door as she entered.
'Hey' came a soft response from Olivia.
'How you feeling?'
'You mean other than embarrassed?'
'Liv, you cannot help the reaction your body had to your nightmare. Somethings are really out of your control.'
'I just feel so stupid.'
'Don't ok?'
Olivia nodded.
'You think you can slowly sip some tea?'
'Yeah, I think so.'
'Okay. Just take it slow.'
Both women sat in silence for a few minute before Melinda took the next step.
'Olivia, how often have you had that reaction after a nightmare?'
'Just a few times when I got home.'
'So right in the beginning of your recovery?'
'Yeah. Dr Carter and I worked on techniques I could use when I woke up after that nightmare to stop me from getting physically sick. I guess it didn't work tonight.' Olivia put her head back and looked up at the ceiling.
'Hey. Techniques don't always work. So it's only one nightmare that has this reaction?'
'Mostly.'
'Care to share?'
Olivia stared at her friend.
'Melinda, it is bad enough that it is in my head and I can't get rid of it. You don't want it in yours too.'
'Liv, have you forgotten what I do for a living?'
Olivia gave Melinda a weak smile.
'It's when he. . . When I had to watch him. . .'
Melinda squeezed Olivia's hand as to say that Olivia needn't go any further. Having known Olivia for so long Melinda should have known that was what she would struggle with the most.
Melinda saw the clock next to Olivia's bed and saw that it was two forty-five. She walked around the bed and climbed in. This made Olivia raise her eyebrows. Melinda ignored the inquisitive looks from Olivia and settled herself before patting the empty spot between them, causing Olivia to laugh.
'Are you coming or are you gonna make me come get you?'
Olivia seemed a bit weary so Melinda decided to break the ice yet again.
'I promise to take no selfies with Badass Benson while you sleep.'
Olivia laughed yet again and moved next to Melinda.
'Ok, maybe I'll only take one, blow it up, and display it in my office.' Melinda joked.
Olivia sat up and look at her friend.
'Relax Liv. I wouldn't dare. Just try and get some sleep.'
Olivia woke up the next morning just minutes before Melinda knocked at her door.
'Come in.'
'Hey there.'
'Wow. Where did you find all this? Definitely not in my kitchen.'
'Nah. I went to the store around the corner.' Melinda laughed.
'Well, I hope you going to help me finish this all.'
'I don't know when last I've had breakfast in bed.' Olivia said as she surveyed the choices in front of her.
'I thought at least we can start the day right.' Melinda said as she kicked off her shoes and got back into the side of the bed which she had claimed last night.
'Thanks Mel.'
'A girl has got to eat.'
'No Mel, I meant thank you.'
'Liv, last night or technically this morning, it stays between us, unless you tell.'
'I know that a girl has to protect her reputation.' Melinda added quickly in an attempt to lighten the mood.
'Especially when you work in our business.' Olivia added.
'That's for sure. Don't worry I've got this Badass's back!'
Both women laughed.
Melinda couldn't help but notice that Olivia was getting more and more nervous as they got ready that morning. She caught Olivia trying to do her shirt buttons up but because her hands trembling she was struggling. Without a word, Melinda walked up to Olivia who was standing in front of the mirror, turned Olivia around, and put her hands on Olivia's to still them. Once Olivia's hands stop trembling, Melinda pushed them away and started doing Olivia's buttons.
'I don't know why I can't get a grip.' Olivia started.
Melinda stayed quiet until she was finish and then held the jacket Olivia had picked out so that she could slip into it. With Olivia dressed Melinda walked to Olivia's jewellery boy and picked up a specific necklace and then sat down next to Olivia.
'It's not about getting a grip. You are nervous, perhaps a bit afraid to face him and no matter how many years you've being going after crooks out there, today is different. You're going there not only as Badass Benson, but as Olivia, the woman who fought so hard to stay alive. Liv, this isn't just a case, this is your case. You are playing an unfamiliar role so it's okay to feel nervous, scared and anything else you may be feeling.'
Olivia looked in her friends face and saw such love, acceptance and support.
'Just remember one thing, we are all here for you.' Melinda opened Olivia's hand and dropped the necklace into her palm.
Olivia looked down and saw the word 'fearless' facing her. Tears started to form behind her eyes.
'Melinda, I can't.'
'Olivia, today is the perfect day to wear it because that's what you are and even he couldn't change that!'
