Dusk
Chapter Nine;
The Useless and the Used.

Alice caught me strolling in the door at around four that morning.

"Hey there," she said, puzzled. "When did you leave?"

"I'm not sure," I lied smoothly, shrugging. "I was at Bella's."

Her eyes narrowed, and I read the answer in her thoughts.

"Alice, it's not like that-"

"What happened to staying away from him?" she asked angrily.

I shushed her, glaring. "Shut up!" I hissed. "Someone will hear you!"

"Well?!"

I took a deep breath. "It's not like that."

"Then what- Is that a new one?" Alice reached over, moving the collar of my shirt out of the way. I didn't bother stopping her, if she already had seen it. Her fingers pressed lightly on my jaw, on the new bruise that was just beginning to purple. I winced at the stinging sensation, looking down at the floor in shame.

"He's trying," I whispered solemnly, and Alice just stepped back, lips pressed together firmly. "Really, he is."

"No, he's not!" Alice yelled, hands squeezing into fists at her sides.

"Please, Alice-"

"You need to keep away from him."

"I can't do that, Alice. It's not that simple." I pulled up my collar, trying to hide the forming bruise as much as possible.

"He'll end up killing you one day."

"He won't," I seethed, eyes widening at the thought. A stab of fear mingled with heartache coursed through me, and I fell back into the door at my next thought.

Or will he? What's his main objective in all of this?

He'd said he would before. Would he follow through on it?

I squeezed my eyes shut, a wave of nausea hitting me. "Please, Alice, just drop it. I'm okay. Really."

Alice sighed, folding her arms. "Fine; what else did he do?"

"What?"

"You really want me to believe all he left was that? After you spent all night with him?"

"That's really it," I said through gritted teeth. "Now leave me be." Alice narrowed her eyes in a debelieving manner, threw another "fine" my way, and stormed off to her room. I waited until I heard her door slam shut to worry about getting up the stairs.

Because that last teeny bit had been a lie; Alice had been right, as annoying as that fact was. In addition to my face decoration, There were four long scratches going across my side, from my shoulder to just below my waist. Jacob had been having a bad day.

Sucking in a breath, I slowly made my way up the stairs, wounds tugging with each step, making me hiss every couple of seconds. My jaw had started to ache after being poked and prodded, and my head hurt like hell. I needed to lay down for a while, just a little while...

The second my head hit the pillow, I let out a loud sigh and removed my shirt, fabric rough against bruised skin. The silk sheets of my almost useless-bed felt much better, and I buried myself in them.

Quite a few hours later, a voice entered the room unexpectedly. "Knock knock."

"Bella?"

"That's me," she said quietly, and I could hear the smile in her voice. I heard the door open completely, her nervous shuffling, and then the door closing again. She walked over rather reluctantly. "Are you sleeping?"

Before she could blink, I'd thrown my shirt back on and laid back in bed. I made sure to lay on the side the bruise was, pulling up my collar as well. "I wish," I replied, and she laughed, taking a seat on the bed. I didn't say anything else, and her smile slowly melted into a frown. "Is this a bad time?"

I sat up, ignoring the throbbing in my head at this motion. "No, not at all." Yes, yes it is. "Is there something you'd like to talk about?"

"Well, my birthday's coming up."

I froze. I knew instantly what she was going to bring up.

"And you know, that agreement we made a while ago..."

No, no, no, no, no...

"I don't recall," I lied, shrugging my shoulders. Her forehead creased in frustration. "I know you do."

"Care to refresh my memory?"

"The agreement," she said simply, "was that, on my eighteenth birthday, you were going to change me." Her lips curved into a small smile. I beckoned her closer, and she climbed over onto my side. I took her hand lightly, and she stayed a few feet away, trying not to get cold, I suppose.

"Bella, I can't."

Bella's face turned to one of horror, and she dropped my hand. "Why not?"

"Things are just too complicated for that right now."

"Nothing is complicated, Edward! You're just being stubborn." She took a deep breath, breathing hard for just a second. "Is it the marriage thing? I said I'd marry you, Edward. Please."

"Why?" I asked her, shaking my head. "Why would you want that?"

"I want you, Edward, forever. I thought you wanted me too..."

"I do, Bella, I do. I love you. It's just..." I couldn't change her. I couldn't bind her forever to me if I wasn't sure she was what I wanted. What are you talking about, Edward? Of course she's the one you want. Who else is there?

"I just can't tell you."

"You know what, Edward? I don't know if I can take this anymore. I need you to just tell me whether or not you want me anymore, because lately it's all secrets and lies and..." Her voice cracked, and she stood up. "I don't know anymore."

"Bella, I honestly can't tell you," I told her quietly as she inched towards the door. "Please, just know that I truly do love you." This was something I had to bring up with Jacob later; I'd forgotten that Bella was a factor in this situation as well. I'd lost all touch with my reality.

"When you know what you want to do, with, you know, us..." She bit her lip. "Let me know." And she was gone.

I almost screamed in frustration; I was so sick and tired of all of this confusion. I had no clue what direction I was going in, what was in my near future, or who. All I knew was that I felt like someone was taking a chainsaw to my head, and I lay back down to try and rest while the pain slowly faded.

Eventually I reached into my pocket and grabbed my cell phone, dialing quickly and pressing the device to my ear. A few rings later, a rough voice flowed through the speaker.

"Can I help you, Edward?" I shivered at the sound of my name, his voice seductive in every sense of the word. I pulled myself together quickly, replying, "We need to talk."

"I was just with you a little over five hours ago, Edward. We couldn't have talked then?"

"No, I didn't think about it until now."

Jacob paused and then sighed. "Well, you could've waited until I was awake," he muttered, shuffling noises going on in the background. I almost felt bad for waking him up, but I stopped the feeling in it's track. Don't think like that, Edward.

"Bella just came over."

"Shit."

"She... she wants me to change her, Jacob." It was quiet for what felt like forever, and I held my breath the entire time I waited for Jake to reply. "Do you want to?" he asked softly.

The question stunned me to the point that I couldn't speak, letting out a sound that sounded confused enough. "Well, do you?" he repeated, a bit louder this time.

"Jake, you can't ask me that," I whispered, sounding incredibly weak, but I didn't care. He was not about to make me choose. I just couldn't make that decision.

"This is your choice, Edward."

"But I don't want it to be," I whined, albeit a bit childishly.

"Edward, this is hard enough as it is..." Jacob trailed off, and I could hear the pain in his voice. I wondered what he was thinking about, what was making him so emotional. "She needs to know," I decided.

"What?!"

"Bella deserves to know what I've been doing to her behind her back." And maybe she'd come to her senses and leave herself... I left this part out.

"You want her to know everything?" Jacob asked in disbelief. "Everything?"

"Well, enough," I compromised, shaking my head to myself. "I'll make my decision then, okay?"

"Alright. I'll talk to her."

"Excuse me?" I gasped at his implication.

"Look, I don't want you to be there. Just please trust me, it'll be easier if you're not there."

I pursed my lips. He was acting really suspicious. "Today, Jacob. She needs to know before this goes any farther."

"Fine, today." Jacob paused for a moment, in thought, I presume. "I'll only tell her the necessary details-"

"And what are the 'necessary details'?"

"Just trust me. I know exactly what to say to her." There was a pause, and I almost bid him farewell, when he said, "I'll be there in an hour."

There was a clicking sound, and the call ended.

I gaped at the phone for a few seconds before shaking my head and heading to my closet to look for a more suitable outfit than my crumpled polo and worn jeans. I looked through the rows and rows of clothes before deciding on dark jeans and a gray turtleneck, pulling the collar up as far as I could get away with. Once I was decent, I fixed up the bed, feeling lightheaded the whole time. I hated the excited feeling I got at the idea of Jacob coming over, but there was nothing I could do to expell it, so I nervously picked at the hem of my sweater, re-threading the stitching over and over to occupy myself.

Alice peeked her little head in, blinking around the room. "Nice cover-up," she commented, and I smiled weakly. "He's coming over," I said guiltily.

Her expression hardened, but she didn't say anything. The thoughts in her head were much louder, and angrier, might I add, than what she said out loud. "If I hear anything I shouldn't, I'll escort Carlisle in here myself."

I tensed up a bit. "You wouldn't."

Alice just glared a bit more and left the room. I sighed and accidently left a miniscule tear in the turtleneck, and I released it before any noticeable damage was done.

I waited, counting the minutes, and when I got to twenty, I started to panic. What if he didn't come? What if he decided he had more important things to do than deal with me?

But I smelled him a few minutes later, before he showed up at the front door, knocking quietly. I was so relieved, I ran down the stairs as fast as I could, almost tripping in my haste. Rosalie stared at me, hand inches from the doorknob. I motioned for her to continue. She rolled her eyes and opened the door, scowling at the sight of Jacob.

"Barbie," he greeted her in a strangely civilized manner.

"Mutt," she snarled, stepping to the side only when he gestured at her to get out of the way. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm here to see Edward," he said, glancing at me. I froze in place, gripping the banister tightly. Rosalie looked at me, confused and disbelieving. "What?"

"Don't make a big deal out of nothing, Rose," I muttered, murmuring to Jacob to follow as I turned and went back up to my room. He trailed close behind, and I quickly shut and locked the door behind us. Jacob looked me up and down as I waited for him to say something.

"You look..." He paused, blinking and swallowing hard. "Wow."

Had it been possible, I would've blushed red as a tomato, but thank God I didn't. "It's nothing, really," I muttered, straightening the sweater self-consciously. Now that I was thinking about it, maybe the outfit was a bit too tight... His gaze lingered on me for a few more moments than I felt were necessary. Christ... His thoughts were clear as day, as though he'd forgotten I could hear. I fucking want you too much right now...

I exhaled sharply. "J-Jake?" I tried tentatively. He moved closer, trapping me against the door, breathing erratic. "Wait." I held my breath at this word. Jacob bent down, brushing his lips lightly across mine. I almost collapsed from the anxiety building in my chest, the shivers running through my veins at his touch. I opened my mouth to try and question him, but all that came out was a low, drawn-out moan, my eyelids sliding shut.

I heard Jacob swear quietly, moving a bit closer as he rested his hand on my waist, nails digging into my flesh. "That's completely unfair," he breathed, trying to compose himself.

"What is?" I managed to gasp out in my haste to clear my head of him.

"Nothing, nothing." He coughed and released me, hesitating before backing up again. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and asked, "So, what did you come here for?"

"I'm on my way to Bella's," said Jacob, shrugging as I reopened my eyes. "Just needed to... see you, I guess."

My head swam for a second, and I almost smiled at the idea. He needed to see me.

His phone started to vibrate in his pocket, and he growled, retrieving it furiously, expression softening as he read the caller ID. "Speak of the devil," he muttered, pressing the phone to his ear. "Bella?" I could practically feel my heart dropping into my stomach.

"Jacob... I need to talk to someone." She was crying, or had been anyway; the guilt weighing me down grew immensely heavier.

"Are you okay?" he asked, concerned.

"I know you don't want to talk about him, but I really need some advice. It's Edward. I-"

"One sec, Bella."

He gave me a hard look. "I'm gonna come visit, okay?" he was telling her, and she sniffled. "What? Jake, you don't have to-"

"I want to, Bella," Jacob interrupted.

Bella was quiet for a second. "Thanks, Jacob."

"Anytime." He ended the call and took a deep breath, giving me a pointed look. "I'll be back, okay? Just... stay." With a bit of a defeated attitude, I stepped out of the way so he could leave. As soon as I heard the front door shut, one thing was clear.

He's insane if he thinks I won't be listening.