A/N: Hey there! Long time, no see! (Seriously, though, sorry for the late update, heh...) Alright, so I know I promised fluff eventually but this chapter was planned to be from Suzuna's POV and it turned out a bit serious as she is beginning to acknowledge her feelings for Aoi, accepting them (unlike him, although I hope I didn't make her seem out-of-character as I find it much harder to write her than Aoi, considering how inexpressive she normally is).
She's angry and frustrated for reasons she doesn't know herself but she expresses them much differently from him—becoming detached. But she soon realizes that she can't act that way around him for too long. (character development ftw xD)
Next chapter (which is Aoi's turn)—I have something sort of planned (fluffy, whoo!) but I still need help in suggestions so don't hesitate if you have any ideas! Also, they can be for chapters way in the future, too! Alright, done rambling-please enjoy and review!
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
.*.*.*.
I is for Icebound
adj. 1) completely surrounded or covered by ice
.*.*.*.
When she was angry, she was icebound.
Her means of defense. Heightened.
Those who knew Ayuzawa Suzuna were quite aware that—at this point—she was simply unapproachable. The dark-haired girl had always been a bit distant and aloof anyway, so during the rather rare times she expressed emotional resentment towards anything, most knew to steer clear from behaving in ways that would put off the Ice Queen further.
Most knew.
Most.
Unfortunately, Hyōdō Aoi was not most.
"That's why, it's obvious that…"
The words were unheard, fading into nothingness.
"…can you imagine how un-cute…"
Staring deeply, though inattentively. Mind whirling with unrelated thoughts.
"…Oi! Are you even listening to me?"
Suzuna briefly glanced towards the boy had abruptly spoken, tea-colored eyes hard and calculating. She loosened the imperceptible tightness in her brow for a moment, forcing a strained smile to slant on her lips.
"Mm."
He tilted his head. "Nope. You're not," Aoi confirmed with a scowl.
Staring back, Suzuna wondered if, perhaps, she'd been too careless with her emotions. Ah, there it was—that vexatious feeling. She immediately looked away, returning to the mathematical equations in her notebook. Her gaze slipped from the numbers and letters and she found herself doodling a tiny strawberry on the edge of the paper.
"What's your problem?"
The mechanical pencil in her fingers felt slick. Suzuna glanced down to find that her knuckles had turned white against the plastic barrel, her grip painfully tight. She ignored Aoi's voice and glared down at the strawberry in her notebook, jaw stiffening just slightly.
Her lines became erratic.
Leave me alone.
Her classmates buzzed in the room, as usual, though she could sense their stares. As if they were asking themselves, "What kind of an idiot talks to Ayuzawa Suzuna when she's clearly ticked off about something?"
Suzuna closed her eyes. Distance was key.
Only one person.
"Hey!" Aoi waved a hand in front of the girl's face, leaning over the desk to get her attention. "Stop ignoring me." Suzuna did not open her eyes though she could almost imagine the expression on his features—aggravated, indignant, and a bit needy—it nearly made her smile, had she not been in such a sour mood.
Before she could open her mouth to say something, another voice entered her ears.
"Aoi-kun! I… don't think you should bother Su-chan when she's mad…" Miyuki Hana, a timid girl with short chestnut brown hair and warm brown eyes murmured as she put a hand on the boy's shoulder.
"Eh? Suzuna doesn't get mad."
Suzuna opened her eyes; amber oceans stirred.
Who does he think I am?
She swallowed back the words that threatened to spill from her mouth. No, she was to be calm. She was to be cool and collected, unlike her older sister. She was to stay silent and composed and resist hurting anyone when she was angry.
She was to be apathetic.
"Robots don't get mad. That's only in movies and science fiction stories."
Her lead snapped.
Suzuna mutely clicked the end of her pencil, amber eyes stagnant. She could tell by the sound of his voice that Aoi was being sarcastic, cross with her neglectful behavior, but disregarded the fact. She inhaled. She was the Ice Queen. She could handle this with ease.
Right?
"S-Su-chan's not a robot!"
Aoi snorted. "Whatever."
As Suzuna finally decided that enough was enough and pushed back her chair to stand up, she watched as a hand slammed down on her notebook, stopping her from leaving. Mechanically, she raised her head to find fiery cobalt eyes glaring directly back into hers and she momentarily lost her train of thought.
"Hyōdō-kun…" the girl breathed out before she could stop herself.
Huh?
No…
She was angry right now; what happened to her defense?
Aoi's features seemed to also shift in surprise, eyes dimming to a lighter flame as he gazed skeptically at the girl.
"You're not leaving until you tell me what your deal is."
The falter in her defense disappeared as quickly as it had come.
Suzuna glared back.
"Remove your hand," she spoke calmly.
The girl—Miyuki Hana—who had tried to defend the so-called 'robot' slinked away, taken aback by the navy-haired boy's audacious behavior. She could feel the cold aura radiating from Su-chan's petite frame and wondered why Aoi-kun didn't just give up; it was obvious that she wanted to be left alone.
"No."
"Remove your hand, Hyōdō-kun."
He leaned into her face, close enough that Suzuna could see the way his long lashes tangled with one another, brushing his eyebrows and the smooth slope of his nose—her eyes moved further down Aoi's face, roaming the boy's pale lips which were currently pulled into a twisted sort of scowl and wondered what would happen if she'd also leaned in just a bit nearer to—
"Why are you angry, Suzuna?"
His voice broke her thoughts.
Why am I angry…?
A strange shiver ran up her spine but she concealed her unease well, reverting back to glowering at the boy with undecipherable tea-colored eyes. She tugged at the notebook he had pressed down with his hand but Aoi refused to budge.
She analyzed him.
How can you possibly be so…?
At last, she looked down, picking up her own hand and placing it on his.
"Ehhh—What're you—?" Aoi pulled away as soon as their hands made contact. At first glance, he looked as though he had been burned but as a deep shade of red settled across his cheeks, Suzuna presumed there was something hidden beyond the disgusted expression he wore.
She slid the notebook towards herself.
And shook off the lapse.
"Thank you very much," the girl deadpanned, standoffish syllables rolling off her tongue. Her eyes darted away from his and as the bell that signaled the start of class finally rang, a wave of relief washed through her when she found that no one except her had noticed that her externally icebound appearance—
—had melted some.
Throughout class, Suzuna could feel his gaze on her back. It was an anxious sensation, but nothing she couldn't handle, and so she ignored it, pretending to be absorbed in balancing equations and discussing proofs—Mr. Hayashi was, quite frankly, one of the most boring teachers she ever had the misfortune of sitting through.
But she managed.
When lunch break came, the dark-haired girl could see him moving towards her from the corner of her eyes. Wasting no time, she picked up her bento and left the classroom. Aoi had only froze as he watched her leave, mouth slightly agape, and Suzuna shook away the guilt that had started inside of her at seeing the troubled crease between his brow.
Confusion.
It had flashed in his eyes.
Quickly replaced by worry, apprehension, frustration.
Hurt.
I'm sorry.
She paid him no mind and ate her lunch by herself outside.
"How are you so close to Ayuzawa-san?"
It was a conversation she had accidentally stumbled upon, in her attempt to get back to the classroom and grab a few books she had forgotten. Suzuna stopped herself beside the door, resisting the urge to peer in. Her thin fingers lingered on the handle, ear leaned closely towards the opening. Students passed by, chatting in the hallways, but she managed to drown out their laughter and listened attentively.
"Close? To Suzuna…?"
Hyōdō Aoi's voice jolted her senses—he must have been talking to a classmate.
"Yes. Aren't you?"
There was a pause and she wondered why.
"I… don't know. Is that all you wanted to ask me? I have to go!"
"Right, Ayuzawa-san is probably waiting… You walk home together, too, right?" the other voice continued without a hitch.
"Yeah—What's it to you, anyway?"
"Does… Does she like you?"
"Wha—How the hell would I know?"
She could hear the blush that rose to his cheeks.
"Oh. Do you like her, then?"
Freezing.
Suzuna took a step back. Hands involuntarily moved to cup her ears. She wasn't sure what to do—her mind conflicted—to stay or not to stay? Turning on her heels, the dark-haired girl swiftly made her way down the hallway to the entrance, book bag crashing against her legs, pigtails fluttering with each stride.
She flew by the gate they always stood at.
She didn't stop and wait.
"Suzuna!"
Ignoring the sound of her name on his lips in the distance, pretending not to have heard, the girl continued to walk down the path. Her defense was absolutely pathetic right now, her icebound exterior slipping away.
No good.
No good.
Pulse racing.
She needed some time.
Stumbling a bit on the steps of her home, Suzuna unlocked the door and paused as she stared blankly down at her shoes, removing them. Her stomach grumbled; lunch was not satisfying—the thought was discarded as she left her book bag on the floor and ambled up the stairs to enter her room.
Her mind whizzed.
She stopped in front of her dresser and studied her reflection in the mirror. On any other day, this would be a task to forego, something she never paid attention to. Her hand pressed against the cold surface, fingertips tracing their counterparts blearily.
They called her the Ice Queen.
Beautiful—
I don't quite see this…
Emotionless—
They're just hard to detect, of course…
Eccentric—
Not entirely wrong, I suppose…
Wasn't that enough?
Suzuna turned away without another glance. She was losing herself. Or rather…
Was she being herself?
I don't know.
She was aware that when she was with Hyōdō Aoi, Suzuna became abnormally careless with her emotions; the mask of apathy she so easily wore often managed to slip in front of him. Defense wavering.
This had never happened before.
Normally, she could keep herself rather impassive around him, but lately, things were slowly changing…
No.
Am I the one changing?
She wasn't stupid.
It was clear to Suzuna that she was attracted to him—not exclusively in the physical sense, though she was contentedly aware of his rather good looks despite frowning nearly all of the time—his personality was interesting and she deeply enjoyed teasing him, taunting him, even just talking to him.
What is this?
Yes, she was infatuated with Aoi. Yes, she enjoyed being around Aoi. Yes, she would rather spend beside Aoi and perfect her tactics, her attacks—the ones she had so indiscreetly proclaimed right in front of him—to the point where there would be hardly anything keeping him from being fully and wholly engulfed by her.
Yes, she liked Hyōdō Aoi.
She admitted to all of this, however unusual it seemed.
But…
There was supposed to be a gap.
A wall.
A wall others were meant to sense, though not to dwell on. A wall so seemingly thin and invisible, most would not be troubled by its presence. A wall that she rarely tore down for anyone, excluding her dear mother and wonderful sister.
A wall that Suzuna built the moment she had met him, for fear of becoming too close.
Detached.
She preferred it that way.
And yet, he was different; more than just interesting, as she had initially presumed.
Hyōdō Aoi was different.
It was as if he was a giant, sizzling piece of croquette that had been slightly burnt in the saucepan and held against her icy exterior; melting away her defense with his mere existence. She nearly laughed at the ridiculous analogy—Aoi was probably not even aware of the effect he had on her, oblivious and unknowing to the unease and excitement and pure and utter confusion he caused within the girl.
Which angered her.
No, that was too harsh of a word. Irked her? Annoyed her? Frustrated her?
Her defense was slipping and she wasn't sure whether that…
…was a good thing or not.
A sigh—she knew she was being selfish. He had done nothing wrong. Despite this, she couldn't help but feel conflicted. After all, despite his ascertaining proclamations of her being a robot, Ayuzawa Suzuna was a human being, too.
Rule 1. The emotions of human beings scarcely ever made sense.
She had decided this long ago.
"Ne, Suzuna!"
The girl turned her head to find her sister standing in the doorway, telephone in hand. She lowered her magazine into her lap and gave Misaki a somewhat questioning look—did someone call?
"It's Aoi-chan," the older Ayuzawa spoke with a grin, moving to hold the phone out to Suzuna. "He says he wants to talk to you!"
Without thinking, Suzuna automatically reached out for the phone only to freeze and slowly draw her arm back. She dismissed the puzzled expression her sister wore and stared at the sheets beneath her, clutching the fabric and twisting it loosely within her fingers.
What would I say?
"Maybe later, Onee-chan. Tell him I'm busy."
I can't think of anything.
"O-Oh… Hm. Alright."
I feel weak.
As the sound of Misaki's footsteps gradually disappeared into the hallway, the dark-haired girl tensed her jaw, grinding her teeth down on each other. These pent up emotions—anger, joy, sadness—all desired to be let out but she had no idea where to start. She wasn't used to feeling this way, never had to deal with something like this…
Her walls were crumbling and it was all because of him.
Stupid Hyōdō-kun…
A whoosh of air escaped Suzuna's mouth as she collapsed back on her pillow, eyes squeezed shut.
…I like you more than I hoped.
The next morning was strikingly different. Suzuna had entered the classroom in her usual fashion, impassively yet with a subtle air of gentleness and contentedness that most others could sense right away. Her icebound mannerisms had disappeared, replaced by the endearing grace of apathetic staring and lopsided smiles.
Miyuki Hana came racing forward.
"Oh, good morning, Su-chan!"
"Good morning, Hana-chan," Suzuna replied calmly with a small nod towards the brunette who beamed back at her. As she headed to the back where her seat was, adjusting the bow at her collar, she felt something warm find itself on her shoulder. Though she hardly flinched at the contact, Suzuna instantly recognized whose hand this was and raised her head slowly.
Deep cobalt eyes.
She sucked in a breath.
"Listen, I don't know what you're problem yesterday was," Aoi huffed out, his gaze drifting to the slope of the shoulder he had grabbed. "But, if you were angry about something I did, then…"
Suzuna watched as he visibly swallowed, eyes trained on his throat. She stared at him, perplexedly, shifting her arm a little under his clasp. He normally always made a point not to touch her…
Was this really happening?
"…I'm sorry. Alright? So, just forget about it."
"Hyōdō—"
"Please."
His voice had cracked just slightly, low and barely audible. Navy hair falling over his forehead, eyes downcast and purposely avoiding hers. It was a moment of utter vulnerability, a side to Aoi that proved how kind his heart actually was but always happened to be covered by a layer of arrogance, denial and embarrassment.
Ah.
So, he feels guilty.
Wetting her lower lip slightly, Suzuna spoke up, tea-colored gaze never leaving his face.
Act normal. Stay calm.
"It has nothing to do with you," she easily lied.
"Suzuna…"
To her surprise, his grip on her shoulder tightened; the opposite of what she'd expected.
Hurry—say something else.
"I was angry because my prize never came."
The fib left her lips so convincingly, it even startled her. She watched as Aoi's expression shifted; the navy-haired boy seemed to be processing her words, opening his mouth to speak only to fail and try again. Finally, the sounds came.
"W… What did you say?" Aoi asked, shaking his head as if he had heard wrong. He tilted his head faintly towards the girl, cobalt eyes narrowed.
"My prize. From the contest I entered last week."
"You're prize… didn't come…?"
"Precisely."
"Wait—so you mean to tell me… You're angry because you didn't win the contest?"
"I did win," she clarified, raising her finger in point. "They refused to give me the prize."
Aoi only stared at her.
"Seriously?" he finally scoffed.
Suzuna was unfazed. "Of course. What do you mean?"
"You were acting pissed all day because of something like that?"
"Hm? Is it strange to act piss—"
A hand sealed her mouth.
"D-Don't repeat it!"
Blinking once, the dark-haired regarded the other curiously. Aoi's cheeks had flared up with heat, cobalt eyes wide in disbelief and she wondered for a moment if it was due to her cursing rather than the false source of anger. He seemed to realize what he was doing and suddenly removed his hand from her mouth, stammering out something between an apology and an insult. Without her consent, a light smile danced on Suzuna's lips and she hurriedly clamped her own palm over her mouth to resist laughing.
His brow furrowing, Aoi regarded the girl dubiously, "Are… Are you laughing?"
Yes.
She shook her head, hurriedly. Dark pigtails brushed her shaking shoulders.
And it's your fault.
"Liar! What's so funny, dammit?" the boy scowled, though his cheeks only seemed to burn brighter.
"Hy…Hyodo-kun…"
"What? Jeez, you're so annoying!"
"…S-Sorry…"
"You should be! It's rude to randomly laugh at someone!"
His indignant expression only made her giggle harder.
"That's it, I'm leaving."
Ah—!
Fingers stretched to firmly grasp the fabric of his sleeve, delaying his means of escape. Heart thundering abnormally loud in her chest, Suzuna sensed the area around her face and ears grow warm. The mask of apathy she wore almost felt nonexistent as she clearly gazed up at the slightly taller male in front of her, but with as much mental power she could muster, Suzuna just barely managed to control the overwhelming urge she had to throw her arms around Aoi.
Tea-colored eyes flickered.
"How do you do that…?" the girl breathed out, blood pounding in her ears.
It's…
Incredible.
It feels incredible.
"Hah? Do what, weirdo?"
Get past my defense, of course.
Simply smiling, she lowered her head and closed her eyes contentedly.
"…Ah. Nothing. Nothing at all."
When Ayuzawa Suzuna was angry, she was icebound.
Her means of defense. Heightened.
Most knew to avoid her at times like this, to let her return to her usual degree of warmth on her own. Most knew that it was probably over something they wouldn't understand, let alone help her overcome it. Most knew that whatever the Ice Queen was angry about—it was probably safest to distance themselves from her ruthless exterior, acknowledge her walls.
Most knew.
Most.
Hyōdō Aoi was not most.
If anything, he was probably the cause of that which angered her.
And—perhaps—the solution, too.
