Shits getting serious in here!

It was Saturday and the day of the poker game. The four of them got up early to prepare for the hit, the poker game was at noon but they wanted to get there early and scout out the place a little first. Lila was once again a nervous wreck. She spent the morning throwing up and the boys felt more than guilty at having to leave her. They knew it must have been hard for her, to be on the other side of it, just having to wait and see if everything went okay. If she was out doing something dangerous and they had to wait for her like that, they'd lose their damn minds. And it seemed the whole thing was making her pretty ill. She had made them breakfast and just sat with them whilst they talked over the plan, just wanting to be close to them before they left. The boys were more than happy to have her around, both of them touching her subconsciously every chance they got. Before they knew it, it was time to leave.

Connor had his arms wrapped around her, he could feel her trembling and it was taking a lot for him not to just say fuck it and stay, so he knew his brother would be feeling worse. He pulled away, cupping her face as he leant in and planted a firm kiss on her lips.

"We'll be fine, always are." He smiled down at her, trying to soothe her. She nodded but didn't look any less worried.

"I love ye A Ghrá mo Chroí (The love of my heart)." He murmured softly, placing a sweet kiss to her forehead.

"I love you too Connor." She replied, trying to smile for him but failing. He gave her one last meaningful look before Murphy pulled her wrist, wanting her attention and getting impatient. He wasted no time in kissing her deeply, hand wound in her hair as his tongue memorised every part of her mouth. When he pulled away they were both breathless and he kept his lips a breath away from hers.

"I fuckin' love ye Mo chéadsearc (My one and only)." His voice was almost demanding and she blinked up at him.

"I love you too Murph." She whispered, feeling the loss when he pulled away from her. He gave her cheek a quick kiss before he went to grab his bag. Rocco hugged her too before putting his coat on, this was the routine it seemed, she wondered how many times she would have to go through this.

The boys gave her one last hug before they left and she had that sense of dread again. She tried to clean, but her stomach was churning, so she decided she would go and see Aileen at her home. The woman had to be wondering where the fuck she was, as well as where the boys and Rocco had gotten off to. She felt like she needed a good chat, although she would certainly leave out the boys new extracurricular activities. She could just make some shit up about why they hadn't been around and she could apologise for just not being at work. She wasn't sure what time to expect the boys back, she knew the poker game was at noon, so this would kill some time before she came back to wait for them.

She got herself dressed and ready, hair up in a messy bun. If she threw up again she didn't want to have to wash her hair if it got in it. She put on her hoodie and slung her bag over her shoulder before leaving. It didn't take too long to get to Aileen's house, she lived not too far from the pub. Lila knocked hesitantly, not knowing if the woman would even be in or not. She knew she wouldn't be at the pub yet, it was far too early. She was pleasantly surprised when the door opened and Aileen stood on the other side. Aileen just blinked at her for a moment before smiling and throwing her arms around her.

"Jesus Lila! Where have ye been? We've all been worried sick!" She frowned before moving away and pulling the girl into the house.

Lila wasn't sure what possessed her to do what she did next, she knew the whole thing was intense and she knew she was emotional anyway, more like Murphy in that regard rather than Connor. But she always prided herself on not being as bad as the darker twin; the boy who cries at fucking everything. He cries when he watches Titanic, he cries at animal shelter commercials, he cried once when he stubbed his toe, acting like he had been gravely injured and he couldn't go on, he even cried once after having sex with her. He was drunk at the time and apparently it was just that good it moved him to tears. He swore her to secrecy on that one, not to even tell Connor or he'd never live it down, that one she'd have to take to the grave with her.

But now, there she stood, balling her eyes out as Aileen looked on concerned and moved her to sit on the couch.

"Lila, what's wrong? What's happened?" Aileen asked looking worried. Lila shook her head, trying to fucking gather herself as she wiped her eyes, how was she supposed to act like everything was fine now?

"It's nothing, I'm just...emotional I guess." She mumbled weakly, looking down as she sniffled. Aileen regarded her carefully for a moment, taking the girls hand in her own.

"Look, I want te ask ye somethin', and I'd like te think ye trust me enough te answer honestly." The older woman said firmly, squeezing Lilas hands to make her look at her. Lila blinked at her, nerves bubbling away inside of her.

"The boys, they're the ones on the news aren't they? The Saints?" Aileen asked carefully as she watched Lilas reaction. Lilas' eyes widened and any colour in her cheeks vanished instantly. She felt like she might throw up again.

"W-What? I don't know what you're talking about." She frowned, taking her hands back and looking like a spooked animal about to bolt. Aileen grabbed her wrist tightly to stop her from running

"Lila, ye know I love ye like me own daughter. And the boys. I'm not about te turn them in. We all know down at the pub. None of ye have been by and after what happened with the Russians…" Aileen looked at the girl imploringly and Lila swallowed thickly. Aileen did not look mad, she wasn't surprised she had figured it out, or that the regulars at the pub had either. Lucky for her, the Irish didn't rat each other out. She couldn't bring herself to speak though.

"Look, what they're doin', it's good. They're doin' what needs te be done that even the police aren't able te do. We all support them. I have te ask though, are ye helpin' them?" Aileen asked softly, worried for the young girl.

"I'm not out there with them if that's what you're asking." She replied weakly, nibbling her lower lip. It felt weird talking about this to someone other than the boys. Aileen nodded relieved, stroking Lilas hands soothingly.

Lila lost track of time with Aileen but she told her everything she knew, feeling safe in the knowledge that what she told the woman would stay between them. She agreed with the boys, why they were doing what they were doing, and honestly, Lila really needed to get it off her fucking chest. She looked at the clock and it was almost one, her eyes widened and she scrambled to get up.

"Fuck, I need to go, I need to see if the boys are back." She threw on her jacket and bag, practically running to the door. Aileen shouted at her to call if they needed anything and with that, she was off. She all but ran back to Rocco's mother's house and she heard a commotion inside. Her stomach clenched as she burst in, her eyes almost bugging out of her head. Murphy was sprawled out on the dining table, Rocco holding him down with a cloth in Murphy's mouth. There was blood fucking everywhere and Connor had hold of an iron.

"What the fuck is this?! Are you out of your damn minds?! Let him go!" She roared, dropped her bag as she ran over to Murphy.

"Leave the boy be! We have te fuckin' do this!" Connor yelled harshly at her, pointing at her with the iron to prove his point. He pushed it against Murphy's arm that was bleeding and the poor boy started thrashing and screaming, the noise muffled by the cloth. Lila fought the urge to be sick, dropping to her knees in front of him and taking his face in her hands. His free hand came to her hair and wound itself in the bun, tugging on it painfully hard but she didn't protest, if it helped ease his pain he could fucking scalp her for all she cared. She was sobbing and Murphy hated seeing her like this, almost like her emotional pain was worse than his physical pain at that moment. Connor released the iron once the wound was successfully cauterized and Murphy slumped, breathless and sweaty and the hand in her hair loosened enough so it wasn't hurting her. He looked at her remorsefully as if he only just realised how close he was to ripping a chunk of her hair out.

The smell of burnt flesh turned her stomach, reminding her so much the Russians burnt ass. She stood up, running to the sink that was covered in blood and she threw up violently, the meagre contents of her stomach coming back up. She heard Rocco then as the twins ironed him next and she couldn't even look, dry heaving into the sink some more as the smell only got worse. She wiped her mouth in time to see Conor release Roc and when the lighter twin moved, she noticed his leg. She felt so sick, they had been shot, this could have killed them. She knew this whole thing was dangerous but the boys always seemed so confident in their abilities, she almost didn't expect this. She caught Murphy's eyes then and he looked at her, full on heartbreak on his face and she had to look away. She watched forlornly as Connor sat, Murphy putting the cloth in his mouth and pulling it tight. Rocco took the iron and a sob left her lips as he brought it down on Connors' leg. He groaned in pain, his hand going into Murphy's hair and gripping it, the darker haired boy biting his lower lip as he struggled to hold his brother still.

She probably would have thrown up again if anything was left in her stomach, she felt lightheaded and her hands were shaking badly. When Murphy released his brother, Lila went to go to him. He gave her a cold look before limping off past her, and her heart sank. She looked to Murphy, pure pain all over her face and he swallowed thickly, coming over to her and wrapping his arms around her tightly, squeezing the air out of her lungs. He buried his face in her neck as he cried, clutching hold of her like she might float away. She cried right along with him, she was shocked, hurting, scared. And to top it all Connor was acting off with her. When Murphy finally cried himself out, he moved away, his red watery eyes looking at her carefully as he stroked her cheeks, wiping away her tears.

"Does he hate me?" She asked sounding pained and confused, making Murphy frown and take a shaky breath.

"No m'girl, he's just dealin' wit' shit." He whispered, his voice hoarse from screaming. She nodded, trying to accept his answer even if it did hurt her deeply.

They sat around the tiny TV as the FBI agent was talking about the murders. Connor wouldn't even look at her and Murphy had her in his lap, not letting her go. His arms were wrapped around her tightly and she lay her head in the crook of his neck.

"Fuckin' hell." Connor muttered tensely as Roccor shut off the TV.

"What? What that guy?" Rocco asked confused, making Lila lift her head looking at him.

"That's the guy that got us off the hook wit' the Chekov thing." Murphy explained, his fingers massaging Lilas scalp affectionately.

"He's one smart man." Connor chimed in, the words settling over them all with their meaning.

"They got nothin'." Rocco argued, shaking his head.

"This guy is very sharp. If he hasn't figured us out yet, he will." Connor said firmly, making Lila tense in Murphy's arms. It wasn't exactly reassuring news.

"Ye bet yer ass he will." Murphy added as he glanced to his brother, only making the dread inside the girl increase.

"Well I'd say that makes him a lia-fuckin'-bility." Rocco stated seriously, eyes wide as he looked at the twins. Lila frowned at her friend, was he really insinuating they kill a fucking FBI agent because he might catch them?

"He isn't te be touched." Connor warned firmly.

"He's a good man." Murphy nodded, agreeing with his twin. At least her boys still had a moral fucking compass.

"Okay, whatever." Rocco sighed, taking a long pull from his beer.

Murphy tapped her thigh getting her attention and when she looked at him, he gestured with his head to the bedroom. She stood and made her way, but when she got there, Murphy was alone as he shut the door behind him. Her heart sank that Connor hadn't joined them. She knew he was processing things, shutting himself off like he usually did, but this was a lot even for her. He hadn't acknowledged her existence apart from yelling at her when she first got in. It was like he wasn't happy to see her at all. Murphy kicked off his boots and moved to sit up on the bed, back against the headboard and pillows and he held his hand out to her, looking at her pleadingly. She followed suit, taking off her boots and climbing onto the bed. She sat sideways on his lap much like she was just moments before and his hand once again got lost in her hair.

For the next hour, Murphy proceeded to tell her everything that had happened. How the guy Rocco was looking for was hidden in the toilet, how he almost killed Roc, how Murphy tried to help him but Connor wasn't having any of it. He wanted Roc to 'earn his stripes' as it were. He told her how when Connor went to shoot someone, Murphy rolled a pool ball to their best friend and he proceeded to smack the guys head in with it. He told her how when they left, an old man with six guns was waiting for them, he told her about the firefight, how Roc lost his finger, he himself got shot in the arm and Connor his leg. He told her everything and she wasn't sure how to deal with the overload of information. She was worried, who the fuck with this old guy that wanted them dead? And now the FBI was closing in on them to top it off. The guys were lucky to get out with the injuries they did, it could have been a lot worse.

Murphy hadn't let her out of his sight since he got back, he hadn't let her out of his grasp either, being overly needy. He sat with her in his lap, nuzzling and kissing her face every so often, occasionally kissing her lips almost desperately but never escalating it to something more. Lila wondered if this was his way of coping with what happened to them all, she couldn't say she minded the affection, it was much better than the cold shoulder she was receiving off Connor. They stayed like that for hours until she fell asleep in his arms, exhausted from the whole thing. The last thing she thought of was that Connor still hadn't come in to see them, despite the fact it was now getting late.

She woke the next morning in the bed, and as everything rushed back to her, she sat up quickly, noticing she was alone in bed. She frowned, climbing out of bed and going into the living room. The place was empty, the boys and Rocco nowhere to be seen and the silence was eery. There wasn't a note, nothing to tell her where they had gone. It seemed strange and it made her stomach turn. She glanced at the clock and it was 6am, where would they need to go at this time? She wondered if they'd gone to mass, although she wasn't sure why Rocco would go with them, so she tried to keep her mind occupied. She set to cleaning all the blood. There was a lot of it and she threw up a few times. She realised she had not eaten since the day before, and even then she had thrown it all back up. She made herself some toast, opting for something light given the state of the place and how high her emotions were.

It took hours but the place was clean, but the boys were still nowhere to be found. She was nervous, why didn't they wake her if they had to go and do something important? Something inside of her knew something was off, her sixth sense firing away that something about them not being here wasn't exactly normal. She went back into the bedroom and her stomach dropped when she noticed things she hadn't before. The boys' duffles with weapons were gone, as were all of their clothes. She glanced to the nightstand and both envelopes of pictures were gone. Why would they need to take all of their stuff if they were coming back? Her heart stilled in her chest, realisation hitting her like a tonne of bricks. They weren't coming back. She didn't want to believe it but all the signs pointed that way. Had they really just fucking left her? No goodbye? No note? No, it had to be something else, she just had to wait and the boys would come back by tonight, and then she could give them hell for being so selfish and careless again.