Chapter 9
I closed my eyes and let my mind wander to that night. For once, I was ready to talk and tell someone my story. Stories that not even my parents knew about. All they knew was the end result. With my fingers rubbing through Edward's hair, I began to open up.
"It was a Halloween and Homecoming party combined. I didn't really want to go, but my best friend talked me into it. Actually I was Jane's alibi. She always told her parent's that she was at my house on the weekends, when in truth she was always with her boyfriend, Dean.
"That night she and I were going to his house for the party of the year. All of his parties are the party of the year, though. I could tell the moment that we drove up to his house that it was going to be a mistake. It was early, yet the yard looked like the party has been going on for weeks."
I shifted just slightly and Edward sat up, but his hands stayed close. I shook my head just slightly, afraid to continue. I knew that I was safe and that Edward would not let anything happen to me, but I could still taste them on me. I could still hear their laughter.
"You don't have to," Edward said looking at me.
"No, but I need to. You told me your family's deep dark secret and if we are to be friends, you will need to know mine."
I took a deep breath letting it out slowly. "People say you get over things like this, but I don't think anyone ever could. At night, I close my eyes, wishing for sleep to come, but at the same time dreading the fact that I will be all alone.
"It was exceptionally dark that night, the only light coming from the lanterns that were hanging up throughout the house and the yard. Jane left immediately to go look for Dean and I began to mingle with some of the kids. Most of them were out of my league, all jock strap guys and cheerleader types.
"Someone came around with a tray of beer or something. I picked up a cup and began to search for Jane, after five minutes of bumping into people, I was ready to go. I never found her. I found Dean, though. I asked if he saw Jane and he nodded and pointed toward the stairs. He took hold of my arm and guided me up. I never thought that it was odd. I have been to his house numerous times and I have even been to his room.
"He opened the door, it was dark, but there was enough light from the hallway to know that Jane was not in there. I turned around to leave when Dean took hold of my arms and pushed me farther into the room."
I could feel Edward's chest begin to rumble and his hand grew into a tight, white fist. I just closed my eyes, wishing that if he could read my mind, now would be the time to do it.
"Look, boys, I found another," Dean said into the dark, with a hint of laughter.
I turned around as he pushed me through his room and roughly threw me on his bed. My head landed hard. I reached up to rub the soreness.
"Dean, your girlfriends, best friend, why? She'll squeal for sure," a voice said that I did not recognize.
"Hey, I don't care; she has a whole or two, which is all I need."
"I looked around but could only see shadow figures. It was not until they all stepped closer to the bed that I knew they were all from the football team, four of them, including Dean. All of them already had their pants down and I knew immediately what they were planning to do."
"Please, Dean don't." I begged.
"Shhh, Bella, don't move and we won't hurt you," Dean said as his hands began to slide up underneath my shirt.
"I wanted to scream, to fight, to do something, but I knew it would be pointless, five boys total in the room and a useless girl. So, I did as I was told, I didn't move. I never made a sound. I kept my eyes closed the entire time. Praying that someone would walk in, but of course no one did. Each of them had a turn, lasting about fifteen minutes each."
I watched as Edward reached up and took a tear from my cheek. "It hurt so badly. I was a virgin and they took that away from me. When it was finally over with, Dean stood up and slapped me hard across the check telling me that if I ever told anyone that he would kill me.
"When he left I stayed there trying to figure out what I needed to do next. But the only thing I could think of was to gather up my stuff and get out of there. I ended up walking the couple of miles back to my house. I was so numb. But when I entered my mom's perfectly decorated apartment I never felt so dirty."
I watched as Edward stood up and then was out of my sight, running so quickly through the woods. The only things left in his presences were the leaves shifting.
"Edward?" I called out.
"Give me a minute."
I decided to continue, I knew that if I stopped now I may not have the nerve to keep going. I knew that wherever Edward was, he could still hear me.
"I kicked off my tennis shoes and unbuttoned my shirt. Finally, in the quiet sanctuary of being in my home and in my room the numbness began to wear off. The tears that have been stinging in my eyes finally began to spill. I walked the short distance to my private bathroom and flipped the light on. Taking in the image of myself, my heart began to crumble; I could already feel my body getting weaker and I was so tired. I took off the rest of my clothing very quickly. I wanted the memories to be gone.
"I picked up the pile of clothes and stuffed them into the garbage can, already planning on taking them to the street for garbage pickup. Standing in the bright florescent light of my bathroom, though, I could fully see the damage that was inflicted on me, and boy did look like a freight. My long brown hair, which is usually perfectly straight and parted just so, was a tangled mess. I could already see the bruise around my eye and lip. I had small cut around my right ear and blood leaking slightly from my mouth.
"I lifted my arms up and could see the hand prints on both sides of my ribs and on my arms, from where they were holding me down. I turned from the mirror wanting to just throw a chair into it. I was broken, shattered into a million pieces, knowing that no one would ever want me. I think that hurt more than the rape."
"I want you," Edward said from behind.
I turned but he wasn't there.
"I reached in and turned on the hot water, I stepped into the shower, ready to wash the grim and dirt away. I picked up my sponge and squirted my favorite strawberry bath soap and began to scrub, starting at my feet and moving up. I wanted it gone. I scrubbed so hard and so fast that I knew my skin was bound to blister and pull away. But I didn't care. I was planning on scrubbing all through the morning, if that meant I was clean again.
"After Christmas break is when I found out I was pregnant and my mother, Renee, immediately thought having an abortion would be the right choice. But I couldn't do. So I runaway and you know the rest."
I turned in a circle and then walked toward the far side of the meadow, still searching for Edward. "You can leave at anytime."
Edward came up behind me and wrapped his hands around my waist. "Why would I leave you?"
"Because I'm broken," I lifted my shirt to expose my belly. "I am a victim of rape, who is pregnant with one of five guys being the father. Who will ever want to be with me again after hearing my story?"
"You made the right choice."
I looked at Edward. "You don't know that."
"Don't I?" Edward said pointing to his head. "Alice has already seen you."
The sun was already beginning to set behind the trees. "So where does Alice see me and my child."
Edward smiled just slightly. "Not now. We should get you home, it is bound to rain soon and I would hate for you to get sick. Besides, you have a biology test that you need to study for."
I wrinkled my nose. "What does it matter? It is recommended that I try and finish school early; which is never going to happen."
"Never say never," Edward said and then lifted me back up onto his back. "Hold on."
"Wait," I said. "Why were you hiding?"
Edward took a deep breath. "I didn't want you to see me when I'm mad. Hearing you tell me about what those guys did, I wanted to go and hunt them down."
"But you stayed."
Edward nodded. "I love you. I will never leave you nor will I ever hurt you."
A/N: This chapter I ended up cutting in half to make the next one, I thought that there was just way too much happening, the next part of this chapter is soon to follow!! I hope that you enjoy! Remember to review!
