Chapter 9: Pushing Me Away

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The sharp clink of glasses met Gary's ears as he steped off the last stair and into the kitchen. Landon was at

seminary, where he was also supposed to be, and everyone but his mom and himself were still asleep.

He hadn't gone to school yesterday. His mom had made an appointment with a shrink.

Like everything can be better..like I can just forget it..

*You'll never be normal again*

Gary watched as his mother loaded dishes into the dishwasher. He knew she was dissapointed in him.

Somehow she knew he didn't believe in God anymore. He could feel it.

"Good morning, Gary", Mrs. Harrison said rather blankly, "You going to go to school today?"

No 'how are you', no 'why were you up all night sobbing your eyes out', just, 'you'd better get to school,

young man!'

His eyes trailed over the laminate as he thought about what going to school today would entail.

More people staring at him because he'd cry and shake for no reason, Cartman being a fuckwad....

Mrs. Harrison didn't notice her son giving his arm a hard pinch before answering, "I really don't think I can

take it today."

She sighed and leaned against the counter, brushing some slightly greying hair out of her face.

"Gary, I know this is hard for you-"

You have no idea.

"and I know you're very confused right now-"

I think maybe you're the one that's confused.

"but you need to go to school."

I need to be reminded what a phycho freak I am.

"I need to be reminded what a phycho freak I am?!?"

"Gary!"

His mother walked over to him briskly and tried to pull him into a hug, but Gary pulled away.

"You're just having problems adjusting to being a teenager and-"

NO. Will anyone even try to listen to me?

"I'm sorry I'm not who I was supposed to be, ok?!?"

Mrs. Harrison steped back as the colour drained from her normaly bright face.

"What are you talking abou-?"

"I was supposed to be perfect, and I'm not," Gary clutched the back of a chair and took a deep breath, "I don't believe in God, mom..I'm not who you want me to be."

His mother was silent in the few seconds he was still in the kitchen, before running out into the cold morning air. That was his truth.

That was the secret.

Why stick around and hear the lecture?

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Pushing Me Away, by Linkin Park

Author's Note: This is the second-to-last chapter. Please review!