Author's Note: Hi, I'm back! (Smiles at the three people who actually notice). The holiday was shorter than planned due to the extremely melodramatic argument I had with my significant other on Valentines--he stormed out and then back in, then I stormed out and basically we spent most of the evening walking in and out of the house while yelling at each other--but that at least means that I get to post an update to this. Yay!
Right, so this is this week's update; I'll post the next chapter next week, mostly because I'm mean like that.
Oh and um...I can take criticism, so ignore that review page blow-up I had the other week. That sort of thing doesn't ususally happen, I promise.
And finally...I'm looking for someone who might be willing to beta some of my work. Any takers? Of course I offer to do the same for them :) but only with regards to Discworld stuff because that's the only fandom I feel I really know.
Downey leaned back and rubbed his stomach contentedly. "Now that was what I'd call a good meal."
"Yes, that was actually not bad," said Rust. "I suppose that servant is good for something, after all."
"Thank you, thur. May I get you thome drinkth?"
"Yes I suppose so." Rust frowned when Igor didn't move. "Well, go then."
"I need to clear away the plateth, thur," Igor explained patiently.
"Oh, be quick about it."
"Yeth, thur." Igor quickly cleared away their plates and cutlery and left the room hurriedly.
"What an awful creature," said Cyril. "I can't wait to get out of this place."
"Oh it could be worse," said Ludorum with a smile. "She's got a decently stocked liquor cabinet for one."
"Speaking of her ladyship, how is she, Vetinari?" asked Downey. "I haven't seen her for days."
"She's very well," said Havelock. "She told me to pass on her apologies for not spending more time with you all but she's been rather busy for the past few days."
Ludorum grinned. "I bet."
Igor entered the room again, this time carrying a tray. "Here'th your drinkth, gentlemen; a brandy for Mr Downey, a cognac for Mr Ludorum…" He placed the drink down on the table. "…A whithky for Mr Rutht, a glath of blood for Lord Vetinari and a therry for Mr de Worde."
Havelock looked at the shocked faces of his companions and smiled. "It's for her ladyship," he explained. "She'll be waking soon and no doubt she'll be hungry. Now if you'll excuse me, gentlemen." He bowed slightly and picking up the glass, left the room.
Now let's see, he thought as he walked, right, left, down the stairs, left, left…Ah here we are…The room he entered was little more than what must have been the remnants of the dungeon, but with one additional fact; in the middle of the room someone had built a large mausoleum. He glanced at the various decorative sculptures on the side of the side of the building and smiling, opened the ornate doors and entered. Inside was just a single coffin, tastefully made in polished walnut. Havelock leaned against a wall and began to wait.
No sooner had he begun to amuse himself by naming all of the cherubs lining the walls then the lid of the coffin swung open and Margolotta sat up. She blinked a few times then looked around, giving him a happy smile as soon as she saw him. "Good evening, Havelock."
"Hello, Margolotta. I thought you might be hungry, so…" he held up the glass. "…I brought you breakfast."
"Aw, you're so sweet," she took it and her smile grew wider. "I love getting breakfast in bed." She took a sip then coughed. "This is cow's blood."
"Yes, I know."
"But I thought it was human…vhy on the disc are you giving me this?"
"And where would I get human blood for you, my lady?" said Havelock, raising an eyebrow.
"From your companions?"
Havelock smiled slightly. "Don't tempt me. No, the contents of that glass are just a required part of your next lesson."
"And vot is that, exactly?"
"In addition to the Low King you'll also need the support of some other opponents of the werewolves; namely the humans of the nearby town."
Margolotta stared at him. "And this--" she waved the glass. "--vill help me achieve that? How?"
"The reason the humans dislike you is because you hunt them, just as the werewolves do; by switching to an animal-blood diet, you will help to lessen your image in their minds as that of an enemy," Havelock explained. He stopped. "Why are you looking at me like that?"
"Hold this," she handed Havelock the glass and climbed out the coffin. "Let me see if I understand you correctly; you vant me to start drinking the blood of animals in order to make the human occupants of Bonk feel safer around me than they do with the verevolves?"
Havelock nodded. "Yes. I spent all day researching it; vampires can live on animal blood just as well as human. There was even a vampire queen in a place called Lancre that never touched a drop of hum--"
"That's because she had people impaled, Havelock," Margolotta sighed. "She vould sit there and eat her raw steak and vatch people being tortured. She had her share of human blood; she just didn't drink it."
"Regardless, it can be done; and after just a few months of an all-animal diet you can go and negotiate a settlement with the town mayor, like you did with the Low King."
"Vot?!"
"Is something wrong?" Havelock asked, surprised.
"You vant me to belittle myself by negotiating with humans? Have you completely lost your mind?" There was an edge to Margolotta's voice that Havelock hadn't heard before. "I am a vampire; I hunt them and kill them as I please because they…don't…matter. It may be different in your city, Havelock, but here in Uberwald humans are little more than a valking meal."
"So you agree with Serafine's opinions after all."
Margolotta sighed again. "Her views are not that uncommon amongst our kind; she's just a little more vocal about them then the rest of us. After all, vould you negotiate with cattle?"
"Cattle?" Havelock frowned. "You know, I'm having trouble deciding which is the more offensive; having my entire species being compared to livestock, or being referred to individually as your pet."
"I vasn't--" Margolotta stopped suddenly and took a deep breath. "Things have been this way in Uberwald for hundreds of years. I don't expect you to condone my views but I do expect you to understand vhy I have them." She looked at him pleadingly. "Please, Havelock, let's not fight anymore."
Havelock sighed. "I suppose it was a bit much to expect you to change four hundred years of behaviour in a few days."
"It's okay, I know your heart is in the right place," she took his arm and began to lead him out of the mausoleum.
"You do know that eventually you will have to do it though, don't you?"
"And vhy is that?"
Havelock stopped and looked at her. "Margolotta, the humans in Uberwald aren't going to stay in snivelling in the metaphorical corner for long, you know. You may be powerful but if you aren't willing to change then you may find that one day the 'cattle' are more of a threat than you give them credit for."
"Perhaps; but do you really think that me pretending to be human is the only answer?"
"My lady, I never said you should do any such thing; I merely suggested that a change in eating habits may be more practical in the long term."
"Havelock, do you know vot happens to vampires vhen they stop drinking human blood?" she asked with a frown.
He shook his head. "No, there weren't--"
"They became rather…eccentric."
"In what way?"
"They start obsessing over the strangest things," she explained. "It's the stress, you see. Being around other people, hearing all that blood just pumping away…" Her gaze drifted down to Havelock's neck and he quickly took a step back. She smiled. "…but I do have a great deal of self-control."
"I'm glad to hear it. Perhaps we could try switching your diet when your guests have gone."
Margolotta beamed at him. "Ve? You're thinking of staying?"
"Er…the thought has crossed my mind, I suppose," he said. "If I did, would that be okay…?"
"Of course it vould!" She hugged him tightly then coughed, stepped back and took a deep breath to calm herself. "I mean…I vould be very happy should you decide to stay longer," she said calmly.
Havelock smiled back at her. "As would I, my lady."
Author's Note: Okay, now just to pre-empt any criticism more of the political stuff will happen next chapter, I promise, so please be patient.
