IF WISHES WERE GOOD-BYES
By: Lesera128
Rated: PG-13

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Everything Harry Potter belongs to the goddess J.K. Rowling. All hail the queen!

A/N: Enjoy!


Chapter 7: A Wand of Ash


She lay on the floor, clutching her sides. How long she had been in the position, Tonks didn't know. The only thing that Tonks did know was the coldness and the colorlessness of her dark and lonely world.

Gray light filtered threw the grimy windows of her bedroom... or, at least the bedroom to which she had fled after Dumbledore had mentioned those empty and hollow words.

"I'm sorry, Sirius... Nymphadora. It's Remus. I'm truly sorry."

Feeling as if she had lost the ability to breath, shock had set in during which time Tonks steadfastly clung to a world where Remus still existed and everything was all right. While in the wide state of denial which Tonks had blissfully clung to, Remus was simply late returning from his mission. He would be home shortly, Tonks thought, and then they would have a chance to talk, and she would put things right between them.

He's just late, Tonks told herself even as she spoke. "What do you mean, it's Remus?" Tonks said. Sirius was eerily quiet beside her. "What are you talking about?" Tonks demanded.

For the first time in her life, Tonks saw something other than amusement in Dumbledore's blue eyes. Indeed, for the first time in her life, Tonks saw that Dumbledore's eyes weren't twinkling. After the fact, Sirius told her that the only other time that he had seen Dumbledore's eyes so obviously clouded with pain and loss was the night that James and Lily had been killed.

And, now, Dumbledore was telling them that Remus was gone...

"He's been lost," Dumbledore said heavily.

Shock began to wear off as disbelief set in its place. "What do you mean Remus has been lost? He knows his way home better than anyone else. Why would he be lost?" Tonks rapidly looked to Sirius and then Dumbledore and then back to Sirius. "Right, Sirius? Remus knows his way home. There has obviously been some kind of mistake."

She glanced at Dumbledore. "Professor?"

Dumbledore was so quiet that Tonks had to strain to hear him. "I'm afraid there has been no mistake, Miss Tonks."

Tonks looked wild eyed from Dumbledore and then to Sirius. She nodded at her cousin. "Sirius, come on. This is all some kind of mistake."

Sirius reached out a hand and gently placed it on her shoulder. "Do you honestly think that Professor Dumbledore would be here if he weren't absolutely sure, Dora?"

Dora pulled herself free of Sirius' gentle grasp. She quickly spun around to face Dumbledore. He has had seated himself at the kitchen table and looked just the least bit more tired than normal.

"It's a mistake, right, Professor Dumbledore? Remus... well, it's just got to be a mistake."

"I wish it were, Miss Tonks," Dumbledore said quietly as he reached into his cloak and withdrew a lumpy package wrapped in a piece of burgundy cloth. Dumbledore gingerly laid the bundle on the table, and with carefully measured movements, he gently unwrapped the package to reveal a small group of objects. As he lightly placed the edges of the cloth on the table, and withdrew his hand so that all could see that which he proffered, Tonks felt her heart stop beating.

It was ironic that one Black cousin, the one who had known Remus Lupin for so long, didn't recognize the bits of wood on sight while the other, the other who had known and loved Lupin from the hour of her entrance to this earth, recognized them immediately. Tonks tried to find her voice as she stumbled backwards from the table where the splinters of what had once been a wand lay on the scrubbed and scoured rough surface of the kitchen table. Meanwhile, Sirius moved forward and carefully picked up one of the splinters.

"What is this?" Sirius asked. Turning the wood over in his hand, he winced as he said softly, "It's covered in dry blood."

"I know," Dumbledore sighed. "It was all that could be... retrieved."

Sirius looked up at Dumbledore, afraid to ask the obvious, but left with no alternative, he said quietly, "What is this?"

It was at this point that Tonks choked back a breath as she said in a high pitched voice, "It's Remus' wand."

Dumbledore nodded. "Or, what's left of it at the very least."

"Ash, 11 ΒΌ inches, core is... its core was heart of dragonstring," Sirius breathed. "He's had that wand since the day he turned eleven years old. There is no way he would have left it behind unless he were..."

"Gone," Tonks said softly. She paused, tears filling her eyes as she looked up at Dumbledore. "He's really gone?"

Dumbledore remained silent in answer to her question and simply bowed his head in reply.

She would later wonder what the source of the loud scream was before she realized it was from herself. Tonks felt her knees go weak. Dumbledore saw her start to fall, and merely said, "Sirius."

Sirius turned, and as he was closer to Tonks, he dropped the wand's splinters back onto the table with one hand and reached out for her with the other. "Dora."

Tonks' head suddenly felt so heavy. She couldn't feel anything -- she was feeling too much. She cried out as Sirius held her more tightly. However, it didn't matter how tightly Sirius clutched his cousin. It took only a moment before he unexpectedly found Dora beginning to pound on his chest.

"NO," she whispered. "This can't be happening."

"Dora..." Sirius whispered.

"NO!"

Pushing him away, Tonks gave one final shove and backed away from Sirius. He stumbled, but caught himself. Tonks shook her head as she said threw a wall of tears. "I... this, I can't deal with this right now."

"Dora, wait..." Sirius called out.

But, it was too late as she was already gone.