A month had passed and still my feelings for Santana were my secret, one that I only shared with Rachel and even then I hadn't told her the full extent of them. Mostly because I didn't really know, everyday everything got better and I found myself becoming increasingly happier. There was an honest conversation but it wasn't the sort I know you're probably hoping for.
There we were laying in the hammock by the pool, she had just gotten a call about one of her best friends from back home who had just gotten into a car accident. She was taking a trip to go back up north to the small town she was from before her parents had moved them to the city. Being her friend I offered to go with her but she said it was something she had to do on her own, and I wasn't sure why until Quinn had filled me in later. Her friend, Kitty, was her first love and had totally swept her off her feet. According to Quinn they had been best friends and then they realized one day that it was much more. I was really relating to that and I let out slight laugh when Quinn told me. I had heard stories from both Rachel and Quinn about Kitty but I wasn't aware it was the same person until later that day. She was in rough shape, and even though Santana hadn't spoken to her since she left Napa her first instinct was to go to her and I completely understood. If it were me, I would have done the same thing. I'm not sure how but even though I knew she was hurting I had managed to make Santana laugh and in that moment it sort of just came out. "Love ya, in a completely platonic way." I said as I looked over at her and then there was that smile again, and my stomach was caught in my throat. She leaned over and kissed my cheek. "I love you too, in that friendly, platonic way. You don't have to add the ya, I know we're just friends." Oh yeah, that hurt. Like hell. Friends was better than nothing though so I sucked it up and took it for what it was worth. And it was still worth quite a lot but I still wasn't looking forward to more time away from Santana. ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
There I was helping Santana pack up her car for the road trip home. "I'm going to miss you, please call me when you get there."
"I will, text me while Quinn drives so I don't kill her?"
"Of course." We hugged and I hoped that it made her feel a little better. I still wished I could be the one to go with her but I understood that I'd just be getting in the way. Her and Kitty had some things to work out and I knew it was going to be hard for her to see the girl she once loved and maybe still did, as more than a friend, laying in hospital bed.
Three hours later I was laying on the couch, Santana had just gotten to the hospital and had turned her phone off. Apparently Quinn had surprised her and bought her a plane ticket rather than taking forever to get there by driving. As for me, I laid on the couch and flipped throuh the channels before getting up and putting my running shoes on. It was all I could do to keep my mind off the girl, run fast and hard and not think about anything else. Finally I found myself lying on the sand soaking up that last few minutes of sun. I can't explain how scared I was, firstly that Kitty was going to be okay and secondly that Santana would realize that even after all this time she still found herself in love with the blonde girl. It was selfish and stupid and I was a little jealous, there was no hiding it; at least not from myself. Once again making me realize how badly I was falling for her. First things first, I had to be her friend and help her through the rough time I knew she was going through.
When I got home, I was so tired that I crawled into bed and pulled the blankets up around me and turned my stereo on low and listened to the cd in the player. Every song reminded me of Santana in some way, it always had a way of helping me relax. Picking up my phone I was surprised to see a message from her, actually five messages from her. Smiling I texted her back immediately and like usual when I talked to her, everything else faded away. In that moment as we were both falling asleep I knew that even if we stayed friends, she was still the best person to ever enter my life.
TBC…
