ISSUE # 9:
VEGETAL HAS ARRIVED! OR SOMETHING.
Soson Goku is still missing, lost in the Other World. Chungohan is lost as well... in the jungle (and is becoming a hippy) Wilma keeps looking for the Balls. And an ominous menace threatens our dear planet. Uf, I'm sooo scared.
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ONI CLERK: At the end of this path lies the home of our master, Peskaito.
GOKU: Isn't it a bit, well, LONG? And why is it called 'Snake's Way', huh?
ONI CLERK: Here is the answer to both questions. (opens a box) (snake jumps out)
SNAKE: Hissssh! (GOKU: (0_0).) (snake pursues Goku)
ONI CLERK: With the incentive we give to everyone who must travel from here, they will feel as if the journey lasted a wheeze. Run, Incentive, run! You almost got him!
(Back to Earth. Everyone is preparing for the fight the best they can.)
ROSHI: By now Goku must be starting his training in the Other World. Ah, how I envy him.
CHIQUILIN: (¬_¬)
(Discolo is meditating in some mountain, levitating rocks. Wilma approaches him.)
WILMA: Ne, Discolo, where is Chungohan? I want to have a talk with him.
DISCOLO: Don't know. He dissapeared when I wasn't watching. (WILMA: What?!) Hey, I'm not his nanny, okay? And I'm busy training. I you want him, go look for him yourself.
WILMA: You mean peahead...! But well, I only wanted to know if he would lend me his Ke-huron Ball, as I'm gathering them again... I suppose I could always locate him with my Ball Scanner... Let's see. What! He is THAT far away?! I must ask dad for money...
(Goku has seemingly reached the end of Snake's Way, just as the snake dropped dead.)
GOKU: Arf, finally, this bugger has fainted... Huh? It's Peskaito's place! I did it, yay!
(He takes a look around and sees Peskaito's planet is just a few meters away from the start of Snake Way. He dones a BIG sweatdrop. Then starts running towards the place)
GOKU: Eeeeh, Master Peskaito! Hi, it's me, I'm finally here! (PLAM!)
(He crashes agaisnt the planet's surface, and then gravity readjusts around himself.)
MARSUPILAMI: (appears) Huba?
GOKU: ??? Master Peskaito? Is that you?
PESKAITO: (arrives) No, it's not me! I'm fed up of people mistaking me for my pet!
GOKU: Ah, yes, I remember now... blue and with antennas... Discolo said so...
(In the jungle we know well, Wilma is smacking some raptors with her new mecha suit)
WILMA: Good, these overgrown lizards won't bother me anymore. They almost scratch my new mecha suit. The Scanner's signal points to that waterfall straight there! Lesee...
(Chungohan, Pumba and Timon from 'Lion King' are singing Hakuna Matata.)
WILMA: I'm siiick, SICK of this damm family of morooons...! (screams)
CHUNGOHAN: What's up with the histeric lady?
PUYAJIN: (in space) Er, boss, I suppose the dry-cleaner's bill is covered by our insurance, right?
PUYAJIN 2: Shut up dork, don't go talking about those dirty things or I'll want to as well...
CHUNGOHAN: (back in Earth) And then I decided to abandon the fighting. My friends here have convinced me to join their comunnity, and from now on I will avoid anything having to do with materialism, violence or even playing lottery.
WILMA: Good then. What sort of place is this, huh?
CHUNGOHAN: As my friends told me, this was an experimentation ground for cloning dinosaurs by recovering their fosilized DNA, then completing it with frogs', anphibians' and the like. Too bad the first results were not exactly the most satisfactory.
(Some nearby triceratops are croaking and eating flies. The panel changes to a sunset.)
CHUNGOHAN: Well, say hello to mom on my behalf, and tell her to not worry about me, as I'm very comfortable here and I hope you are able to take on the coming Puyajins!
WILMA: What?! Are you gonna pass from everything while those brutes come and beat us? Don't you want to face them? No way kid, I don't wanna either, so you WILL go cause I'm boss! (lifts him) (runs)
CHUNGOHAN: Hey, Wilma, It's about five o'clock, you don't want to be roaming the jungle at this hour!
WILMA: Why not, kiddo? (CRACK!) (CHUNGOHAN: That's why...)
(A parachuting elephant has dropped on Wilma's mecha suit and smashed it to pieces.)
CHUNGOHAN: I bet you didn't know why the crocodiles were so flat...
WILMA: Yes, I KNEW! (cries) Waaah, my thing with this family must be a curse...
CHUNGOHAN: Uf, man, if you are so desperate... I think yes, I'll go. You were right, I was wrongly used to live in this place, where everything's so easy... I must risk my life for the ones that trust me, and if I die... well, my sacrifice won't have been in vain.
(Wilma sweeps a tear. Back to Peskaito's planet, he is making his prerequisites known.)
PESKAITO: The rules for training under my guidance are very strict... and there exists an essential requisite for being admited! (GOKU: What is it?) You must tell me a joke of make me laugh somehow! It can get pretty boring here only with this monkey around...
GOKU: What do I do now? I have no idea about joke-telling! You said 'laugh', right?
[Goku kicks Peskaito's ankle off-screen, and it gives him a teary-eyed fit of laughter.]
GOKU: Er, I only knew of this method, so...
(Meanwhile, in Roshi's rebuilt beach home, training is quite tough as well.)
LUNCH: Te Sin Pan, your drink!
OOLONG: We were lucky they finally wanted to train, right Master?
ROSHI: Not quite... the oncoming battle's outcome is still uncertain... I'm inclined to believe it'll be a good idea to ask my sis, Babosa the Fortuneteller, about the future of this conflict. I think she announces her telephone on TV. (Oolong goes to get it)
CHIQUILIN: Geez, that Te Sin Pan guy is hella lucky! It was by pure chance that girl with the personality disorder found him in the disco pub and stuck to him like glue!
YANSHA: Yep, lifes sucks that many shades of color... I'm still not sure myself about what Wilma really feels for me. And I tried to get some face-scars to show more character!
HAVOC: Hard cutter work, if I dare say.
(Wilma and Chungohan have reached the plains where Discolo is training.)
WILMA: Ep, Discolo! Chungohan says he wants you to train him for future battles.
DISCOLO: (0_0) Son of a... he survived! Eeer, of course! The time you spent in that jungle was part of your special training, I had it all planned, kid! Damm, he's still alive!
WILMA: (cries) Waaah, I can't believe it, the boy is a true hero...! (sobs)
(In Babosa's office, the fortuneteller uses her ball while everyone gathers around.)
BABOSA: Oh magic ball of inmense power and 200000 Zenni price-tag that I still have to pay in easy-to-do installments... show us the inmediate future, the battle's outcome!
(In the ball appear Nacho and Alvaro, about to shoot their own brains out.)
ROSHI: What was that?
BABOSA: Dunno, there must be some interference... now I'm getting something! (ball image changes) Some powerful warriors coming from a far, far away world smash and destroy everything they find... but the war isn't over yet and it must continue on another place! It seems to be related to Discolo, king of demons... (finishes) Well, now for my fortune's fee, kiddo. It's gonna cost you half a million... or my boys will take care of ye.
(Back in Peskaito's place, he has regained composure and further explains things.)
PESKAITO: Well, once passed your, ahem, admission trial, let's begin the lessons.
GOKU: I said I'm sorry...
PESKAITO: For starters, you must concentrate all your energy in your exercises, as to make them more fruitful... (huba!) Once you have learned to channel all that energy, you'll know how to dosify it as to make the most of the battle... (huba!) You could use it all at once if the enemy is tougher than you thought. (huba!) If you excuse me... ARGN!
(The Kai chops his Marsu's tail off, and it transforms into a regular black monkey.)
MONKEY: Huba?
PESKAITO: Bah, let's forget all that theory and begin practising. Catch that bug here!
GOKU: (sprays Gregory) (GREGORY: Aaaag...)
PESKAITO: NO, NO! You had to use this mallet I was gonna lend you! (huba!)
GOKU: Ah, okay...
PESKAITO: Meh, let's leave that one too. We will start another practical exercise. You must learn to channel your energy with exercises that will serve you as a warming up...
GOKU: And what's that?
PESKAITO: You'll know soon. MWAHAHAHA! (huba?)
WILMA: (back in Earth) Are you sure this training isn't unnecessarily risky?
DISCOLO: 'course not, it's about time he became a real man.
(Chungohan is wearing only a sign saying 'I hate niggers' in a conflictive looking area.)
NARRATION: This is the 'indirect' training designed for Soson Goku.
(He is seen washing a car, painting a fence, sweeping leaves and building an underway.)
PESKAITO: His 'indirect training' is becoming rather productive, if I may say... He is making this planetoid look like new! I think I'll later make him wash Snake's Way...
PUYAJIN: Look out boss, here comes the Hubble! (clunc!)
PUYAJIN 2: We are running out of food and I need a shaving! We must end this now!
NARRATION: Chungohan continues his rigourus training... the best he's able...
DISCOLO: (in a hospital) When you pass these ones, I'll add anothers. Ack, he did it!
CHICHA: (outside the room) Where is my dear boy?
NURSE: Miss, don't panic please, put that nuclear head down!
(GOSH: Hum, the Puyajins are exerting great pressure on our control forces... we can't hold them in orbit for much longer. I sincerely hope our fighters are getting better...)
CHIQUILIN: Zzzz... (sleeps under weights)
YANSHA: Should I awake him or can I count on you?
TESINPAN: But do it quietly, if Master Roshi busts us he is able to make us continue!
CHICHA: (entered room) What's this thing I keep hearing about my kid fighting super warriors from another planet?
DISCOLO: It is what he decided himself. (CHUNGOHAN: It's true mom, I want to.)
CHICHA: Shut up, boy! This doesn't concern you!
CHUNGOHAN: But everything's part of his plan... you see, when Discolo killed dad...
CHICHA: He killed WHO?! (DISCOLO: Don't try to fix it, kiddo...)
(Chicha verbally fights Discolo, calling him 'monster' and 'kiwi-face'. Wilma waits.)
PESKAITO: A little more... okay, perfect! I've always wanted more floors on my hut...
GOKU: (atop the skyscraper) Whew. After all this, I must have done a ton of training.
PESKAITO: Hum, I'm fresh out of ideas... I think it's about time I send him back... a shame he couldn't wait. Now I'll think of the techniques he's supposed to have learned.
(In space, the Puyajins have finally escaped from Gosh's mind lock. He is shocked.)
PUYAJIN: Ha, I did it, finally we retook the controls!
GOSH: Oh no, they are free!
PESKAITO: (back there) And doing this hand gesture you'll pull out the Kai Asskick, of course, don't forget to shout out its name very loudly to make its copyrights clear...
GOKU: (narrows eyes) And this thing that suddenly appeared... what is it?
PESKAITO: I think something is happening on Earth... It looks like... a typographical symbol indicating 'admiration' or 'surprise'... I'll connect to check... (uses antennas)
GOKU: Well, if you can channel Cadena Cien it's good enough for me.
PESKAITO: The Puyajin invaders from planet Vegetal! They are landing on Earth!
GOKU: Ha, that's why I have been training for! I must get back at once!
PESKAITO: Not so fast boy, you can't return to the world of the Living if someone does not revive you first! Moreover, you still have to pay for your classes, of course...
ROSHI: (in Earth) So they are arriving! Well, I'll tell you my plan. I'll figure out where the space pods will land, and I will get Chiquilin, Havoc, Te Sin Pan and Yansha there. So Ulom and Miss Lancha, go to the hospital and retrieve Chungohan, and... Wilma...
WILMA: Yes I know, look for the Balls. I want to wish that...
ROSHI: That can wait! Make him revive Goku! (WILMA: You crazy?!) Don't question my orders now, this is an emergency! Go finish gathering them and do as I said!
WILMA: (grunts) (ROSHI: Discolo, help her, and make it on time!) (Discolo grunts)
COMPUTER: Fifteen minutes until landing... selecting landing point... biiip...
NARRATION: Guided by Roshi's trusty instincts our friends look for such landing site.
ROSHI: (from the airship) I can't be wrong, it is just ahead... due North!
NARRATION: ... quest which ends up being quite longer than expected...
TESINPAN: (looking at the pyramids) Er, Master Roshi, you sure it's around here?
NARRATION: Meanwhile, thanks to Discolo's power the Balls are gathered again...
WILMA: I think you overreacted when that lady didn't want to give you the Ball that landed in her living room. You didn't need to stuff it through her anus and back out...
DISCOLO: Shut up, I know how to handle this stuff...
WILMA: Well then... I summon you, holy dragon, Ke-huron! (FUOOOSSH!)
KEHURON: Here I am! Express your wish, then!
WILMA: We want... er, command you to revive Soson Goku, stuck in the Other World!
KEHURON: (0_0) Ahem, don't you want ANY other thing? If you are out of ideas...
DISCOLO: Heck, I personally...
(In the Other World, strings are being pulled so that Goku can go back to his world.)
ONI CLERK: Mister Soson Goku, your presence is required on planet Earth.
GOKU: Yay, good! (jumps outta Snake's Way) Well, later guys, we need me there...
DREDD: Wait a sec, kid! It's not that easy, you can't go to and from the Other World as if you traveled from Villarriba to Villabajo! There's paperwork, signing out and...!
(Judge Dredd keeps on rambling, while Ulom and Lancha sort of kidnap Chungohan.)
LANCHA: We are outta here! (shoots her machine gun)
ULOM: You know, Lancha, I'm impressed by the way you convinced Miss Chicha...
(She tied her up with hospital stuff, McGiver style. Roshi and the others keep searching)
TESINPAN: Master Roshi, I'm starting to doubt your sense of direction! (shivers)
ROSHI: (kicks a penguin) Blah... hey, wait a sec! They won't even go near where we were heading! Such a silly mistake... but then, WHERE the heck are they gonna land?
(Two shiny dots in the sky fly above Kame House. They are the pods, which crash it.)
VEGETAL: (emerges) Well, I'll say it's about time we get to work, right Napalm?
NAPALM: 'Course, boss! If I get a hold of the orbiting-around dude, I'll impale him in a lamp post!
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BABOSA: Means 'slug' in Spanish. Parodic name for Baba.
KAI ASSKICK: In the original it was called 'Golpe de Peskaito'. I needed something that sounded similar to 'Kaio Ken'...
ULOM: Funny way of pronouncing Oolong's name. I think.
LANCHA: Spanish for 'motorboat', here is Lunch's parodic name.
CADENA CIEN: Name of a radio channel, still broadcasted in Spain.
VILLARRIBA / VILLABAJO: Names of two cities featured in Fairy's detergent ads in Spain.
NAPALM: Parodic name for Nappa. Exactly what it says on the name.
