Chapter 9

"Castiel!" Dean choked out as he struggled to find his footing. Damn that bitch was strong. He forgot how strong those things could be.

"Dean!" He heard the familiar voice say and Dean turned to see Cas standing before him covered in his own blood.

"Cas!" Dean exclaimed and ran to his friend's side. Suddenly his hands were on Cas's body; feeling his stomach; looking for wounds. "Did she hurt you? Did she hurt you?"

"Dean," Cas said softly and placed both his hands, warm and gentle, over Deans. "I don't have much time. I…need to speak with you. Alone." Nervous trepidation threaten to grab Dean by the balls and he let out a sound akin to a baby calf. He glanced at Sam who also was finding his footing and, realizing his hands were still on Cas's stomach, took aggressive step back from the angel.

"It's ok," Sam said as he rubbed at his throat, "I need to burn this body anyway. I'll meet you back at the motel." Dean and Sam looked at each other for a long time. How long had his brother known there was something going on? It didn't matter.

"Ok," Dean said gruffly and turned to Cas once more. "Where do you want to do this?" Cas lifted his fingers to Dean's forehead and placed them there with a flash of light. A moment later, they were gone.

Dean stepped away from Cas and looked around. They were in the middle of an open field that stretched far into the darkness of night.

"Is this where you like to go, Cas? Your meadow?"

"Yes Dean," Cas said and Dean turned to see that he was in a fresh shirt and tie; his jacket draped over his arm. When did hell he have time to change and get all cleaned up? "I like to come here and think."

"Why?" Dean asked with a chuckle, "There is nothing here?" Castiel stepped closer to him.

"But you're wrong," he said softly and covered Dean's eyes with his hands. Dean could feel Cas's chest brush against his as he leaned in to whisper in his ear. "Listen to the sounds, Dean."

"Cas…"

"Shh," Cas whispered, "listen." Dean closed his eyes and listened to the breeze of the crisp spring air. He listened to toads croaking in the distance, and crickets closer by chirping to the moonlight. Off in the night somewhere, a coyote yipped for his mate.

"Castiel," Dean whispered.

"I came here, Dean," Cas said softly, "and laid in the grass. I thought about you. Will you lay with me here now, Dean?" Cas pulled his hand away then and Dean opened his eyes. He felt nervous all of a sudden as he studied the intent blue of Castiel's gaze. He could get lost a thousand times over in the depths of the other man's eyes.

"Uh…yeah, sure," Dean said trying to sound casual. He got down on the ground and settled in to a comfortable place in the grass. Soon, Castiel joined him. Dean could feel the warmth of the angel lying next to him and closed his eyes. He listened to the sounds of the meadow and thought about Cas the way the angel had thought about him.

How many times had Dean fallen into bed with this woman or that woman? How many people did he encounter who tried so hard to reach him, but never did he feel it in his heart to do anything more than share his bed? He blamed his lifestyle; he blamed the hunt…but even Sam felt connections to the women he took to his bedroom. Hell, he was loyal to them to a fault which was why they had such a problem with Ruby.

So if Sam was like that, why not Dean? He never thought to place himself into a sexual identity; he was merely a man of opportunity, but he never took any notice to men before. It was always women that sparked his charm. Was that the way that his dad had shown him? Or was he the subject of his own creation; personified as the typical James Dean duster: rolling in and rolling on always like a rolling stone.

And why was Castiel so different? Why now does his heart race and his breath catch in his throat the way it had never done before? He knew there was something inside him for a long time. Something he fought to ignore because Cas was his friend and he didn't want things to grow uneasy between them, but it was always Cas's loyalty and acceptance of Dean that drew him back to the man. Dean liked how Cas would not back down from him the way Sam did, and the way he would do anything, even at risk of his own life, to keep Dean safe. So many times Dean had to be the protector and the one to go in with guns blazing, but with Cas he could kind of take a back seat every once and a while and let the angel take care of him.

Yeah, Dean had it bad. He knew he did. But it never was an issue until Cas came back under some sort of love spell and do his goo-goo eyes at Dean and made him feel like his heart was going to beat right out of his damn chest. Cupid or Eros or whatever his name was, got the whole shit pot stirred up on this one, and for what purpose? So that Dean could feel the pain of seeing the love fade in Castiel's eyes? Why would anyone see a game in that?

"Dean," Castiel said softly and his voice made the other man jump a little. They had been so quiet for so long, he had almost forgotten Cas was there. "Dean, I have to tell you something."

"Cas, don't," Dean said and he could hear a tremor in his voice. He couldn't hear this. Not now. Not when he knew it would all be gone again tomorrow.

"Dean, I am in love with you," Cas said as he looked up into the night sky, "and I have always been in love with you."

"Cas, stop," Dean groaned.

"From the moment I pulled you from Hell, and you looked at me so desperate and scared…I have loved you without falter. I have watched you and tried to protect you, and I have given up everything on heaven and earth to be by your side. I give myself to you, Dean, my heart is yours completely. And…I just needed you to know."

"Why? Why did you need me to know this?" Dean said without looking at his friend. He stared at the vast expanse of stars overhead as tears welled in his eyes and spills down the side of his face. "What is the point in all this when you are just going to go back to the way you were? You never can feel for me the way I want you to so why put me through all this?" Dean wiped at his face, angry at how stupid he sounded but feeling unable to stop. So quickly Cas was able to strip away his guard and lay him bare.

"Dean." Castiel whispered as he turned and propped his body up with his arm. He reached out with one gentle finger and brushed a tear off of Dean's face. "Look at me please." Dean swallowed hard and stared at the sky a moment longer; searching for a way to stop his heart from breaking, before turning his gaze to the man next to him. Castiel's eyes, once open like vast rivers he felt he could drown in, seemed just a little duller. Even in the deep richness of the moonlit night, Dean could tell they weren't as blue as before.

"Dean, I will still love you long after Eros's influence fades. It may not be in the same way…but I will never stop loving you. I tell you this now because…well we still have tonight." Cas reached out and traced the lines of Dean's face. "And I wanted you to understand that my heart is completely yours."

"But it's not really, is it?" Dean cried. For he was truly crying then. A big sack of blubbering horse shit. He grabbed at Castiel's hand and pushed it away from his face, suddenly furious at the other man for bringing him there. "You serve heaven, and your father, and the whole merry bunch of them will always stand between you and me. Because you're an angel, Cas. And I'm not."

"Dean," Castiel whispered again and his hands moved to wipe tears away from Dean's face only for them to be replaced with fresh ones.

"Stop it," Dean pleaded as Cas leaned over him. He squeezed shut his eyes, trying to escape the night. "Stop touching me!"

"Dean," he heard Castiel whisper once more, closer now, and then suddenly the sensation of the man's lips were upon his own. Dean refused to open his eyes. Part of him wanted to pretend none of this was happening and part of him wanted it not to end. After a moment of fighting he gave in to the other man and opened his mouth to receive him.

Their kiss was brief and felt eternal. The burning inside of Dean ignited into a blaze that he never in his life experienced before. He reached out and embraced Castiel, pulling him closer, and their kiss grew more desperate and needing. He knew their time was short; he could sense the other man's emotions withdrawing already, but he couldn't let go of the hope that somehow this could be the start of something more between them. Something he never knew he always wanted and something he was loathed to think he could never have. He pulled away and studied the little warmth left in Castiel's eyes. He didn't want to ever forget the way Cas's eyes looked these past two day, and how that look made him feel. He could see tears shining in those eyes which were reflective of his own, and knew how deeply they hurt together for something they have both so desperately wanted for so long.

"Castiel…please. Please don't go away again."

"Dean…Dean…" Castiel's hands moved along the ridges of Dean's ribs; up his chest, and in an instant they were kissing again. Letting go of his fear and his pain and his longing, Dean gave in to the moment and the night. Tears never stopped falling from either man's face as their hands explored the feel of the other's body, and their mouths drank upon each other's desire. Dean stopped noticing the tears as the world dissolved around them, and everything fell away. All was lost to him, until there was nothing left to know but Cas and Dean. Cas and Dean. Together.