Ken felt another wave of dizziness sweep over him- he still managed to stumble down the hallway and into his small bedroom. Unsuccessfully he tried to steady himself instead he just flopped ungracefully onto his unmade bed. This had become normal for him the months since they war had begun in earnest again. Using the hypershoot, and then he felt sick for hours afterwards. He could generally fake being tired to rest of the team, that lie was shattered by his recent collapse on board the Gatchasparten.

The lecture Joe gave him only added to headache that had started to come to life in his brain shortly after he woke up at the base medical centre.

Using the hypershoot always left him feeling depressed and weak. Normally he could hide it from the rest of them and he chided himself for being so transparent on the last mission, but this time he just couldn't function and passing out didn't help matters. The thought of Galactor and their existence that stole his dreams and his hopes for a future outside of the Science Ninja Team spurred him on and forced him to push boundaries that he would never had done years ago. Then when he looked into Jun's anguished face while he stood on top of the Gatchasparten he just had to finish off the mecha himself to release the pain and longing he felt towards her. He wanted it to be over- he wanted the eternal pain he felt with every beat of his heart to be over. Looking into Jun's desperate eyes even for that split second sent home that because his carelessness he lost his chance at having a family of his own… Then Joe torn her away and forced her into the Gatchasparten so he could get on with doing his job.

He thought Joe of all people would understand his hatred and need for revenge- from the Condor's actions he began to doubt it. Why was Joe pulling him back? His thoughts flicked back to the moment he woke up.

"Give it a rest Joe, who's in command of this team?" Ken glowered before he looked over at Jun's sad green eyes, he watched as she carefully masked them to just being mildly concerned.

She deserves a better man than me… A man who wouldn't leave her for months at a time to pursue his own interests… A man who hadn't become just like his father when he promised her silently he wouldn't… Ken thought as tried to open his eyes only to see white flashes of light dancing before his eyes. He thought more about the questioning look in her beautiful eyes he caught glimpse of in passing. A look he saw often in the first war, but he didn't realize the significance of it for a long time.

What did she want from him? He mused as mixed emotions torn at his heart and he tried to compress them, and put them back in their place. Why couldn't he truly let her go in his heart and stop what he felt each time he looked at her?

The endless questions flowing through his mind only added to his headache and fired his passion when he held the powerful sword in his grasp and struck out at the mecha before him. Throwing his pain into the melting steel and watching it twist and fall apart only fuel his rage- Ken could feel the intense heat radiating and at times it threatened to burn him up with its radiation. Ken could feel it wanting to consume him. He resisted the temptation to cave into it's desires. He had a job to do, a final mission to complete before he could ever think of a life for himself …

Ken sat up as the dizziness began to subside. Time held no relevance to him, night or day, Ken didn't care, and he could have been sleeping again for hours for all he knew.

Ken no longer wanted to be alone and indulge in his thoughts as he gingerly stood up and made his way out of his bedroom and down the hall again, he found his feet walking towards to Jun's private quarters without having given it any thought.

He knocked on the door but there was no answer. Assuming she was likely to be in the shower he pressed in the code to open the door.

Silence blanketed the small tidy lounge room of her quarters and he could tell she wasn't there. Ken looked around at the personal touches that spoke of a young woman that liked to make a home from the familiar worn bronze coloured cushions that had been on her couch in the loft above the Snack J. A cup with her name on it sat on a side table, a small picture of her and Jinpei beside it. He could see her sitting there quietly reading a magazine. Her soft rose bud lips turning up at something that amused her, a strand of black hair caressing her flawless ivory skin. She wouldn't be the kind of woman a person would pick as the Swan of the Science Ninja Team. For many she would appear too delicate, to feminine and soft natured to be a fighter. Ken knew it was that deception that made Dr. Nambu chose her to be part of the team, along with her spirited nature and intelligence. They were the very things that attracted him to her, even if he was in denial of it for a long time of how he truly felt about Jun. Then it all fell apart because of a lie, one he later began to see had been partly his fault.

From the corner of his eye he spotted a few books strewn across a small side table, something about the titles made his heart sink as he walked over and picked one up.

"Moving on." A guide to dealing with a work place romance that is over, how to keep the friendship between you and be professional …

Huh!! Ken put the book down, and then he looked at another title. "She's reading books about getting over me?" He gasped in shock. "Do I need that much getting over…?"

She's not totally over us either? He thought. She's holding back… That explains the questioning glances despite the way she responded to him when the subject of their brief relationship came up. But can a couple give up a baby like they did and still workout in a relationship together. Ken asked himself.

He never thought she would do that. It had never occurred to Ken to pick up a self help book to try and deal with his internal emotions. I had become much easier just to switch them off and deal with them at a later date. That time never came. Ken realized.

Slowly Ken put the book down and he blinked back tears that had to nerve to spring into his eyes, emotions that didn't have his permission to surface defied his inner commands.

He wanted her love… but was there to much pain there for them to work even of the war was over for good?

I'm fighting for you too Jun…so you can have a chance of the life you want to have, and to have someone who'll treat you in the way you deserve. Ken closed his eyes as a tear escaped because of the grief he felt at loss he suffered in his heart. "I love you Jun…but I can't tell you that because it can't be…we can't be together…its so unfair."

Turning around he reluctantly left the her quarters to return to his own, the only choice Ken felt he had now was to fight with every ouch of strength to win this war knowing he wouldn't survive to see peace. But at least Jun would be free to live the life she deserved. And Dyami would grow up knowing what it's like to have a family in a way he didn't.

Rounding the corner he Ken decided to change course and go for a walk outside of the base. The first thing he saw was the bright morning sun followed by a cool breeze leaving the base through a back entrance he walked for a while through the forest, he was about to turn back and find some breakfast when the sound of familiar voices drifted to his ears.

"…I don't know Joe…there's more to it than that." The sound of Jun's low worried tone met his ears.

"Well I do, he's losing it." Joe said in his usual manner. "He's never been that impulsive on missions…"

"I agree with the both of you something about Ken isn't right…" Jun mused the tone of her voice made him stop in his tracks.

" Have you asked him why he's decided being impulsive is the new strategy?" Joe said.

Ken snuck up closer through the undergrowth towards their voices anger flare up inside of him at this meeting taking place behind his back.

"Kinda, but you know Ken…" Jun sounded lost.

And Joe's the one she turns too, Ken began to feel envious of this conversation, still he kept silent as he approached them.

"He withdraws often after missions and retreats to his private quarters…sometimes I don't recognise him…he's becoming a stranger even to himself." Jun's wounded voice stung him.

"I know, he's determined to win, no matter the cost." Joe agreed.

"I know the reason deep down….he's just not open to talking…" Jun's voice broke, Ken saw Joe move in to comfort her.

"I'm here now Jun, why don't we have that talk." Ken stood up and glared at the two of them.

Jun paled and Joe coolly folded his arms and leaned against a tree close by.

"Glad you could join us Ken." He said glancing at Jun like they had been waiting for his arrival.

"Ken," Jun blinked in shock.

Silence blanketed the three of them as Ken waited for the 'meeting' to continue.

"Why didn't you just tell me your concerns?" Ken's voice went dangerously low. "I have my reasons for fighting…so do you, so lets just leave it at that."

"Ken- this isn't what you think…" Jun moved forward, his glare halted her only for a second, he knew if looked into her eyes then he'd have to admit some of what he had overheard could very well be true. He could be losing his sanity in a desperate bid to win an endless war.

Jun firmly grasped his arm and began to walk away from Joe- he couldn't see her face as she turned around and mouthed silently something to the Condor. Ken could feel Joe's eyes burning into the back of his head as they walked a fair distance away.

"Forget it Jun, I heard enough of your conversation, I'm okay really, just exhausted from months of going on missions back to back." Ken tried to keep his voice steady, practising regaining total control of his emotions.

"We're all tired Ken, but something is happening to you and I couldn't say what I think it is in front of Joe..." she said sternly.

Ken wondered why. He raised a quizzical brow and waited for her continue.

Jun drew in a deep breath like she was gathering strength to say what was on her mind.

"It's about Dyami…that's why you're pushing so hard...Using the hypershoot when it's not necessary to do so…" Jun's looked relieved to have said it.

"Could it be that I'm just over this war…That I can't even fly my plane for the simple pleasure of flying any more." Ken folded his arms and looked out at blue skies. A silent longing filled his heart for days when he could just jump in his Cessna and cut through the clouds, do daring drops towards the ground just for the sake of it. Freedom…

"Why do you want to keep seeing him Jun? I has to hurt like hell each time…" Ken asked after a long period of silence passed between them, Jun had been gazing out at cloudless blue sky along with him.

"Let's go into Utoland to the snack J and I'll show you why…" She whispered hoarsely.

"Alright…lets hope Galactor hold off for a while." Ken indicated curling his fingers through her delicate long fingers. She didn't pull away and for Ken it felt like a natural thing to do.

Jun smiled gratefully, "I'll drive…" She said walking in the direction of the entrance Ken had come out of.