Lexa watched Clarke storm out of the throne room and sighed as the doors closed behind her. She tried to push down the flurry of feelings radiating from Clarke, as the blonde stormed off to god only knows where. She gave a nod to Octavia who returned it acknowledging the silent request to follow her.
Lexa raised her right hand with a flick of her wrist silencing the room in an instant. "Leave me. We meet again in two days." Lexa barked into the room. She turned to head to her throne. Her mind was running in a thousand different directions as her emotions battled a secret war inside her. She was angry she had not seen it coming, she was angry about using her energy so publicly so soon, she was concerned about Clarke. She was worried about the coalition. She was overwhelmed.
She sat down heavily in her throne, leaning to one side and putting her right hand on her forehead to hold her head up. She always found her throne to be something of a safety blanket. It is something she uses to recharge herself whenever she sits on it. It always reminded her of who she is and was born to be. It reminds her of the legacies of those that had sit on it before her. It reminds her of her strength and determination. It reaffirms the faith she has in herself. It reminds her of her lofty goals for her people's well being. It makes her think of the legacy she intends to leave behind.
She has her eyes closed and is rubbing her eyes before she pauses. Without opening her eyes or moving further she sighs, "I thought I said leave me."
"You did," came Luna's simple response.
Lexa opened her eyes and looked at the tall woman with dreadlocks. Luna gave her a small smile with raised eyebrows and a slight tilt to her head giving Lexa a chance to tell her to leave now. Luna always knew how to push Lexa's buttons; but she also knew when to relent.
She had spent many years around Lexa since they were children. She knew her before she became Heda, she knew her both as a child of TriKru and a nightblood in training. She watched her younger sister fall madly in love with her best friend. She saw Lexa's duty call her to lead. She watched the world destroy their love along with her sister.
She watched Lexa shut down and shut everyone out.
But what she saw today was new.
She has not seen Lexa in over a year and was quite in awe of the difference in the young leader that she had seen today. She wondered if it was really possible for a person to change so much but also remain the same in such a short amount of time. What she saw today told her Lexa had opened herself up again. She had let herself feel both pain and joy once more. To be human. To want something for herself.
Luna could not be more proud.
She knew whom to thank for it as well. She didn't know exactly the extent of their relationship but she knew it was more than political allies. Really, she just wanted to hear it from Lexa so she started poking.
"Are you going to give me a proper hello Lexa?"
Lexa sighed and stood up, "Of course. I am sorry. Hello Luna." She crossed the short distance and held out her arm for the handshake.
Luna cocked an eyebrow at the gesture and decided to push a button on the stoic brunette. She pushed the arm aside and pulled her into a hug, "We say hello properly when alone child."
"You're only five years my senior Luna, and I am not a child." Lexa countered returning the hug.
Luna chuckled softly and tried to let go of her, Lexa had always been very guarded with personal space. She was even more guarded after Costia's death; she knew brevity was always the way to go with Lexa.
Or at least it was…
Lexa surprised her by actually gripping her a little firmer when Luna attempted to let go. The brunette held her a little longer, a little tighter. It was like she was attempting to make up for all of the brief hugs she ever received from Luna.
When Lexa finally did let go Luna gave her a warm smile. "Do you want to talk about it?"
Lexa eyed her keenly, half a wall up for safety, "Talk about what exactly?"
Luna smirked, Lexa had seen right through her question and chose not to answer they way she wanted. So instead, she decided to poke the bear a little harder, "You should go after her."
"Who?" Lexa asked feigning ignorance.
Luna rolled her eyes, "Oh please Lexa. Don't even try that." She watched Lexa as the flame's lights danced across her features.
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"Is that so? Well I'm talking about Wanheda…or do you call her Clarke behind closed doors?" She said knowing full well how squirmy Lexa was getting even though she wasn't showing it. Her eyes, it's all in her eyes.
"That is inappropriate," Lexa cautioned her.
"Is it? Okay, well you won't mind if I go," she paused, "get to know her better then? I'm quite taken with her." She said seeing a flash of rage in Lexa's eye revealing a little more of just how invested Lexa was in the blonde.
"You have known her for all of three hours, most of that in silence Luna."
Luna smiled cockily, "You're right. So what better than to go have a visit with her?"
Lexa glared at her and stepped a little closer once more, "I know what you're doing."
Luna smiled, "Good. Then you may as well just come out with it."
"Come out with what?" Lexa said innocently.
Luna rolled her eyes and sighed crossing her arms, "I hope to the spirits that she is as stubborn as you."
"More so." Lexa said fondly unable to hide her loving tone or the small smile thinking about the blonde always creates.
Luna beamed at her, "You can't hide the way you feel about her. Not from me, or those who know you well. And it seems she cannot hide it either."
"Any of you would have tried to protect me."
"I did but I did not shout your name like a niron." (Lover, betrothed, partner)
Lexa stiffened and hung her head with a sigh. "That was unfortunate."
"I am sure the other attendees were more focused on the fact that she killed the threat…and the fact that you glowed. Would you care to explain that one to me?"
Lexa chewed her cheeks in debate. She took a deep breath and felt her resolve breaking. Luna had always been able to see through her walls, just as Costia, just as Clarke. Luna was the sister she never got the chance to have. She rubbed the back of her neck, "Clarke and I have made our pledges. You're right about it all. She is the reincarnate of Heda Kom Faete." She looked up to the woman's kind eyes, "I love her."
Luna's eyes were wide at the revelations before she schooled her features. She placed a warm hand on Lexa's shoulder; "You do not need to sound so guilty about it."
"Are you not mad at me? For not honouring Costia's memory?"
"Lexa, I want you to be happy. Costia would want this for you. You think honouring her memory means closing yourself off, to try and shut out feelings and emotions. It's not. Costia would want you to love with your whole being; she would want you to be happy. She taught you to be happy and she would be honoured that you took her lessons to heart and found love again." She paused thoughtful for a moment, "That does not explain the blackblood I saw."
"What?" Lexa rounded on her a little aggressively.
Luna raised her hands to appear unthreatening, "She had a small split in her lip. I saw it before she wiped it clean on her sleeve to hide it. Relax, I no one else was as close as I, no one else would have seen it."
Lexa's jaw twitched before she nodded. She took a deep breath, she may as well tell her everything; Luna would no doubt find out. She was much like Costia in that sense, much like Clarke. They would all keep digging until they got the answers they seek.
"The Azgeda trial, she was dying. I-" Lexa shuddered thinking about the cave and Clarke's injuries, "I had to save her."
Luna furrowed her brow as her mind caught up to the revelation. "You shared your blood with her."
Lexa nodded, "Like the first commander and Heda Kom Faete. Did you feel the earth shake a week ago?"
Luna nodded narrowing her eyes and tilting her head begging to understand.
"We caused that. As soon as we shared the blood the earth shook, the flames soared and I glowed bright. It's some sort of energy we share. I hold death at bay, I protect. She holds dominance over flames."
Luna was silent for a few moments. Lexa watched her move to the table and down two glasses of wine before turning back to her. "So why are you hiding in here?"
"I am not hiding."
"You lie. You're overwhelmed by everything that happened tonight. You're worried about the consequences, I can see it in your eyes as if Titus is whispering in your ear about his 'love is weakness' garbage."
"Titus is wrong. I know that. It is not what I am worried about. My only concern is how this will endanger Clarke and the coalition's ties."
Luna gave her a small smile. "You will only endanger anything if you keep avoiding this. You have accepted your feelings, your ties to her; it is time to make them known Lexa. You need to speak with her. Coming out with this news, having a bonding ceremony, being the first Heda to do so is a precedent. You fear your people will revolt, but you must give them the chance to decide for themselves how to accept this. They might surprise you."
"Not all will celebrate the union between Heda and Wanheda. Not all will celebrate the fastening of ties between Tree and Sky," Lexa replied solemnly.
"Lexa. You have always said how big of a role fear plays in man's decisions. Don't let fear get in the way of your happiness; it does no use to avoid this any longer. Clarke is obviously impulsive and she does pose a risk to this shell game you seem to be playing."
Lexa smiled briefly as she took in what Luna was saying. She hadn't known the blonde for long but she had read her like a book she knew cover to cover. "Perhaps, you are right."
"Then go to her you damn fool because I think I'm falling in love with her," Luna teased knowing exactly how jealous Lexa gets. One last poke wouldn't hurt.
The brunette gave her a sideways glance along with a smirk. She nodded and head out to leave the room in search of the blonde.
Luna smiled fondly behind her slowly walking out behind her. She thought about the way Clarke and Lexa looked at each other during the meeting. Lexa looked at Costia like she was a fresh flower, fresh and beautiful in the morning dew. Delicate and fragile, new to a teenage romance.
But Lexa looked at Clarke like she could move mountains as well as gently caress her cheeks.
Like she was a hurricane and porcelain all at once.
Like she was her everything.
Clarke represented Lexa's weakness tenfold compared to her sister. Yes their love was real and true but the love between Lexa and Clarke was clearly different.
World changing.
It was thunderstorms and sunshine, it was fire and ice. The looks they shared were haunting to a keen observer such as Luna.
It was as though they feared how much they loved and also loved how much they feared it.
Isn't that what love is?
A total contradiction: a risk, a weapon, and a safe haven.
It has the power to devastate. It has the hold to provide solace.
