Chapter Eight: Who to Trust
Zane, Garrus, Shepard, Jacob, and Tali stood around the communication room's table. Tali paced back and forth, coming to terms with the truth.
"I have read about your experience and abilities Miss Tali'Zorah your expertise will be a real asset to the mission." Jacob said and to his credit, it was meant as a compliment. But Tali didn't trust Cerberus.
"I thought you were tricking them, Shepard, going undercover. If that's the case, I'll loan a grenade…or three but I do not trust Cerberus."
"I'm not asking you to trust them." Shepard tried and Tali shook her head.
"Yes, you are! I have to work beside them, fight beside them, even sleep in the same ship as them. And I don't trust them enough to do that."
"Do you think we do Tali?" Garrus asked pointing to himself and Zane. She was quiet so he continued. "I certainly don't trust them. But I do trust Shepard. You don't have to trust Cerberus. You don't have to like Cerberus. But do you trust Shepard? Do you trust Zane? Do you trust us?" He finished.
Tali lowered her head placed a hand on the top of her hood. She raised her head and gave a defeated nod of agreement.
"Thank you." Shepard said.
"I'll be in Engineering I expect full access. Can't exactly make the ship work without it." She said and was about to leave when Jacob spoke.
"Don't forget to introduce yourself to EDI the ship's AI." Garrus and Shepard facepalmed and Zane cursed.
"Oh, for fuck's sake!" He said and Tali tensed with anger before leaving.
"Damn it, Jacob." Shepard said and Zane quickly followed Tali.
…
"A ship AI!" She mentally screamed as she passed the galaxy map and into the elevator. She ignored the redhead and the other people that looked at her stomping behavior. She was livid. So livid that she slammed her fist against the holographic panel for the elevator. She wasn't sure which floor she pressed.
"Those worthless, backstabbing, vile, pieces of…"
"Tali!" She heard and didn't look up from her feet. From the corner of her eyes, she could see her clenching fists. The way they were pulsing with anger. She saw black boots and dark pants appear beside her own legs as the elevator closed.
"Tali?" She heard her name but still ignored it. She was too focused on her anger to even care. The day was taking its toll on her and just when it seemed great it was unraveling before her eyes.
She saw and felt a gloved hand gently grab her wrist. It was the one thing to make her look up. Another hand landed on her shoulder when she saw her close friend's eyes. No words were spoken and he canceled the elevator's last request and changed it to the third level. The small elevator was silent and when the door opened he led her away from it. She was quiet and didn't fight back against his lead.
She was led to a room he opened the door and they walked in. The room was his, she could tell immediately. It was the way he seemed so comfortable as he walked in. It was the smell that was certainly his. It was the music that was playing just loud enough to be heard like background audio. Or the bed that was still such a mess that it looked like the bed from the first Normandy exactly.
"At least the pillows are on one side this time." She thought. As they walked to the bed and sat down. She was still silent. All she wanted to do was lay down in this bed and sleep the rest of the day away. The fact it would smell like him would be a great touch.
"What's wrong?" He asked and she sighed and shrugged.
"I'm just tired, Zane." She said and he nodded.
"Yes, I'm sure but there's more to it than that." Usually, he didn't pry like this and it shocked her a little bit.
"It's nothing Zane." She said and his grip on her arm tightened. It wasn't painful but it was almost like a silent plea for her to open up to him.
"Tali… come on you know me. Don't lie to me." He said his eyes were comforting and a feeling overcame her. It was just like a similar feeling from two years ago, she could only describe it as melting on the inside. Like any barriers she once had up came crumbling down.
"It's just. This is Cerberus! Cerberus, Zane, the same guys who experimented on Rachni. On the Thorian Creepers. They are not exactly the greatest of your species Zane." She said and his grip loosened a smile could be seen. He sighed and nodded.
"I know Tali. But we have Shepard, these guys would be stupid to do anything on his ship. Not to mention there is you, me, Garrus, Joker, even Doctor Chakwas. They would need to have a death wish to do anything even remotely like those cells. I don't trust them but I do trust Shepard. Do you trust me?"
"But the AI Zane?" She whined causing him to laugh inwardly.
"What about it? I actually trust EDI more than any of the other Cerberus lapdogs. At least I know what she does is based on logic."
"Thank you, Zane." The synthetic voice said. Tali looked around while Zane chuckled.
"Your welcome EDI, now please this is a private conversation do not interrupt."
"Of course." She replied.
"See!" Tali said. He grabbed her hands and held them, gently caressing them. The smile turning into a chuckle.
"Tali… please think beyond the name, think beyond the organization and their roots. Think about the objective. Think about the end-goal." And she did. She thought about the thousands of colonists that had gone missing. They needed her. Shepard needed her. And Zane needed her and she needed them. She needed him.
"Okay, Zane I will." A silence overtook the room. It wasn't awkward it was even the opposite of awkward. But she had work to do and that took priority. And she had to leave before she said something she would regret. "I better get down to Engineering I have work to do." She said and looked up at him smiling behind the mask. And without thinking when he released her hands she wrapped them around his shoulders.
His arms slowly and carefully wrapped around her hips. He felt shaky doing it like he wasn't sure if he should continue. In a few moments, he relaxed into the touch and pressed her closer. And in that moment, she felt home once again.
"I missed you. You know that?" He whispered.
"I thought you did…now I have proof." She thought with a grin from ear-to-ear. Only he had this sort of effect on her no one else.
"I missed you too." She said and had a moment of clarity. "Wait, I have something of yours!" She said and released the hug.
"Oh? What is it?" He asked.
"Your ring…but I can't give it to you right now." She said her cheeks blushing. She really hadn't thought before she spoke. And now it was showing.
"Are you that attached to it?" He asked with a smile and a raised brow.
"In a sense. I have to get out of my suit first." Tali said and he realized what she meant.
"Don't worry about it. Keep it, at least for a little while longer."
"You don't want it back?" She felt like she may have offended or gone too far.
"Of course, I do but I think you have a better appreciation of it then I did. Plus, when I had it, it just stayed in my room the entire time. Not really how it was meant to be if you ask me. So, Lady Zorah please keep it. I insist." He said and she hugged him again.
"Thank you, Zane. Now I got to get going we will have time to talk later okay?" She said and he nodded.
…
Zane had put the Geth rifle on another rack in his room and walked to the window that overlooked the drive core. The vibrating energy of it could be seen from his perch. He looked down and saw her down there working. He didn't recall being able to see the platform beside the core in the game. But perhaps it had always been this way or it was because of him being here. A small change he had enacted without knowing it.
She looked up towards him and waved. He repeated the gesture and smiled before returning to his vidscreen.
Under the screen was a desk, the desk was a mess. It was piled with datapads that went from end to end and had pads on top of pads. Different projects, operations, mission statements, even a small journal he had been working on. Several copies of audio logs he made on his omni-tool that he was keeping for a rainy day.
One datapad had a simple statement a clue, a mystery, a damn puzzle he had spent nearly two years trying to figure out with no success.
"The first major victory." He read it aloud. It was his only clue to where the Rogue One was. The Reaper that haunted him, that chose him. It was testing him to see if he was smart enough to find it. And the whispers had not haunted him for quite some time. And for that he was grateful. The datapad had several worlds on it with his contacts reporting nothing of interest.
"Nothing from Klendagon or its scar. Nothing from the railgun that caused its scar. Nothing on Ilos, nothing on Eden Prime, nothing on the Citadel." He was running out of ideas he had the greatest minds in his pocket and they were running out solutions. One had the audacity to suggest he was crazy and should be checked into a mental institution. Zane was insulted at first and then considered it. Achilles quickly talked him out of it. Saying he was too important now to rot in a padded room.
"There is nothing!" He exclaimed and slammed his fists on the desk. The music in his room muffling the rage to the outside. He had tried his home solar system. And even places that held a rumor of a whisper of anything that even remotely sounded like a Reaper. And still nothing! His contacts knew what to look for but maybe he had to do it on his own? Perhaps it was specific to him? He wasn't sure why he thought that but it was the only chance of a hope he had left. The amount of stress this was giving him was incredible and he hated it. He hated being tested like a rat. He hated the fear of failure. He hated the fear of success.
For who knows what the Rogue One had in store for him if he found it. Would it ask him to cut ties with the crew? With Tali? With the galaxy to see how far Zane would go for victory? It was a damn Reaper for fuck's sake! Its intentions are unknowable! It was him -a being of three dimensions- comprehending a being of trillions of dimensions! Or a better analogy, a mortal understanding an immortal god. But he would find the Rogue One and he would understand it. And he would pay his toll no more!
But a shiver ran up and down his spine. He would have to tell the crew his…curse and the truth of who and what he was. They deserved to know the truth about him. But just thinking of explaining anything about his past, of the Rogue One seemed crazy.
"Hey, guys do I have news for you. I am not from here! Yes, that's right I come from a little over a century ago and I appeared on the Citadel randomly. Oh, did I mention I know everything of what is to come with the Reaper War or at least I did? Now I realize it is all different. Oh, and the kicker? I am being summoned by a Reaper! But don't worry he is a good Reaper. I just need to find it." He laughed at himself. "Fucking crazy." He reasoned and left the thoughts at that.
He walked to his bed and placed his face in his hands. The stress of the day and the past two years coming back. The two years were not as bad as it could've been but it was far from a walk in the park. The man known as the Reaper returned to the Citadel for a time and then he got sidetracked with Project Phalanx which both was a success and failure. Successful in that it existed. A failure in that it wasn't exactly in the form he meant it to be. And then came Valkyrie and his adventures with her. The two years, while not hellish they certainly were stressful. And with Haestrom done and now Tali back he felt like a considerable weight was gone. Now replaced by something new. They still had the Collectors to deal with and the Rogue One was out there somewhere. Things were tense and the Normandy had no idea about any of it. But if things continued as they were then they would all get a wake-up call.
…
Tali worked on the engine getting back into the swing of things. There was something comforting about working on a high-tech drive core and engine. It was the familiarity of not knowing what was next. She had that in the Fleet but it wasn't good. Usually, the unknown was dangerous and risked many lives. In the Normandy's case, it was different and more dependable on not exploding.
She heard whispering to her right and noticed the female engineer kick the male's shins.
"Ow! I meant it as a compliment."
"Shut up Kenneth before we both get in trouble. Sorry, ma'am!" She heard…what was her name? The male called her Gabby that would do for now. She heard Gabby say and realized Kenneth probably said something about her. Something about how "tight" her suit was. At least that was what he had said once not an hour after she was introduced to him.
It was flattering but she certainly wasn't interested in him. She had someone else in mind. She left her main station and walked to the core to work over there. She quickly began her work and looked up towards a window that overlooked the core. The light was still on and a shadow was cast over the window. It was pacing back and forth in a frenzy. The shadow seemed to be talking but with the lack of another shadow, she deduced it was to itself.
"What is he worried about?" She said out loud as she worked on the console without looking at it. She shook her head and focused on her work. The code that appeared before being solved quickly without a second thought.
"I should tell him. He deserves to know." She said to herself. She had her helmet on mute so no one could hear her private conversation.
"No, remember what the Consort said. He must agree to it. You can't force it." The voice from Haestrom said.
"It's not like I will jump him just let him know how I feel." She reasoned.
"And what if that is all it takes? What if the thought of that kind of relationship is just too much for him?"
"Would you prefer I sit here in the friend zone for an eternity before he makes up his mind? It has been two years! I can't wait another two years!"
"And what if you are wrong? Waiting two years is nothing to forever. And if you force it too soon then he will back away forever."
"Oh, how do you know that?"
"Because we have both seen how he is. Like the Consort said, and like we know, he doesn't jump into things. He waits them out. Waits until he knows he can win. He doesn't like to gamble on the unknown."
"And what would he lose if he goes into this?"
"Us… we may die Tali! And maybe more than that, our friendship. Could you live like that? Knowing that your best friend just became your ex? And what if that feeling of longing never goes away but you know it will never work? That it was never meant to be. We have been through a lot with him. To lose that because of a bad breakup or even a mutual one, could put all those good memories. All those feelings in jeopardy. The best parts of your life are now tied to one of the worst parts. You would never have those memories and feelings again without thinking of what cannot be. So, we wait for him. We are close Tali…he is close." The voice ended and she thought about it. She felt defeated and deflated.
"Do you think he has ever thought like this? About this subject? Or is this a one-sided thing?"
"If he did think of it then it lasted at least a week. Every angle was calculated and predicted. For him, it is just a matter of knowing more information." That was enough for her and so, like she had been, she would keep the pressure up.
"Ma'am, are you alright over there?" Gabby asked and Tali turned around while unmuting herself.
"Yes, why?"
"You have just been still for a little while." She said.
"Sorry just thinking to myself." Gabby smiled and nodded before chuckling.
"I understand ma'am."
"Please, Tali, if it is all the same to you."
"Okay, Tali." Then the young woman went around the corner. Tali looked up towards the window and saw the light was still on but the shadow could not be seen. Her shift was finally over and while she couldn't say what she wanted to. She could at least talk to him.
…
Tali walked out from behind the elevator a tube of paste in hand. As she approached the door she could hear music playing. The beat was different then what she had heard him listen to before. It was more casual but still had the roots of rock that he enjoyed.
Here we stand
Worlds apart
Hearts broken in two, two, two
Sleepless nights
Losing ground
I'm reaching for you, you, you
Feelin' that it's gone
Can't change your mind
If we can't go on
To survive the tide
Love divides
His foot could be seen tapping to the beat unconsciously in his sleep. She entered the room quietly to watch him sleep as the song played. And then what she assumed was the chorus began.
Someday love will find you
Break those chains that bind you
One night will remind you
How we touched
And went our separate ways
If he ever hurts you
True love won't desert you
You know I still love you
Though we touched
And went our separate ways
She thought about her mental conversation and realized just how much she wanted to tell him everything. How she wanted to rush it. She had figured it had gone on long enough that two years was more than ample time for him to come to terms with the reality. But now, she looked at his desk and saw the datapads, and logs, and the mess of work. She realized he had been working the past two years. And that if she were to just show up and say, "I love you." It may catch him by surprise. He may have missed her but he worked through it. She wasn't sure why she thought Zane was unable to work without her. He had done it for how many years when he was the Reaper? She had waited this long, she could wait a little longer for her answer.
As the song played she quietly left the room with a sad -if genuine and hopeful- smile.
If you must go
I wish you love
You'll never walk alone
Take care my love
Miss you love
Someday love will find you
Break those chains that bind you
One night will remind you
How we touched
And went our separate ways
If he ever hurts you
True love won't desert you
You know I still love you
Though we touched
And went our separate ways
There was still a hope for them yet and now they could act on it. It was just a waiting game for her. And a revelation game for him. She just hoped it wouldn't be a long game.
A/N: Song: Journey: Separate Ways (Worlds Apart)
