Chapter Nine: Rayne Bow and Cloud Burst

Firepaw: No, Bluey, I won-

Bluestar: (grabs onto him) NOOOO! PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME, HOMESLICE!

Firepaw: (pats her on head) OK, OK... people are staring...

Bluestar: (wails)

Tigerstar: (snickers and takes pictures with his camera phone) MUHAHAHAHAHA! THIS IS EVEN BETTER THAN TRASHING THE MULLET! I'M A-SENDING THIS ONE TO OAKHEART!

Firepaw: (thinks for a moment about Oakheart's rage, and then about the picture of Bluestar he saw in that magazine, weighing them) Uh... maybe you should get a new plot!

Tigerstar: (stops laughing) Huh?

Firepaw: Yeah!(skims through books) Uh... what about recruiting your sons-oh, wait that's from the New Prophecy, and you're already dead...

Tigerstar: (eyes bulge)

Firepaw: Anyway-HOLY STARCLAN!

Tigerstar: What? I succeeded?

Firepaw: No... SANDSTORM AND I HAVE DAUGHTERS!

Tigerstar: (tumbles over laughing as Firepaw mutters 'I'm a DAD in the future? Sandpaw and I- Holy...)

Firepaw: OH. MY. STARCLAN. You ain't gonna laugh at this one, Tigger.(smirks)

Tigerstar: (alarmed) What?

Firepaw: Your son is infatuated with my daughter.

Both: (stare at each other for a long moment, then both faint)

Bluestar: (begins to flip through books) Geez... I get killed protecting this retard...

Firepaw: (sits up) Well!(sly look) Apparently Sandpaw doesn't think I'm a retard!(high-heeled boot hits him in the head)

Sandstorm: (walks in) Retard!

Firepaw: But honeybunny!

Sandpaw: (sticks tongue out) The author was just being a dork! Now I shall hate you with vengance until book 2, in which I mysteriously start to like you!

Firepaw: OK...

Tigerclaw: (wakes up) Sorry everyb-(looks at Firepaw and Sandpaw) What'd I miss?

Bluestar: (hands him popcorn) Well, Firepaw is apparently a playa in the future-

Tigerclaw: He's a playa now..grumble grumble...

Bluestar: ANYWAY, the author was being an idiot as usual-

Author: HEY! I prefer dork!

Tigerclaw: EEK!(clutches head and goes into fetal position) The voices... they're calling me!

Bluestar: That's nice.(looks up at sky where author seems to be living) You can't handle the truth!

Author: I admit that. I also admit that I have a weird infatuation at throwing bricks at things that annoy me.(throws brick at Bluestar, which is successful, since I have given myself quite the arm in this story, and hits her in the head)

Tigerclaw:(gets up and stares at Bluestar) Hmm...(steals popcorn and begins to scarf it down as quick as possible so he can blame Firepaw for something)

Bluestar: (wakes up) Who... who ate my popcorn?
Tigerclaw: Firepaw! He diiiiiiiid it!

Firepaw: Now that just sounds wrong.

Bluestar: (shakes with anger) Firepaw... it states that in page 13, paragraph 56, article 1000000000000000111-(takes out ginormous book and spectacles) Do you WANT me to read it?

Everyone including Author: NO.

Bluestar: Anyway... eating the leader's popcorn is a symbol that you want to leave the clan and beat us with hockysticks!

Sandpaw: Gasp!(beats Firepaw with hockystick)

Tigerclaw: Wait a gosh-darn minute! Sandpaw, what are you doing here?
Sandpaw: (shrugs)

Bluestar: Sandy, sweetie, when somebody says something like that, it means they want you to GET OUT.

Sandpaw: I'm not goin' even if you-

Dustpaw: Hey Sandy, I got you a cupcake!

Sandpaw: Oh-gotta bounce!(bounces off)

Firepaw: (muttering to self) Who says 'gotta bounce' anymore...?
Bluestar: So. Do you wanna go or-

Firepaw: (breaks into song) YOU HAVE TO LET ME KNOOOOOOW! SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO?
Tigerclaw: (cough-speaking) Go!

Firepaw: (beats him with hockystick)

Tigerclaw: See Bluey! He does wanna beat us with hockysticks!

Bluestar: Dude...(puts on Earth Mother outfit, complete with floor length hair) You like, totally need to embrace both parts of you... the Yin... and the Yang...

Firepaw and Tigerclaw: (freak out)

Bluestar: I give you your new names... Rayne Bow, and Cloud Burst...

Firepaw: Right... so I'm off the hook?

Bluestar: Whatever your heart desires, Cloud Burst...(wanders off to strum her guitar and meditate in front of shrine to Oakheart)

Cloud B-I mean, Firepaw: HAHA!

Tigerclaw: Foiled again!

Yellowfang: Hell-O! MY saying!

Tigerclaw: So. What about my new plot?

Firepaw: Uh... how 'bout you try kill Bluestar? She's gonna go nuts anyways-

Everyone: She already IS nuts.

Firepaw: -And I need an enemy to fulfill that retarded prophecy. You know, all that junk.

Person: Excuse me? Tigerclaw? But we need to give you a ticket.

Tigerclaw: (in amazement) Officer Guy?

Officer: NO!(exasperated sigh) Officer Other Guy!

Tigerclaw: Oh. Why do I need a ticket this time?

Other Guy: You need to pay five bucks before you can plot. The Plot Law.

Tigerclaw: But... but... but... AW FISHSTICKS!(looks for wallet)

000

So? R and R!