Chapter Nine: In Memoriam
Before the time that you go
There is something you should know
You will always be in me
You are never far from me
- Never Far From Me, John Garrison
A/N: This chapter actually started out as a single paragraph in the epilogue. It grew a little. Enjoy! Only the epilogue is left to go and it's already written, I just want to re-read it a few times and obsess about it before I post.
After Rose's first regeneration they hadn't left the Powell estates immediately. They lingered there for a few years. Rose had so much time. So, so much time ahead. But Jackie didn't. So they stayed. The Doctor examined Rose. The Doctor tinkered with the TARDIS. Jackie and Rose talked. The Doctor didn't leave Rose again. It was all very domestic.
Rose and Jackie talked like they were trying to fill up all the years Rose had left with those words until they overflowed with them. They fought, and later Rose felt that was one of the things she would miss the most about her mum. The feeling of being Jackie Tyler's daughter was strongly associated with the feeling being given an opinion that you were meant to accept right then, right there. But that opinion was always given with love generating the words. Rose never felt more like a daughter than when she was being told what to do by her mother.
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Over the next eight years Jackie got older and Rose looked into her face and heard an echo of the Doctor's worlds in her ear, "Humans decay. You wither and you die. Imagine watching that happen to someone you... " She now knew only a fraction of the pain the Doctor had felt watching her age as his own timeline stood still. It left her recoiling from blows that just kept coming. It left her numb, waiting for the pain to hit.
The neighbors thought that she was Jackie's granddaughter. They called her Jane and the Doctor John - they asked how her mum was. They asked how Rose Tyler was. They asked her that and she never knew how to answer. So, she put on a smile and pretended she knew what to say.
Jackie got older. Jackie got sick. Rose lived in the arm-chair by Jackie's hospital bed for the last six months. The Doctor stopped tinkering on the TARDIS and stayed by Rose's side.
He held her hand and she held Jackie's.
Jackie told the Doctor to take care of Rose, and then she thanked him for loving her daughter. And then she slapped him, lightly, just to make sure he knew it was Jackie Tyler talking and as long as she could lift her arm she was still in charge.
The Doctor promises to do as she asks. He looks away, running his fingers through his hair and says, "I wouldn't mind if the history books said Jackie Tyler was my mother in law." He cleared his throat, "Nah, I'd be proud, wouldn't I?"
She took his hand and squeezed.
Rose watched from her chair. A tear trickled down her cheek and over lips that were curved into a small sad smile.
Jackie's eyes met Rose's from the bed and mouthed the words, "I love you."
Rose fell asleep in the chair. The Doctor went to the cafeteria and got a custard that he didn't eat. Rose woke up the buzz of the heart monitor and the sound of a nurse calling a code.
Jackie Tyler was gone.
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Rose learns how the world changes when someone dies. She learns how people bring food to your home like if they can cover up your pain with tuna casserole. She also learns that the loss of appetite and death are connected. She finds that to be very ironic.
She hides under her blankets and sleeps too much. Then the nightmares start and she doesn't sleep at all.
Rose doesn't pack up her mum's home. It is hers, it was left to her in Jackie's will. She leaves it untouched. She'll come back to visit. To make tea out of the kettle that Jackie always used. To remember. So that she will never forget who Jackie Tyler was.
A week after the funeral Rose reaches out to the Doctor and takes his hand. They walk into the TARDIS together.
When he asks where she wants to go she says, "Forwards."
The sound of the universe fills their ears.
