A/N: I'm so sorry this is late! I started school again and it's taking up most of my time. I barely have time to write anymore. But thank you for your reviews, I had fun reading them! ^_^

Disclaimer: Nope!~


"What?" I whisper and froze in place. He fidgeted in his seat and swallowed as a bead of sweat dripped down his left temple.

"He's dating someone. Her name's Vorona." He repeated carefully.

"He's...what?" I ask again and feel tears gathering in my eyes. "No... Then why did he kiss me? Did he...I thought he...What?" I fluster and don't even bother to wipe away the tears. They just keep coming.

"Izaya, I'm sorry. I thought that-"

I hold a hand up to stop him from talking. "Stop, I can't- I can't..." I whisper and put my hands to my face. I breathe through them heavily and everything around me seems to stop.

Questions flew through my head and I couldn't seem to grasp them and try to find an answer because more and more piled up.

Why did Shizuo kiss me? Was it really out of pity? Was he dating Vorona when he did kiss me? Who's Vorona? Have I seen her before? When did they go out? How come I find out now that they just began dating?

I couldn't think straight as more and more questions came and I felt a shake on my shoulder. I looked up with my sad eyes up at Shinra, who looked as lost as I was.

"I'm so sorry Izaya. I didn't think Shizuo would visit, especially not kiss you. I didn't think he would even try to think about you, to be honest. I just- I'm so sorry that you had to found out like this."

I nod and let a sob out. I did too. I'm sorry that I had to find out this way too. I couldn't even love someone because they were already dating someone else! I can't even love the man who hated me since the moment we met! I can't even have my own family love me!

I can't love or be loved.

It hurts. Does he know that? Does he know how much it hurts? That everything hurts? My head, my heart, my chest. It all hurts because of him. You wouldn't expect a person to damage someone so emotionally bad but somehow he did it. Shizuo did it.

"S-Shinra..." I sob out and try to wipe the tears away. It's no use; more keeping coming. "I-It hurts."

He pulls me close to him and runs his fingers through my hair. "I know, I know it hurts. Let it out, just let it out."

I nod and cry harder than I ever have for the past few weeks. I cry harder than anyone ever should have in their entire life. I cried harder than when I was a child. I grew up and had no one. Shinra was the only one who cared. The only one there. And I don't even deserve him.

"S-S-Shizuo..." I sob in Shinra's chest and clench my fist tightly on his school shirt.

"S-Shizuo..." I repeat again and images of the blonde flow through me like a photo album. Most of them were fights of our own or from when I would see him beat up a student from the rooftop. None of them were pleasant ones that I wished I could see.

"Why?" I whisper and make wet spots appear on my best friend's shirt. "Why would you do something like that to me?" I know I'm talking to myself, excluding Shinra, but I had to find some answers. I needed answers.

"How long?" I ask to Shinra, who didn't know I was speaking to him at first.

"He started dating her a little before your... attempt."

"Did he- Did he s-say anything to you? A-About her or...?" I trail off and hiccup.

Shinra sadly nodded. I close my eyes and wipe under my nose as I still rest on his chest.

"He... He told me, the day after your attempt, that he was dating this girl from another school. I-I don't remember the name of it but he said that her name was Vorona and she was Russian. He said that her mom died in a-in a car accident and she lives with her dad. She's the same age as us and, from what Shizuo said, she can speak Japanese pretty well. That's all he told me and then later on that day, your parents called."

I clench my fists tighter into a ball and squeeze my eyes closed.

"They told me they found you in your room bleeding to death. They said you were losing a lot of blood quickly and that they called the ambulance immediately. They found letters on your desk, names written on them for each person. They told me," He paused and I could hear his voice break a bit. "They told me that you left me a note. They didn't read it for my sake and then they gave me the letter, along with Shizuo's. I read it, I did. I read it over and over and over again and I kept thinking 'Why? Why would he do something like this?' and I could never find a reason why."

I let tears fall as I continued to listen.

"Izaya, you are my best friend. And when you did this... I thought you couldn't trust me."

I shake my head vigorously and let hiccups come out of my gritted teeth. "That's not true. I do trust you. You're the only one who I ever trusted. I couldn't tell you because... because..."

"Because what?"

"You'd stop me." I felt him tense up and could only do the same. "You'd stop me and-and that wasn't what I wanted. All I wanted was a family to love me for me and to make friends and to fall in love but I can't. I can't! Why?! Why can't I just fall in love and not get hurt in the process?! Why can't I stop having this one-sided love and then find out that he has a girlfriend?! Why can't I just... be dead?" I whisper the last part and slowly open my eyes to look up at him.

He has his own tears falling, some old ones still leaving a trail down his cheeks, others that are new beginning to fall.

I continued to vent. "'Would that make everyone's life easier?' I kept saying to myself. I thought that if I can leave and make everyone else feel happy then I would too. If they wanted me out of the picture, just so they can be happy, I would leave. I would sacrifice myself for other's happiness. I sacrificed myself by trying to commit suicide for Mom, Dad, Mairu, Kururi, Shizuo, and you. But even I can't do that right."

He stares at me with his jaw clenched and tears beading out of the corner of his grey eyes.

"I woke up here and alive. I failed. I failed everyone, including you. I just wanted to make other's happy but then I just make it worse! I try, Shinra, I try so hard to keep myself going every minute of every day but I just can't take it anymore! Now Vorona's dating Shizuo and Shizuo kissed me and my parents hate me and now you will too. It's too much, too much."

I shake my head and feel my eyes start to become sore from all this crying. Will it ever stop? I don't think it will.

"I can't keep living like this anymore. It hurts, it hurts so much. It only hurts more if I stay here. I can't live with a family that hates me. I can't have a best friend without giving him problems. I can't love my enemy because he's dating another person. I can't do anything without something ruining it!"

He nods and seems to have stopped his tears. If only mine did. I had tears fall with almost every word spoken and it just creates a bad headache and sore eyes.

"Izaya I understand-"

I shake my head and bring my hands up to my ears, having enough with this. He grabs then and pulls them down, having a firm grip on them that I'm sure I'll find bruises soon. I won't be surprised.

"-I do. I do understand but if you can tell me from now on, everything, I'll help you. I'll help you with everything. Just trust me and we can fix it together. Together, we can fix it, okay?" He asks and I hesitate. I'm only causing him more problems.

Get it over with and maybe you won't have to keep on bothering him. A voice in my head told me and I shudder as if a chill were in the air. I nod and look down at my hands and anything but those eyes.

"Just trust me." He says and brushes the hair away from my eyes as he looks at me. "Trust me."

"Trust you." I whisper and feel a small ruffle in my hair.

"That's right, trust me. If you need to talk to anyone, you come to me and like I said, we'll fix it."

"Fix... it."

"Yes! See, you're doing fine already!" He smiles brightly.

"Shinra?" I slowly ask and see his smile shake a bit.

"Yes?"

"It still hurts." I look up at him, waiting for his reply.

He sighs a little through his nose and gives me a sad smile. "I know."


A/N: I didn't really have time to edit this, so if there's any mistakes, it's my fault! (I'm sorry if there is though.) Please review! D:
See you in Chapter 10~