"No, he pinky swore it was real." Dahlia was packing her overnight bag, it was Cordelia's night to herself. "He saw ninjas fighting on the roof across the street from him." She was vigorously recounting the story Milo had told her earlier.
"Ninja's Dahly? Really? Don't be so gullible, I'm pretty sure it would have been on the news if Ninjas were running ramped in New York city." Cordelia rolled her eyes as she struggled to get Dahlia's arms to stay in her jacket she'd already wriggled out of once. "Though I suppose secrecy is part of the whole Ninja deal." She shrugged, chucking slightly at the morbid thought of Ninja's flying from roof top to roof top and Frank simply shooting them down. 'Don't bring a knife to a gun fight.' All joking nature left her body as she realized the group of unfamiliar men outside in the hallway had been their longer than she felt comfortable with . "Dahlia be real quiet." Cordelia put a finger to her lips.
"What are you waiting for him to open the door with crisps and a coke?" One voice was clearly more assertive than the others. Then she heard it, Frank's still busted door open and Max begin to yelp and bark.
"Don't hurt Max!" Dahlia ignored Cordelia's one request instead opting to shout at the top if her little lungs.
"Shit!" Cordelia cursed as dread filled her body from head to toe and her paper thin walls became frighteningly silent. The only saving grace was Dahlia was already packed to flee, they needed to run. 'Not out the door, nows not the time to be dumb Cordelia. Damn beast of burden.' She at least thought she knew why Frank had left the dog. Partially to keep Dahlia in the dark a little while longer that something was different, something was dangerous. Partially to use the excuse of walking Max to knock those last couple times on their wall, to let Cordelia know she was safe a few days longer. All that did nothing for her now.
She grabbed her purse that still held Frank's scary knife as well as her prized possession a two decade plus old Metronome and scooped up Dahlia in her arms. Quick thinking she ran to her window. 'Fire escape? What are you going to do jump down. Who are you Dare Devil?' She did not attempt that feet, struggling to carry Dahlia and all their baggage down the twisting metal stairway with all the urgency she could muster. Halfway down she could hear pursuers clanking and shuffling after her. 'Fuck I can't out run them like this.' She had to make a decision and fast. Making it down finally she ran to the basement door, quickly sneaking back into her building, hiding behind the boiler.
Her heart was pounding out of her chest, she was neither physically nor mentally prepared for this. '100, 99, 98, 97, 96 9-' Her mantra was interrupted by an opening door and slow methodical feet. 'We're going to die here in the basement of this shity ass apartment. I'm sorry Dahlia, I'm so sorry. I should have known better, should have staid just us.' Cordelia clenches her eyes shut waiting for her karmatic pull to seal their fate.
"Come on out." The voice seemed slightly annoyed but more importantly it sounded familiar.
"Frank?" Her voice was still hiding behind fear and loss of breath, it was a sham of a whisper.
"Cord come out or I'll rip this place apart from the fucking rafters." There was anger in his tone but also just a twinge of worry.
He could see them, her hiding spot was not the most inventive but the lack of movement, lack of them running to him for safety was both concerning and insulting. Did they think while he was feet away from them they were in any danger? He saw them slowly approach from the shadows, Dahlia still held hard against Cordelia's chest, both pairs of eyes were wide and frightened. They didn't believe he would save them in time, that stung more than his emotionless face told.
"Frank you left . . . we had to run." There was no fooling Cordelia, she could see right through him, poker face and all.
"Yeah." He broke eye contact with her. He had made a miscalculation, he had gotten so lost in luring the irish into his web that he neglected to keep Cordelia and Dahlia out of it, keep them out of danger. 'Why would they trust me? I failed Maria, JR, Lisa. You're too fucking cocky you idiot.' Frank's scowl deepened, his finger actually on a trigger twitched dangerously. This was too much, too big of a cross to bear, too much thinking too, much feeling it was just too much for him to take, for the first time in quite a while Frank was feeling overwhelmed. "You should keep runin. You got somewhere safe to lay low yeah?" He knew there was now a clear possibility they'd use his connection with the girls against him. They had already taken Max there was nothing short of Frank watching them 24/7 that could guarantee it wouldn't happen to Cordelia and Dahlia. He couldn't do that, he'd have to sleep eventually and they'd prey on that moment of human necessity. Another variable always keeping Frank at peak fight mode, there was so much more he had to do, so many more people he had to take out before he would allow himself to come back to them, that's if they would take him back after all this. 'They don't deserve this.' He was the dealer of punishment but he had wanted to shield them from all of that, take on the brunt of it.
"What's going on?" Dahlia's voice was shaky, her face red, the girl was crying, for her, for Max, for Cordelia, even for Frank, thinking this was all her fault. "I'm sorry!" She sobbed.
"Dahly it'll be o.k. I promise alright?" Cordelia put the girl down wiping some tears from Dahlia's red cheeks, even using her sleeve to clean her runny nose. "You're o.k. right? Mr. Frank came and saved our butts and now you're going on a road trip. How fun is that?" Cordelia tried to cheer Dahlia up before she hyperventilated, tried and failed to make their situation seem less terrifying, trying to seem like she wasn't afraid too. "Breathe Dahly, you got to breathe."
"Don't make promises." Frank's words weren't angry, they were regretful. His frame was no longer stoic but weighed down with guilt and sorrow. Cordelia took her eyes off of Dahlia for a second to really take in how fractured Frank was, how unhinged he was becoming. In only a few days time he had changed so much from the man she knew.
'He'll forget all about us.' Cordelia's stomach sank. 'He'll forget who he is.' She could see clear as day that black hole slowly pulling Frank in, his toxic desperation for vengeance leaking from his mind to the very blood pumping through his veins, keeping him alive. "Frank you have to-"
"You don't want to know what I gotta do Cord." Frank would not let her in, she might be able to see his emotions but he had to stay strong and keep her from influencing them, that meant not letting her speak. He needed to keep focused, on one goal, not Cordelia's words. "Take the kid, get somewhere safe. They're gone, they got what they wanted." His nose scrunched inward as he figured a rough estimate of what he'd have to go through to get Max back. 'Fuckin Sucker.' It had to be that way though, if he was allowed back it would have to be the four of them or nothing at all, or he had failed, simple as that. "You're gonna want to use the front door." Frank made sure Cordelia knew what was already glaringly obvious, there were two or more dead bodies left in Frank's wake. Frank was no super hero, he was a man, with a gun, a man with nothing to lose and only what kept him alive during wars oceans away to win the war he was waging now. Not a super hero, a one man army on a never ending charge.
"Yeah." Cordelia nodded as she regained her composure piece by piece. "Here Frank take this." She slowly approached the beast that was morphing from the husk of Frank Castle. Carefully handing him a item out of her purse.
"What am I supposed to do with this?" His voice seemed more detached than even he had intended.
"Set the pulse of your music!" Dahlia ran up behind Cordelia, knowing the answer took away from the unpleasantry of being in the dark gross basement.
"It's a metronome Frank it's-"
" I know what the hell it is. Why are you giving it to me?" He turned the worn pace keeper, looking at it at every angle, trying to figure out why he was holding it? Wondering how long it would take him to drop and break it.
"The same reason the police officer gave it to me, the same reason his wife gave it to him. You know Mr. O' Dwayer doesn't even know the right tempo to a metronome? Got me off on the wrong foot it's not 100, 99, 98-"
"Cord I don't who that is and I don't have time to find out. Now take your metronome and get going." He attempted to hand it back to her. Knowing it was some sort of heirloom made him ever more aware of how easily his less than careful hands could shatter it beyond repair. He didn't have time to be gentle, thoughtful, grateful. None of those things would get him that blood soaked vengeance he needed so desperately. Or bring him back to them, the people who were still alive and needed him.
"To keep calm, to get perspective, to focus your thoughts . . . Mr. O' Dwayer had high blood pressure, his wife gave him the metronome because he would get wound too tight, too wrapped up in his job. He gave it to me to-"
"Unstick yourself, yeah I know." If he could have mustered a smile he would have, if he could have expressed that he understood how much this meant to her and how much it meant that she was giving it to him he would, but he couldn't, he didn't have the time, the ability, the luxury to let his guard down. "Cord I get it, I might be crazy but I ain't stupid, I know you're worried . . . bout how I'm . . . What I gotta do. Think it'll screw me up. I'm already there Cord, no clicking sound is gonna change me back I-"
"I might be stupid but I'm not crazy Frank. Only a crazy person would try and change you. I want you . . . It doesn't matter what I want but you can't . . .don't get lost alright? In that head of yours."
"Lost?" Frank knew exactly what he was doing, he was anything but lost. "I'm good. I'm calm Cord, perspective is crystal clear. Was before I met you, I've always had my eyes set on what needs to get done."
"And I didn't need your knife before I met you . . . haven't used it yet. But better safe than sorry."
"If I take it will you go?" Frank didn't admit defeat so much as he knew debating the issue wasn't getting him anywhere.
"I'll do you one better. If you don't want it when you're done I'll gladly take it back."
"Fine." Frank snorted.
"Cord I got a question for you?" He didn't want to waste anymore time but he couldn't help himself.
"Yeah?"
"Your last name. O' Dwayer?" Frank seeing Cordelia scowl smirked ever so slightly, he had figured something out about her that she hadn't given up on a silver platter.
"Don't ask stupid questions Frank." Cordelia was also a sore loser, refusing to admit being bested, instead folding her arms across her chest in a huff.
"Castle." He didn't want her leaving cross at him. 'Dad's a cop, wasn't expecting that. Why call him by his last name?' Questions would have to wait.
"Huh?"
" Cordelia O' Dwayer you and that kid of yours-"
"Dahlia." Ever being left out of their long winded adult conversations Dahlia had to squirm and chime in wherever she could.
"Dahlia." Frank's smirk inched into a chuckle when he saw the girl's excitement at his simple acknowledgement of her name. "Need to get out of here. Out of New York if you can. Before I, Frank Castle drag you out by your fingernails. We clear?"
"We've always been murky at best Frank but we're going. Come on Dahlia we have to figure out if you're gonna call him Mr. Frank or Mr. Castle now." She walked away from him, towards the door.
"Can't we go with Mr. Frank?" As much as she loved Cordelia, as larger than life as she saw her Dahlia was still the most scared she'd ever been, and felt safer with big bulky Frank around.
"Kid I'm gonna do my best to bring Max back to you but you gotta give me some time. You behave yourself don't give Cord any trouble and I'll bring you a whole art set for your drawings alright?" Frank was not above bribing a child if it meant keeping them safe, getting them moving.
"Come on Dahlia, we really do got to go. Frank isn't coming with us. I'll-"
"Well maybe-"
"And Mr. Frank can't come with us. Do you really think he'd fit in Paul's smart car with all of us? Hmm? Imagine that for a second." Cordelia bent down, tapping her finger into Dahlia's forehead, finally getting the rattled girl to giggle.
'Of course he's got a fuckin smart car.' As strapped for time as he was Frank would make time to dislike Paul.
"Now I know I might not be as terrifying as Frank, but I love you more than anything, and more than anyone ever will. Trust me I've seen people do some crazy things because of how much they love someone. I'll do whatever I have to, go as off the deep end as Frank if I have to all because I love you so much." She squeezed Dahlia tight kissing the top of her head stroking her hair as she tried to get Dahlia to really understand just how much she cared, just the lengths she'd go all for her. Admitting to the world she understood and to some degree agreed with Frank's means and motives.
It was back and it was festering at an alarming rate, the resentment, the guilt, the cold bone piercing loneliness it was hitting Frank all at once from every side, he was drowning in it. Back was the wrong word, it hadn't left, it would never leave, each heartbeat was sending it through every inch of his body at all times, he had just gotten so used to it. The cocktail of debilitating sensations was the price he was paying for having his heart pick up a pulse in the first place. He had grown to accept that constant mind crushing pain, he could function without it breaking him in half but this was too much. Akin to having that heart of his ripped out of his chest, shoved in his face, forced to swallow it whole. As much as it was the same, it was different this time, he may have resented Cordelia and Dahlia, envious of what they had, what he used to have, but he wasn't mad, all those feelings had flared up except anger. He needed this, he needed all this hurt all this reality, he had been going through the motions, he had let it get to his head a bit, believed his own hype. That while on his path for vengeance, nothing could touch him, he was bulletproof, indestructible. Watching that woman hug that child let it sink in, he could be dismantled, just like that, he wasn't strong, he was weak and he was tired and he had used up all nine of his lives not one step closer to making it up to them. His wife, his children, they were all gone and who knows how many of the people who were there that day weren't. He couldn't just go through the motions anymore, he couldn't float between two different sides of himself. Once Cordelia walked out that door, he had to let that black hole take over, grind him up, whatever it spat out had to be enough to get him through, to keep that painful heartbeat going till it was done, till it was all over.
"It's . . ." He had to clear his throat just to muster up the few words he had left before the Frank Castle they barely knew was swallowed whole. "Cord it's gonna be a while." He looked to his side, not wanting to see those weepy green eyes of hers, always trying to pull him out, trying to keep him afloat.
"Yeah, I know." Cordelia could see it, feel it, there was nothing she could do about it. 'He'll forget all about us before that happens.'
"I wouldn't do all that you know?" He scratched behind his head, feeling awkward, out of his element, he was opening up when he knew didn't have time for that, he was being purposefully wasteful.
"What?" Cordelia was confused, had he flipped the script? Was he the one reading minds?
"I know you better than you think Cord. I know you're over there judging me, feelin sorry for yourself cause you think I'm some prick just toying around with you. Leavin, comin back, leavin agin. I wouldn't do all that for nothin. I'm just askin for some time Cord, that's all. Just give me some time huh?" He was as close to pleading as his core would allow.
"Frank you can have all the time you want, hell all you got is time. I said I wouldn't wait for you, but that doesn't really matter does it?" As Cordelia shrugged it was Frank's turn to approach what he knew he shouldn't touch.
"It matters. What you want matters, you ain't what you used to be, don't have to follow those rules anymore more. What you want matters." He repeated a third time for emphasis. "I can't . . . I can't give you what you want now, I know that, but just give me some time and I will alright? Now I ain't askin for you to be starin out the window like you said-" He tried to make a joke, but no one was laughing.
Cordelia reached a tentative hand up, taking a fist full of Frank's hair, clutching it tighter than was comfortable but Frank just stood there wordless, just waiting for an answer, he didn't deserve comfort in a moment like this. She tugged tighter still as if she was trying to pull him straight from his skin. What she wanted at the moment were the right words to say, words he wanted to hear, words that would save him from the punisher, but none came. The tighter her grip the less of a grasp she felt she had on him, he was slipping right through her fingers. 'I can't tell him it'll all be ok, nearly bit my face off last time I tried that.'
"You counin Cord?" Frank was left precariously hanging on the edge of his simple question, looking for anything in those weepy green eyes of hers. "You ain't gonna find your answer by tryin to pull my brains out Cord." And with that she let go, freed Frank, it really was hopeless.
"You ever think . . . we're too much alike Frank? We're just enabling each other?"
"Cord you're nothin like me ok? Now's not the time for deep thinkin. Just cause you got chased down . . . that was on me not you. I won't-" It baffled Frank that she thought they had anything in common.
"I'm not a street walker anymore but you're not a military sniper anymore either, yet here we are. Living by old rules cause they're all that make sense. I thought . . . I mean it seems like we're helping each other make sense of it all but maybe we're not, maybe we're just telling each other what we want to hear . . . to justify us being this way."
"Christ I never thought you'd stop talkin." Frank scoffed. "You know I ain't exactly got time for this little therapy session of yours so I'll try and make this quick."
"Your compassion is overwhelming, way to win a girl over Frank." Cordelia scoffed right back.
"You're the only one goin my speed Cord. You know I uh, I told Red we don't get to chose what fixes us. Right now, doin what I do, followin those old rules that's gettin me to square one. Makin it up to them. I got to Cord I just got to, and this is the only way. I know you ain't got the stomach to agree with what I do, but you understand the feeling. Like the whole world is moving in fast forward, faceless blurs racing to the future, always lookin for something shiny and new. Not us, we're moving frame by frame, makes it seem like we ain't gettin anywhere, but we-" He stopped to chuckle realizing by the look on her face that he was making little to no sense, there was a reason he was generally a man of few words. "Cord, you gotta trust me I ain't exactly been known as an optimist. I think we might be. That's why you're scared . . . to give me the time I'm askin for. You're working so hard to inch forward, you don't want to get stuck again. I'm askin, hell I'll say please if it'd convince you, because you're the only one with the patience to stick with me through this, to notice the little things that I'm too dense to notice. Because you ain't flyin by. Cord you gotta know I wouldn't ask you for time I wouldn't let you get stuck if I didn't know I could drag you out of it, I'll fight forwards backwards, jump through every hoop I have to. Parts of us are past fixin, we both know that but we'll get damn close, inch by god damn inch we'll get close."
"And I was going on too much." Cordelia smirked. That was all the conformation he needed, that smile, those eyes that were no longer weepy, they were holding it for him, that dumb hope he couldn't feel for himself, she was holding it, keeping it safe for him. She'd give him time, she'd hold out for the pieces of him to return because she knew there was hope. "Not sure you can handle my hoops." Cordelia mocked further.
"You should see Cordelia hula hoop, she can go on forever!" Dahlia again found her way to lighten up the increasingly gloomy atmosphere. She couldn't make heads or tails of their conversation, all she knew was that it seemed sad and to be honest a bit boring.
"For ever." Cordelia nodded. "The Wayne Gretzky of hula hooping. Dahly's getting pretty good too." Cordelia tussled Dahlia's hair.
"I'd expect nothin less from you Super Girl." Frank reached out, the arm not holding the ever ready fire arm wrapped around her shoulders, pulling her close. He rested his chin in the crook of her neck and held her there for a second longer. "Just . . .Please." As gruff and hardened as ever he forced that last word through, giving her all the humanity he had left, giving her some of the strength that kept him standing, he knew she would keep it safe, just for him.
"You're wasting time Frank." She hugged him closer, not wanting to let go but knowing she had to. "Our time. It's us vs the world Frank and you're the only fighter here so-" She was giving him permission, she was letting him go, pulling away.
"Don't do anything dumb while I'm gone Cord. I won't be here to-"
"I won't do anything you wouldn't do!" She lifted up Dahlia and again made her way to the door.
"That's what I'm worried about. You're not me Cord." He warned as they disappeared
He lingered a moment longer, alone, breathing for just a second, closing his eyes, a moment of peace before going back into the throws of war. 'Gotta let them come to me.' He had lost the advantage of tailing the Irish, he already knew the rough layout of the church but he didn't know where the gang had stationed their muscle. 'Fuckin Sucker.' It had been worth it, necessary even but it still threw a bit of a wrench in his original plan. Good thing Frank always had a backup plan and four more after that. 'I'll kill em all every last one of em, and they asked for it, they're hunting for it. They think they got me, I'm comin for them.' Frank turned, ending his pep talk, ending the transformation. He wasn't Frank Castle anymore, Cordelia had taken him with her, all that was left was the killer they called the punisher.
He waited, motionless for hours, listening to that damn song watching carefree children and parents blur right past him, enjoying the present, moving into the future, but he staid, stewing in his past, just waiting. He would have waited all night but he didn't have to. They had come to him just like he knew they would. 'Impatient bastards.' He slowly turned his head finally acknowledging the man sitting on the nearby bench, a look of fake confusion read all over Frank's face. He might not be able to get anything past Cordelia but he had a mighty good handle on how to play the fool. It wasn't long before the confrontation fed right in to Frank's wheel house, gun shots. He struck first, taking out a handful of expendable thugs. Instead of feeling in complete control of the situation he felt woozy, his world was spinning. He had ripped out the syringe but it was too late the drug was already taking full effect, he couldn't see straight, gripping at whatever was in arms reach to keep from falling.
"Thanks for thinning out the heard." Frank squinted, trying to get a clear image of whoever was so calmly speaking to him, trying to hold his arm straight, get the shadow in his crosshair. It was no use, all his energy was focused on continuing to breathe, continuing to stand. "You're surrounded son. Now be a good lad and drop the iron." This voice that he couldn't put a face to was sounding farther and farther away, as Frank's vision grew blurrier, shadowy and dark.
"Come on you seem like a smart one." Frank could focus just barely enough to see the tasers scope in on him.
'Tasers? Fuckin Pussies. Whole city's run out of amo?' Frank couldn't dodge, his sharp reflexes had been dulled beyond use, his stubbornness however was as pointed as ever. Much like bullets though, tasers don't care how stubborn you are, fight and snarl and grunt all he wanted Frank could not overcome the volts surging through his body, it was too much. One last ditch effort, one last grand stand of strength brought him back to his feet, even that wasn't enough, even Frank Castle falls. With a hard lifeless thump Frank's already bruised face collided with concrete.
While Frank's long night was just starting Cordelia's trials of will had started hours ago. "Paul!" she had pounded on his door. 'Please be home please be home.' The door eventually opened, Paul still in boxers and T-shirt eventually relented, opening it up.
"Jesus Christ where's the fire Cordy?" He groaned, Paul was a night owl and waking up before mid afternoon was not something he made a habit of.
"I need two huge favors from you Paul. First-" Cordelia was speeding through words, tripping over them as they flooded out her mouth.
"Relax Cordy." He could tell by her wind swept hair, her flushed cheeks, the fact that she didn't even have a coat on that she had ran here, that something was wrong. "You hurt or something?"
"Paul Max is gone! Mr. Frank-" Dahlia was making more sense than Cordelia in the moment.
"Why am I not surprised this has to do with G.I Joe? I told you he was bad news Cordy." Paul rubbed some building tension from the bridge of his nose. "Dahlia there's some poptarts in the cabinet go crazy." He allowed them sanctuary in his apartment. Dahlia looked up at Cordelia for permission when she nodded the girl made a mad dash for the kitchen. "Now I'm gonna put some pants on. I'm going to have a cigarette and you're going to explain what dumb shit he's dragged you into now." Cordelia had a choice to make, just take things as they were, like she always had and get stuck waiting like she would. Or push back, put up a fight against her cosmic pull. As she looked over at Dahlia, face coated with icing and crumbs waving feverishly at her Cordelia knew what she had to do. The right choice tore at Cordelia's heart, made her eyes leak. Is this what doing what you want felt like? She slowly walked to Paul's balcony like a prisoner on death row, waiting to explain herself. He eventually met her there, handing her a jacket. "So-"
"First favor don't judge me!"
As the world came into focus Frank cursed. "Shit." Recognizing his surroundings he knew he was still unconscious, lost in a dream. He was on Cordelia's couch, her apartment seemed dark and lifeless.
"I missed you too Frankenstein." She was back, the witch of an illusion that was the manifestation of Cordelia was sitting at her keyboard, playing scales.
"Don't you-" She might have her voice, her face, he would allow her to take no more from the Cordelia he knew.
"Do something about it." She was hammering each key with force. Frank tried to get off of his seat but he couldn't, the couch was made of quick sand, the more he struggled the more stuck he found himself. "Just like I thought, all talk and no action, what a soft fucking mess you've become Frank. Tasers? Really? Who gets taken out by tasers anymore? Kids dick around with those for fun. Did they run out of pepper spray? You could have done much better." She prattled on and on trying to get a reaction out of Frank but he simply sat there staring off into space trying to will himself to wake up. The only tell that he was in there at all was the way his nose wrinkled, his ears rose as his jaw clenched.
'Snap out of it idiot. You don't have time for this.'
There was a light knock at Cordelia's door. "Frank?" He couldn't ignore that voice, he never could.
"Maria." Again he struggled against the confines of the couch, and again it was of no use.
"We don't want any!" Cordelia slammed her palms into the keys.
'Why?' His furrowed brow was aimed at the shaking door handle.
"Frank let me in please." Maria's voice was ever soft and ever pleading. Frank wondered why his own mind was taunting him like this, keeping his wife just out of reach.
"You don't get it do you?" Cordelia stood from her post, crashing down on the couch next to him. "Of course not. We're your conscience you neanderthal! Angel and devil all that corny shit. We're not real you idiot, I'm not real, she's not real, only thing real is you and you're real stuck, no good to anyone. I'm just trying to help you Frank. Gently being caressed into reality won't do you a lick of good. You need anger and violence, that's all you need, not being lifted out on angel wings. I'm trying to keep you from making the same mistakes. I'm not gonna beat around the bush, see you have to shout a little louder, be a bit meaner when you're living in someone's shadow."
"It's not the same." Maria tried to keep her presence known but it was Cordelia's words sinking deep into Frank's skull.
"It's fucking spooky how similar it is. You already left a women waiting while you went off to war. How'd that work out for you Maria? He made it all the way back but what did you get for all your waiting, all the time you gave him?"
"Frank stay focused, stay calm." Maria didn't not acknowledge the low blow.
'Wake the fuck up.' Frank strained his muscles, he wanted out, anywhere but here.
"I get it, why you're taking it easy couch potato. It's not like your wife and kids will be any less dead now versus half an hour from now. And me? Oh I'm somewhere hiding like the skittish mouse I am, holding my breath waiting for you. Willing to wait a hundred years, or until the next time you need an emotional booty call." She ran her fingers through Frank's hair.
'A hundred.' Frank was slowly picking up on the hints deep in her venomous words, even though his thoughts were still sluggish and foggy.
"You know who doesn't waste time? You can't have nightmares if you are the nightmare." Her nails ran down the back of his neck causing goosebumps. "Be the Punisher Frank, don't half ass it anymore, really let the monster out. Nothing else, you'll survive if you just trust me." She was whispering in his ears, coaxing him.
"Frank don't lose yourself." Maria's voice seemed so far away, so muted.
"Get lost Frank, take them down with you. Kill them all. If you really meant it, that you want to come back, you have to go forward first. You wanted this Frank, this is what you want. I always know what you want, always let you have it." She bit he ear she had been cooing into. "Can't we count on you Frank? To keep your word? To do what needs to get done?"
'Count.' The drugs were wearing off, he could finally think straight. "They'll pay." Frank grunted as he fought against the couch again. "Maria I'm-"
"Don't lose Frank. You're stronger than that. You're not weak. Wake up, fight for your life, fight for us. Then live for you Frank! Please Frank we love you." The words pounded in his ear drums, it crushed him but he had to block her out.
"There you go. It hurts now Frank, and your night won't get any easier, but go numb let it all go and it won't hurt as much. I'm not real but you know what is. You know your only chance for redemption is through a river of blood. Move fast enough and maybe you can get back to Cord before she turns into me." He could hear it as the room grew quiet and his senses sharpened, Cordelia's metronome.
'100, 99, 98-'
His head rose as footsteps approached, he was awake again, not Frank Castle but the Punisher. His breath was labored but he quickly got adjusted, scanning the crumbling room as he leveled out any remaining nerves. The threats the punches the torture, he endured it all. As more blood collected in his mouth he waited, mentally stalking. Spiting his weakness out with disregard on the floor, he'd bleed dry if he had to. "Don't think you're showin me somethin I haven't seen before. Cause your killing spree has all the signs of a man seeking retribution. Am I right?" The leader of the Irish Finn Cooley, tried to prove his dominance over Frank, that the marine was nothing special, nothing he couldn't stomp out with ease, that was his first mistake.
"Okay Okay I'll tell you where your money is."
"Hey hey I promise you, it'll be over soon. In a Jiffy." Finn leaned in close, his second mistake, he had gotten too close to the beast. Frank given any opportunity would strike, head butting Finn, skull to skull. Finn was wrong, he'd never met anyone like Frank, a mad man who was laughing right in his face.
"Oh I was hoping it would come to this." Finn was more than a little rattled by this newer, darker, more focused Frank, he had to change tactics, had to be more ruthless than simply promising Frank's death. He picked up and electric drill, the bit spinning menacingly.
"Yeah? You gonna do it or you gonna talk about it?" Frank knew pain was coming his way but he accepted it, beckoned for it, he'd take pain over the ache any day of the week. Anything to keep his depraved conscience at bay. "I'm here! I'll kill every one of you bastards! Come on I'll kill you!" Frank watched as the drill shredded through his foot, as more blood was spilt, but he did not look on helplessly, though he screamed in agony and defiance it was all worth it, all part of his plan, at least he wasn't stuck. After the dirty deed Finn made a third mistake, he took his eyes off Frank, which fed right into his objective, he wouldn't have to wait much longer, hold anything back. He began to pick and pull at the stitches in his arm, the pain in his foot made this a far less uncomfortable endeavor.
Eventually Finn returned, a newer method in mind, seeing as nothing seemed to be working. "Bring him in." Frank's eyes opened wide for just a second, bewildered that luck had been on his side for once. 'Max. Don't have to chase after you like a dumbass.' Swallowing down another mouthful of blood, though his fishbowl eyes were fighting past bruised sockets he could see her clearly. That little girl, Dahlia hugging and nuzzling against the dog in front of him, not scared and bawling like he had seen her last, happy he could make her happy again and that would be all he needed to get a foot in the door, he would make the wait, the time worth it, restore their faith in him, buy him more of that precious time. That little part of him, that quarter of an inch inside of him rekindled, the ache was back.
'Damnit.'
"It seems like you've taken a liking to this mutt." Finn felt he had the upper hand finally, he saw life and desperation in Frank's face. "If I don't get my money everything I've done to you I'm doing double to poor fido here." The drill nosily whirred back to life. Again Frank's ears rose, jaw clenched.
"Hey let him go, just let him go you asshole. I'll tell you where your money is ok?" This act was coming to a close, he had taken his lumps now it was time to lay them to waste. Right after he got what he came for, the next step on his long path. "I'll tell you. Your money it's in a van on 48th and 10th. Just let him go you asshole."
"He's an animal lover, how sweet. Take him out." Max was escorted out of the line of fire, he was alive and safe, Frank's mission was going according to plan.
'Could've done without the new hole.' Wiggling his toes through the pain he measured how much that would slow him down.
The rest fell like dominos, swift and without hesitation. The van blown to bits, his binds removed by the razor he'd been saving in his forearm for a rainy day. The punisher was free, he was rabid and as always hungry for vengeance and he'd get what he wanted, one body at a time. Once he had a gun in his hands it was as good as over, clipping the Irish leader twice, just keeping him alive enough. "He's loose! Get down here. Jimmy! Shaun!" Finn called for reinforcements but they hadn't come fast enough, not that it would have mattered much if they had. Frank lumbered forward, the nickname Cordelia gave him had never been more on the nose.
"You wanted this." Finn stated with bewilderment. No this wasn't what Frank wanted, what he had asked for, that dream had steered him wrong he had never wanted to be the punisher.
"No I counted on it." He might not have wanted it but this is very much what he needed. "Now I can ask you face to face. Who was there that day? Who killed my family?"
"Your family?" Finn still had one biting remark to leave Frank with.
"Yeah"
"Who cares." With a scowl and a bang Finn's face was gone.
Everything was moving so fast and Frank was uncharacteristically slow. The wind was taken from his sails. All this for what? Yeah he was taking the Irish out at the ankles but like running on a treadmill Frank was moving but getting nowhere. He was in pain, out of breath and just like that he was shot. He found cover behind a coffin top but he still felt so exposed, left out to dry. 'Nothin' He had given it all he could, allowed the black hole to take over, abandoned everything but the violence and received nothing in return. "One batch, Two batch-" The metronome was fine to get unstuck to get moving but that rhyme, slowed everything down, to his speed, to his aim, to his goal. "Penny and dime." More bodies fell.
He was still moving slower than he needed, he was still tapped, still tired. As much as it chapped his ass he needed the backup that Dare Devil eventually provided. "Alter Boy." Frank might have had no energy left but anything with a pulse he wanted to bring crashing down with him, he wanted quiet. They had made it to the cemetery grounds before Frank's body eventually gave out on him, till he truly had nothing left. "I think I might cash out." Even his stubbornness was fleeting, his iron will was rusting over. "You ever been tired Red?" It wad more than that, more than the tiredness, he had the guilt, his demons dragging his lifeless body down to hell as he explained how he had let his baby girl down. She had all the faith in the world in him. Had single handedly kept him on his feet, was the real fighter and he let her down. He was shit, worthless, directionless, he was no fighter, he was giving up never making it up to his daughter, never making it close. What did he really have left? What could keep him going now? Did he deserve to stand? When he couldn't even save them? He sniffled and openly wept because there was nothing else to do except remember. There was nothing left for him. No one needed a bullet ridden failure. A monster who couldn't muster a snarl, couldn't bear his claws. He was a ghost in the world of the living. Who could see him anymore? Who could reach him? Who would care if he stopped existing? As he closed his eyes, slowed his breathing, praying he wouldn't wake up a far away shout held onto him, gripped him by the collar, wouldn't let him go.
"Max?!"
'For fucks sake.' Frank cursed, he had been so close, so ready to let go but that was Cordelia, he knew her voice anywhere. She was waiting for him, she cared. She would piece him back together no matter how broken he was because she was waiting, hoping for him, not the punisher but that little bit that was still Frank Castle. That's what she wanted, worthless shit he was, failure and all, for some reason she wanted that. 'What she wants matters.' He let out an exhausted breath. 'Why Cord? Why you gotta get in my head like that? Can't just let me be? Let me rest? She right? Can I not handle her hoops? Fuck this, she will haunt me wherever I go, she'll follow me right down to the fuckin pit. Super Girl comin to the rescue whether I want it or not. Just give me some time Cord, that's all I'm askin for. Just let me . . . feel done for a second, I just need some quiet." With that Frank slipped into unconsciousness.
Cop cars as far as the eye could see Cordelia knew she couldn't call out for Frank, she wanted to but getting arrested would do no good for anyone. "Max?!" She knew if the horse was galloping around Frank wouldn't be far away.
"Ma'am this is a crime scene. You can't be here." An officer halted her frantic search for signs of life.
"I'm looking for my dog. He went missing, I need to find him" She tried to slip by him, her plea was beyond over the top for a lost dog. Her hysterics did not phase him, he would not allow her to pass, would not budge.
"And why would you think your dog is here?" He posed a valid question.
'He thinks I'm bonkers.' Cordelia could see concern, confusion but most of all annoyance in his face. 'First idea best idea.' Cordelia bunkered down, it was time for her skills to shine."You crooked false prophets have been after Max since day one don't think I don't know, I see what's going on. You want his secrets, want to suck out his brain, take his superior intellect. Jealous that he only talks to me! I won't let you take him, I was appointed his protector from the hundred thousand guardian angels!" He wanted crazy he'd get it in spades, she was a chameleon, she could be whatever the situation called for. Her eyes were bugging, appearing to look completely through above and around the officer as her hands flailed wildly in every direction. "Max?! The government is closing in! Choppers coming to lift you away" She pointed up at the news choppers above them. That's how she had known to go there in the first place, this firefight was anything but subtle, plastered all over the news, she knew Frank had something to do with it.
"Ma'am I won't ask you again-" A sickly deranged smile lit up Cordelia's unhinged face. 'Max.' She could hear him bark, could see him run full tilt in her direction. 'You did it Frank.' She saw this as a sign, somewhere Frank was alive, continuing to fight. "I told you so, I'm not crazy. You're crazy, you're all crazy! This is all an illusion!" Cordelia reached out to grab Max but she was pushed away.
"Ma'am step back or I will be forced to arrest you."
"I will not! I will never bow down to your coin bureaucracy!" Cordelia had no idea what she was talking about but it was working. It was taking all of the officer's awareness and skill to hold the full energy pit bull from the crack pot calling out to him.
"Castle is contained looking for escort for the transport bus." A crackling voice emanated over the officer's radio. Cordelia's heart lifted, Frank was alive. The it quickly plummeted with a splat into the cemetery grounds. 'He's going to jail, they'll burn him at the steak.' The image of her placing her hand against plexiglass to get anywhere close to Frank came to mind. 'Life's shit like that.' She was still pawing at Max but her mind was elsewhere. 'Finally go after what you want, finally fight back and get tripped up flat on your fucking face.' When she had looked over at Dahlia earlier in the day, the way she had waved and did her best to smile, still scared, trying to sugar rush her worry away Cordelia made the most difficult decision in her life. Above all else as always she had to keep Dahlia safe, shit was hitting the fan at an alarming rate, it was only going to get worse, Dahlia had to be as far away from that as humanly possible. Secondly, Dahlia was looking to Cordelia for guidance, as a role model, as her only family. She didn't want Dahlia to go through the same struggles she had. She didn't want to pass on her cosmic pull. Cordelia had to show her that there's more to life than taking what the world gave you, that what you want matters, to go after it, pursue happiness, don't lock yourself off in an emotional bunker. That's why Cordelia had come here, came looking for Frank. She had no intention of fighting along side him, she'd be more harm than good in that respect. What she could do, that even Frank couldn't, that she wanted to do was keep Frank from destroying himself. That job had just increased in difficulty ten fold. 'The things I do.' She snapped back to reality as the officer addressed her.
"If I hand over the dog. Will you move along?" He had passed over the annoyance threshold. This was the biggest criminal take down since Fisk and he was missing all the action playing babysitter. The dog seemed to want to go with her, what was the harm?
"Max? Is it time to go home?" She had never felt more alone than she did right then and there, No Frank, No Dahlia, she and Paul's relationship was strained. She would take all the company she could get, even from a dog she swore she didn't like very much. She reached out again, the officer held the chain away from her, waiting for an answer.
"Fine." She grabbed Max's collar, squatting down allowing the dog to put his front paws on her shoulders, licking and barking at her. "We'll figure it out Max." She whispered as she leaned her forehead against Max's. "He says this isn't over. It's only just begun." She shouted at the officer who was tapping his foot, losing all patience. "Come on Max, what's the plan?" She began the long walk back to the apartment, trying to figure out the next logical step, how could they move forward now? How would they get unstuck.
