Chapter 9: Routine
I occupy my time looking through the window now. I wake up; I take a shower; I go downstairs to have my breakfast with Sae and the girl; I stare out the window. I repeat the process every day in-between every meal. It's like a routine, and it feels okay. Sae says I should go out, that my skin is almost translucent, that I need to synthesize sun vitamins if I want to stay alive. She's probably right, but I haven't decided yet if I want to stay alive. I don't know really if I want to keep the promise I made to Haymitch before we entered the arena.
Meanwhile, I keep eating. Just in case.
I never see him, but he must be up to something beyond drinking alcohol to unconsciousness. I started hearing some goose noises coming from his backyard a couple of weeks ago and saw Peeta crossing the road to our mentor's house with some sort of barbed wire under his armpit. The last Monday, after almost a week seeing them coming back and forth, I was intrigued enough to go upstairs to try and have a peek at what was happening there, but then I remembered the only window that faced Haymitch's backyard was Prim's, so the spark of curiousness that was starting to lit fell dead instantly and I returned downstairs to my spot.
I've become some kind of hermit that barely speaks. I'm like the horses of the Parade, with those blinders that force them to look only to what lies ahead. The window is my blinder since I can only see what's happening just in front of it. The rest of the world is just nonexistent to me, and I prefer if it stays that way. Out of sight out of mind.
But the relative peace that I've somehow managed to find doesn't last long. That same week, my routine changes without any warning.
I wake up like every other day. After staring vacantly at the ceiling for some minutes trying to forget the pool of blood I was diving into in my nightmare, I throw off of my sweaty panties and head to the shower. It's being the hottest August since I can remember and, even if at nights it cools down a bit, it's not enough to sleep in more than panties. I rub mi patched skin as if there was no tomorrow, trying to scrub off all the warm blood I can still feel covering me. When I'm finished, I step out the tub, put on some shorts and a tee and head downstairs without bothering with my wet hair. It will bring some freshness until it dries completely.
I'm surprised that Sae's not here yet. Normally she's home early in the morning before I can't even take my shower. I decide I will wait for her, she may have had to do something in town, even if I don't know if there's anything to do at all. The last time I saw it, it was an ash-covered muddy field. And that's how it stays in my mind.
I sit down in my rocking chair and stare out the window, but since it's not my usual time of the day to do so, I start feeling uncomfortable and desist. There's nothing interesting happening outside anyway. I move throughout the whole place while my stomach starts rumbling. Why's she this late? She should be more considerate of my cheeks since they're starting to gain some flesh. So annoying with them and now she forgets I have to eat.
After the clock shows half past twelve and there's no signal of Sae, I even entertain the idea of cooking something by myself, but I quickly cast it aside. There's nothing in my cupboards. The old woman brings the food with her every day. I start getting angry after midday. What in hell does she think? That she's somehow going to force me to go downtown in her search? Is this her way to make me get some sun vitamins? She's nuts then. I'm not putting a step into that place.
I'm determined not to go out for almost fifteen minutes, but my stomach makes a loud noise after that and all my resolution is brought down. I can't be this weak, can I? Come on, I've been all my life suffering from starvation and now I'm not even able to stand half a day without eating? Apparently not.
I'm trying to assess my possibilities, trying to determinate the best action plan not to look foolish and serve her the victory so easily, when I remember Haymitch's geese. That's it! He must have reconverted his backyard in some sort of geese farm. I don't understand how's that going to work for Haymitch, but I'm okay with it if the animals provide me some meat. I could steal half the gaggle and I'm sure he won't notice it. He's so bad taking care of anything…
Not thinking too much about it, I open the back door of my house and head outside. The sunlight burns my skin instantly and I miss my tanned skin like never before. Is this what Peeta feels all the time? I sneak out through the partially broken fence in the lateral of the house and head towards Haymitch's. I make no sound and I'm grateful for it. Like Sae would say, some things never change, and my feet seem to remember perfectly how to move without making any noise at all. Feeling the grass between my toes again is comforting and I'm enjoying the short path between Haymitch's house and mine more than I intended. Damn it, Sae. This is your fault.
I finally reach the bush that marks the boundary between the street and Haymitch's backyard. I try to look through it, but it's too thick. I guess I will have to intuit the best place to take the leap. I make a mental plane of my house's backyard since it's identical to Haymitch's, and decide the far left corner is the best place not to fall squarely on the fence. If I were to make an enclosure for a gaggle, I would choose the far right corner. Haymitch usually sleeps in the kitchen, so placing the enclosure there would be the best if you want to have some sleep without hearing the geese squawk the whole night. He could even keep an eye on them from the kitchen without having to go out. I convince myself that has to be the distribution and jump over the bush in a graceful movement.
I'm almost grinning because I haven't lost my agility after all these months when I see the barbed wire right under my feet. I'm in the air, falling in slow motion while I try to place my body in a way that the wire won't hurt me, but it's useless. Haymitch's logic is indecipherable sometimes. I fall down, losing all my grace through the way, and almost crash on top of one of the geese. They start squawking at my intromission and I let escape a high pitched cry. The barbed wire has scratched the whole side of my right leg and it burns like hell. I cover my mouth with both hands when I hear voices coming from the inside of the kitchen. "What was that?" says Peeta. What is he doing here? I didn't see him coming this morning. "What was what, boy?" asks an annoyed and drunk Haymitch. I take shelter behind the small shed they must have built for the tools and wait. "You could have seen me if you had placed the enclosure in the right corner, you asshole" I say, with bated breath while I wipe the blood that's running down my calf. "The geese, Haymitch! Oh, my lord… I don't know when I thought this was a good idea. You can't even take care of yourself, let alone a full gaggle" laments Peeta. "Hey kiddo, that's offensive. At least I know how to feed myself, not like that fiancée of yours". Of course, he's talking about me but I can't determine what makes me angrier if hearing that coming from a drunken mentor or not hearing any denial at all from Peeta.
They resume with whatever task they were completing and I, annoyed, sneak back inside the enclosure. I'm more cautious this time not to startle the geese. I take a quick glance at them: they seem to be well fed. Maybe Haymitch is not so horrible at this. Or maybe Peeta is taking care of the geese. Who knows. Anyway, I'm grateful they did their job. I will have a feast at their expense.
When I decide which of the geese I'm taking home, I prepare myself. The back to the bush, eyes fixated on my objective. It feels like hunting again. There's no bow this time, though. When the silly geese get accustomed to my presence, I launch myself against the big one I selected, aiming with my hands for the long neck. It's going to be quick and easy. With the left hand, I will hold the beak, so it doesn't make noise, and with the right one, I will grab it by the neck, pressing the rest of the bird under my armpit and the side of my body. Easy peasy.
But today's not my day.
I overestimate my strength, that it's not at its best, and the stupid goose get's to free itself and starts squawking loudly. I try to catch it by the beak again without much success and in the attempt, it bites my hand. I yell in pain and release it. I thought that a goose couldn't be this stubborn, but they are Haymitch's. How couldn't they?
I keep fighting with the goose, pursuing it all over the backyard while I yell at it, long forgotten the discretion. "Come here, fucking bastard! I'm going to make a soup of you, even if you like it or not!"All the geese start running and agitating their wings because of the brawl and this, of course, finally takes Haymitch and Peeta to the backyard in a rush.
"What the hell? Katniss, what are you doing?" inquires Peeta incredulously when they see me. Haymitch just starts laughing like never before.
I must be a sight: damp hair, blood running down the calf, the left hand useless because of the goose's bite and yelling like the mad girl I am. Pathetic.
I collapse onto the floor, exhausted because of the midday sun and the lack of physical exercise. The goose runs away from me and looks at me lordly. I'm an absolute failure. The only thing in my life I've been proud of is that I've been able to feed my family and myself on my own since I was barely a child. Now that I'm a woman, by all means, I'm not even able to catch an enclosed goose. I shouldn't have left my house. This was a terrible idea.
Almost without noticing it, I start sobbing. The mud I have all over the face because of the short battle with the goose runs down my cheeks dragged by my tears. I'm almost unconscious when Peeta's arms pick me up from the floor and take me inside the house.
Hey! Later than usual but here you are! Chapter 9 already. A very predictable breakdown this one, don't you think? The first time going out after all those months of reclusion... nothing easy. Katniss' has to deal with lots of things, but first step has been taken!
Hope to read from you. Thanks as always :)
