Joe felt himself getting antsy as he leaned against the bumper of his patrol car. Twenty slow minutes had passed since Jimmy had disappeared into the stationhouse to clean-up and he was still nowhere to be seen. Joe considered going into the station to see if Jimmy was alright, but his judgment decided against it. If I was in that man's shoes, it would take me forever to...

"Joe! I'm here! What the fuck are you doing out here? Let's go!" yelled Jimmy, looking irritated as he at last reappeared in the parking lot. He held a damp towel to his bleeding lip and limped slightly on his cut and bruised right leg. Though Jimmy had changed out of his blood stained shirt shirt, he still wore his torn uniform pants and gunbelt, with his red polo shirt stuffed in and out of his pants like a the jersey of a hockey player.

Joe's mouth formed a tight line. "I did wait in the car, but you took so long I needed some air!" he replied crisply, flinging open the driver's door and jumping into his seat.

"Whatever," Jimmy mumbled as he entered the patrol car. "Let's just get a move on to Penn General so I can hear how Coop—I mean so I can get patched up."

"Yeah, sure," said Joe as he waited for Jimmy to get buckled up. "You didn't bother changing your pants?"

"What for? No point ruining two pairs of pants; I already got holes-in-one." Jimmy snickered at his own lame joke.

Joe stared at Jimmy with uncomprehending eyes.

Jimmy felt his cheeks go hot. "You know...holes...like…a hole in one in golfing? Get it?"

Joe offered Jimmy a slight smile. "Oh, yeah. I've just never been golfing." Seeing Jimmy belted, Joe put the car into drive and began heading out of the parking lot.

"Oh, me neither. It's a joke my son Adam told me it. He's eight, so I guess that explains why he finds the joke funny," explained Jimmy.

"I guess so. Guess that's the shame of getting getting older, ain't it? Things just aren't as good as they used to be. I guess that's why God gave us kids, to help us remember how life should be," remarked Joe, keeping his eyes focused on the road ahead as he smiled at his own irony. Hell, childhood was hardly behind Joe. Three years ago, he had even still slept with his teddy bear. But tonight had shed the aura of youth that had clung to him.

"Yeah," said Jimmy before falling silent. A different type of guilt was beginning to prick him. He was married to a beautiful wife and had three gorgeous children. Ten years ago, Jimmy had promised to honour and cherish his wife until only death parted them. Yet Jimmy had thrown that promise away one warm spring evening after a few drinks too many. It was true that his and Eileen's marriage was far from flawless. Over the past five years, the closeness they had once shared had been eroded by too many late work nights and missed anniversary dinners. Having Tommy had been a calculated, desperate move to salvage their marriage.

But that didn't change that what had happened that night in the backyard with Coop and since had simply been lust, the intimacy Jimmy had missed having with his wife. For a brief moment, Jimmy convinced himself that what he and Coop shared was little more than a brotherly bond. Tonight had been a clear message from God that what he and Coop were doing was vile and that the Lord was cleansing the Earth of sinners.

Then Jimmy shivered as the streetlights flashed by as Joe continued his erratic driving towards the hospital. How the fuck can I think such a horrible thing?! The past six weeks had been the best ones Jimmy had ever enjoyed and he leaned back against the leather seat to fully convince himself of that.


A huge smirk crossing his face, Coop broke out into a whistle as he entered his white and brown living room and headed straight for his brown velvet armchair. Once settled, Coop rested his feet on the matching ottoman, beginning to imagining what the following early morning hang-out session with Jimmy would bring.

Robin followed Coop into the living room. Seeing his master settled, Robin jumped onto Coop's lap and began clawing Coop's bare thighs.

"Ow! Robin, cut that out!" Coop cried, pushing Robin off him.

Robin sat at the foot of the ottoman, looking up at Coop with beseeching yellow eyes.

Coop sighed. He loved Robin's companionship, but the cat was sometimes so clingy it was like having a wife. Still, feeling guilty for pushing Robin off, Coop whipped the black sock off his right foot and folded it into a ball, tossing it into the kitchen. Coop grinned; even out of practice, he still had a hell of a pitch.

Robin took off excitedly, batting the crumbled sock towards the kitchen table.

Chuckling, Coop leaned back and closed his eyes, reminiscing for the hundredth time how his happiness had begun.


The irony that June 14, 1968, the night Coop had first kissed Jimmy, fell on the day after his tenth wedding anniversary had not failed to be lost on Jimmy. Over the ensuing weeks, Jimmy had thought about it constantly, wondering if that date was a positive or negative sign towards the passionate affair he and Coop were embarking upon.

Whatever the magic eight ball dictated, that Friday hadn't enjoyed a good start. Jimmy had arrived at the station in his brown 1964 Vista Cruiser well ahead of schedule. He liked to use the extra time to grab a cup of coffee in the staffroom and chat with the guys as he took his time to get ready.

Jimmy began to worry as 6 am was neared with still no sign of Coop. Coop arriving with just a few minutes to spare wasn't unusual, but even this was later than Jimmy felt easy with.

Just as Jimmy was about to give Coop's house a ring in case he had slept through his alarm again, Coop jogged into the locker room. Coop's white T-shirt was wrinkled and untucked into his work pants. Coop brushed past Jimmy without speaking and began digging around in his locker for his work shirt. Jimmy was shocked when he caught a glimpse of Coop's profile. Coop's face looked haggard, his eyes bloodshot, and surrounded by dark circles.

Murphy walked over to Jimmy and Coop, chuckling to himself as Coop began buttoning up his shirt. "Damn, Coop. You look like shit! Burning the midnight oil again?" There had been so much trouble in North Philly lately some of the guys had had to pull thirty-six hour shifts as the personal shortage continued to drag on unabated.

Coop returned Murphy's smirk. "'Hell no! I found me a nice lady at Joe's and took her back to my place. We had some late night fun," said Coop with a condescending wink.

"Damn! You'll have to give me some of your secrets sometime, man." Murphy whistled jealously. It was well known around the precinct that Murphy often struck out when he asked women out on dates.

"Sure, Murph, if you think you can keep up with me!" The prospect was so ridiculous that Coop broke into laughter.

"Aw, shut up!" Murphy skulked out of the locker room. While Coop and Murphy couldn't be described as friends, both harboured a secret respect for each other as policemen.

"Yeesh! Another girl already, Coop?" asked Jimmy, straightening his name tag. After all, it hadn't even been a week since Coop had boasted to Jimmy about the fox he met outside a Saturday morning matinee.

"Ya know it." Coop smiled, but kept his gaze away from Jimmy's curious eyes.

Jimmy looked down. It was easy to forget sometimes how smooth a liar Coop could be. But Coop's slumped shoulders and red rimmed eyes made it obvious to Jimmy that his partner's free time the night previous hadn't consisted of a hot date. Instead, Coop had had more nightmares and likely hadn't gotten back to sleep on a night just after doing a twenty-four shift. Jimmy hoped Coop would have the energy after work to hang out at his place later. Friday and Saturday nights spent with Coop were easily the highlight of his week.

His shirt tucked into place, Coop put his gunbelt, securing his baton and making sure his gun was in its holster. After straightening his badge, Coop looked at his watch and grinned. "Made it by the skin of my teeth! I know we gotta go catch the bad guys, Jimmy, but do you mind if I stop by the staffroom for a couple cups of the strong black stuff?" asked Coop.

"Sure. Just make sure McCree doesn't see you," Jimmy warned. McCree would be pissed if he saw Coop loitering around instead of immediately starting their patrol.

"Roger, sir!" Coop flashed Jimmy a sharp salute and a cocky grin.

Five minutes later, Coop appeared in the patrol car parking lot. The two cups of black chicory coffee Coop had just slurped down had sat brewing half the night and thus were stronger than usual. Coop already felt livelier and tried to put the previous night's visions of blood and screams behind him.

"There you are!" Jimmy exclaimed. "Was just about to send a search party for you! I got the car set up. Get in, I'll drive."

Coop glared at Jimmy. "Screw that, Jimmy! Ya know you drive like a little old lady! I'm driving! End of story!" Coop knew he was being an asshole, but so exhausted he didn't give a damn.

Jimmy looked down. Coop already being in a foul mood and short-tempered didn't bode well for the rest of their shift. Jimmy decided it best to appease Coop and ride shotgun without further argument. Jimmy began sweating as the warm air engulfed him.

Wordlessly, Coop got into the patrol car, slamming the door shut and putting the car into gear without bothering to put on his seatbelt. He tried to think of things to make conversation with Jimmy. But despite the two cups of coffee, Coop's brain remained muddled and he just couldn't formulate any coherent sentences.

The majority of the shift passed quickly as Coop and Jimmy drove around North Philly, their day oddly trouble free. After their 1pm lunch at the Milton Burger Joint, complete with several more cups of coffee, Coop finally felt alert.

"Jimmy," said Coop as they headed back into North Philly. "I'm sorry for being such an ass earlier. I hardly got any sleep last night and I took it out on you. I was outta line."

Jimmy looked at Coop and grinned. "No problem, Coop. Forget about it. We can talk it over later. You still coming over tonight?"

Coop shot Jimmy a cocky smirk. "Of course! Haven't got anything better to do." Truth was there was nothing else Coop looked more forward to these days than spending time alone with Jimmy, even if that meant reawakening desires he had suppressed over the past four years.

"Really, what sort of better things have you got to do, Coop?" Jimmy asked with a loud chuckle. "Something like goin' out to Queen's Village, goin' into The Hush Room and finding yourself a hot drag queen?"

Coop's face tightened, angry cracks forming across his forehead. "Shut the fuck up, Jimmy! Don't ever mention Queen's Village to me!" he yelled. Coop knew Jimmy was only joking and had had no clue of Coop's true sexual orientation. But the fact remained that Coop still hated the slurs and being reminded of anything that had to do with with the hangout Danny Holtz had once frequented.

Jimmy's felt a cold chill seep through his body. "Geez, Coop! I was just joking!" Jimmy stammered. Jimmy never felt right making slurs towards homosexuals and drag queens. But the world was as it was and Jimmy had quickly learned as a teenager to hide his attraction towards men and condemn those who flaunted it.

"Fine! Just don't you ever say shit like that to me again! I ain't no queer!" Coop yelled, hating himself more intensely as each word passed through his lips. But Coop knew what would happen if Jimmy guessed the real truth. There was no place on the police force or in society for men suspected of being queer. That horrible truth had been illustrated to Coop during his last baseball season at Penn. After word got out that his friend Danny hung out at The Hush Room, a queer bar in Queen's Village, the the team had quickly ostracized Danny. Heartbroken at the way his once close teammates had begun treating him, Danny had quit the team, not long before he was beaten up outside The Hush Room and left to die alone in a filthy alley.

Coop felt each time that he denied what he was was a savage insult to Danny's memory. While Coop had put up a strong bravado when discussing being queer with Danny, he had refused to act upon it. Danny had been the opposite, refusing to let fear get in the path of true love.

Coop wanted nothing than to honour Danny by finally admitting the truth about himself to somebody. But with the face of hate so close and menacing, there was no way in hell he could.