Yes, I know. Later than I said it would be. Me and my housemates were having issues with renewing our tenancy agreements, but it's all sorted now :)

Anyway, if angst affects you, you may need a tissue for this. Then again you may not. Let me know what you think. My heart strings were actually pulled as I wrote this.

And again, the poem in this chapter belongs to me, so DO NOT USE IT UNLESS I GIVE YOU PERMISSION. It's another depressing one as well.

Disclaimer- I don't think they'd let me own anything to do with TMNT- I'd just go crazy with making them suffer :L


Chapter 9- Powerless: Part II

Splinter couldn't help but let out a groan as he was drawn from unconsciousness, his old bones creaking as he stretched. Suddenly remembering what had occurred in his own home, he shot up and stared examined his surroundings.

He was in a cell of some kind and had been laid on a small cot. The room itself had no windows and only a small grate in the door let any light shine through. Apart from the cot, there was nothing else in there. The elderly rat shivered, feeling the chill that had been sinking into his bones.

But where were his sons? And was Leonardo being tortured again? Splinter felt his heart seize, praying that he was incorrect in thinking so and that none of his other sons were receiving the same treatment. The ninja did not think he would ever be able to rid his mind of the images of his eldest being bludgeoned and beaten until he was a heap on the floor of their home. His heart cried at the pain of his son and cursed the villains who had dared attack someone he loved.

His thinking was interrupted by the sudden shift of steel and the door groaned as it was forced open, revealing the woman who had restrained him and his three youngest sons. She was flanked by several more robed figures, but these were different to the ones who had infiltrated the Lair.

"It is good to see you awake, Splinter. We was beginning to wonder when you would do so, and was dreading to think about carrying on without you present." Her red eyes developed a cold glint as she sneered.

"Where are my sons?" the ninja master snapped, his tail thumping the ground to emphasise how annoyed he was.

"I imagine your youngest three will have woken up by now. They are useless to our master so we left them there."

"They will come."

"I highly doubt that, rodent. You see, no one apart from those who follow our master have ever been here. No mortal that has not been welcomed by our master has ever found this place."

"And what have you done to Leonardo?"

"Nothing yet, though we have healed most of his injuries. It wouldn't do for him to be in such a pitiful state, though we do need to keep him from putting up too much of a fight."

"What could you possibly hope to achieve? He is still a child."

The woman actually laughed. "That is the most pathetic excuse I have ever heard. You of all people know that he has not been a child for years. You forced him to grow up before he could even experience a childhood."

Splinter flinched at these words, for there was no denying the truth. From an early age, he had pushed Leonardo's desire to look after and guide his younger brothers, and the child had had next to no time to be just that- a child. There had been many times over the years where Splinter had regretted this, but he could not undo the past.

"I was going to take you to see him, but I really do not think I shall now."

"No! Please, let me go to him."

Sneering, the female motioned at her companions, and they all immediately moved to form a tight circle around Splinter.

"Do not think to try anything, rodent," another hissed, "otherwise, we will delight in playing with your son for longer than necessary. He caused our master a considerable amount of trouble last time."

Knowing that any reply would only antagonise them, the rat remained silent as he was led from his cell. All the while he dreaded what these people had in store for his son. And what they mean by the last time? Had his sons encountered these people before? He could not recall.

As he was led along dim corridors and up winding staircases, Splinter surmised that they were in some form of underground cave system- the walls were had been carved into a rounded tunnel with rocks strewn across the ground at random intervals. The tunnel itself split off into many junctions, indicating that there may be a small civilisation of these people down here. Also, the elderly rat could not smell anything remotely like a sewer, which meant that they were a great distance below the surface.

After their long trek through the tunnel, Splinter was led through an archway and into a large, dimly lit chamber. It was sparsely furnished. There were carving on the walls that had the rat's fur stand on end. The rest of the room was empty save for a number of the hooded figures and a stone table. On the table lay Leonardo, completely devoid of his weapons, mask and gear.

The turtle's face was peaceful and showed no discomfort for the bruises that still marred his body. Though all of the cuts and a number of the larger bruises were now missing, there were still enough to leave his son in pain. And Splinter was not sure if they had taken the liberty of fixing his child's broken bones, for he knew that a few had during the beating. His arms lay limp at his side with his fingers curled slightly towards his palms. Without his mask, Leonardo looked different. It astonished Splinter that, whilst sleeping without his bandana, his eldest son could look so innocent. However, his heart broke as the full degree of the emotional pain the teenager had been going through was laid bare. Splinter had known that Leo was punishing his body with extensive exercise and little food and rest, despite the times when he had attempted to dissuade him from such measures. Now that his son was no longer a blur of action, the results were evident. Though still muscled, Leonardo had a leaner appearance. It was clear that his body had started to eat away at the muscle in order to keep him from collapsing. It was an almost gruesome mix of muscle and drawn skin, as if the latter was clinging to his body in order to draw out any sustenance possible. His pallor was also a few shades lighter than the usual leaf-green that the old rat was accustomed to seeing.

If he had not been in the presence of enemies, Splinter would have wept. It was horrifying how the life had been sucked out of Leonardo over the last two months, both physically and mentally. Though he had tried to speak to his child, he honestly had no idea how to console the turtle. Leonardo had never actually come to him with his own personal problems before. Yes, he would speak to him about battle strategies or things that the eldest thought was wrong or even what his brothers were doing, but now the master was only just beginning to realise how much he had failed as a father to Leonardo.

"What could you possibly want to do to him?" Splinter demanded. He had not been allowed to go near his son, so he settled for glaring at the people who had brought them here. "Can you not see he is ill?"

"And whose fault is that, rat?" A new voice called. As yet another figure approached them, Splinter recognised it as the portly man with glasses. "It is not our fault that Leonardo has slowly but surely been destroying himself. We are not the ones who spent years neglecting his personal needs."

"He is my son! I would never do such a thing!"

"Maybe not consciously, but there are a number of hurts that your precious Leonardo has kept from you over the years. And we know all about what happened with the rabbit." He sneered at Splinter's suddenly drawn countenance. "Oh yes, that hurt him and yet you did nothing to help him heal. And Raphael. It is surprising that Leonardo was not driven to suicide."

"He would never do such a thing."

"Of course he wouldn't because of what you made him to be. But there are things that you probably do not know, rodent. For example, our master knows for certain that you were unaware that your son has been developing himself as an artist."

It was true. Splinter was stunned at this news. He was astounded that he had not noticed such a thing.

"And the poetry that's been in his head. Our master is quite keen for you to hear some, Splinter. We're sure you will love it." He then began a chant in a way that mocked the very words that came out of his mouth.

What does it mean to be broken?

A limb, a life or a heart?

For some things cannot be fixed again,

When it cannot be replaced.

There are times when stitches aren't enough,

A tourniquet cannot be used,

Bandages cannot align the break,

Or glue never dries.

Yes it can be supported,

Yes it can be nursed,

But even if the break gradually heals,

It leaves you scarred for life.

Then comes the issue of scarring,

Fine lines or stretched blotches,

Marking our bodies and souls,

A part of who we are.

They're always there,

They never fade,

Even if they've vanished

Beneath your skin.

There is no balm to soothe them,

Even surgery isn't a cure,

For scars are there to always stay,

Reminding us of our pain.

So what does it mean to be broken?

And what does it mean to be scarred?

If only the answer was so simple,

The maybe it can be avoided.

But then breaks and scars are part of life,

We must all survive the pain,

For what doesn't kill you makes you stronger,

Though you are forever marked with a reminder.

"I must say, Splinter-san, our master admitted to never being privy to more depressing poetry, and your son has written a great deal more than that. He wrote that one after you had threatened to throw him out when you found out about his relationship."

The elderly rat let out a low snarl at how the man was mocking his son. Truthfully though, it had shocked him. Because Leonardo had not felt he could open himself up to any of his family and had been denied Usagi, he had shown how he felt through the only outlet he could find apart from training. This only proved to make the father feel worse.

"And who exactly is your master? Who exactly is it that claims to know my son's thoughts and feelings?"

"Do you not remember, rodent? Do you not recall your sons telling you of the horrors they encountered when saving their friend's brother?"

Splinter felt as if ice had been poured into his stomach. None of his boys had given him specific details about what had happened at the Volpehart mansion apart from his eldest being able to defeat the creature that lived off fear.

"You lie! Leonardo destroyed the creature."

"Do you really think that such power can be mortally defeated?" the woman asked, her tone patronising. "Our master has been gathering followers since then in order for his arrival back into the physical plain. All we need now is your son."

"My son would never aid you in such a thing."

"Oh, but he already gave himself to us," the man reminded him. "He came with us willingly and now our master will feast on his soul. There is a ritual called Dēaþ Ǣrist. And for that, our master needs your son's most painful memories. This should not be too difficult because of the amount of emotional turmoil Leonardo has suffered throughout his life. Our master also believed that it is… symbolic- the one who destroyed his mortal body shall be the one to return him to us. And then our master shall reign over all. No longer will he be content with lurking in the shadows. All shall bow down to him or be destroyed."

Splinter was horrified at the idea of his son's soul being used to bring such a creature back to life, and he refused to let it happen without a fight. However, the people surrounding him seemed to have pre-empted that he might make a move and grabbed him before he could do anything to free himself or his son. He was pushed to his knees and felt someone place their fingertips on his temples.

"You're going to watch, Splinter. Do not try to block anything. Our master wants you to watch your son's pain and know that he has used it to return to us."

One of the figures nearest to where Leo lay then placed their hands on either side of his head and a sinister red glow emitted from them. Splinter again tried to free himself as Leo groaned slightly and tossed his head. Before he could say or do anything else, he was drawn into a memory that was clearly not his own.

The burrow was silent, indicating that it was night. Splinter saw this when he saw the memory of his son tossing a turning slightly before waking with a tiny gasp. Staring around, he saw that his brothers were all curled up in their cots, but a streak of fear was still prominent in his heart. Clambering out of his own small, the three year old made his way out of the room he and his brothers shared. Glancing around, he saw his father practising what he called ninjutsu. He made his way over to the rat, but was stopped short when Splinter's walking stick shot out.

"Leonardo! What are you doing out of your room? I specifically told you and your brothers that you would not leave you rooms until you had learnt your lesson not to wander off into the sewers."

"But I-"

"I do not want to hear it, Leonardo. Now please return to bed before I extend your punishment."

The little turtle walked dejectedly back towards the bedroom he had just left.

"This isn't the first time Dad's sent me away," Splinter heard the memory think to itself. "Maybe he just thinks I'm old enough not to hug anymore. He thinks I need to start acting more grown up."

Splinter had no idea how his son had come to this conclusion at such a young age, and yet he realised that Leonardo had rarely ever come to him for comfort or to soothe his nightmares. He had merely thought that the turtle did not need to, as busy as he was making himself when looking out for his younger brothers. It had obviously been a grave assumption to make.

The scene then shifted, and this time Leo only looked to be a bit older than he had been in the previous memory. At the present moment (or past depending how you looked at it), the blue masked turtle was staring through a doorway, watching as Splinter attended to a young Raphael, who had fallen and cut both of his knees. The red turtle was doing his best to not cry as their father tended to his bloody kneecaps, though he could not stop his bottom lip from trembling.

The small Leonardo tilted his head in apparent wonder as Splinter finished his ministrations and drew the injured turtle into a hug. Knowing that he would be caught staring if he stayed any longer, the turtle slipped back into the bedroom.

On his bed lay a teddy bear. Splinter immediately recognised it as the toy Leonardo had named Heiwa. Its fake fur was a dull brown and one of the ears were missing and it was incredibly threadbare, but he recalled that his son had not cared and kept the bear for his own, making it his bed companion. Splinter could not recall when the bear had disappeared, though he knew it had done so.

Dropping down into a kneeling position on the mattress, the four year old picked up the bear and began to casually play with it, clearly pondering on something else.

"Did I tell you about that new move Master Splinter showed us today?" he soon said, gazing into the teddy's lifeless eyes. "It was really fun and I wanted to get it right. Master Splinter says that I need to make sure I take care of my brothers, so I reckon he means I need to make sure that I get this ninja thing right. What do you think?"

Evidently, the bear was unable to reply, but there was a small stretch of silence in Leo seemed to letting the bear speak.

"Raphie keeps on saying that I'm doing it for attention… but I can't, 'cause Sensei says showing off is bad. And I think the others agree with Raphie when I try to stop them from doing something. Is that wrong? I just want them to be safe. Master Splinter says people would hurt us if they saw us. Yeah, we could still dress up, but… I don't know. Maybe we'll go up there one day. Sensei says there's something called the sun. I wonder what it's like. Did you ever see it? I bet you'd like to see it again. We went up once, but all we saw was dark- but I've already told you about that, haven't I.

"I think he might still be angry with me over that. I let my brothers go and he was really angry when we got back, but he was glad the old man hadn't hurt us. He must still be angry though because… he hugs my brothers but…" The turtle's face scrunched in pained expression before it smoothed out again. "Or maybe he secretly knows that I don't like being high up and he's trying to make me act more grown up so that I'll stop being scared. He hasn't hugged me in a while. But then I don't go to him 'cause he might send me away like he did before I found you, and I don't want him to be mad with me."

Splinter was feeling as if his heart was breaking over and over again. How blind he must have been to see that Leonardo was blaming himself for his neglecting of the child's wish for comfort.

"I think I need to keep working hard to be a ninja. I'll keep Raphie and Donnie and Mikey safe because someone needs to look after them and then maybe Master Splinter will be happy." The small turtle's hopeful smile then vanished as he glanced back down at his teddy bear.

"Can I have a hug please?" he shakily asked the inanimate object in his arms. "I haven't had one in a while, so can I please just have one?"

Then, mimicking what the child thought was a hug, he wrapped his arms around the stuffed toy and crushed it to his chest, bending sideways and curling up against his pillow.

The image of the little turtle and his bear then faded out and refocused on Raphael, Donatello and Michelangelo running around their home. Leonardo meanwhile was going through the kata that they must have learnt that day. Whilst the other three made mischief around the lair, the eldest watched after them whilst trying to maintain his concentration on what he was doing, smiling as Donnie and Mikey jumped on their older brother and promptly began to tickle him, all three dissolving into giggles.

Splinter however felt the pang in his son's heart that indicated longing.

The boy wanted nothing more than to join his brothers, but he knew he must continue to practice the kata to make it perfect so that his fighting skills would improve. At least his brothers were in the lair. And he could always play with them later. Besides, they would all be learning Japanese again later on, so he could be with his brothers then and he had also promised Mikey that he would play cops and robbers- he always ended up being the robber because Mikey wanted to be the cop that saved the day.

Splinter could only watch as he was forced to witness more and more of what emotional pain, big and small, his eldest had suffered throughout his short life. There were the accusations that he had to endure from Raphael about being a teacher's pet, there were the times when Splinter had scolded him for not keeping his brothers in check- including the time they had tried to teach that young boy. There were also the debilitating nightmares that the blue banded turtle suffered that were full of despair and death. More than once, Splinter saw a malevolent version of himself punishing Leonardo in the dream, causing him to beg whatever deity there was to help him understand why his son feared this. On and on the twinges of pain went, making Splinter realise that his eldest had built up a wall around himself, not only to stop everyone from seeing his hurt, but to also stop himself from feeling it. And none of them had noticed, thinking that the cool exterior was who the eldest turtle was- a driven and strong young turtle, when in reality he had been struggling to keep himself afloat because of his constant worry and paranoia.

Then it all came into a memory that whatever power had a hold of him was clearly drawing out.

Leonardo now appeared to be around ten or eleven years of age. Splinter recalled that this was the time when all of his sons had gone through growth spurts and he had had to increase his scavenging for food otherwise they would lose too much weight as their bodies stretched, thinning out their bodies and muscle mass. Leonardo had been the worst because, once Donatello had researched the problem and explained what was happening, he had made sure his younger brothers ate more than he did, flat out refusing to accept more before his brothers had had a decently sized meal, no matter how much Splinter had tried to force him to eat. This had left the eldest as the thinnest for almost a year, his muscles protruding from arms that had now lost all traces of 'baby' fat from childhood.

The young turtle was sat on his bed, now in his own bedroom that was relatively empty. Lying in front of him was the bear, but Leo made no move to touch it. Instead he sat there for a while, gazing down at his childhood toy.

"I suppose I should thank you really," he finally muttered, his voice straining from having broken recently. "You've put up with listening to me for years. I know it's kind of unfair that I've just heaped everything on you, but there you go." With a slight smile, he hooked a hand underneath the toy and hugged it against his much larger plastron. But then he gritted his teeth, his eyes unusually bright. "And I shouldn't have. You're… You're just a toy. I'm the oldest and I'm still talking to a stuffed toy like it's my best friend. All those times I came to you for hugs… only they weren't really. You're just a toy. You can't feel anything. You're not even alive, so how the shell could you hug me? Really, you're… you're just like them.

"I can't do this anymore. Splinter and the guys need me to grow up properly because I'm the eldest. I realised this years ago, but one day Master Splinter is going to leave us and the guys'll need me. And here I am talking to a teddy bear as if it can reply to me and understand what the shell is going on."

Leonardo's teeth grit together and he threw the bear back down on the duvet before bringing out a plastic bag and a small wooden box. He then reverently wrapped the old toy in the bag before hiding it away in the box. The turtle then made his way out of his room and out of their home, clutching the box to him as if it were the most precious thing in the world.

Once he was a decent distance away, Leo drew out one of his swords and used it to lifted one of the paving stones on the sewer sidewalk next to a derelict junction. He then used his hands to draw back the dirt until a reasonably sized hole was created. He stared at the box for one last time before lowering it into the hole and piling the dirt over it, finishing off by slotting the slab back into place.

"Goodbye," he murmured before pushing himself up and jogging away from the area.

Upon arriving back home, he was relieved to find that nobody had noticed his absence, so he headed back to his room. Then began the usual evening routine before Leonardo ended up back in bed after doing some 'light' meditation. The turtle managed to fall asleep relatively easily, however he was soon twitching from a nightmare that plagued him. Gasping back into consciousness, he made a clawing movement as if reaching for something. Upon remembering that Heiwa was buried somewhere in the sewers, Leonardo's hand fisted around the sheets as he forced himself to calm down. A single tear slipped through his defences.

The next morning, he had woken extremely sick from a fever that had appeared out of nowhere, sending him into dreams of death and desolation, his body nearly succumbing to the illness. And still, though he received pats on the back from Mikey and Don (he had come to accept that Raph was anything but touchy-feely these days), all he received from his master were a few kind words upon is recovery.

Though he knew that he should witness everything instead of hide from the pain, Splinter literally clawed his way out of the memories, furiously fighting whatever spell the creature's minions had cast upon him. When he came back to himself, he himself was gasping for breath from the heartbreak his eldest had been feeling. And he had not seen everything, though he knew there was more to come- all of the emotional turmoil caused by their fights, the fear from nearly losing his family, and the most recent agony of having to choose between said family and the one he loved.

Peering over at the sacrificial slab, he was enraged to see that his son was still being forced to relive all of his pain at the same time. His eyes were scrunched shut, as if he were trying to stop the onslaught that the creature was forcing him through. Blood was gradually pooling from his nostrils, a physical sign of the struggle within. Though Splinter attempted to enter a meditative state to aid his son, he was constantly prevented and thrown back by whatever magic their captors possessed.

At last, with a violent shudder, Leonardo stilled again, his body going frightfully limp. The blood continued to trickle from his nostrils and he was even paler than before. Splinter tentatively called for his son, but there was no response. The turtle was basically dead to the world.

"Why? What could you have possibly accomplished by that?"

An elderly woman was the one to answer this time. "Leonardo is going to be helping us, rat. It seems only fitting that he does. Dēaþ Ǣrist is an ancient ritual developed by dark powers in the universe eons ago. It allows those with the power to perform the true form of necromancy. But there was always something that was needed. An soul that could not fight back. In order for our master to live once again, we had to shut off Leonardo's mind. You should be proud though, he tried to fight the pain… but in the end it was too much for him, as broken as he is. You did us a great favour in making the samurai leave him."

With that, the mindless captors released their hold on the elderly rat and left, the woman herself also making to leave. Before she did, however, she turned to him one last time.

"We will allow you to tend to him until the final part of the ritual. Be warned, you only have until tomorrow." And with that, the possessed villains left.

Splinter immediately raced over to his son's side and clambered onto the giant slab, drawing Leo into his lap. The last time he had done this was when Leonardo had been ambushed by the Foot and they had escaped the Casey's house in the countryside. Only this time he was not angry at the enemy for what they had done to his child. He was angry at himself.

He may have been acting in his family's best interests, but he had not trusted that they would be able to overcome the threats that Usagi's world had to offer, let alone they had faced the like many times before. He now admitted Donatello had been just in what he had said. They had faced certain death before and he was still trying to hide from battles like a coward because of what could be brought into their family. So, in reality, all he had succeeded in doing was tear apart his son's heart and leave behind an empty husk that just survived instead of lived. And he been a blind fool to realise that he had neglected Leonardo as a child, which had made the youngster think that he did not need proper security in order to 'grow up' and better protect his family. He had always declared that he loved his sons equally and for who they were, but it was evident that his eldest had been largely deprived of that love. He remembered Michelangelo jumping into his arms many times, his smile lighting up their surroundings like the sun. He remembered comforting a sad Donatello when one of his experiments had gone wrong and encouraging him to try again. And before he had become a rebellious teen who declared he was too old for hugging, Raphael had always come to him when he had had an accident and managed to hurt himself. Leonardo had done none of these things, preferring to separate himself from pretty much all contact, though he still strived to make his family happy, whether it was playing with the youngest, helping the little genius, sparring with Raphael or trying to keep him out of trouble, and training, which was what he thought would please his father, and by extension his family.

Yes, there had been occasional encouragement, but not nearly enough to let Leo grow into a strong individual being. In reality, he could only function with his family because he had nothing else to go by, regardless of the responsibilities that he had taken upon himself. The sensei had always known that his son had always striven for perfection in his training, but he was now exposed to the gruelling truth that he had wanted to be his family's idea of perfect. Splinter would be lying if he said he didn't feel queasy at that thought.

What made it worse was that even after finding love and apparently allowing himself to feel that emotion, Leonardo had been forced to make an impossible choice. Splinter had regretted making Leo choose, but only to a certain extent. He had thought that, with time, his son would come to understand why he had done it. But, after the two months spent watching the turtle fade away and now having watched his childhood pain, the aged rat admitted to himself that he had made the biggest mistake of his life.

And now his son was lying before him, completely unaware of his father's embrace and suffering. He had been forced to live through it again all at once, and his mind had shut itself off to protect itself, leaving him utterly vulnerable to what was planned for him. The body lying in front of him wasn't his strong Leonardo. But then again, Splinter thought bitterly, he had probably hardly known his son at all.

Shifting the turtle further into his lap, he was reminded of a time many years ago when a very small Leonardo came to him and curled up in his lap after a nightmare and fell asleep there. Though older, his son's appearance now held that sweet look of innocence as if he was still a youngling, highlighted by the absence of his mask. A thumb in his mouth would have taken the father right back to when he had first found the little turtles and started to discover how the ooze had changed them.

Using the hem of his sleeve to wipe the blood from his face, Splinter then nuzzled his snout against Leonardo's temple and wrapped a limp hand in one of his frail ones, starting up a rocking motion as his grief finally caught up with him. Tears snaked down from his eyes as he clung to his child, regretting every decision that had led to his emotional alienation.

He had to get his son out of here. Splinter refused to allow his son to be used as a sacrifice for something who would wreck pain and misery on the rest of the world. Leonardo would rather die than let that happen, but the rat was determined that nothing that drastic would occur.

An idea suddenly came to mind. Though he knew that their captor probably held telepathic abilities, he prayed that none of its followers were close enough that they would be able to stop what he was about to attempt.

Strengthening his mental barriers so that he was less likely to be sensed and hoping that it would work, Splinter emptied his mind of all thought apart from one goal.


So what do you reckon Splinter's up to? I'd love to hear your thoughts on this.

Again, the neglect shown in this chapter is not intentional. I'm just offering my explanation as to how Leo, though a determined leader, has a lot of confidence issues and questions himself a lot. And I'm also trying to make it clearer that Splinter did not force Leo to make a choice out of spite.

Hope you're all enjoying this :) Next update will be next Sunday because of deadlines, deadlines and more deadlines. But please review and give constructive criticism. I'm glad people like it :D

MerlinStar x