Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in Twilight; I'm just enjoying their company for a while, playing dress-up with Alice, working on their cars with Rosalie, and wrestling with all the guys.
Chapter Nine
It was getting late and I was anxious to be done with this night. I have to admit, this had been fun, but a girl needed her beauty sleep and I was hoping to dream about Edward. I grabbed the hat and pulled one of the last two papers out of the hat. "Jessica, you're up!"
Jessica gave me what was almost a dirty look, "give me your best shot Bella."
Alice raised her eyebrows. The gauntlet had been thrown down and I was prepared to pick this one up and run with it.
"Okay. On my first day of school, I asked you who the Cullens were. You were less than flattering. The one thing that was obvious to me was that Edward had turned you down at some point. What did you do to try and get his attention and when did he turn you down?"
Jessica turned bright red as eight eyes drilled into her. Angela had been there and had heard the conversation and could back me up, and all three of them had probably been witness to the fact that Jessica had thrown herself at Edward at some point. She couldn't get out of this one and she knew it. You could almost see the wheels turning as she tried to manufacture some pathetic excuse.
"Well, not long after the Cullens moved to Forks I asked Edward out and he said no."
Alice, Angela and Rosalie all started laughing their asses off. Angela was just barely able to get out, "yeah right Jessica, come on – we've all been extremely honest, give Bella the whole story."
If looks could kill Jessica would have killed Angela. She huffed and crossed her arms over chest. "Fine. I did more than just ask him out; I e-mailed him pictures of me without clothes on and propositioned him for sex."
I couldn't control my laughter, the thought of Jessica sending Edward naked pictures of her over e-mail struck me as hilarious. Knowing Edward's intense dislike of Jessica, I could only imagine his reaction. Jessica had a nice body and almost any guy would love to see it, but Edward was not any guy. No wonder she had been so bitter when telling me about the Cullens family.
Jessica just got redder and redder as we all laughed at her. Rosalie was next and I could only imagine that she was going to ask her something twice as mean. After a few more minutes we all calmed down.
"Did you have sex with Mike Newton and if so, what was he like in bed?"
Jessica set her lips to a thin line. She really didn't want to go down this road. I almost felt bad for her, but after seeing her gossiping about everyone around her for the past two years, I couldn't quite bring myself to defend her.
"Yes I did and it was horrible."
Rosalie
wasn't satisfied. "What made it so horrible?"
Jessica
obviously didn't want to answer this, "he has no stamina and he
called out another girl's name when he climaxed."
My jaw just hung open and I prayed that Rosalie wouldn't ask what I knew she was going to ask.
"Whose
name did he call out?"
Jessica blushed again. I was about to
speak up in her defense when she blurted out the answer. "He
called out Bella's name. We had sex more than once and he did it
every time."
Jessica's eyes were brimming with tears. I felt so bad for her. I know that she wasn't the nicest person in the world, but no girl deserves to be treated that way. In a way it was funny, but not when it came at the expense of another girl. I know that must have really hurt her.
"Jess, I'm so sorry. I never ever encouraged his advances and I always tried to point him in your direction because I knew you liked him so much." I tried to comfort her but wasn't sure it would work.
Jessica wiped a tear that was rolling down her cheek, "it's okay, he's a real schmuck anyway. He always made me pay for my own stuff. I shouldn't have slept with him, but I really liked him and thought he'd like me more if I did. I was stupid."
Angela wrapped her arm around Jessica. Rosalie looked at the floor guiltily, "we've all dated real schmucks. It's a right of passage, you deserve much better Jessica."
Jessica smiled at her and turned to Alice, "I believe it is your turn Alice."
Alice grinned at her, "how small was Mike's dick? I bet it was tiny."
Jessica laughed. "The condom fell off every time we had sex. I had to dig it out afterwards. I asked if he got the right size and he showed me the box, they were the snug fits from Trojan, the smallest condom out there. Does that answer your question?"
Everyone doubled over in laughter. Mike wasn't just a two pump chump and an asshole, he also was a shrinky-dink and now five girls were sitting around talking about him and making fun of him. Serves the jerk right. I stored this little information away in my memory banks in case I needed to fend him off again before the wedding. No doubt even an engagement ring wouldn't discourage him.
Alice asked if anyone wanted a drink and she got up off the floor and went into the kitchen. She came back with some sodas and sat them on the floor. I grabbed a Coke and took a big gulp. Angela was next.
"Alright Jessica, I know you are dating someone secretly because I called your house and your mom said you were gone for the weekend with your boyfriend. Who is it?"
Jessica smiled, "you know that really hot new teacher at school? We ran into one another at a party out at the beach and hooked up a couple weeks after graduation. We've been dating now for a month."
I let out a loud wolf whistle and everyone started laughing. Even though everyone had asked her a question I had to ask her one more thing, "Well, don't leave us hanging! Is he good in bed?"
"Hell yeah, he's a master in bed. But after losing my virginity to Mike anything would be an improvement. Hell, I could be wrong, but Adam is a porn star to me!"
We all laughed and any discomfort had disappeared.
We all knew whose turn it was next. Nonetheless, Jessica reached into the hat and took out the last piece of paper and held it up to Alice, "you know what this means Alice? You're up and I know just what I want to ask you."
Alice sat straight up, her eyes twinkling. She had obviously already seen what everyone would ask her and she was looking forward to it.
"Jasper
is extremely hot, how does it work when you are so short and he's
so tall?"
Alice laughed, "Well, he's not just extremely
hot, he's extremely strong so height doesn't matter when your man
can pick you up and put you exactly where he wants you. And
besides, being so short has some benefits. I don't have to get on
my knees to give him a proper blowjob." She winked at Jessica.
Everyone just laughed. Rosalie threw some popcorn at Alice. "That's my brother you're talking about Alice! I don't want to picture that!"
Alice stuck her little tongue out at Rosalie causing everyone to just laugh harder.
Rosalie grinned, "Alice, since I had to tell Bella a secret of Edwards why don't you tell her one too. What are the guys doing this weekend Alice?"
My head snapped up. I had just figured that the guys were out hunting all weekend, having some manly bonding time over some irritable grizzly. I hadn't ever thought that they might be doing something like what we are doing.
Alice glared at Rosalie. She obviously had not seen this question coming. I was going to have to ask Rosalie how she managed to pull the wool over Alice's eyes so often.
"Fine. Bella – Edward, Emmett, and Jasper went out and bought you a new car yesterday and then Emmett and Jasper were going to kidnap Edward and take him to Vegas for a classic guy's bachelor party. Gambling and strippers galore."
"He bought me a new car?" I was livid and Alice could see it in my face. Everyone burst out laughing.
"What are you laughing at?" I snarled.
Alice spoke between giggles, "You are mad he got you a car, not that he's gambling and getting lap dances from strippers?"
I started laughing when I realized how absurd I must have sounded to everyone. I knew Edward wouldn't ever do anything with any strippers and gambling didn't bother me because I knew he would read the other players' minds and kick their butts. He knows how much I hate it when he buys me expensive things, and he knows I love my truck – so to me it made sense to be mad at him for the car.
It was my turn. What could I ask my best friend? I could get revenge for her on Rosalie! "What's a secret you can tell us about Rosalie that she wouldn't want anyone else to know?"
Rosalie glared at me and I knew that one day I'd pay for this. Alice laughed knowing that I had effectively gotten revenge for her. "Rosalie sings in the shower. Poorly. And she has really bad taste in music too. She still loves The New Kids on the Block and N'sync. Oh, and she's President of the Jordan Knight fan club even now."
Everyone rolled on the floor with laughter. Even Rosalie laughed. I know that Alice could have said something much worse but spared Rosalie the embarrassment and me the payback that would come if she had revealed a bigger secret.
Angela went next, "Alice, what's the sweetest thing that Jasper
has ever done for you?"
"Jasper is a really sensitive,
emotional guy. When we moved away I was super depressed. I loved
Forks and missed Bella a whole lot. Edward had gone on a trip to
Brazil for a few weeks and I just felt like our family was broken
apart without Bella. Jasper could tell how upset I was, so he
kidnapped me and took me to New York City for fashion week and let me
loose. He followed me around everywhere, carrying around all the
bags and paying for everything that I wanted. He didn't complain
once. There's nothing like some retail therapy to lighten a girl's
mood."
We all laughed. I shifted on the floor. It made me sad to think of how much Edward and I had hurt his family. I loved my new family so much and hated to think of how close they came to tearing apart.
We all talked for a while. If someone who didn't know us had tried listening in on the conversations they wouldn't have been able to tell who was talking to whom and how we were all keeping up with one another's conversations. Angela was talking about her favorite sex position with Jessica; one that Alice agreed was really hot. Jessica was talking to me about her new boyfriend and Rosalie was telling Jessica about this great Bed and Breakfast in Sequim that she should take Adam to. I was just enjoying the talk and jumped into a conversation when I had something to add. I loved it. It was the end to another perfect night.
After about an hour of just talking, I knew I needed to get to bed. I picked up my pillow and excused myself. I remember getting in bed, turning the light off and resting my head on the fluffy down pillow and in seconds I was out cold.
The next morning was cloudy and rainy but Alice insisted that we all had to go shopping. We headed out to the trendy boutiques in Seattle. Alice insisted that we all pick out whatever we wanted, she was buying. Jessica and Angela were eyeing some Hermes purses but couldn't believe that Alice would pay for a 1500 dollar purse for each of them. Alice rolled her eyes and snatched up the purses. I think Jessica and Angela were about to faint when she handed the clerk the purses. We moved through the entire day laughing, our pile of shopping bags growing by the minute. I almost managed to get away without Alice purchasing me anything, but she bought me a couple pair of shoes that I was sure would be the death of me. Esme and Renee were going to meet us for lunch at a French bistro by the water.
We ran back to the hotel before lunch to drop off our shopping purchases. Lunch was awesome. Conversation was lively and we looked like a bunch of trendy women who had seen the world. The food was fabulous, I had a slice of quiche that was lighter than air and tasted salty and creamy and wonderful and a salad that had vegetables in it that I'd never tasted before. It was great.
Esme and Renee announced that they were heading back to Forks after lunch to do some mom stuff. Everyone hugged Esme and Renee and bid them goodbye. Alice was excited to get back to the hotel. My feet were killing from all the walking we had done today and I was more than willing to go back to the hotel.
The evening was slow. Jessica, Angela and I watched a couple of movies in my room on the television. Alice and Rosalie said they had some things they needed to do out and about in Seattle. I figured that they wanted to do a little more shopping.
Around five o'clock Angela, Jessica and I got hungry so I grabbed the room service menu and we ordered dinner. Rosalie and Alice came back just as we finished eating. They were giggling and whispering. I narrowed my eyes and just glared at them. I knew something was up, but I couldn't imagine what else they'd do.
At seven o'clock, someone knocked at the door. Alice and Rosalie both looked completely surprised. Jessica was closest to the door and she called out to us, "I'll get it!"
Two police offers stood at the door. "Is a Ms. Alice Cullen here?"
Jessica nodded and invited the officers in.
Alice stood up and walked over to the officers.
"Ms. Cullen. We have a report that you have been using a stolen credit card all over Seattle today."
Alice had a shocked look on her face, "Officers, that's impossible. I used only our family's account all day. We're here celebrating my best friend's bachelorette party, there isn't anything sinister here."
I sat there in shock, terrified for my friend. How could this be? This had to be some error; I knew that Alice wasn't stealing money.
"Can I talk to your best friend? I want to verify your story."
What could I tell him? I'd do anything to help my friend.
Alice nodded, her face still in utter shock, "sure, if you think that will help. Her name is Bella Swan."
Alice led the officers over to where we were watching a movie. My hands were shaking when I held my hand out for him to shake.
"Miss Swan, congratulations on your engagement. Can you please tell me what you know about Ms. Cullen using a stolen credit card?"
My voice was shaking, "Officers, I have no idea what you are talking about but I can tell you that Alice would never do that kind of thing. She's the most honest person I've ever known."
The officers turned to one another and whispered.
"Ladies, I'm sorry for this, I'm sure it's just a mistake, but we're going to have to take you all into custody and finish this up at the station."
Rosalie jumped up, "why do you have to take all of us into custody? It was Alice's card."
The officer held up his hands to try and maintain the peace and show that he meant no harm. "Ma'am, I'm sorry but you are all staying in this very expensive hotel suite and that is paid for on Ms. Cullen's credit card. That means you are all suspected of fraud."
I started to really shake, what was Charlie going to do? What was Edward going to do if Alice got me arrested?
I cleared my throat, "Officer, my father is the Police Chief in Forks. I'd like to call him before we leave and tell him what the charges are, so can you please tell me what we're being charged with?'
"Of course. You are all being charged with being unbelievably sexy!"
Before I could figure out what was happening, the officer standing right in front of me hit a button on his belt and some loud music came from the hallway. Both "Officers" ripped their shirts off and started dancing. The officer in front of me gently pushed me down onto the couch I was standing in front of. My mouth was hanging open and my eyes were wide. His body began to pulsate in front of me and he slowly began to strip off what clothes he had left on.
All the girls got into it really fast and Alice handed everyone some paper money. The men quickly stripped down into a pair of really skimpy g-string underwear. Rosalie held up some money and tucked it into their underwear.
The officer who was dancing for me introduced himself as Chris. He pulled me up to dance with him. I was so embarrassed but he held my hips with his hands and taught me to move with him. Alice was laughing really hard. I put a few bills in his g-string and he gave me a kiss on the cheek.
The guys performed for us for about thirty minutes. Alice paid Chris to give me a lap dance. I blushed bright red as he grinded in my lap. He was insanely good looking but all I could think about was how much I wish Edward would do this for me. After everyone had their fill of the guys Alice handed them a roll of money and they got dressed and left the apartment.
I
turned to Alice, "what the hell was that about? Do you know how
much you scared me?"
Alice and Rosalie were laughing. Alice
shrugged, "if the guys can go to a strip club I figured we had to
at least have some fun ourselves!"
There was another knock at the door a few minutes later. This time Alice got the door and room service came in. On the room service cart was a gigantic penis cake. It was about a foot and a half inches long and looked extremely real. Some white frosting was squirting out the tip. There was a message on the large board beneath the cake written in the same white frosting, "THE BEST IS YET TO CUM!"
