Chapter 9

God gave man a penis and a brain, but not enough blood to use both at the same time. As much as he loved the fact that he was clearly getting under Rachel's skin (in the best possible way), Jesse had to admit that it was becoming more and more difficult to keep his cool around her. It was like when they kissed it reawakened something in him, or rather someone. The guy he had been before all of the mess and the drama that went down last year. The person he was before he truly knew what pain and heartache was. That one kiss took away all of his pain, like it never happened and he was right back where he was supposed to be. With this girl that could make him forgot every single bad thing to ever happen to him in his 18 years, the girl that could brighten his day completely just by simply being there. The girl that he loved. If he hadn't felt this way about her last time it was certain he did now. Months of being without her was enough to determine that. Funny thing is, this hadn't even come to light until he remembered how his life had been when she was still a part of it.

He couldn't be without her again. There's no way he could go through that again and living in constant denial was the only thing that had saved him from completely losing it these past few months. He couldn't blow this; it was his one shot to get her back. He had already been given a second chance (he's almost certain he doesn't deserve it) so there's no way she'll ever let him near her again if he screws this up.

No pressure there.

It was like the kiss short circuited his brain and now he couldn't think about anything else. She is driving him crazy, but he can't say he doesn't prefer it this way. It feels like something in his life just finally clicked in to place, that a missing piece has been restored. A piece that he wasn't even aware was missing in the first place. The only problem is that he is supposed to have the upper hand here and instead he's acting like a nervous pre pubescent school boy. I mean its not as if Rachel has noticed, she's too busy trying to avoid turning a vibrant shade of red every time he flirts with her or makes a suggestive comment. At least he can take comfort in the fact that he can still elicit such a strong reaction out of her but its kind of a massive blow to his ego, the fact that she can reduce him to this blundering idiot version of his former self. Slap on a letterman jacket and call him Finn Hudson. He doesn't get nervous. Especially not around girls; he's Jesse St. James for crying out loud. He has a reputation and it more or less depicts him as an overly confident heartbreaker, and call him an ass but in a sick way he's kind of proud of it. He's gotten more girls to drop their panties than Puckerman's gotten detention. It's not about the girls, although he's been with a fair share of hotties (so sue him, he has high standards) but more about that fact that it let everyone in this stupid town know that he's the man. As far as he's concerned, not one girl he's screwed in the past is on the same level as Rachel. Yes she's beautiful and he tells her all the time, but she's also the single sexiest girl he's ever met and she doesn't even try, in fact she's completely oblivious to the fact. The masses of girls he had slept with never held his interest for more than a few hours, but Rachel is in a whole other league. It may make him sound like a pussy but as far as soul mates go, she's it. He's never known someone who is so much like him, shares his dreams and interests and yet challenges him in every possible way.

As a self proclaimed perfectionist he can honestly say that Rachel Berry is indisputably and incontestably perfect. He is certain he will never meet another girl like this in his lifetime and all future girls will never measure up. She is going to be his again and this time he is never letting her go.


Rachel was in her bedroom in her fluffy robe sitting at her dresser as she hopelessly tried to tweeze her eyebrows into a perfect arch. She let out a frustrated sigh and threw down the tweezers accepting defeat. She had been at this for 20 minutes and her eyebrows looked exactly the same as they had before. Santana has perfect eyebrows she thought bitterly.

It was Friday night and Rachel was getting ready to go out. It was her first party since the break up with Finn and she was dreading it. She hadn't wanted to go at all but Kurt had so eloquently pointed out during their phone conversation earlier "just because your high school musical romance with the jolly green giant is over doesn't mean you should let your social life go to shit". What a lovely sentiment. She doesn't understand why Kurt even goes to McKinley parties anymore since the boy responsible for his transfer is a regular at those parties. When Rachel had questioned Kurt about it all he offered was a very vague "we've come to an understanding". She doesn't have a clue what this means but she can only hope it will result in one of her only friends making a return to McKinley soon.

As she's applying her eye liner to her bottom lash line she hears her phone buzz over on her bedside table. She walks over to retrieve it and sees she has a text from Jesse.

Hey, what are you doing?

She figures he probably wants to hang out and lets out a sigh of relief that she is in fact busy tonight. Of course she wants to hang out with him but with him being so determined to win her back it's making it really difficult for her. She just needs a night away from him, hanging out with him every night and pretending she isn't into him is pretty much wearing her out.

Getting dragged to a party by Kurt. Haven't filled my social quota for the month.

His reply is instantaneous

Your enthusiasm is inspiring. Try not to get lost in any coat closets with Puckerman ;)

She blushed as she read the last part. He was always teasing her about Noah, if she had known about the taunting she would receive she never would have slept with him. Of course she knows he's only joking but she just doesn't like him knowing about it. Knowing who she's has sex with. It makes her uncomfortable and it's probably because Jesse was the first boy she ever considered having sex with. Talking to him about her sexual partners just seems wrong because there was a time when they both thought she would lose her virginity to him. She decided to tease him back a little, its only fair since he insists on making fun of her every chance he gets.

A coat closet? Hmm only if I get really bored ;)

Ending the conversation before she ends up sitting on her bed and texting all night long, Rachel walks back to her dresser to continue getting ready. Once her eyes are perfectly smoky and her hair is perfectly tousled in that sexy bed head way that Kurt showed her, she goes to pick out an outfit from her closet. In the past she had always dressed in sweet little dresses for parties, even though Kurt and Mercedes begged her to turn up the sex appeal a little bit. "This is a high school party Rach, not little house on the prairie" they had said. She always insisted that since she was in a relationship it was not appropriate to dress in a revealing outfit because the only boy that should be looking at her is her boyfriend.

Well she's not in a relationship anymore and everyone already thinks she's the school slut so dressing like the polite and proper little clean teen she did in the past would be completely pointless, not to mention ironic. Deciding she didn't want to go to this stupid party anyway so it didn't matter what she wore, she pulled on a pair of dark blue skinny jeans. She was about to slip on a white tank top when she spotted the black caged bralet top that she's never been brave enough to wear. It was slightly cropped and showed off a small amount of her stomach and it had criss cross holes in the sides that showed her skin. Not to mention it made her boobs look bigger than they actually were. She had bought it at the mall with Kurt and Mercedes when she was in Topshop looking for something to impress Finn after she first noticed their relationship was starting to fizzle. Both her friends had insisted it was 'fierce' and that he would come in his pants when he saw her in it (which was quite possible in Finn's case) but she had chickened out and buried it in her closet. She had completely forgotten about it but something made her try it on. It was extremely revealing considering what she's used to wearing but she had to admit she looked good. No she looked sexy. Deciding that the hotter she looked tonight, the less hassle she would get off the guys on the football team she slipped on a pair of black high heels and she was ready. Rachel is sure she will still get hassle off Santana and maybe Brittany tonight but the guys never bothered her when she wore short skirts or low cut tops. "Guys are so fickle" she muttered to herself. Her one saving grace is that the lovely Quinn will not be attending tonight.

Hearing a car honk outside she grabbed her key and cell phone, shoved them in her tiny pockets and left the house. As she was leaving she definitely felt relief and gratitude, once again for her bedroom having its own entrance. She would not like to see her dads faces if they saw her leave the house in this particular ensemble.

"Holy hell you look amazing!" Kurt beamed as she climbed in the back seat.

"Damn diva I knew you had it in you! Finally all those shopping trips have paid off" Mercedes nodded in approval.

"Thanks guys" Rachel smiled "I figured I might as well live up to my new reputation. Maybe then they can all get over it."

Kurt and Mercedes smiled back at her in sympathy "Don't worry" Mercedes piped up "we got your back".


When they arrived at the party and began their walk towards Tye Stevens, the wide receivers house (Kurt had parked his SUV a block away from the party so that no one damages his baby) Rachel started nervously picking at her clothes. What was she doing here? This was a party thrown by a member of the football team. Sure, she had always been welcome when she was dating Finn but that was because they were more or less obligated to be nice to her. Guy code or something. But now she didn't have Finn for protection… she was never welcome at these parties before Finn so why would things be any different now.

"Hey stop freaking out you neurotic little midget, its gonna be fine. In fact tonight is going to be fun and you are gonna have an amazing time or so help me God I will personally make you have fun myself" Kurt insisted playfully.

This caused Rachel to loosen up a bit "that sounded dirty" she giggled, thankful to Kurt for distracting her from the situation. He and Mercedes laughed along with her, her attention completely diverted that she didn't even realised they had passed through the front door of Tye Stevens' house. Her two friends gave her an encouraging smile and they made their through the house towards the kitchen in search of drinks. Taking a deep breath, Rachel ran her hands through her long tousled hair, messing it up and bit more and adjusted her top. Instantly she slipped into her persona for the night; confident and fearless, oozing sex appeal. She needed to command the room rather than be eaten alive by it, which is why she decided a fraction of a second later that she needed a little liquid courage. She wasn't really one to drink alcohol aside from a glass of wine at dinner but tonight would be the exception. She wasn't going to make a habit of it or anything but tonight she was most definitely out of her comfort zone. What could it hurt right?

Kurt offered her a beer but she passed right by him, heading straight for the vodka. She mixed her drink (damn that tasted strong) and took a long sip. It burned her throat a little but she didn't let it show.

Rachel continued sipping her drink, observing the party surrounding her from the spot where she was standing. She could see the majority of the people here in the living room dancing (more like grinding) to Cassie's Long Way to Go. Kurt and Mercedes were in a deep conversation with Tina, laughing hysterically every minute or so. Rachel smiled to herself, pleased her friends were having a good time. She really was lucky to have them considering she knew just how it felt to have no friends, to be alone. She didn't ever want to lose them, she couldn't go back to being completely alone. She turned her head and looked out through the patio doors that led outside and could see several people smoking out there as well as a couple or two making out on the deck chairs. She turned around looking at the drinks table and saw Finn standing there laughing with some guys from the football team. Rachel gasped inwardly, panicking slightly. Should she leave? Move to a different room before he sees her? Too late. Finn turned his head slightly and they made eye contact. She smiled slightly, knowing it was a weak attempt but it was the only thing she could think to do right now. Going over there and invading his personal space certainly wasn't an option. He just looked at her, his eyes devoid of emotion before turning back to his friends and continuing his conversation. She noticed he was drinking water so at least she didn't have to worry about him going mental and yelling at her in a drunken rage. Although he may well yell at her out of regular rage; she didn't know which would be worse. Rachel turned her head briskly, eager to get him out of her line of vision. She decided to focus on the dancers once more while she continued sipping her drink. As she watched the girls grinding, swinging their hips and tossing her hair an idea came to her mind. They still had the glee number to do and still hadn't decided on a song, let alone started on any choreography and this seemed to just pop out at her. As she was mapping out choreography in her head she suddenly felt someone behind her and two hands gripped her hips.

"Baby you are without a doubt the hottest thing I've seen all night. Please tell me you're about to make my night a lot better" murmured a low familiar voice in her ear.

Fixing her best smirk in place (one she's adapted from Jesse himself) she spun around, only to come face to face with a slightly tipsy Matt Rutherford.

"Matt?"

"Rachel?" he spluttered "sorry! I had no idea- I mean I didn't… I didn't know-"

"Its ok Matt" she cut him off giggling. She had barely even heard Matt speak before so imagine her surprise when she basically witnessed first hand his attempt at seducing a girl.

He breathed a sigh of relief, glad she wasn't about to slap him. This was Rachel Berry after all.

"I didn't expect to see you here, you've been kind of absent at parties lately" he muttered, obviously still uncomfortable and slightly embarrassed. She decided to help him out a little and offered him a bright smile.

"Yeah I know, I've been really busy lately". Lie. "So are you having a good time?"

They chatted for a few minutes and Rachel discovered that Matt Rutherford was actually very pleasant company. If only he could come to school buzzed everyday, things would be a lot more fun. And you know, include actual words being spoken on his part. While he's busy telling her about Mike accidentally hitting himself in the face with a locker door today and laughing hysterically, Mike Chang himself wanders over and tells Matt something about Brittany having fallen asleep outside in the flowerbed. Matt chuckled at the news and looked back at Rachel who was also giggling, because really, the girl should have her own reality show. Mike turned to glance at Rachel before looking back to Matt about to continue his conversation but instead he did a very obvious double take.

"Rachel?"

"Hey Mike, having fun?" she wanted to laugh so bad at all the reactions she was getting tonight but she was trying so hard to stay cool and that would just ruin her whole persona for the night.

"Yeah totally, its good to see you here, its about time you started coming out again" he smiled genuinely. The three of them were emerged in conversation seconds later, all laughing hysterically while Mike filled them in on Brittany's antics tonight and of course having a few more drinks. Puck joins in the conversation for a few minutes, briefly giving Rachel a smile that basically translates to 'proud of you, midget' before leaving to go find a random cheerio he'd told to meet him in a coat closet. The irony wasn't lost on Rachel and she had a strange urge to text Jesse and tell him. When she remembered that this night was supposed to be about her taking a break from Jesse she resisted. It wasn't long before Kurt and Mercedes joined in the conversation and soon they were all having a great time, laughing and of course drinking more and more. At one point Santana passes by, observes the situation and shoots Rachel an approving look. Rachel was more or less waiting to be bitch slapped so there's no way that actually happened… must be the alcohol.

After an hour or so, Rachel is well and truly hammered. Of course everyone else is drunk too, but they definitely haven't yet reached her level of inebriation. Thinking some fresh air might help her sober up a little and stop the room from spinning, she heads out to the front of the house. She didn't really feel like going out back and inhaling other people's cigarette smoke.

The fresh air does help a bit, the ground is staying still and she starts to feel the cloudiness in her head subside a bit.

"Taking a break from the madness?" a voice says from her left.

She turns her head swiftly and sees Tye Stevens heading in her direction from the side of the house. Weird. He's never really spoken to her before.

"Yeah, something like that. You?" is this the part when he kicks her out of his house?

"Yeah… it's weird. This is my party but I'm just so bored. It's always the same people, and everyone seems to be having a great time but I'm just… not." He seemed kind of down, Rachel sympathised with him because she knew what it was like, being on the outside looking in.

"I know what you mean. Sometimes I feel like I have to pretend I'm having fun just so I don't ruin anybody else's night" she smiled at him warmly.

"That's exactly how I feel" he smiled, then brought his hand up to gently caress her bare arm, stroking it up and down "so do you maybe wanna go somewhere more private, away from all of them? We could go to my room". Something in his tone had changed, any sign of discontent gone. He wasn't the troubled popular guy he had been a mere minute ago, his gaze now burning, hungry. She had seen that look before, and instead of being weakened by it she simply felt uncomfortable. She was about to deliver a very forceful brush off when she heard a voice from behind her.

"Rach there you are. Sorry I thought you wanted to meet out back. What did you wanna talk about?" Finn stopped in front of her, shooting a challenging look to Tye which more or less said back the hell off. Tye simply shrugged his shoulders and started to head back inside.

"Maybe see you later Rachel" he muttered before walking back into the house.

Before Rachel could even thank Finn for coming to her rescue he turned tense, very visibly annoyed.

"What the hell were you doing talking to him Rachel? Tye's my friend and all but he's a complete douche! Seriously, where is your head when you're at school, don't you listen to what people say about him? He hits on basically every girl he sees and makes a habit of telling stories in the locker room. Is that what you want Rach? To have everyone in school know exactly what you do with guys? I mean I know you slept with Puck but we both know you're not really that kind of girl, no matter how you dress or what everyone else says." He finishes, still fuming, not having let Rachel get a single word in.

"Finn stop! I wasn't doing anything, I came outside to get some air and he just started talking to me. I was about to tell him to get lost when you came along. Thanks by the way, you didn't have to do that".

"I know" he muttered, turning his head slightly, staring intently at the wall behind her head. She smiled at him, a smile full of gratitude and regret. She wanted him to know how sorry she was, even if he couldn't forgive her.

"What are you doing alone out here anyway?" he asked, finally looking at her again.

"I needed to get out of there, I kinda felt like I was going to vomit. I'm ok now, though I don't think I can go back in there. Kurt was our designated driver and he is most definitely not driving home so I guess I'm gonna go call a cab now" she started to turn away from him "thank you" she added quietly before she started walking back to the house.

"Rach, wait."

She stopped, looking back at him expectantly and slightly confused as to why he wanted to keep talking to her.

"I can drive you home… If you want" he hung his head, not looking her in the eye "I was going home anyway". She could tell this was uncomfortable for him and she couldn't decide if he was offering because it was his way of reaching out to her, ending their fight, or if he just felt obligated. Regardless, she knew she wanted to find out and its not like she had any other option.

"Ok" she nodded, allowing herself a tiny smile "if you don't mind".

He shook his head and started walking down the drive. She followed him, walking slightly unsteadily on her heels. The walk to his car was silent, neither even glancing at each other.


They pulled up outside Rachel's house and instantly relief washed over her. She had never in her life wanted to get out of a situation this badly. To say the drive was awkward would be the world's greatest understatement. Not one word had been spoken since they had left the party and the silence was excruciating. She had almost spoken several times, the words on the tip of her tongue before deciding that nothing she could say would ever be enough. Not to mention that anything she did say would not get the kind of response she was hoping for. But now they were here, parked on the street right outside her house, and she had to say something. This was the first time her and Finn had exchanged words, or even glances in weeks. She couldn't leave him without saying something, without trying another time. However many times she apologises it will never be enough but he should at least know.

"Thank you for the ride" Shit. Say something else you idiot. She was trying to find the right words, something she hadn't said before but she realises that its not about the right words. Its about showing him she means them.

"I mean you didn't have to do this. After what I did to you… I don't deserve you being so nice to me."

"It's fine. Goodnight Rach" he wasn't looking at her. He was just staring out of the windshield, his jaw tense. He was uncomfortable, and she felt bad about that but he was going to hear this.

"Its not. Its not fine Finn… God I am so sorry" her voice cracked, he finally turned to look at her and she was begging for the tears that were building up not to overflow. "I have no excuse, I know that. What I did was really bad- no it was terrible and- and cruel. I just want you to understand why."He was silent, waiting. The look in his eyes was still hard, but it was also expectant. He wanted to understand too, and that spurred her on even though she was two seconds away from crying hysterically.

"We weren't happy Finn. And I know you said that you were happy, and I'm not trying to tell you how you were feeling because I know you loved me. I loved you too, I still do, but our relationship… it wasn't real. Just think about it. If you didn't see me all day, would you miss me? When we'd go days without having a meaningful conversation, did that bother you? Was our relationship more of a priority than football…or even your popularity, your reputation? Because that's the way it should be, and we both know it wasn't like that for us. And I'm not trying to put the blame on you here because I felt the same. I love you Finn but we just don't make sense as a couple. What I did… with Puck… we've broken up and gotten back together so many times, this is the only way I could see how to end it for good. I wont pretend I didn't know what I was doing, I knew it would hurt you, hurt you to the point where you would probably never fully forgive me for it".

She started to see understanding, realisation fill his eyes. Tears were streaming down her face now but she forced herself to continue. "I thought that even though I'd be destroying our relationship and any romantic feelings we had towards each other forever, somewhere down the line we might be able to work our way back to being friends. That by ending it, we would stop sacrificing ourselves and get back to being the people we were before. In my delusional state I thought I was doing the right thing. For both of us. Once I saw how hurt you were, how much pain I cause you I realised what an idiot I was. Idiot would be putting it nicely… I was a bitch to you Finn. I thought I was saving us both the pain and instead I hurt you worse than I ever thought I could hurt someone. And I am so sorry. I know you probably wont ever forgive me and honestly I don't expect you to, but I need you to understand how badly I feel for doing that to you. It wasn't just a reckless decision and not caring about your feelings because I did it with your feelings in mind. I screwed up… and I hate myself". She finished, staring in her lap feeling completely ashamed. After a few endless minutes of silence she finally looked up at him, her face stained with tears. His expression was softer now, it looked like his eyes were full of unshed tears but she knew he would never let them fall while she was there. Sensing his discomfort she decided to end the torture and turned to get out on the car.

"I get it" he spoke softly, his voice rough, gravelly. She turned back to him, eyes wide. He gets it? "I don't like the way you did it, and I cant forgive you for that. Not yet. But I get why you did it Rachel. I hope we can be friends again one day too… just… just don't expect it to be anytime soon ok?" she nodded, figuring it was a lot better than the response she was expecting and quickly got out the car muttering another quick 'thank you'.


Once she had stumbled down the driveway in her high heels and finally made it to her bedroom she didn't waste any time in collapsing down on her bed. God, what a night she thought as she let out a long sigh. She was just deliberating falling straight asleep here without changing or removing her makeup when she heard a soft knock at the door. She raised her head and saw Jesse standing outside, looking at her with worried eyes. She raised her arm and tiredly waved for him to come in. She had her eyes closed as he entered until she felt the bed sag beside her. She opened them slowly and saw him looking down on her, his expression was careful.

"You ok?" he asked slowly, as if he was waiting for her to explode right in front of him.

"Sure" she lied "why wouldn't I be?"

"Because I saw you pull up with Finn… thought you might be upset" he still looked like he didn't buy it, she decided she'll have to fill him in or he'd never drop it.

"I was. But at least he listened to me this time so that's an improvement, not to mention more than I deserve considering…"

"So you guys didn't get in a fight?"

"No we just talked. Well I talked, he listened. He also saved me from the fake lonely football player who tried to lure me to his bedroom so that he could tell me a story" her eyes were fluttering closed now, tiredness catching up with her. She wouldn't fall asleep while he was here, he would only make fun of her for hours come tomorrow. She forced her eyes back open only to see him sniggering; one eyebrow raised in… confusion?

"What?" he chuckled. She knew that tone, it was mocking, condescending.

"Tell stories about me" she corrected hastily before he could make fun of her.

"Are you drunk?" he laughed disbelievingly. Too late, she sulked inwardly.

"No"

He raised an eyebrow, challenging her.

"Not anymore" she corrected herself for the second time, allowing a slight sheepish smile to tug at her lips.

He laughed again, louder, melodically "Rachel Berry drunk. I never thought I'd see the day. I take it you had a good time then? Did you tell Puckerman I said hi?" he winked as he lay down next too her, resting on his side and using his arm to support his head as he faced her.

"Actually Noah was otherwise engaged… in the coat closet with a random Cheerio. And yes actually, I had a fun night. Until now" she scowled at him.

"Oh come on, I'm only teasing" he smirked at her, making her breathing speed up slightly. That stupid smirk, it always had a way of disarming her. "So a coat closet huh?"

"It wasn't my suggestion if that's what you're thinking".

"Oh of course not. God forbid someone steals your make out spot of choice" he snickered, his eyes travelling over her body, finally taking in her appearance.

"I've never made out in a coat closet thank you very much"

He was still looking her up and down, his eyes lingering on her exposed stomach, then her cleavage which was rising and falling as she breathed deeply. He slowly reached out and touched her hand which was down by her side and ran his thumb over it softly.

"I would be happy to help you out with that sometime" he spoke softly, quietly as his hand slowly made its way up her arm and then back down, stroking gently. She turned her head and looked at him with pleading eyes, begging for him not to do this, not to go here again.

His hand slowly rose up her arm once again and this time swept over her shoulder softly, making its way up to her neck, wrapping around the back of it and then his thumb began lightly stroking. Her breathing was coming faster now, he had a darkened look in his eye identical to the one Tye had had at the party. Only this time she didn't feel creeped out. She felt warm. Very warm. She felt the heat rising over her chest and build up low in her belly. This wasn't good, she knew that, but she couldn't bring herself to care.

As she was concentrating on not letting her body overheat from his touch, his hand moved round to cup her cheek, his thumb lightly stroking her jaw. She involuntarily moved her face into his palm and let her eyes close. She shouldn't be letting this happen right now. She had worked to hard to rebuff all of his advances but now all that she could think about while he was touching her was how much she had missed this. Being close to him.

His hand was ever so slowly travelling back down her neck, only touching her with his fingertips. His touch was so arousing yet so completely agonising. As the very tips of his fingers traced her collar bone, barely touching her, her breathing sped up even more, her eyes half hooded now fluttering closed every time he grazed over the sensitive spot above her left collar bone. He was staring at her and she swore his once blue eyes were now almost black, reflecting pure lust. She was pretty sure she was wearing the same expression right now. As his fingers traced lower down her chest she finally saw where this was heading unless she put a stop to it, and as much as she wanted to, they had come too far for her to let him seduce the sense right out of her.

She opened her eyes sharply, awakening from her drunken/lustful haze just as his fingers reached the swell of her breast and practically jumped up off the bed. She stood over him, breathing heavily and trying to regain her composure. He didn't seam surprised, or discouraged for that matter.

"No. we- we can't" she stammered, still flustered "its- its not going to happen Jesse" she tried to sound forceful and failed miserably.

He didn't lose his smirk, having already expected this to happen. He wouldn't actually have done anything with her, let this go anywhere. Not while she's drunk. He simply wanted to see what kind of reaction he could get out of her. Fully reassured that he still has an effect on her get gets up, walking towards the door, smug smile still plastered on his face.

"Goodnight Rachel. I'll see you in your dreams". And dream about him she does.


Monday morning she wakes up at 6am to her alarm sweaty and breathing heavily. Her sheets are damp with sweat, sticking to her body and she is in desperate need of changing her panties which are also soaked through. It had been like this all weekend, waking up so incredibly turned on she had to do an extra 30 minutes on the elliptical just to get it out of her system. If the dream she had just awoken from was any indication as to what having sex with Jesse would be like then she may have to rethink this whole friendship thing. Friday night she had been so close to giving in and now after a dream like that she's not sure she'll be able to control herself when she sees him next. Bet that's what he was counting on the bastard she grimaced.

After her morning workout and her desperately needed shower, she changed for school and swiftly left the house before she could run into Jesse in the driveway. She would obviously see him later but she didn't need him getting her all hot and flustered before school. She couldn't think of anything worse than being distracted every minute of the day by his voice and his eyes, his smell, his raw sexual magnetism. Oh who was she kidding, she was going to be fantasising about the jerk all day long.

The day passed by in a haze of daydreams and echoes from Friday night. What would happen the next time they saw each other? What would have happened if she hadn't stopped him the other night? Before she knew it, it was time for glee club and she had wasted her whole day on these insane fantasies. She absolutely needed to focus, it was her favourite part of the day, and she at least had to do something productive with this last hour. As everyone filed in Mr. Schuester immediately told them to split into their respective groups and continue working on their dance assignment.

Excellent Rachel thought, her mood lifted already. She already had everything planned and it was going to kick ass, even if she did say so herself. She just had to get everybody else on board. Quinn wasn't going to be easy but she figured if everyone else agreed the ice queen wouldn't have any choice.

"Ok so I guess we need a song? I'll go get my iPod, I must have something on there that'll work for us"

"No need Mercedes" Rachel beamed, in full on leader mode "I have an idea that will blow those boys right out of the water and an awesome song that goes with it. Now I realise it is not something I would usually choose and RnB music is not really my forte but I truly believe that we can pull this off and it will give us a chance to show off some amazing dance moves, the boys will never expect this from us and-"

"Get to the point munchkin" Santana cut her off.

"Right. Well. I have chosen Long Way to Go by Cassie. I heard it at the party on Friday night and I saw everyone dancing, moving to the music in this sexy way that I just immediately saw the whole routine come together in front of my eyes. Its not a terribly difficult song to sing in my opinion which means we could focus more on the dancing part of the performance. Well? What do you think?" Rachel had rambled on and on while everyone stared at her without saying a word. She was expecting everyone to dismiss her idea immediately but Mercedes surprised her.

"That's actually a good idea Rachel. I cant totally see us grinding up on stage to that song" she grinned. Santana and Brittany nodded, smiling at her before launching into an animated discussion about costume choices. Tina and Quinn looked unsure but majority rules.

"So I guess before we start on the choreography we should do the vocal arrangement? I mean we can't dance if we don't have a song" Mercedes laughed "so what… Rachel takes the verses and we all come together on the chorus? That work for everyone?"

Everyone nodded at this except Rachel "actually Mercedes I was thinking Santana should take the solo on this one". She was met by more stares and several open mouths.

"You're giving up a solo? To Santana? Seriously?" Quinn demanded, clearly disbelieving. Santana just seemed incredibly confused. Since when does Rachel Berry give up a solo, much less for her?

"Yes Quinn. I think Santana's voice is much more suited to this particular song. We all want to win, I'm just making sure of it" Rachel stated, matter of factly. She didn't miss the small smile of gratitude Santana sent her way.

Once they had all of the vocal arrangements decided and also their costumes planned, the girls decided to meet in the auditorium after school tomorrow to start working on the choreography. Minutes later Mr. Schue dismissed the class and everyone headed home for the day. Rachel was the last to leave and after stopping by her locker she decided to make a quick detour to the auditorium. Maybe she was avoiding going home already. Maybe. When she approached the doors though and made her way inside she discovered it was already occupied. By Quinn.

As Rachel stood there for a few minutes waiting to see what Quinn was doing, what she would sing, she saw another figure come into view. Finn. She couldn't make out what they were saying, they were speaking quietly and they were too far away. But as she saw them step closer to each other Rachel's stomach dropped. Finn raised his hand to brush the hair out of Quinn's face before leaning down and kissing her.

Rachel didn't wait around for whatever happened next, turning briskly and fleeing from the room and from the school. She quickly made her way across the parking lot, rage consumed her making her face hot and her hands tremble. She flung herself into her car angrily and turned the ignition before speeding recklessly out of the parking lot and headed towards her house. Why is it always Quinn? What is it about her? It wasn't even about Finn anymore, yes she loved him but not romantically. It was just Quinn. The girl seemed to have a habit of ruining Rachel's life, taking anything and everything from her, just because she could. She always got everything she wanted. She wanted Finn, she had him. Then she wanted Puck and she got him too. Now she wanted Finn again, and look what we have here, she has him yet again. For once why couldn't Rachel be the one to get what she wants. She doesn't have a boyfriend, she doesn't have a mother and she doesn't have popularity. No she has an annoying pseudo friend slash ex boyfriend neighbour who seems hell bent on destroying their friendship, she has two gay dads that don't know how to sew or talk to her about boys and relationships and pretty much everyone in the school hates her minus Mercedes and maybe Noah. How is that fair?

Her mental rant equivalent to a volcano erupting in her brain had consumed all of her attention (thank God she still managed to drive while paying zero attention to the road in front of her) and she hadn't realised that she had in fact arrived at home. She didn't want to go back to school and see Quinn and Finn all couple again, the blonde Cheerio would no doubt see it as another thing to rub in her face. As Rachel glanced out of the car window she spied Jesse in his drive getting out of his own car. Before she had the time to change her mind Rachel flung her car door open and stormed across the concrete, furiously making her way towards Jesse. He looked at her questioningly when she approached him but she didn't say a word. She simply grabbed him by the arm and roughly pulled him towards her bedroom door. She dragged him inside and then proceeded to slam him back against the door as it closed.

"Jesse this is strictly physical. I do not have feelings for you in any way shape or form. I am not your wife, I am not your girlfriend… in fact I would prefer it if you didn't even speak at all" she told him in a rushed tone.

"I can live with that" he said nodding his head furiously.

"Great" and she pulled his face towards her, capturing his lips with her own.

This kiss was so unlike the last. Still as intense but this time is was heated and hungry and frenzied. It was all teeth and tongue and left them both gasping for breath. She pulled him roughly towards the bed, clothes being shed on the way in a blur of fabric before they collapsed onto the bed and he began devouring her. He was kissing and sucking her neck, nibbling at her pulse point and moving further down making her pant and squirm underneath him. While he was doing this his hands trailed all over her body, caressing her legs and groping her thighs, running along the curve of her ass and squeezing, causing her to grind her hips into him hard. He let out a low growl into her neck and he began nibbling her collarbone, lingering on the weak spot that he knew made her crazy. She moaned softly as his teeth grazed over it and she was gripping at his shoulders drawing him closer to her, her fingers pulling at the hair at the base on his neck. His hand was now trailing over her flat stomach making her shiver and let out a long sigh. As his had moved up to caress her breast she pulled his lips back to hers, kissing him passionately, exploring his mouth as if this was her first time kissing him. She moaned into his ear as his thumb grazed over her nipple, bringing it to a hardened peak. He smirked down at her before lowering his mouth to her breast and circling his tongue around the nipple, sucking it gently. She arched off the bed into him, moaning at how he was making her feel. Was she going crazy or did it feel completely different when Finn and Puck had done this? Honestly compared to Jesse they weren't nearly as skilled.

"Jesse" she breathed as he continued his ministrations on her chest, moving to pay some attention to the other nipple. As he was doing this she was grinding her hips into him, wrapping her left leg around his hips, needing desperately to relieve the pressure, to find the release she craved so badly. Jesse was groaning as his mouth continued to assault her chest before moving his face up to kiss her roughly.

"God Rach, I want you so bad"

She moved her hand down to his boxers, surpassing the barrier of his last article of clothing and taking him in her hand and stroking him up and down. He lets out a load grunt of pleasure, closing his eyes and breathing heavily as she continues to move her warm hand around his shaft, speeding up as his groans became louder.

"Fuck. Oh God Rachel"

He grasps her wrist tightly, pulling her hand away, his darkened eyes staring in to hers, filled with lust, animalistic. She looks at him questioningly, a small smirk gracing her lips. "If you don't stop this is gonna be over far too soon." His hand was now travelling down her body before he stopped at the edge of her panties "and I didn't even get to touch you yet" he smirked as his hand finally came into contact with her centre, rubbing her teasingly over her panties.

"God you're so wet" he groaned

Her moans were coming out louder now and she arched up off the bed, trying to move into his hand. He knew what she wanted and didn't waste any time in removing her panties, sliding them down her long tan legs before throwing them aside. When his fingers finally came into contact with her heat she let out a load gasp, her hands roughly grasping the bed sheets. He started to circle his index finger around her clit causing her to squirm under his hand, letting out the sexiest little moans. When he finally slid two fingers into her and her hot, wet walls enveloped them he almost blew his load right there and then.

"Oh Jesse. Please" she begged as he rubbed her, her hips grinding against his fingers trying to relieve the intense building pressure.

"Please what Rachel? Tell me what you want" he urged her, wanting so badly for her to say the words. She didn't disappoint.

"Fuck me Jesse" she whispered as he circled her clit with his thumb. That was all the encouragement he needed and he sat up and turned to look for his jeans. She whimpered at the loss of contact.

"Why are you stopping?" she whined, reaching for his arm to pull him back to her.

"I'm looking for a condom Rach" he chuckled "I have one in my wallet".

"No" she shook her head, her chest heaving "I'm on the pill. Please fuck me Jesse" she moaned desperately. He couldn't argue with that, and hearing her beg like that was without a doubt the hottest thing he had ever heard.

He lowered himself down on top of her and stared in her eyes as she looked up at him, her eyes half hooded, biting sexily on that pouty bottom lip.

"You're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen in my life" he whispered as he slid into her.

Soon they were both worn out, lying there breathing heavily, completely spaced out in their post orgasmic haze. Rachel didn't exactly have a lot to compare it to but she was certain that sex couldn't get much better than that. Of course she had orgasms before, with both Finn and Noah but she had no idea that it could feel this amazing. She wanted to lie here and bask in this feeling forever. No worrying about a relationship or another boy, no feeling guilty. No strings. This is the perfect thing for her right now, no commitment just sex. She never really pictured herself as one of those girls, the friends with benefits type, but she could definitely see the appeal. And just because she was a good girl didn't mean she didn't have needs.

"That was amazing" Jesse panted, lying sweaty next to her looking sexier than any guy she'd ever seen.

"Yeah" she agreed, her naked chest rising and falling rapidly as she tried to catch her breath. He leaned over and ran his hand up her side as he kissed her again, gentler this time but still filled with passion.

"Jesse… you know this doesn't change anything right? I mean this was fun and I may even be up for a repeat and some point but… I'm not looking for a boyfriend" she finished feeling slightly dirty, like some kind of common slut. That feeling was preferable to heartbreak though and this was the only way to avoid it.

"I can respect that" he murmured, his thumb tracing lazily over her hip bone.

"Good" she smiled, running her hand over his strong defined chest, feeling herself become flustered thinking about how it had felt pressed against her body. He leaned down and kissed her again, causing her mind to go blank, forget anything and everything but the feel of his lips. She leaned into him, losing herself in the kiss and grabbed onto his short curls as he rolled on top of her again.

"Now about that repeat" he smirked before lowering his lips to hers once more.


So this took me a while to write... but since its so long I'm hoping I'm off the hook :D

I ended up deleting and rewriting a lot of this so hopefully it turned out ok.

I thought I should mention that Sam does not exist in this story and neither does Lauren but Matt is still there.

I know a lot of you have been waiting for the 'benefiting' for a while and it will become more frequent but hopefully this is enough to please you all for now :)

I could really use some feedback on this chapter since I found it quite challenging so please review my beautiful readers! I reaaaally appreciate my regular reviewers but it would be great if a few more of you guys would let me know what you think :) ok sooo... thanks for everthing guys! until next time

xoxo zoellaa