A/N:
Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns the plot and characters of Twilight, not to mention all the money it makes. I make nothing but fanfiction.
Chapter 9 - Scary Stories aka "Moments"
She was wearing my jacket again the next morning when I pulled up in front of her house. Her decrepit red truck was parked out there, mocking me. Jacob Black's ever-watchful presence, looming over my days.
She slammed the door shut a little too hard when she got in and I growled at her. "Watch it, Swan."
"Pussy wheels can't take it?" She smirked at me, but her eyes were angry at me again. That fucking anger.
I growled at her some more. "Well, if it isn't good enough for Your Highness…."
She rolled her eyes and pulled out her CD case. Her shoulders were tense like mine.
"What are we listening to today?" I asked awkwardly. Why was it so thick? It had been easier just a few days ago, hadn't it?
She smiled at the stereo as a horse neighed in my speakers. "Luca Benedetti's Blue Valentine."
"Who?"
She glared at me and clenched her jaw, and I fought to keep another growl from escaping and ripping her face off. I wanted her. I hated her. She was here. She was all over my life like melted butter on your favourite jeans. I didn't want her to go. "Just accept the light, Cullen. I promise not to hurt your head too much."
I sneered in response, and the music couldn't drown out the tension of all the things we wouldn't say to each other. In fact, it made it worse when I paid attention to the words of the song. "Is he calling himself a liar?"
Bella smirked, then looked sad, and her mood swings were going to give me whiplash. She didn't answer this question, either, and it joined the ranks of all the unanswered Bella questions in my head. They echoed in our space and blinded us. I couldn't unglue my lips to speak again, and we drove to school in silence.
When we arrived she again slammed her door too hard, and I watched her walk away with a quiet resignation. Alice was at my side almost instantly, and I couldn't help but smile at her.
"How she cons you into driving her everywhere I'll never figure."
I shrugged almost shyly. "I don't mind driving her. It's the sheer insanity that gets to me."
Alice giggled and bumped shoulders with surprising strength, linking her arm in mine and leading me to the woods. "A morning toke will ease the pain," she promised, and I made no argument. Chances were she was right.
And she was.
But even though the edge was taken off the morning, by the time lunch rolled around I was all nerves again, wondering if this was going to finally be the day Bella Swan killed me. Or worse – shaved me. But she didn't come to lunch, and she wasn't in biology either. I was beginning to worry for an entirely different set of reasons, wondering where she was, why nobody seemed to notice or care when she disappeared like that, and by the time the final bell rang my knee was bouncing compulsively. I walked slowly to my locker, and even more slowly to my car, hoping to give her enough time to be there, to ambush me with my keys in her hands or a smirk and a verbal low blow. As I trudged to the parking lot, my eyes scanned the heads of the student body, and with a catch in my breath I found her.
She stood next to Jasper, talking quietly to him. He had his hands shoved deep into his pockets, a concerned frown on his face. She was toeing a patch of grass and looking sheepish, staring at his shoes. I swallowed thickly and walked slowly over. He said something that made her smile and shrug, and he reached out a hand to touch her arm. The touch was so casual, yet so intimate. I lost my footing for a moment and faltered. When she looked up at him and smiled more broadly, I second-guessed my decision to approach them. Maybe I should turn around and go home.
I had no sooner completed the thought before she turned to me, abruptly and directly, as though I had called her name. Our eyes met, and she blinked rapidly before covering Jasper's hand with one of her own and saying something quickly. She was walking towards me. I was rooted to the spot.
"I won't be needing a ride home," she said quickly, running nervous hands through her hair. I nodded, maybe waiting for an explanation. She wouldn't look at me. "Jazz is giving me a lift so, you know, don't wait for me or anything."
I opened my mouth. I closed it again. What could I say? Nothing. I nodded again, and she looked at me finally. I had to look away before I lost myself in her eyes.
Without looking back I walked to my car, and then I was in my room, with my arm over my eyes in my bed, and I had no recollection of getting there. Behind my closed lids I discerned the fading light through the window, then the darkness, and I didn't move or open my eyes. I must have drifted to sleep eventually, because she was smiling at me.
"Do you love me, Edward?" Shit. Who knew anymore?
The startling sound of my phone wrenched me awake, and I was grateful because I didn't think I could watch her walk away from me anymore. I answered without opening my eyes.
"Hello?"
Bella?
"Edward?"
I shook the sleep from my eyes and cleared my throat into the phone. "Bella? Is that you?" Is it really you? Because I know I was just dreaming of you, and if you're not real now I think a part of me will die forever.
"Yeah, it's me." I was sitting upright in my bed now, squinting at the clock on my nightstand. Three-thirty in the morning. Jesus. "I'm sorry I woke you."
No, don't be. "No, don't be." I winced. The word vomit was practically unstoppable when I was this disoriented.
"Oh. I would've called sooner, I just left my phone at home, and I didn't want to wait in case the morning was too late, and well, maybe I should've just texted you but God, I didn't think of that. Fuck. I'm an idiot." She sighed into the phone, and I bit my lip. She sounded so frustrated. So unlike herself. Insecure, small. Was that what I sounded like to her?
"Bella?"
"Yeah, I'm here." She cleared her throat. "So I was wondering if maybe you wanted to drive me to school tomorrow. I mean, you don't have to, it's just a favor, and I could drive myself so you wouldn't be inconveniencing me by saying 'no', and well, maybe you don't feel like it if it's out of the way or something so feel free to just tell me off and put the phone down and you know, I'm an idiot. Fuck, Edward." She sighed again and cleared her throat. My chest constricted for her. "Do you want to drive me to school, Edward?"
"Sure, Bella. I'd love to." Well shit, who's the idiot now?
She sighed and gave a small relieved laugh. "Thanks. I'm sorry I woke you. It won't happen again. Right. So I'll see you tomorrow. Bye." And she was gone before I could say a word in response.
I threw myself back into my pillows and stared at the ceiling. Hot and cold, yes and no, psycho or sweet insecure girl, afraid or angry, and I didn't get it. I didn't get her. I couldn't imagine ever understanding Bella Swan. But I was a sucker, and I was an idiot, and the next day, I was going to pick her up for school. Because I liked her. Because I needed her. Somehow. And I should have known then that I should seek therapy or something, because clearly I was just as fucked up as she was. But I needed her. And it kinda sounded like she might have needed me, too.
***
The following few weeks went by in a daze of smoking, drinking, school and Bella. While I waited with bated breath for her to flip out again and reveal her dark nature to me – the non-kinky kind – she never did. Something in me relaxed around her, and she relaxed around me in response. We found a system that worked for us.
I picked her up every morning and took her to school, and then drove her home in the afternoons. We hardly talked about anything important, though she often spoke very seriously about Grace Slick and why she really was a goddess. Sometimes in the mornings we sat in the woods with whoever else was there, smoking up and devising elaborate conspiracy theories on the existence of Oprah clones. We teased Lauren often, touching or whispering or doing anything we felt like to give her the wrong impression about us. The games thrilled me more than they should have, but Bella never seemed to notice. Over the weekends we met up at Alice's or Rosalie's, and once at my place, getting stupid and playing family-oriented board games. I didn't try to kiss her again, especially because everyone else was suddenly very aware of the two of us.
Alice and I formed a quiet understanding, and whereas with the group she began to gear her soliloquies more towards my interests when she would sing at me, when we were alone we spoke very little, enjoying one another silently. The more I watched Bella and Jasper interact, the more I appreciated Alice on a whole new level. Small as she was, she was a bigger man than I was. I knew if it had been me, I wouldn't have been able to take it.
Rosalie ended up nicer to me, too. We continued to exchange awkward phone calls after Carlisle and Esme started dating, and Carlisle and I were over at her place for Thanksgiving somehow. Emmett had been there, and while he was perfectly polite to both my father and Esme – a suspicious sight if I ever saw one – he kept waggling his eyebrows at me when they weren't looking, making kissy faces whenever they shared a moment. It was sickening. After that I saw a lot more of Esme, and I'm sure Rosalie was seeing a lot more of Carlisle. There was one awkward morning when I had found Esme in our kitchen in Carlisle's shirt and nothing else. For better or for worse, it was getting serious very quickly.
So Rosalie and I set out to get along. We scoured through our interests, searching in a near-panic for some shared passion, and came up with one: Jet Li movies. When we stumbled upon this mutual pleasure, it launched us immediately into an in-depth comparison between his original Chinese classics and the later Hollywood stuff, with us swinging back and forth between defending one or the other as the height of his career. By the end of the process, we found ourselves carrying on these discussions in the cafeteria while Emmett looked on in shock and Bella's eyes glazed over.
Jasper was tensely polite to me, and I suspected Alice had something to do with it. We never fell back into the easy friendship I predicted when we'd first met, but we weren't snarling at each other all the time either. The stalemate seemed indefinite, and I accepted it while it lasted because I liked the peace, however awkward it was.
The truth was, I liked them all. They were funny, they were inebriated, they were loud and crude and fucking good times all around.
But while the daze of smoking-drinking-school-Bella was mostly a blur, there were highlights. During our interludes between her house and school she pelted me with oldies, insisting that if I was going to boast any musical expertise I had to 'know my roots'. When she started in on Fats Domino and Tom Waits, I pleaded with her to educate me with some slightly more modern 'roots' and then maybe we could work backwards. She slid into the nineties with equal parts reluctance and eagerness. When I teased her about it, she insisted it was an exciting era, but that I was missing out on the full experience by doing this 'ass-backwards'. Her word choice delighted me.
The night we went to Seattle, there were a series of moments, though a number of them had been spent with Alice.
At the club, Bella had danced like she was all alone, her eyes closed to the world as she seemed to move to a rhythm she alone heard. She wasn't very good at it, I noted with a small smile, cradling my drink to my chest as I watched her from a distance. Alice and Jasper were dancing together, and Rosalie and Emmett looked like they were engaging in some sort of mating ritual, but she danced alone. It made me sad, but I knew I couldn't dance with her.
When Alice came panting back to the table, I watched with dread as Bella took her place alongside Jasper and they danced together.
"You gonna tell her you love her?"
I turned to look at Alice in shock. She was still panting, and her eyes were shining brightly, but her expression was serious. "Excuse me?"
She rolled her eyes at my attempt at nonchalance. "Bella. You love her. I can tell."
I frowned at her, and wondered if maybe I was being a little petulant.
"There are some things I see that maybe other people don't see. They don't pay attention. But I think she likes you, too."
I rolled my eyes at her. Clearly she had no idea what she was talking about.
"Listen," she suddenly leaned in and I did the same automatically. I had the impression she was about to impart some very important words to me. "I know she's brash and insensitive, and she'll never be accused of being the most reasonable person in the world, but you and I know that Bella's a good person. She deserves to be happy. She's always been so nice to me, even though…"
She trailed off then, looking at Jasper on the dance floor, his hands now on Bella's hips, guiding her dance. His eyes saw only her. When I turned back to look at Alice again, her expression seemed… resigned. I didn't want to see her so sad. "Bella and Jasper were close once, weren't they?" She looked at me warily. "But you two belong together. Just because they were close before…"
Alice looked at me with a strange smile. "Once, twice, seven or eight times. That kind of closeness doesn't really go away, you know? I guess you can see they're still pretty close. Almost like they're…" She didn't finish the thought, but I heard the unspoken words anyway. Almost like they're perfect for each other. She bit her lip, then smiled at me. "He might not like you putting the moves on Bella, but you know that shouldn't matter. If you like her, you should try. If you don't, you'll never know." Her eyes turned back to the pair on the dance floor. "You two could be really, really good together. I can tell."
I looked, too, and I imagined myself in Jasper's place, my hands on her hips, my breath against her ear. How much did I want it? My heart picked up pace at the thought. I wanted to dance with her. I wanted to touch her that way, and have her let me.
And she didn't like me, did she? So why then did she want me to take her to and from school every day when Jasper would clearly be prepared to do it instead?
I looked at Alice again, and she was smiling knowingly at me. Like she could read my thoughts, or see my future, and know where I was headed even before I did. Maybe she did. Maybe little Alice the chatterbox really did see things no one else saw.
Another favored moment had come later that night, as I had dropped Bella off at home. She was asleep. Her face looked perfectly peaceful as she breathed regularly, in and out, her hair in her face. It was almost four in the morning, and the lights in her house were all out. "Bella?" I touched her face almost reverently. It was such a pity to have to wake her. "Bella, we're here."
Her eyes opened slowly, and she blinked. "Edward?"
I loved the way she said my name. I smiled at her and brushed her hair out of her eyes. "We're here."
She looked out the window and rubbed her eyes sleepily. "Oh." So fucking cute.
"Will you be able to get upstairs all right?"
She smiled tiredly at me, nodding. "I'll be fine. Thanks for the ride."
"No problem." She got out of the car, walking slowly to the door, still rubbing her eyes. I waited for her to get inside, then waited a little longer. After a minute, a light came on in an upstairs window, and I stared at it hungrily. That was her room. She was up there. I was fighting the urge to climb up the nearby tree and slip inside, to go there and be near her some more, to see her room and her bed and touch her when she came to the window. Her silhouette was ethereal, her little hands up against the glass, holding her curtain aside. She seemed to be looking at me, but I couldn't tell from so far away. She lifted one of her hands up in a wave, and I smiled again. Wondering if she could really see me, I waved back, then forced myself to drive away.
The whole way home, the picture of her standing at that window was burned into my mind.
However, my absolute favorite moment came during the Halloween camping trip. We had crashed Mike Newton's party briefly, stumbling drunk and looking for mayhem. Once Emmet and Rosalie had desecrated Mr. and Mrs. Newton's bedroom with their consummating, and Jasper and Alice had played shotgun with a flimsy home-made bong on the living room couch, Bella had signaled it was time to go by tossing Mike's sound system into the pool, assuring the party she was doing them all a favor because listening to Avril Lavigne was clinically proven to kill your brain cells and she knew they all couldn't afford losing any. The six of us had piled into Emmett's Jeep and driven to a clearing where we had proceeded to enjoy a bonfire, some marshmallows, two hash pipes and too much cheap booze. We told scary stories. It was surprisingly mild and mellow for them, to be honest. I discovered that Alice was afraid of birds, and Bella was afraid of robots. Emmett feared flying insects in all forms, and lathered his face and hands in bug repellant. Rosalie and I sniggered at him behind his back, and Jasper rolled his eyes repeatedly.
After we had all bunkered down, Emmett snoring loud enough to scare away bears and Alice intermittently squeaking in her sleep, I saw her suddenly rise and walk away. The black shape wasn't the leggy tall of Rosalie or the tiny of Alice, but the perfect in-between of Bella, and my heart had pounded at the sight of her, even if it was just a blurry dark shape. I slipped out of my sleeping bag and followed her, finding her struggling a little to climb the hood of the Jeep. Wordlessly, I took her hips to hoist her up, and she gasped, turning to look over her shoulder at me with wide eyes. "You're awake."
It wasn't a question. I smiled as I helped her settle on the hood, and climbed up beside her just as she was lying back, her hair a glorious mess beneath her head.
"Isn't it beautiful out here?"
Tearing my eyes away from her, I looked at the sky, lying back as well. There were so many more stars out here than there had been in Chicago, even with the clouds obscuring them. The moon looked closer somehow, heavy and elliptical over us, so close you could see all the imperfections that made it look like it was made out of cheese. I turned to look at her, and she was flushed, her eyes soft, reflecting the muted glow of the moonlight and nothing else, and she was a goddess in jeans and a hoodie. Sure, it was nice, but I wouldn't call it beautiful. Not with her there.
When I didn't answer she turned to look at me, and she seemed to immediately notice the intensity in my eyes. She blinked once, twice, and I wondered if she would say something. If she would bite her lip and blush. If she would grab my hair and kiss me. If she would laugh at me. "You're not looking," she whispered.
"I'm looking," I countered. And I was.
She sighed, turning her gaze back to the sky. "Of all the doors in all the joints in the city…" She smiled as she trailed off, placing one hand behind her head while the other rested on her abdomen. I stared at her profile, and I knew she was aware of it, but she just smiled and let me. We stayed that way until the sky turned pink before sliding off the Jeep – again I held her hips and helped her – and returned to our sleeping bags.
I wanted her. I absolutely wanted her. But Alice's words had taken on new meaning since she'd spoken them in Seattle. I knew I wanted her because she was gorgeous. But I also knew she made my heart stutter. Either way, there was no escaping the fact that I did want her. And if Alice was right about that, which, who was I kidding, she so was, then was she right about the other thing she'd said? That Bella wanted me? That we would be good together?
Every time I closed my eyes, I saw her again in the window with her hand lifted in a wave, or smiling to herself as I stared hungrily at the contours of her face in the dark. Did she hate me anymore?
Sometimes I allowed myself to imagine that she wanted me, too. That she thought of me all the time. That I made herheart stutter. I allowed myself to imagine, and it was such an extraordinarily fantastic world I imagined that it got harder and harder to stop once I started picturing it. At first it had been enough to imagine her thinking of me or wanting to be with me. But as time went on I pictured her talking to me about it. Holding my hand. Kissing me. I imagined an entire relationship, fabricated every moment of a courtship that as far as I knew would never be. Over the course of a few weeks, I lost myself in a world where not only was it possible, it was inevitable.
But there was reality.
Aside from those precious moments I spent in her company, little figments of time that I was sure meant more to me than they did to her, I was aware of how ridiculous my fantasizing was getting. And my dreams.
Almost every night she asked me if I loved her, and as I woke up feeling more and more frustrated, I wondered why I never answered her. I thought whatever answer I gave her in the dream, it would be as much news to me as it would be to her. Because I was so far gone, I didn't even know how to classify how I felt about her anymore. I didn't know how to put it in words.
***
"Edward, you going back to Chicago for the holidays?"
I shrugged at Rosalie, passing Bella's pipe back to her. We were in the woods behind the parking lot, killing time before the first bell rang, and I enjoyed this part of the ritual. "I doubt it. We don't really have much family there, besides Grampy Edward. But he's kind of an agoraphobic misanthropic nutjob, so we're not welcome to visit him. You know, ever."
Bella giggled. "A window into your future, perhaps?"
I pouted at her, and she giggled harder.
"When are you and Esme heading for New York?"
"Soon's school lets out. Esme wants to beat the rush, which is of course impossible, but I won't argue against a few extra days of city shopping." Rosalie smirked and flipped her hair. "Of course, it was Sophie's choice for her, big shopping versus Dr. Hottie, but not even your dad can beat Louis Vuitton."
Bella rolled her eyes. "Remind me again why people find your superficiality shocking, Rose."
Rosalie made a face, and I chuckled and shook my head. "Where are you going for Christmas?" I poked Bella in the shoulder, getting her to turn and face me again.
She shrugged. "Renee wants me to go down to Jacksonville, but I don't wanna leave Charlie alone."
Rosalie snorted. "Charlie won't be alone. I thought he was going to La Push. It's only what he's done every single year."
"La Push?"
Bella gave Rosalie a quick glance. "Yeah, we usually spend our holidays down at the res with Billy Black and his kids."
Billy Black. Meaning his kid was… "Jacob Black."
Again, she and Rosalie exchanged glances. "Yeah, Jake and his sisters."
I sighed, getting up and dusting off my pants. "I'll see you guys later," I mumbled, making my careful way back to the school. I was agitated. I was so agitated. She'd spend her Christmas with that overfed hat rack. And I'd be suffering through Carlisle's usual guilty silence at dinner. Fucking wonderful.
"Edward, wait!" I stopped in my tracks, though I really wanted to keep going. But I couldn't say no to her. I hated that sometimes.
"What is it, Bella?" I tried to keep my voice neutral, but it sounded forced even to my own ears.
She winced as though she heard it, too. "You're upset." I sighed and she blushed, dropping her gaze to her shoes. "What're you doing for Christmas?"
I shrugged. "Just me and Carlisle and a microwaved feast." What did she care really? I'd been spending so much time with her in my fantasy world that I was forgetting that she didn't. That it was me who was crazy for her, and that she was just being a friend at most.
"You wanna skip school today?" Her voice was so earnest that I looked up. "Let's do something! We'll go somewhere awesome!" She was animated now, reaching out and taking my hand to lead me back to the parking lot. I followed her silently, not willing to protest, not knowing why. "I have to show you something. You're gonna love it, I know!"
We reached my car just as the bell rang, and Jasper, Alice and Emmett turned to look at us. To watch us go to my car. Rosalie came out of the woods behind us, and I looked over my shoulder to shrug at her. She shrugged back. With Bella, who knew?
She played Weezer in the car, directed me every once in a while, and rattled her little tin box impatiently now and again. She sang the Sweater Song. It made me smile, and she smiled back.
"You're a horrible singer," I lied through my fucking teeth, but this was how I teased her.
She rolled her eyes and stuck her tongue out at me, and I chuckled. Yeah, I felt better. She was cheering me up the way only Bella could. The way only Bella would. We were out of the town limits and driving south. She gave me more directions and we headed up a ridge, and eventually there was nothing but greenery outside the left window and nothing but the Pacific Ocean down a sheer cliff face to the right, no sign of human life whatsoever.
"Here, stop here," she finally breathed excitedly, and I braked immediately and cut the engine. She turned to face me, her eyes sparkling. "You're gonna want to have a smoke before this."
I blinked. Before this? Before what? I watched her prepare her little pipe, then pass it almost reverently to me. I brushed her fingers as I took it, making sure to display the right amount of care while handling it. She loved that damn pipe. Present from Jasper, Alice had mentioned once. I hated the thing.
Placing my lip on the mouthpiece, I was suddenly very aware that Bella had placed her lips here just this morning. We'd shared before, but never just the two of us. I imagined I could taste her there. I inhaled deeply, trying to capture not just the smoke, but her lips in that breath. I held it in and toked again. More of Bella's lips. I took a third one and passed the pipe back to her with my eyes closed. When the urge to cough was too much, I released the smoke, turning to look at her face and catching her in an unguarded moment. She was staring at me, her mouth slightly open. I couldn't help but smirk. "See anything you like, Swan?"
She caught herself and adjusted her expression into one of pleasant indifference, shrugging and setting the pipe up for her own smoke. Still, I saw her blush, and wondered if, insanely enough, I had been right. Has she been looking at me because she liked what she saw? Was she as attracted to me as I was to her? It couldn't be. My level of attraction towards her was of epic proportions. No way she could feel the same. As she brought her pipe to her lips, I wondered if she thought about the fact that it had just been between mine. Was she looking to breathe in my kiss the way I had been looking to breathe in hers? My inner pussy was getting pathetic.
I watched her smoke, and even in this she looked beautiful. She turned heavy lidded eyes towards me and smiled, a lazy slow smile that had my heart stuttering in my chest. Fucking gorgeous. So gorgeous it was absolutely fucking obscene. She was fantastic.
"Come on," she said hoarsely, sliding my jacket off to reveal an oversized black sweater, and fuck if I wasn't raging hard at the sight. She opened her door and got out of the car, and I did the same, watching her walk to the cliff side, puzzled, hungry, cautious. She unbuckled her jeans and my throat went dry. Jesus. Was she taking off her pants? Oh God, she was going to be pantless in front of me. I concentrated on Carlisle and Esme, on dying puppies and on Emmett in a bikini to hold back an embarrassing but powerful bout of premature ejaculation. She kicked off her sneakers, and I was right; she wasn't wearing any socks. Her jeans slid slowly down her ass, slowly revealed her thighs, and I swallowed a moan of delight. I was so fucked. She was stripping. Here? Now? What was she doing?
She looked over her shoulder then, bent over to pull her feet out of her jeans and presented the most enticing view of her ass, clad in frilly black lace. The position made a similar one pop into my mind, where naked and writhing, she would be wrapped around my cock. Emmett in a bikini. Emmett buck naked, blowing kisses at me. Emmett kissing my father.Damn. That was close…
She smirked at me then, straightening her back again and grabbing the hem of her sweater. "See anything you like, Cullen?" I tore my eyes away from her legs – and let me tell you how hard that was because God had never created a more perfect pair of legs – and looked at her face. I was struck mute. I couldn't even formulate a sarcastic reply or pass it off as a joke. I was stoned, and I was fiercely attracted to this pantless girl in sexy black panties, and there wasn't another soul in sight for miles and miles. See anything I like? God yes. Very fucking much.
Her expression changed, and she must have seen it, the raging lust in my eyes. Did she see the yearning there, too? The longing? The insatiable desire to not just fuck her but to make love to her? Edward fucking Cullen, and I was fantasizing about making love to a girl I hardly knew. Christ, who'd let the inner pussy out to play?
Her eyes changed suddenly, fear, uncertainty, hesitation. She bit her lip and pulled the blouse over her head, and it caught in her hair and made it cascade down her back in waves. And then I saw it, the web of scars across her lower back and right shoulder, the disfigured scar tissue vivid and white against her alabaster skin, her right shoulder slightly lower than her left. What had happened to her? When she turned to look at me again, her face showed more uncertainty and fear, and I realized she was worried about my reaction. How would anyone react to this sight? To a visual of Bella's pain? I wiped the sweat from my brow because even with all those scars, all that pain, and even if it was freezing out there, she was the most awe-inspiring vision in the simplest most beautiful white bra cupping her perfect breasts. She dropped the blouse next to her jeans and sneakers, and I looked up at her face to see her looking at me again. There was no playfulness in the look, just a seriousness and intensity that made the air around us buzz. And her fear.
She started walking towards me, and I saw the scars wrapped around her ribs to her belly button, less severe but visible, and I watched her movements, completely captivated. I wanted to drop down to my knees and worship her. I wanted to stare at her forever. My hands were not worthy enough to touch this goddess before me. My knees trembled and somehow, I managed to remain standing as she reached me and placed her hands on my jacket, pushing it off my shoulders. I helped her remove it, then covered her hands with my own as she gripped the hem of my shirt. I took it off myself, because the thought of her undressing me was maddening, and not even a porno of my father, Emmett, grampy Edward and Chief of fucking Police Charlie Swan would have stopped me from taking her then. When my shirt came off and my chest was revealed, she licked her lips, and I groaned. Her eyes darted back to my face, then back to my chest. I let my own eyes wander and noticed her nipples were hard, straining against her bra. It was cold up here. Or she wanted me. I could find out which. All it would take would be one brush against her panties, to see if she was wet…
Stop! The porno played in my head again, but my body didn't care. I wanted her. She was mouthwateringly perfect. No amount of scars or damage or pain could change that. I wanted her. I needed her.
Her hands ghosted over my abdomen, and every muscle twitched and jumped at her touch until she reached the waistline of my jeans. "Take them off," she whispered, her voice husky and deep and so fucking sexy I could have died. With clumsy fingers, I obeyed, kicking off my shoes and sliding my jeans down my legs so I was left standing in nothing but my boxers. She appreciated the view, licking her lips again, and my fingers twitched. I reached up and brushed her hair off her shoulder – the right one, the damaged shoulder – and she shivered in response to my feathery touch. "Do you trust me, Edward?"
"Yes." My answer was fervent, and so full of conviction that I knew it to be true. She could ask me for a kidney, and I'd happily comply right now.
She smiled then, a beautiful smile that made her easily the most beautiful thing I'd ever see anywhere, and took my hand. "Then come with me."
And suddenly, without warning and without hesitation, she let go of my hand, running straight for the cliff – and jumped off.
AN/
Chapter song*:Brand New - Jesus Christ
*I don't usually have a single song that could possibly cover an entire chapter especially not one this long, but it's just apt. I recommend you give it a listen, or at least give the lyrics a read. It's rather lovely.
