Author's note: Yes, I know, gone for a month but I've been so busy! College started last week and since school is my top priority, homework comes first. I hope you all enjoy this chapter! I will update whenever I can (probably on Friday and Saturday) and I hope you remain committed to this story. Please remember that my education comes first!

Warnings: Rape

Disclaimer: I do not own the fandom. Let's be glad that I don't.

There's a dream my heart just can't seem to leave behind,

Like a flower holding on for life inside my mind,

Time and again I push it away from me,

But it finds a way back in sleep,

My beating heart drowns my thoughts away,

Tearing apart this dreamer's way,

But still I know deep inside my soul,

That I never can let it go

(Merlin's p.o.v)

Sunday, November first.

Merlin awoke with a pounding headache and a heavy heart at realizing this was his last day of freedom before the monster and his mother came home from their vacation. He lay in bed for several minutes, teeth twisting his lower lip in worry and stared up towards the ceiling. He knew, though he tried to push the thought away, that before he went to sleep that night, Uther would be there waiting for him in his room.

His thoughts turned to Vivian. When Arthur had driven her to her house last night, the home was dark and empty. No cars were sitting in the driveway and Vivian quietly explained to them her father was out of town for the weekend. That was all she said; she got out of the car and walked with silent footsteps to her front door. She didn't even look back. The rest of the ride home was in silence, though he knew Arthur was upset. His hands clenched the steering wheel tightly and his jaw clenched; eyes glancing at him every few seconds.

Still, that was last night. He had no idea if Arthur was still upset with him. That nagging voice in his head that sounded like Uther told him he was. It wouldn't surprise him; if he had been Arthur, he would be upset with him too. Was Uther right? Was he a whore that would let anybody use him? Could he blame the alcohol?

Knock, Knock

He jumped at the sound of knuckles rapping on his door and he instantly feared who it was. Swallowing soundly, he walked quietly to the door and braced himself for the cold glass green eyes. Instead, he was met with vivid blue eyes that clashed with his own dark blue ones.

"You're still not dressed?" the blonde asked, eyebrow raised in either condensation or bewilderment. "It's past noon."

"Sorry," he scowled, not realizing the time and feeling rather foolish. "I overslept."

"Well with all the partying you were doing last night, I'm not surprised," Arthur shook his head. "I'm not here to lecture you. But next time you go to a party, don't get that drunk."

"Note taken," Merlin walked further into his room, pulling out some clothes and let them sit in his arms. "Um, do you want something?"

"Yeah," Arthur leaned against the door frame. "When you're done getting dressed, we're going out. Your Mum and my Dad won't be getting back till late this evening, so I figured that we might as well do something fun before they get back."

He left the room without even letting Merlin reply. He stood there for several seconds with his mouth a gap and wondering how on earth the blonde prat got to be so bossy. He acted like he was a prince, no, a king! Still, the thought of Arthur wanting to hang out brought a small smile to his lips.

Half an hour later, he was downstairs, showered and dressed and waiting for Arthur at the foot of the stairs. A minute later, Arthur came down in a leather jacket that surprisingly looked good on him and made Merlin have to fight the blush that was threatening to form on his face.

"Ready?" the older boy asked.

"Sure," he replied with a grin on his face. "What's with the jacket? I didn't think you owned any leather."

"You'll see."

He followed him out to the garage, where several cars were parked in it. Arthur skipped over the expensive vehicles and instead headed over to a motorcycle that looked fairly new. Arthur let his right hand sit on the clutch, eyes shining with pride. "I got this for my birthday last year. It's been in the shop for a while, but since the day is nice, I thought we could take it for a spin."

Merlin just stared at it. "What kind is it?"

"A Kawasaki Z800," Arthur replied proudly, looking at the bikes black shine. "And she runs great. Almost as if she were new."

"And how did it end up going to the shop?"

Arthur made a face. "One word: Gwaine."

"Oh, well, that explains everything."

Arthur laughed, giving Merlin a light punch in the arm. "You got that right. I guess you do pay attention to things," he then turned his gaze to his bike. "Dad told me that he first met Mum while she was a on a bike. She liked them as much as I do."

Merlin didn't know exactly how to respond to that. The subject of Arthur's mother was sort of a taboo he had noticed. Uther wouldn't talk about her, his Mum made sure never to bring her up, and Arthur didn't like to talk about her. In fact, the only pictures he had ever seen of Ygraine were in the living room, one in Uther's study, and another in Arthur's room.

"So, your Dad got you a bike because your Mum liked them?"

"No," Arthur shook his head. "I asked for one. I always liked watching them on the tv and when Dad asked what I wanted for my birthday, I told him I wanted a motorcycle and then he told me that Mum liked them so on my sixteenth birthday, I got this bike."

He patted the handle again proudly. Merlin glanced outside. "I thought they don't work well in the rain?"

"Well, it's not raining. The sun is peeking out a little and I don't see a speck of rain in the air. Now, hop on. Oh, and take the helmet."

He barely caught the helmet, almost knocking it onto the floor. Arthur snickered, but it was slightly muffled by his own helmet. Cautiously, he got on behind his step brother, wondering where on earth he was supposed to put his arms.

"Don't be a pansy; just put your arms around my waist," Arthur's voice sounded from inside the contraption around his head. "No one is going to laugh at you. How else are you supposed to hold on?"

Well he couldn't argue with that logic, so he tentatively wrapped his arms around Arthur's waist. His face heated up the second his hands felt muscles. Arthur's body was firm and strong, yet very warm. Even by just holding onto him, he felt very safe. Something he hadn't felt in a long time. "You ready?" Arthur asked from his spot on the bike. "Here we go!"

The biked roared to life, making Merlin jump in the process. He could feel Arthur laugh and as the garage door opened, he slowly sped out of the linoleum floor and onto the driveway. Before he knew it, they were speeding down the highway at a speed he knew was over the limit, but Arthur didn't seem to care. He let out a whoop and continued to drive like a mad man.

It was amazing! He would not deny that this was incredibly fun. He had never dreamed of riding on a motorcycle, but this was almost like flying. He desperately wanted to take the helmet off and feel the wind blow through his dark hair, but he didn't want Arthur to get in trouble with the law. Or worse, his father.

"You alright?" he heard Arthur ask over the roar of the wind. "You're not going to get sick, are you?"

"Why would I get sick?" he called back.

"Just checking!"

He almost wanted to kick the prat, but with the way he was sitting, that was not possible. "Where are we going?" he asked.

"Don't know!" Arthur practically shouted over the roar of the engine and the howling of the wind. "We go wherever the road takes us."

They ended up driving for another thirty minutes, the sun shining warmly down on their backs. Merlin sighed, pushing back the negative thoughts from his mind. Uther couldn't touch him right now. He was safe. Uther couldn't do anything to him if Arthur was around. Not that he was going to start using Arthur as a crutch; the blonde prat didn't deserve that, but Uther wouldn't do anything to him if his son was in the room, would he?

"We're here."

He hadn't even realized Arthur had stopped the bike until he removed the helmet from his head. In the afternoon sun, his hair shined like gold. He couldn't tear his eyes away until Arthur cleared his throat. "Is everything alright? You're acting all jumpy."

"I'm fine," he quickly replied, hopping off the bike and setting the helmet down. "Where are we?"

"A park. I used to go here with my Mum," Arthur's eyes turned to a soft blue, like the color of the sky above them. "I wanted to find someplace."

"What?"

He followed the taller boy, narrowly avoiding children running around and small animals that got in the way. Arthur went silent for a moment, pausing in front of a thick woodland brush full of thick trees and overlaying branches. "This way," Arthur motioned. "Don't stand there like an idiot; I know where I'm going."

He thought of a nasty response to that, but kept it to himself. Arthur was his ride home, after all. "So, why are we avoiding the main area?" he asked, moving aside the brush and almost getting smacked in the face with a branch. "Is there a cave?"

"Is there a cave? What kind of question is that?" Arthur glanced back at him. "No, there is not a cave. We're almost there."

"Great," he didn't smile, but then again, he didn't sound unpleasant either. "Do you come here often?"

"No," the blonde didn't look back at him. "When I get sad about Mum, I come here to think. It's easier to do it now. Hopefully the park rangers didn't tear it down."

He was tempted to ask "what is it?" again, but then Arthur stopped. "Here we are!" the blonde moved forward a bit. "Thank God they didn't get rid of it. It's exactly how I remember it."

He moved forward into the clearing, allowing Merlin to get a better view. At first, he didn't see anything special about it. Just a clearing with a small stream running through and a park bench near the middle. The dead leaves littered the ground and for a second, he thought it was kind of ugly. "So, this is a clearing?" he said, though it sounded more like a question.

"Obviously," Arthur rolled his eyes. "It looks better in the spring and summer. Mum and I used to come here to get away. I don't know why, but she liked to get out of the house a lot. She hated being kept inside. We'd come here after preschool and we'd talk and sometimes eat ice cream. One time we even looked for pebbles in the stream. You can keep a secret, right?"

Merlin blinked, taking in the surroundings before facing Arthur. "Yes, I can."

"She was an artist, too. Father says I have her talent with pens and paper. But, this is the last place where I saw my mother."

His eyes widened, watching as Arthur's face became distant. "Father keeps trying to tell me that she died; trying to spare my feelings I guess. But I know what happened to her. Recently, I remembered what exactly happened."

"What?"

Arthur swallowed tightly. "She picked me up after preschool one day and took me here. She was so pale and her eyes were red and puffy, like she'd been crying. She set me on her lap and cried for at least a good hour. She didn't say anything, but she kept repeating how much she loved me and wanted to give me things that she could not give. Then she took me home and that was it. The next morning, she wasn't at the table for breakfast. Or any other meal for that matter."

Arthur sat down on one of the park benches. "You're lucky, you know," Merlin moved forward, coming to sit next to the blonde as he spoke. Arthur didn't meet his eyes, but he still continued to speak. "At least you know what happened to your father. I still am not quite certain if mine is alive or dead."

"Terminal brain cancer," was all Merlin said. "We didn't have enough money to pay for the treatment and Da didn't want it. He knew there wasn't a cure and that he wasn't going to get better. He didn't want Mum to be covered in debt, so he refused treatment. Six months later, he died."

"I'm sorry," Arthur murmured. "I never knew how he died."

"Mum was devastated. For months, she kept the café closed. For a while, she wouldn't even come out of her room. I had to go live with my Uncle and the funny thing is, for a while I thought I was did something wrong. So the when I went to go visit Mum, I apologized to her."

"You seriously did that?" Arthur stared at him in bewilderment. "What did she do?"

"She cried," he let out a soft smile. "And then my uncle went to talk to her. I didn't know what it was at the time, but I'm pretty sure it was to tell her to pull herself together and raise her kid."

"Your Mum is a good woman," the blonde leaned back. "I like her."

"You don't feel that she's trying to replace yours?"

"No," Arthur shook his head. "I don't remember mine enough to dislike her. I just want to know why she left me. What did I do? Sometimes, I wish we could go back to the days where it was me, her, and my father. I find myself holding onto that dream, but at the same time, I know it's time to let it go."

"Oh."

They were quiet for a moment, watching as the late autumn wind blew across the grove. It picked up a few dead leaves, tossing them in the air briefly before they scattered across the ground. For a moment, a tiny moment, they reminded Merlin of himself. Did he truly know who he was anymore? Or like the leaves, was he scattered and spread too thin?"

"If you ever get in a situation like that again," Arthur started, eyes now clam and full of understanding. "The one you were in last night, I will help you. No matter what situation you're in, I will always help you. We're family after all now, right?"

"Right," he agreed, but inside his heart tore. If Arthur knew what was happening to him almost every night, he would be so disgusted with him that he would never speak to him again. If he got too close, Arthur would hate him. "Why are you telling me this now?"

"Because I've been a jerk," Arthur sighed. "And you might find this out of character, but I'm sorry for being a prat to you."

"It's okay."

"It's not okay," Arthur shook his head. "You and your Mum are family now. It just took a little time accepting that and last night, when that guy almost…raped you, it reminded me of just how much of a family we are."

Lord, if Arthur knew what his father was doing to him every night...

"I'm glad you came in when you did," a cold wind blew and he shivered. When did it get so cold so suddenly? "Thank you."

"No problem," Arthur then stood up, taking off the red scarf around his neck. "Here. So you don't get cold."

Merlin took it gratefully, cheeks now flushing, though he was going to pretend it was from the cold. He tied it around his neck, instantly feeling better. Arthur just scowled. "You idiot, that's not how you tie a scarf."

He removed it from Merlin's neck, draping it over his neck, and tying it in a way that Merlin was trying to comprehend. In the end, there was a perfectly tied scarf hanging around his neck. "Thanks," he breathed, trying to calm down his flush. When did Arthur get so close to him?

"Uh, yeah," was Arthur blushing? Or was it the cold? "We don't need you getting sick."

"Aw, so you do care!"

"Shut it, Merlin!"


"Mum!"

"Merlin!"

He caught his mother in a tight hug, giving her a kiss on the cheek. Uther gave Arthur a pat on the back, but he did catch how the older man gazed at his son fondly. "How was your trip?" he asked her.

"It was beautiful! I have so many things to give you and Arthur! Oh and Morgana and Mordred."

Uther's mouth tightened at the mention of his grandson, but said nothing.

"What did you get us?" he asked, trying to ignore the stare Uther was now giving him. "Is it a surprise?"

"You'll see."

Seeing his mother again was nice, and he received a few things. An Italian guitar, a few pens for his collection, postcards, original Italian items and snacks. He didn't pay much attention to what Arthur got; he just sat near his mother and absorbed the warmth and love her body projected.

It wasn't until, when he was getting ready for bed that the door opened and Uther walked in, a smug grin on your face. "I missed you," he said as he pulled Merlin's body flush against him, calloused hand running down his hips. "Did you miss me?"

"No."

"That's too bad," Uther undid his own clothes, doing it at a menacingly slow pace. He then pushed Merlin onto the bed, kissing at his neck as his hands traveled slowly to his manhood. "I missed you, my love. Now, let's pick up where we left off."


(Arthur's p.o.v)

"Yeah, my Dad came home a few hours ago. I'll see you tomorrow at school. Night, Gwen."

"Goodnight, Arthur. I'll see you tomorrow. I love you!"

"Love you too."

Arthur set the phone down, laying back on his bed. Why had he given the scarf to Merlin? He just looked so sad in the clearing. Actually now that he thought about, after the wedding, Merlin started acting different. He always looked like he wanted to run away; to escape something that he couldn't see. What was it?

Whenever he was around, he felt different. At the party, when he saw him he thought Merlin was…attractive. Even in that dorky costume, he was handsome. And the way he was dancing later that night, well, it made the blood rush to his groin. Was it lust? Or was he seriously becoming attracted to his stepbrother?

Even hanging with Gwen now, he looked at her differently. Before Merlin and his mother came into his life, he always looked at her with love and admiration. Now, it felt like he was looking through her and instead of soft brown eyes, he saw mysterious blue. God, what the hell was wrong with him? Their family was already screwed up enough as it was.

He thought of his mother. For many years, he would hold onto her picture frame before he went to sleep. For years, he would dream of his mother and father holding his hand as they walked down the London streets at Christmas time. Happy, without a care in the world. Why did she leave? Did he do something to upset her? What would she think about him now? Would she be upset with him for his thoughts of Gwen becoming distracted by a pair of deep blue eyes?

Slowly, he put his phone down and reached under his mattress to pull out a magazine. On the cover was a man wearing a very tiny thong laying on the hood of Mercedes Benz with a martini up to his lips and sipping it seductively.

Then he made sure the door was locked and lay back in his bed, right hand reaching down through his boxers.


Up above the gray of the skies reflect my eyes,

All the air that sweeps around me seems to coldly sigh,

And to join us in our despair the heavens weep,

As we wait on eternal sleep,

Try to escape from reality,

By searching for a fantasy,

But still I know that I have to go,

Can't hold onto a dream of home

~Beautiful cruel world by Yoko Hikasa~

*English dub lyrics by Adrisaurus

I definitely feel that the song fits Arthur so I picked it. Please review!