A/N: Thank you to all who are reading this story! It means a great deal to me. Let me know that you are enjoying it!
The Meeting: Chapter Nine
"I've made up my mind, Bryce. I need some time off. I'm gonna stay here while the house gets put back in shape so I can sell it. Shouldn't be more than a month or two."
"Mags, you could have time off back here."
"Oh, come on, Bryce, you know as well as I do that you would find something to involve me and that would be that. No time off. At least out here I am guaranteed some quality R & R. You know as well as I do that I've never really taken any true time off. I think I'm due. I have plenty of time accrued and I'm taking it." She walks out on the lanai, watching the waves go in and out.
"Are you sure? You said just a few days ago you weren't staying."
"I'm not. I'm just taking some time off. Please, Bryce, understand. I'm tired. I need to recharge before getting into another case." She sits down, slowly, on the lounge chair, wincing at the pain in her side. "Besides, I'm not really in any shape to be travelling. I'm sorry, but I'm taking some time off and spending it here. I have a house to get fixed and a couple of injuries to recover from so I can't think of a better place to do that."
"Okay. Fine. But I want regular updates on your condition and when you think you'll be back, got it?"
"Yes, sir. I understand." She relaxes back into the chair, disconnecting from the call.
"He's not happy?" She hears from the doorway.
"Of course not. He wants me back there yesterday." She sighs, putting the phone on the table. Shifting slightly, she finds a more comfortable position.
"You okay? Pain level?" He sits near her feet.
She looks at him, gauging his level of concern. "I'm fine, Steve. Just trying to get comfortable." He stares at her, reading her like a book. "Okay, a seven." She rolls her eyes at him. She just doesn't have the energy to cover it up right now. She's so tired.
"Good, here." He pulls a bottle out of his pocket and hands her the bottle of water he had in his hand. "Take one of these. The doctor gave you these for a reason. Don't be a martyr."
She takes the bottle, tapping one pill out and grabs the water bottle. "I just hope you're willing to wait on me after I take this. I won't be able to do much for myself once this kicks in. That's why I don't like to take them." She pops the pill in her mouth and takes a drink.
"I'm not going anywhere. Danny's covering for me today so I can be here. That was one of the doctor's conditions was that you have someone making sure you don't overdo."
"Whatever." She relaxes back and closes her eyes. There had been no major damage done by the bullet in her side, just another couple of scars to add to her already long list. Yet the doctor had been concerned with her exhaustion and vitals. He'd insisted that she be watched for the next few days and come back in for a follow up due to her inherent medical conditions. He'd run extra tests to be sure nothing else was going on other than being exhausted. Steve was more than willing to volunteer to keep an eye on her. It will give him time to figure out how to convince her to stay. He was thrilled when she announced she was gonna be around to put the house in selling condition. That meant a good two months to figure out his plan. Until Trick's house was safe for her to stay in alone, he'd insisted she continue to stay with him. She didn't even fight him on it, which seemed a little out of character but he wasn't going to argue. He can see the need for her to be able to relax and rest. He sees that look every morning when he glares at himself in the mirror. But there's no time for that.
"Listen, Maggie, I want you to know you can relax here, okay? If you want everyone to stay away, just tell me. I can see that you're exhausted, just like the doctor said. I want you to feel as though you can be yourself while you're here. No undercover needed."
She sighs heavily. He's been so wonderful the last week. Taking her in after her brother was murdered; staying with her in the hospital and allowing her to stay here until the house can be ready. If she relaxes too much, she can find herself falling for him. And that would be ridiculous. But there's a bigger reason it's hard for her to stay here. "I don't know who I am anymore." The words leave her mouth before she can stop them.
"What? What do you mean?" He scoots up the lounge chair, closer to her.
She opens her eyes and he pulls back at the look in them. "I don't know who I am, Steve." She can't stop now. She just feels she can trust him with anything. "It's been so long since I've had to be myself I don't know who I am anymore. I have absolutely no idea who Maggie Finneran is, besides a kick ass undercover agent."
That revelation hits Steve hard, like a punch in the stomach. During his years with Naval Intelligence, he spent so much time chasing terrorists all over the world he never had time to think about who he was. When he came back home, he took over this task force and that was who he became. He'd never thought about what it would mean if he suddenly didn't have this in his life. He remembers how hard it was for Catherine to adjust to life outside the Navy especially after Billy's death but he never considered she didn't know who she was. It blows his mind to consider that Maggie has no identity outside of UC work. "Well, then, how about we find out?" He takes her hand in his, trying to comfort her. If he's gonna convince her to stay here, it's only right he should help her to figure out who she is. "I already know that you are a good person. You wouldn't do the work you do if you weren't."
She closes her eyes, "I hope you're right."
He moves to the chair next to her, keeping hold of her hand. He wants so much to help her but he's not sure how. The woman he finds so attractive has been missing for the last couple of days, ever since she was injured. She has been withdrawing into herself everyday and he worries she might never come back. Maybe it's the exhaustion or the idea of not working for the next couple of months that has her freaking out. The comment she just made tells him that she's losing herself and doesn't know how to stop it. Thinking back over the last two days, since she was released from the hospital, he can't believe he missed all the signs of her exhaustion and depression. He'd been so concerned about her physical health he didn't see the mental fatigue and clinical depression. He should know all the signs as he's gone through them several times over the years. He considers the fact that he didn't want to see them because it would mean she's in a dangerous place and he doesn't want to believe she could be there.
He leaves her dozing on the lanai as he goes in to figure out what to make for lunch. Working quietly, he takes the two dishes out to the lanai and places them on the table. Walking over to her, he squats down and puts his hand on her shoulder. "Hey, Maggie, wake up." He shakes her gently.
She feels the hand on her shoulder and the gentle shaking of her body and she feels as if she's going to be sick. The shaking is like a rocking boat on a torrid sea with no relief. She frowns, not opening her eyes, relieved when the shaking stops. Swallowing hard to keep her stomach in check, she tries to open her eyes. Feeling as if she's drunk, she blinks several times, eyes rolling back in her head a couple times, as she tries to bring herself to consciousness. Opening her eyes, her drug-addled mind can't process what's in front of her face. The face was blurry and floating in the air. She tries to focus but her head and body feel heavy, her mouth dry. Running her tongue around her mouth and over her lips, she blinks a couple more times, her eyes inability to focus beginning to frustrate her. "Steve?" She mumbles, running her tongue over dry lips.
"Yeah. I'm here. You okay?" He kneels next to the chair.
Opening her eyes wide, she glares at him trying to see his face clearly. "Uh, this is one of the reasons I don't like to take pain meds. I feel woozy and drunk." She tries to lift her head and fails miserably. "See what I mean when I said you'd have to wait on me hand and foot?"
He chuckles, "What about your pain level?"
She frowns, her brow scrunching up and her eyes closing. "Hmmm, about a three? Maybe a four?" She shifts a bit to test it. "Yeah, a four." She relaxes her body and pushes the pain down into the back of her mind.
"Manageable?"
Running her tongue through her dry mouth, she nods. "Yeah, most definitely." She looks at his face again, more in focus now. She sees the concern on his face and feels it through his hand on her forearm. "Just feel out of sorts. Head full of cotton and mouth feels like a desert." She clears her throat.
He reaches for the bottle of water he'd placed at his feet. "Here. Drink some of this." He stands, walks back over to the table and grabs her dish. "I think you'll feel better if you eat something." He hands her the dish.
"Oh, god, no, Steve. I can't eat feeling like this. Stomach feels like it wants to rebel right now."
"Maggie, you need to eat. You didn't eat much this morning. I'm not gonna let you slide this afternoon. Go on." He puts it in her lap. Moving back to the table, he grabs his dish and sits on the chair next to her. Watching her intensely, he's going to be sure that she eats at least half of what in the dish.
Rolling her eyes at him, she knows he's going to make sure she eats at least some of this salad. Drinking some of the water he gave her, she feels a little better and eats a few bites. Smiling at him, she tries a few more before putting the fork down on the dish. She sees the look he gives her and shakes her head. "I can't eat any more. I'm not sure I can keep down what I just ate. I'm sorry, Steve. It's the best I can do. I tried to warn you." She lays her head back and closes her eyes. Moments later, her breathing evens out and her hands fall to her sides. Finishing his food, he takes the dish off her lap and heads back inside.
Hours later
"I'm taking a couple of days, Danny. You need hold things down."
"What do you mean, Steve? Why?"
"I just wanna keep an eye on her. Something's up, man. It's more than exhaustion. I'm concerned she's going through some kind of PTSD. Believe me, I know the signs." He grabs some chicken out of the fridge. "I don't feel comfortable leaving her alone right now. I tell ya, she's in a dark place right now. I know that if she's left alone her mind is gonna go down the rabbit hole and may never come back." He looks out the window, making sure she's still asleep.
Danny pauses for a minute. Steve's never really talked about his PTSD. He's dealt with it all on his own no matter how much Danny tried to get him to talk. "Is that how you feel?" He whispers over the phone. "Have you gone down that rabbit hole?"
Steve leans against the counter, his eyes wandering out to the ocean as the tide comes in. He knows Danny has tried to get him to open up about what's been going on in his head. They've been through so much together over the last 7 years. He's literally, been through hell several times and has made that trip down that proverbial rabbit hole a couple times but his connection to his team always brought him back. Maggie has no connection like that. She has nothing to pull her back. If she makes that trip, she won't be returning. He can guarantee that. But Danny doesn't need to know all that he's gone through and all that Maggie's going to go through. "Not lately. And no future plans either, buddy."
Danny can hear the tone and decides to let it go…for now. He knows that his brother is still dealing with fallout from his ordeal with Wo Fat and the fallout from Catherine so he will give him some leeway, but just as Steve says Maggie needs to deal with her situation, he knows Steve will need to deal with his problems soon before they eat away at him.
"Listen, Danny, the doctor said to watch her for a few days, to make sure she doesn't overdo. She hasn't properly mourned for her brother or dealt with what's happened here in the last few days. She's just put it aside and tried to ignore it. She's not the same person she was two days ago. She's completely withdrawn into herself. She hasn't smiled, laughed or, hell, even cried since she was shot. She lies up in bed, wanders aimlessly around the house or sits staring out at the ocean for hours on end. I can't leave her alone, Danny. I don't know what she'll do." He goes back to the fridge and pulls out a bag of fresh vegetables.
"I get that, Steve, but you are not her keeper or her boss. You are not responsible for everything that happens, okay? No, before you say anything, listen to me. She's a big girl. She's been on her own for a long time and has done a pretty good job of taking care of herself all that time. Let her heal and then go home. You don't really know this woman, Steve. I mean, she came here as one person and is leaving as another. What do you really know about her? About who she is? Can you trust what she tells you? You don't have the ability to verify anything she's said except through her boss and what do we know about him? You said it yourself you can't get anything much on her. It's all above your pay grade. So how do you know what she's telling you is the truth? Come on, buddy, I'm not sure what's going on with you but snap out of it!"
Steve glances back out the window, checking on her. She's still sound asleep though a little restless. Sighing heavily, he stops what he's doing. He knows Danny is just trying to look out for him and make sure he doesn't get hurt but that has nothing to do with what's happening to Maggie right now. This is not about his buried feelings for her or if she's being truthful with him. "I know enough, Danny. I can see with my own eyes what's going on. I know from experience what's she going through and it's not pretty and it's not something you just 'get over'. When I talked to Bryce two days ago to tell him what had happened and let him know she was going to be fine, he was genuinely concerned about her. They've worked together for twenty years, Danny, and he said he's never been this worried about her. He's heard it in her voice. He feels he should've pulled her out after Trick died but she wouldn't allow it. He knows she needs some time off but he's concerned that if she takes the time she may never come back. That's why she's never taken any before. Even she knows that with time to think about everything, she'll want out. She's tired, Danny. An exhaustion that comes from delving so deeply into work that one knows nothing else. She told me earlier she doesn't know who SHE is. She's been someone else for most of her life that she has no idea who Maggie Finneran is anymore. Bryce told me she's never had more than a few weeks between cases and that time was always spent getting into her next cover. Now, here she is, no new assignment on the horizon, nothing to prepare for and she's thousands of miles away from home. She has no one here and I know she feels all alone. I've been there. Think back to when I first arrived back here. I never felt so alone." He looks back down at the sink and the vegetables waiting for him to take action. "You know I can't just walk away. Not when somebody is in need as she is. You know you can't either, buddy."
Danny huffs into the phone, "You're right, as always. Just be careful, Steve. I know I gotta trust those instincts of yours but mine are telling me there's a lot more to this story than what you've been told and what we don't yet know is gonna bring all kinds of trouble our way."
Steve grins and chuckles, "When have we ever run away from trouble?"
"Never. And that, my friend, is the problem. Maybe we should sometimes, you know? Just pack our bags and run away. We can save ourselves all kinds of headaches and injuries if we do. It would certainly keep me from being shot at all the time and keep you out of the hospital. Yes, I think we would definitely be better off if we ran away from trouble sometimes."
"But where would the excitement be in that, huh, Danno? Gotta admit, the last few years have been anything but boring." He tries cleaning off the vegetables with one hand.
"You don't have to tell me!"
"Listen, Danny, no matter what happens, she's one of us. And we take care of our own. No matter what comes our way, we need to be here for her, whether she wants us or not."
"Still trying to fix all the broken toys, aren't ya, buddy?" Danny says softly.
"What was that?" Steve almost drops the phone into the sink. "Hang on." He puts the phone on the windowsill and hits speaker. "What did you say?"
"Nothing, SuperSEAL. Just, you never change, you know that?"
"I'm not understanding you right now. What the hell are you talking about?"
"You, you big goof. Some things never change and that's why I love ya. Anyway, when do you think you'll be back?"
"Not sure. I need to get her to open up to me and that's not gonna be easy. Other than Bryce, she's not had anyone she could really open up to in years. I think not since her husband, at least. She's been holding everything inside, keeping all these dark secrets and it's finally breaking through, I think…"
"Wait a minute! Husband? What are you talking about? She's married?" Danny all but screams into the phone.
"What?" Steve hadn't even realized what he'd been saying. "No, no, she's not. Not anymore. She was years ago and they split up. But I think he was the last person she confided in. As close as she and Bryce are, there are so many things you just don't tell your boss." He finishes cleaning the vegetables, putting them on the sideboard and picks up the package of chicken.
"You are amazing, my brother. I guess maybe you do know her better than I thought." Danny chuckles.
"Yeah, well, we've had a few days to talk and I have a very trustworthy face, you know." He picks up the knife and moves to cut open the chicken.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! STOP! PLEASE, STOP!" The screams come from the lanai. Steve drops the chicken and the knife, the tip slicing across the back of his left hand.
