Disclaimer: I don't own Gilmore Girls.
Lola and Devin continued trying for a baby, but they were unsuccessful in their efforts.
Lori turned seven a few months afterwards. She was thrilled to be so much older, even if she technically wasn't. Lorelai, Rory, and Lola all cried at the fact that Lori was getting older.
Lola and Devin were now twenty-three, and Rory and Logan began wondering when they were going to welcome another grandchild. They were unaware that their daughter and son-in-law had been trying to conceive for a few years.
"When are you going to have another baby?" Rory questioned a few days after Lori's seventh birthday. She really wanted to know when she was going to get another grandbaby. Lucas was still too young, and the triplets were definitely too young. Lola was her only hope.
Lola struggled not to cringe at the question. She and Devin were still trying, and their attempts weren't working. She wasn't ready to give up, though. "We'll have one when we're ready," Lola lied, hoping to deflect her mother. She really hoped it worked.
It wasn't working. Rory desperately wanted another grandchild to spoil. "Why can't you be ready now?" Rory asked. She was curious. Lola and Devin were older now, and more stable than they had been upon Lori's birth.
"Because we're not ready now," Lola snapped, lying. Of course she and Devin were ready. It just wasn't happening for them. Briefly, Lola wondered if she was being punished for her alcoholism.
"How can you not be ready?" Rory asked. She didn't understand. Her daughter had become a mother at sixteen, and now at twenty-three, she wasn't ready?
"We're just not ready," Lola cried, really wishing her mother would drop the subject. She didn't understand why her mother wouldn't drop it.
That's when Rory's maternal instincts kicked in full-force. "What's wrong?" the worried Rory asked. She could tell something wasn't right with her daughter right now.
Lola let out a sob. "We've been trying for a few years and it's not working," she confessed. Her mother could now tell her what a failure in life she was. She had gotten knocked up at sixteen, gotten married at the same age, become an alcoholic, had abandoned her daughter, and couldn't get pregnant.
"Oh, Baby," Rory said. She couldn't believe how insensitive she had just been. Rory hugged her daughter, hoping it would comfort Lola.
"Am I being punished?" Lola asked, sobbing. She just wanted another baby, and she kept screwing that up.
"Of course not," Rory soothed. She hoped this was the first time Lola had fallen apart, because Lola was hysterical. Rory was glad that Logan had taken Devin and Lori to the zoo for the day.
"Then why can't I have another baby?" Lola sobbed. Suddenly she was seven again and wanting her mommy to make everything better.
"I don't know, Baby. Have you two looked at the other options?" Rory asked. She didn't want her daughter to go through more pain when there were other options out there.
The sobbing Lola nodded. "We decided to keep trying. And we're still going to," she cried. Rory hugged her daughter again.
"If it's hurting you, Lola, then you should try one of the other options," Rory said. She didn't want Lola to be hurting anymore. It hurt her when Lola hurt. That's why she and Logan had pushed so much after Lola left Lori with them.
"I want to give birth again," Lola sobbed. She would be a failure if she didn't conceive.
"Baby, that's really not a valid reason to go through all this pain of not conceiving," Rory told her. She and Logan had never had a problem with conceiving. Rory remembered that her mother had suffered a miscarriage, so maybe she could help Lola with this. She got out her cell phone, and dialed her mother.
"Who are you calling?" Lola asked through her tears. She didn't want anyone else here for her humiliation.
"Hey, Mom. Can you come over to Lola's?" Rory asked. She knew her mother could help out Lola with this. Rory and Logan didn't understand this pain. All of their children had been accidents. Welcome accidents, but still accidents.
"Sure. What do you need me for?" Lorelai asked. Rory cringed at the thought. She had been so young when Lorelai miscarried, and she and Jess hadn't dared to mention it afterwards.
Rory took a deep breath. "Lola's crying. She and Devin have been trying to have another baby for a few years, and they're just not conceiving. I was wondering if you would come over and talk to her," Rory said. She cringed again.
Lorelai winced. The miscarriage was still a rough time in her life, even years later. But she had to help her granddaughter. "I'll be over as soon as I can," Lorelai promised.
"Thanks," Rory said. She hung up the phone, and continued to comfort Lola. She was thrilled when the door opened and Lorelai stepped in.
"Hi Grandma," Lola sobbed. Lorelai felt her heart break for her granddaughter. Lola was sobbing in the way that led to throwing up or not being able to breathe.
"What's wrong, Baby Girl?" Lorelai asked her. She knew what was wrong, but she wanted to hear it from her granddaughter.
"Everything," Lola sobbed, as her stomach began to hurt. She didn't understand why her stomach was starting to hurt though.
"Tell Grandma what really is wrong," Rory encouraged. She didn't want to see her daughter so upset again.
Lola sobbed again. "Devin and I have been trying for another baby for a few years, and it's not happening," she cried, clinging to her mother.
Lorelai sighed and led her daughter and granddaughter to the couch. She was about to reveal the truth about one of the hardest times in her life.
"Grandma's going to tell you something about a rough time she went through," Rory explained to Lola. She hoped that her mother would be able to get through to Lola.
Lorelai sighed. "In 1996, things got bad for everyone in our family. Great-Grandma Emily was thought to have cancer, Great-Grandpa Richard had just had a heart attack, and Ava was having problems of her own," she said.
"What does that have to do with conceiving a baby?" Lola interrupted, earning her a glare from her mother.
"Lola," scolded Rory. She knew her daughter was upset, but that was no reason to interrupt Lorelai.
"I was pregnant, Lola. And your grandpa and I were so happy. See, we already had your mom, Uncle Jess, and Aunt Gillian, but we were happy. We couldn't wait to have another baby. We thought that a new baby would finally let everyone be happy again."
"But you and Grandpa Luke didn't have a baby born in 1996," Lola interrupted, once again. Rory glared at her, but Lorelai ignored it. Lola had always been an interrupter.
"I miscarried. The stress might have caused it. We're still not sure. We did go on to have your Uncle Noah and Uncle Oliver." Lorelai paused, just in case Lola wanted to interrupt again. When she didn't, Lorelai continued. "I was devastated. I kept lashing out at your grandfather. I even lashed out at Ava and your great-grandma. It was the only way I knew how to react to it. Your grandpa chose to throw himself into work and taking care of Gillian. She wasn't very old then, and I wasn't exactly taking care of her. Your mom and Uncle Jess could take care of themselves. They were thirteen. I took some time off from the Dragonfly, and retreated to my bed. I refused to get out of my bed. Luckily it was the summer, so Ava took care of your mom, aunt, and uncle for us. Your dad couldn't handle me, work, and the kids."
"I always wondered why we got sent to Aunt Ava's for that summer," Rory cried, interrupting her mother this time. Lola smiled through her tears, and urged Lorelai to continue.
Lorelai glared at her daughter for a second, but did continue. "Luke tried to get me out of bed, but the only time I left was to go to the bathroom. I barely got up for that. He sent in your grandparents, but they couldn't even get me out of bed. I would just lie in bed and watch TV. I didn't want to deal with the fact that I miscarried. I thought it was my fault, and I was a bad mother for losing a baby."
"Was it?" Lola asked, interrupting Lorelai once again. Lorelai glared, but ignored the fact that she kept getting interrupted.
Lorelai continued. "It wasn't my fault, but I sure felt like it. What got me out of bed was Liz. Luke had called her in for some unknown reason, because he wanted me out. Liz did convince me to get out of bed, but my next plan was staying on the couch. All I did was eat and watch TV. Liz went back home, so Luke called in Sookie. Sookie hadn't had her three kids yet, so I threw in her face that she had never miscarried. She left, and it took ages to get our friendship back to normal. I got off the couch after that, but I continued to lash out. I actually blamed Luke for my miscarriage at one point, but he just ignored that. We were both hurting, and had no idea how to react. I would scream at your grandfather about how he had no idea what I was going through."
"Jess and I had no idea that you two were experiencing so many problems," Rory said to her mother, surprised. The two had known that their parents had been sad, but never to this extent. After their summer trip with Ava and her family, everything had been normal.
"That's why we sent you three away. We didn't want our sadness exposed to everyone. I thought I had to be strong, and your father was trying to be strong for me. Eventually, we got tired of it. Luke broke down about the miscarriage, and I laughed. I literally laughed and mocked him. He knew something wasn't right after that, and I didn't. I was still stuck in my grief. I continued to lash out. One day, he couldn't take it anymore and he left. He told me he was going to leave me. I literally begged him not to leave as he packed his things. He didn't listen, and I called my mother. She showed up and I ranted for hours about how much I hated Luke and wished he was dead instead of the baby."
"What happened?" Lola asked. Rory nodded. She had never heard this story before. She hadn't even realized the impact of the miscarriage on her parents at the time. She had only been a teenager.
Lorelai sighed and continued. "My mom eventually stops me and tells me that something is wrong with me. She tells me that I'm going to the doctor right away. I refused, telling her that I'm perfectly fine and wish that everyone would leave me. I'm convinced that no one knows how I feel. I'm the one that lost a baby. How could they know how I feel? She drags me to the car and the doctor's office. I've been in pajamas for weeks, and I refuse to get out of them. The doctor diagnosed me with depression. He told me it was normal after a miscarriage, and I wasn't the only one to slip into a depression. He gave me a prescription for anti-depressants, but I didn't want to get the prescription filled. I was convinced I wasn't depressed. My mom filled the prescription for me, and took me home. She called Luke, and told him what the doctor had said. He came back, but he couldn't convince me to take the anti-depressants. They had to call Dad in. Dad talked to me, and I finally broke down over the miscarriage. He got me to agree to take the anti-depressants and I did. I went to a therapist by myself, and with Luke. I eventually got out of my depression, but it took awhile. Both times I was pregnant afterwards, Luke and I worried about another miscarriage or a stillbirth. You and Devin need to stay together through this, and not fall apart like you did when Lori was younger."
Rory and Lola stared at Lorelai in shock. Rory had never known how bad Luke and Lorelai had got, and Lola didn't even know her grandma had suffered a miscarriage. No wonder Rory had called her, even if the situations weren't the same.
Rory stayed with her daughter awhile before going home, but Lorelai went back to Stars Hollow.
"I love you," Lorelai whispered to her husband, smiling. He smiled back at her.
"I love you too," he told her. Luke knew that Rory had called Lorelai, but he wasn't sure about the reason why.
Lorelai sighed. "Lola and Devin are having problems conceiving. Rory wanted me to talk to her," she explained as the pain from the miscarriage hit her again. Lorelai remembered the baby she lost sometimes, and it still hurt.
Luke sighed with her. "I'm sorry about you having to bring the miscarriage up. But were you able to help Lola?" he asked.
Lorelai nodded. "She's doing a little better now. It still hurts to talk about it," she sobbed. Luke hugged his wife, and let her cry it out. That was better for Lorelai. She still cried on the baby's original due date.
Lola felt immensely better. She still felt sad, but not as sad as before. She felt happy about the fact that she hadn't miscarried, but then she felt guilty about her grandmother suffering one.
"Are you okay now?" the concerned Rory asked her daughter. She was really worried about Lola.
"I'm fine now," Lola assured her mother, partially lying. She was going to start feeling better soon, and hopefully that would lead to the conception of her and Devin's second child.
Rory gave her a daughter a look, but let it go. She went home a few hours later with Logan, when he dropped off Devin and Lori.
As an oblivious Lori played with her toys, Lola and Devin had another talk. They talked over the stress of not being able to conceive, and decided to keep trying.
As the months went by, and nothing happened, Lola and Devin never gave up hope. They would wish later that they had stopped trying right after the talk Lorelai had given Lola.
TBC
Sorry I didn't update sooner. I couldn't think of anything yesterday, and this chapter just came to me after I woke up this morning. I remembered that Lorelai went through a miscarriage, and while she didn't have a problem conceiving, she could help Lola. Aren't you guys happy that I made this chapter longer? I actually had something to focus on this chapter, instead of a year.
Look for the next update tomorrow. It'll hopefully also be up in the morning. I tend to procrastinate, which is why my chapters aren't up until late in the evening.
