Charles was frozen to the ground, when Moira reached him. She looked at him cold as usually since their fight, but then worry seemed to fill her face.
"What's wrong?", she asked, getting closer. She put a hand on Charles' cheek and it burned like fire even if it was ice cold.
"Erik is back", he said in a firm tone and she moved her hand away as if she'd been slapped.
"What? Why?" - "Let's not talk here about it", Charles answered and just walked away.
oOo
When Charles woke up the next day - it wasn't morning anymore - Erik was gone. And he had the worst hangover ever. But Erik was gone.
He knew it instantly, not feeling the other man's presence anywhere in the house. His heart sank. Charles remembered everything from the night and felt guilty for how he was shamelessly throwing himself on Erik. He needed to apologise … and maybe ask why Erik didn't stay.
Charles dialed Erik's number, but only got some woman's voice saying, that this number wasn't active. He dialed again and again, sending messages that weren't delivered. With every failed call or message his heart sank deeper, until it was buried in the ground.
Despite his hangover, Charles got dressed and drove to Erik's hotel, only to be told that the room Erik had stayed in, was free to book again.
'No. This cannot be. He cannot abandon me like that. Not my Erik', Charles thought, while pacing around in front of the hotel.
"But I love you", he whispered to the sky.
Erik didn't take too long to gather his things and leave the hotel. He only had a few belongings - a wallet, his cellphone and a picture he had stolen from Charles' room- and he always left his few items of clothing behind when moving away.
He had gotten in touch with his contacts and decided to follow a lead on Shaw that was the furthest away from Charles as possible and now he was on the way to the airport to travel away.
His heartache from the thought that Charles was probably awake by now and if he had tried to reach Erik he already knew he was gone. God, this was the most difficult thing he had ever done. He imagined that taking Shaw's life wouldn't be half as hard.
He dried the lonely tear that escaped his eye as he waited for the call to board on the plane and tried to distract himself - which didn't work. His cell phone wasn't working anymore, but for some reason he didn't want to let go of it, hoping that maybe, just maybe Charles would find a way to reach him.
He had to leave. He had to. This was for the best. Charles didn't need to be in love with a murderer.
oOo
Erik lay down in bed, his head was pounding but he and Charles had forgotten about the painkiller after they started talking.
He sighed, sinking as deep as possible on his soft pillow. It had a hint of Charles' scent in it and he wondered if the other man had slept there at some point after he left.
What would happen now? He had opened himself up, had poured his heart out and said the words he had always wanted to say. If Charles took him back- God, he could barely think of it without wanting to giggle. He would make Charles so happy, so loved, so complete. He would give him everything, all his heart, his body, his mind.
But if Charles was to choose Moira… Then Erik would have to leave again, and this time would be forever. He couldn't bare to think of that.
Erik started to think of a future with Charles, wishing that the other man would slip in his room so they could sleep together. Just sleep, hugging and feeling each other, something they had only done once, and even then it had involved sex.
He fell asleep in a few minutes - hoping and wishing - his tired body shutting down and his mind trying to run away from the possibility of not being with Charles after all.
Moira and Charles didn't speak much after they had gone to a different room.
'Why is he back?' - 'He needed shelter.' - 'When will he leave?' - 'Never.' Silence.
'Will you come to bed?' - 'I'll sleep somewhere else.' And with that they had gone their separate ways, Charles into another guest room and Moira sleeping in their bedroom.
The next morning, he met her in the kitchen as she was already drinking her morning coffee. Charles barely slept last night, his thoughts circling around Erik's promise and his relationship with Moira.
As he was making his tea, wondering if he should make one for Erik as well, Moira started talking. "You're going to break up with me, aren't you?" Her voice was small, but she didn't seem as shattered by the realisation.
Charles immediately turned around to look at her confused. "Why do you think that? I was thinking about making another cup of tea and not something like that", he immediately started to justify himself.
Moira just sighed. "For a Telepath, you can really be narrow minded sometimes, Charles." She got up and walked towards him, until she stopped right in front of him. Then she raised one hand and brushed one strand of hair out of Charles' face, giving him a small smile.
"You love him so much, a blind man can see that. That's why I wanted him out of the house, 'cause I knew he was a threat to our relationship. But when he was gone, I realised that I had already lost you." She sounded sadder towards the end, not looking Charles in the eyes anymore.
He didn't know what to say. "I love you, Moira. I really do." - "I know. You just love him more." She was always good at reading him, knowing exactly what he'd been thinking. More than once, Charles had asked her if she was a Telepath as well.
"I think, I should get myself a hotel room now." - "You don't have to, I mean here -" - "Charles, please. It's never pleasant to see the person you love being with somebody else. I think, Erik can agree with me here."
She had moved towards the kitchen table again after the last sentence, downing her coffee. Charles felt hollow and sad, he really didn't want to lose her, but knew it was the best decision. His heart just belonged to Erik.
"I'll get my clothes and some other stuff after work. The rest I'll pick up when I find something better than a hotel room", Moira then stated and put the coffee mug into the sink. Charles felt terrible and guilty, wanting to soothe Moira's pain that he could feel.
"You know, I could erase some memories", he offered, but she shook her head. "Don't you dare taking a single one of those beautiful memories from me. I'll get over it eventually. Please, just be happy. You deserve it", she said and got closer once again. Her lips brushed Charles' for a small, lingering kiss. Then she pulled away.
"You do too, Moira", Charles breathed and he meant it. She had helped him so much, opened him up again after so many years.
Moira simply nodded and after a small "Goodbye, Charles" she was gone.
Charles just sat on the table with his already cold tea and stared out of the window.
Erik woke up earlier than he thought he would. He had hoped he would sleep for the entire morning, even after lunch, to get some rest now that he was in a proper bed, but that wasn't the case.
He got up and felt a little nervous about leaving his room, not wanting to bump into Moira and being slightly scared to see Charles now that he had had some time to think and process everything they had talked about last night.
Still, he left the room and started going to the kitchen, his stomach begging for him to put something in there. He coughed all the way down there, his throat and head feeling much worse even after a night of sleep. He realised then, he hadn't woken up in the middle of the night this time, which was good.
When Erik got to the kitchen, Charles was sitting in one of the chairs, a cup of tea in front of him, and staring out the window. He seemed to be sitting there for a while now, his mug still full and looking cold since there was no steam coming out of it.
"Hey, is everything okay?" Erik asked softly, pulling Charles out of his daze. The other man stared at him, opening his mouth and closing it, then looking down. Erik went over to him and picked his cup of tea, throwing it away and making another one.
He did it silently and when he was over, he put Charles' on the table and sat across from him, already nursing his own cup.
"What happened?" he tried again, and Charles took a sip of his tea before talking "Moira, she… we broke up" he said in a sad voice that cut Erik's heart.
He barely felt happy seeing how it had affected Charles and immediately got up, going to stand in front of him. He didn't know if his touch would be accepted right now, but he still tried. He pulled Charles in a hug, the other man's head resting on his stomach and started to thread his fingers through his hair "I'm so sorry, Charles" he said honestly, not liking to see him like that. "Is there anything I can do?"
It was a bliss to breathe Erik's scent, already calming Charles down.
"You already do enough, thank you for that. It was for the best, because now I can be with you", he said softly, letting go of Erik and looking him in the eyes.
As much as Charles wanted to kiss Erik now, it wouldn't feel right. So he settled for putting a hand on Erik's cheek as he stood up and kissing the corner of his mouth.
"And I want to be with you. Just give me some more time to settle my life again", he whispered close to Erik's face.
"Of course, my love" he said, tasting the nickname on his tongue and feeling more than giddy. Charles wanted to be with him. He chose him.
He cupped Charles' face between his hands and kissed him softly on the nose before pulling away "Did you have breakfast yet?" - "No" - "How do you feel about pancakes again? I think I should learn how to cook something else for breakfast, but that's all I got for now" he babbled wanting to distract Charles from any sadness.
"Pancakes are perfect" Charles answered and he gave him a small smile, instead of his full sharky one, wanting to be respectful.
Erik started opening cabinets and pulling out ingredients and pans, talking about everything and nothing all the while "There's this really good movie that I wanted to watch, I don't know if you've seen it, but it's about a guy-" he kept on talking and talking and Charles answered him with not so much enthusiasm, but enough.
When Erik was about to flip the pancake he called for Charles to help him, and asked the other man to do it. Charles' first attempt lead them to lose the pancake and Erik laughed at him gently, thinking it was rather adorable. The second time around, he held Charles' hand and they flipped it perfectly together.
When all the pancakes were done, they settled on the table to eat, and Erik thought he had done a rather good job of distracting Charles.
It was fun to make those pancakes with Erik. So much, that Charles found himself getting hungry again once they were done. He ate his with whipped cream and strawberries, Erik just smiling and shaking his head unbelievingly at him.
Once they ate the whole stack of pancakes, Charles got up and walked around the table.
"I'll do the dishes. You need to rest more", he said to Erik, who already looked exhausted again. "I'll bring you medication once I'm done."
Erik seemed like he wanted to protest, but Charles just pulled him up and shoved him gently towards the stairs.
"Go, Erik. You are ill and I need you to recover soon." - "Why?", the other man asked, turning around once again.
Charles blushed slightly. "So I can kiss you properly", he answered with a small smile. He didn't want Erik to wait any longer for him and Charles couldn't wait either. Just maybe a few more days.
"I actually feel so much better" Erik said teasingly and then put on a serious face, so Charles wouldn't think that he wasn't going to wait. "I'll do the dishes next time, okay?" he asked and the other one nodded.
Erik turned around and went upstairs, the cough shaking his body and making his chest hurt. God, he was never going to run during a storm again.
He got to his room and went straight to the bathroom to retrieve his wallet and cellphone from the jeans pocket. His clothes from last night were still soaked and Erik made a mental note to put them to dry when he wasn't feeling as tired as he was right now.
He checked himself in the mirror to see that his dark circles weren't so bad anymore, but his face was still sickly pale, his cheeks still a little hollowed - how was Charles even thinking about kissing him looking like that?
He shook his head and went back to the room, falling in the bed and just staring at the ceiling, thinking that maybe he should have picked a book or something. But his head hurt too much for that, so he just waited until Charles could come up with his pill… Maybe after that he could even take a nap.
Charles came into the room after washing the dishes, carrying a tablet. On it were another cup of tea, some painkillers and some liquid medication against Erik's cough. Also a glass of cool water and a banana, if Erik would wake up later and feel hungry.
"Here you go", he said and put the tablet down on the nightstand. "Take the medication now and try to rest a little. I'll come back later to look after you."
"Thank you, Charles", Erik answered, already taking the pill.
"Tissues are in the drawer, in case your nose gets blocked. I'll be in the office if you need anything", Charles smiled a little at Erik and kissed his forehead before leaving the room.
Erik took the medication for his throat and drank more water. He fell asleep a few minutes later when the medicine started to work on his body.
When he woke up again he didn't know what time it was and Charles wasn't there. He felt hungry so picked the banana the other man had left for him and ate it quietly.
After, he went to the bathroom and brushed his teeth, his mouth still tasting like the medication.
Erik ventured outside his bedroom, wanting to look for Charles on his office, but as he was walking through the corridors and passed by the door of Charles' room he bumped right into Moira.
She looked at him with startled eyes and she was holding a suitcase in one hand. She seemed sad, like she had been crying and Erik felt really bad for her.
"Do you know where Charles is?" she asked in a cold tone and Erik answered in a small one "I think he's in his office."
Moira nodded and turned around to go see Charles, when Erik called out "Wait!" and she stopped on her track "I'm really sorry" he said with all honesty he could muster and she turned at him with a broken look on her eyes "Just… be good to him, ok?" - "I promise" he said.
She started walking again and Erik wished he could do something to help, but he was sure that anything he said or did right now would only make it worse.
"Actually-" she said stopping again "Tell him I came by, I gotta go" - "I'm sure he would like to see you" - "Not right now" she said shaking her head and then she left.
Erik knew Charles had felt her presence there, so there wasn't need for him to say anything, still he went to the office and knocked softly on the door, not wanting to intrude and not knowing how far he could push this right now.
When he heard a "Come in" he went inside and looked at Charles, who was surrounded by books and papers, his office still the same mess as always.
"I just met Moira in the corridor" he said and Charles dropped his pen looking up at him.
"I… knew she was here, she must have left work earlier today, it's just past lunch" he said carefully "How… Did something-" he tried to ask but didn't know what to say so Erik elaborated.
"She seemed sad. She had a suitcase with her and she asked to tell you she came by" - "I see" Charles said in a sad voice "I told her I was sorry" Erik said, his heart feeling smaller inside his chest. This was such a shitty situation. He wished they could just get over it already. Charles was silent, looking down and lost in his thoughts. "Did you have lunch already?" Erik asked and the other man shook his head no.
"I'm going to prepare something then" Erik said escaping the office rather quickly, not knowing what to say or what to do. He wasn't feeling hungry, but he felt like Charles needed some time alone.
Ten minutes later, Charles joined Erik in the kitchen, not wanting him to cook all alone and feel abandoned. When he walked into the kitchen and saw him cooking there, he was reminded of their first night - and morning - together. Charles couldn't help but smile at the sight, so he got closer and wrapped his arms around Erik from behind. He put little kisses on his neck, making Erik hum in pleasure and turn around in his arms.
"What was that for?", Erik asked, a smile glowing on his lips.
"Just because you are you and you understand me and my situation right now", Charles said and kissed Erik's cheek before letting go of him. "And because you made me food." Erik laughed at the last comment and turned around again.
"I hope pasta Napoli is alright?" - "Very much so."
Charles helped Erik with the pasta and Erik tried to hug Charles with his hands full of tomato sauce, making Charles giggle. Soon, his worries over the breakup were once again forgotten and they enjoyed their home cooked meal.
"How are you feeling?", Charles asked when he swallowed down another noodle.
'A little shitty' Erik answered honestly 'But I'll get better soon' he tried to reassure Charles but he still looked worried.
'How are you feeling?' - 'Better. Thanks to you' he said with a small smile and Erik couldn't help but smile back.
'What were you working with?' Erik asked after a while feeling curious and Charles started talking.
'Well, turns out running a school is so much harder than I thought ten years ago… There was so much I didn't consider back then! But I still love everything' Erik smiled at that, he always knew Charles would like it.
'The students are a handful' he continued after swallowing 'and they make such a mess! I have to change lamps, replace broken objects, fix a crack on the roof, do the laundry, buy more food… It makes me tired just to think of it' he laughed.
'I can help' Erik offered 'Yeah?' - 'Yeah well, I can fly so fixing the roof is no problem… and we could do the groceries together, the laundry, everything really' .
Charles was staring at him and smiling brightly, making Erik feel all warm and tingly inside.
'I haven't said it yet, but you look beautiful' Erik said almost in awe 'It's like you haven't aged a day, almost didn't change apart from that little crack between your eyebrows that I want to smooth out every time you look worried' he finished trying to sound more casual and paying close attention to his pasta, going back to eat after he finished talking.
Charles felt his cheeks heating up and he smiled happily at Erik. "Thank you. This is what I thought when I saw you sitting at the police station", Charles answered honestly.
He got up afterwards, putting his plate in the sink and kissed the top of Erik's head, caressing his cheek with his hand. "Thank you for everything, Erik", he said with his lips pressed on Erik's head.
"I didn't do anything." - "Yes you did. You still do, by helping me through this time and offering your help everywhere." He looked at Erik and gave him the warmest of smiles. "But now you should go back to bed."
"I can't. I need to go to the bank." - "What? You are sick, Erik!"
'It's fine, Charles' he said 'They asked me to go back there today and if I don't they'll just keep stalling' - 'Okay, but when you're back you're going to bed.'
Erik turned his head to kiss the palm of Charles' hand 'I'm tired of the bed' he said honestly, he never been one to sleep much 'But I can be persuaded to rest on the couch if you're there with me, we can watch tv' he offered and Charles smiled 'Deal'.
Erik got up and pulled Charles for a short hug, not wanting him to feel pressed 'I'll be back in two hours, ok? It might take a little longer though, my phone died so if I get my money back I'll buy a charger'
'Alright' Charles said on his chest and Erik let go, winking and going to the door.
He went to the bank feeling eager to go back home. Gladly his account was working again, but it took them three hours and Erik needed to go buy himself a charger. He wished he could call Charles to say he was a little late - obviously - and say he would be back soon but he couldn't.
Erik bought what he needed and then made a quick stop at a grocery store before going back to the mansion two hours later than he thought he would.
Charles was worried sick when Erik didn't come back after one and a half hours. He tried calling him even though Erik said, his phone was dead. He tried calling the bank, but they couldn't give him information.
It couldn't have taken that long go do what Erik had said. All kinds of thoughts were running through his mind, half of them he didn't even want to think. Was there an accident? Was Erik alright?
Was he leaving him again? Charles didn't want to think about it, but maybe Erik just used him until he was alright again and left. Was that possible?
The doorbell rang and Charles heart immediately filled with hope. He ran to the door and opened it.
"Erik!", he exclaimed and hugged him tightly. Charles already started feeling guilty for his thoughts half an hour ago.
"What took you so long?", he nuzzled in the crook of Erik's neck, before he saw the bags from the grocery store. "Oh, I see."
'I'm sorry' Erik said burying his nose on Charles' hair and enjoying the hug 'I didn't mean to take so long, but then the bank was full and when it was finally my turn it took them forever to unfreeze my account. But it's working now and I even went by the grocery store' he pulled away from the hug and started going inside.
He held Charles' hand feeling a little unsure - what was it about the other man that made Erik feel like a pre-teen before his first kiss - and pulled him together to the kitchen.
'Here, I brought you chocolate and ice cream. Will you forgive me?' He asked with a smile.
'You can't have ice cream, you're sick' - 'Oh but who cares?' - 'I do! God, I was so worried that you…' he trailed off.
'Left?' Erik asked sadly 'Or got into an accident I don't know.. I was just worried'.
Erik grabbed Charles' hand and kissed his knuckles 'I will earn your trust back, Charles. I won't ever leave you again' he said honestly looking into his eyes.
'I do have something… Delicate to talk about though' Erik said a little weary still holding Charles' hand 'What?'.
He swallowed the knot on his throat before talking, not wanting Charles to take this the wrong way.
'Now that I have my money back I don't need to stay here anymore, you know. I can get a hotel room or maybe even get a place of my own. You just went through a breakup and I don't want you to feel like me being here it's too much too soon. So I thought maybe I should go? Somewhere close by because I can't be away from you. To be honest I want to stay. This place feels like home to me, like I belong here with you and I never want to leave it or you. But if you need your space for a while I understand.'
"This place was made for more than one person to live in, Erik. Even with all my students there, I would feel lonely. I'd be more than happy if you would stay", he answered, not wanting Erik to go.
His heart clenched painfully at the thought of waking up with Erik not being there again.
Charles got out the ice cream and put it into two bowls with spoons in it.
"But I could understand if you want to have a place on your own", he continued. Charles could really understand. He could. Doesn't mean he'd like it.
'I really don't want to go' Erik said warmly and happy that Charles wanted him to stay as well.
He was about to pick his ice cream when he remembered something 'Have you been sleeping in your room?' He asked 'Why?' - 'It's nothing really I just thought… I could smell you on my pillow but it was probably just wishful thinking' - 'Probably, yeah. But I've been sleeping on the guest room next to yours'.
Erik nodded 'I need to go to the bathroom, meet you in the couch? Pick something for us to watch' he said giving his bowl for Charles and going to his room.
It was a rather silly idea he had had when he saw the post-its in one of the places he had stopped at. He hoped Charles liked it even though he felt slightly ridiculous doing it.
He picked one of the post-its - a yellow one- and wrote with a pretty calligraphy 'I love you', then he went to the room Charles said he was staying at and glued it to the doorknob. He wanted to put it on his pillow but didn't want to invade his privacy.
He felt giddy when he went back down to the living room and Charles was already waiting. He sat next to him and stole a kiss on his cheek before getting his ice cream bowl and starting to dig into it.
During the movie Charles cuddled up against Erik, the ice cream long eaten up. He felt safe in his arms, warm and protected.
Halfway through, Charles felt Erik's head resting on his rather heavily and smiled, because he knew Erik was almost asleep. He moved his head a little to look at the other man and smiled at the sight.
"Erik, you are tired and sick. Go to bed", Charles said in calm voice, moving one hand up to brush it over Erik's cheek.
"I am not … tired", Erik yawned, making Charles chuckle. "I can see that. Please, Erik. Just go to bed."
Charles got up and stretched one hand out for Erik to take it. Once they both stood, Charles guided Erik to his room.
"Tomorrow we can play chess together, if you want to?", Charles smiled and Erik nodded in agreement.
"Good night, Charles", Erik kissed his cheek. "Good night."
Charles watched Erik went into his room and then headed to his own. He saw the post-it and smiled brightly. It was an easy decision to just go back into Erik's room and slip under the blanket with him.
"What? Charles?", Erik started but he just shushed him. "I love you too. Good night, Erik", he whispered and closed his eyes after snuggling up to Erik.
TBC
