"I wanna kill him."

Carlos, Logan knew, was 100 percent serious, his jaw tight and his voice dangerous.

"I wanna go wherever they've got him, and just, umf!" He slammed the elevator button hard enough to light up half the floor numbers.

"Give him to Freight Train," James growled. "See how he likes being the smaller one."

"Are you saying I couldn't do it?" Carlos whirled around angrily in the small space and Logan took a step back. " 'Cause I could take him right now, James!"

"I know you could, Carlos," James soothed, hands raised to placate. "I know you could."

Carlos scowled back and forth between his friends, tough-guy eyes daring them to disagree, to just give him a reason. But neither one was going to dissuade him. Logan certainly wasn't going to tell him to calm down. Not when he wanted to put his fist through something, too. Not after what they had witnessed in Kendall's room.

"That wasn't him!" Carlos spun away and Logan knew he was near tears. "Kendall, he doesn't – it's all that guy's fault! That sick guy!" Logan winced as the elevator wall absorbed another blow. "Because that wasn't Kendall." The doors opened to the hospital basement level, and the three of them trailed down a long hallway to the exit where their ride would be waiting, away from fans or photographers. "It wasn't," Carlos repeated as they pushed out into the evening.

It wasn't. That wasn't their Kendall. Not that Kendall never got upset, never got hurt, never had his bad days. Not that any of them pretended to understand the pain he was in, how miserable he must feel, how unsettling the prospect of surgery must be. But for all the physical or emotional hurt Logan had ever seen Kendall shoulder – and from broken bones to broken home, Kendall had had his share - he had always maintained a sense of strength. Defiance, even. Maybe it was what Gustavo called his "fire." Because even frustrated and in tears, Kendall was never defeated. Kendall was never the one to curl up and cry. Kendall would never ask for medication he knew would put him to sleep.

Logan gnawed at his thumbnail, a sick feeling growing in his stomach. That wasn't Kendall. And he didn't know how to fix him.

"Logan." James' shove knocked his elbow against the car window and made his seatbelt pull tight.

"Ow. What the hell, James?"

"Pay attention."

"To what?"

James rolled his eyes. "I said we're going to make Kendall back into Kendall."

Logan was in no mood for James' innocent idiocy. "Oh! Great! Just *poof* make Kendall back into Kendall," he snarked. "Brilliant idea, James. Should I call Kelly now to book us studio time?"

Carlos loosed his last pent-up punch on Logan's arm and angled toward James. "I smell plan?" he asked hopefully.

James nodded like a bobblehead. "If I stopped acting like me, and instead acted like someone a whole lot less awesome, what would you do?"

"Not die in a cloud of toxic hair product? Ow, Carlos!" Logan rubbed his elbowed ribs.

But Carlos was now pointing at James, his face a vision of enlightenment as he snapped his fingers. "Fix you!"

"Yes!" James smiled happily, folding his arms. They both turned their satisfied grins on Logan.

Unreal.

"That's it? That's your 'plan'? You think you can say 'Fix Kendall' and it's done? I hate to tell you but this is a little more complicated than shocking you with a Lita Ford power chord!"

James was immediately in his face. "I don't hear you coming up with any genius ideas!"

Well, duh. This was medicine. He needed his books, his laptop. "I will once I do some research!"

"You don't need to 'research' Kendall." James' pitch spiked to his most frustrated squeak and now his hands were flailing. "We know Kendall. And we know Kendall's not Kendall." He punctuated his last three words with his index finger. "Now, when I wasn't me," he grimaced and lowered his voice, "- not that we like to bring that up - why wasn't I me?"

"Because Logan had your swagger!" Carlos supplied eagerly. "But, we don't have Kendall's swagger."

"But we can supply it for him." James was all business now and despite the ridiculousness of his proposal, Logan found himself swept along. Anything seemed worth grabbing on to at this point. "Logan, what gave you swagger?"

"Well, "Logan pulled out his phone, "my app -"

It was James' turn to look like he wanted to hit something, namely Logan. "No," he said slowly, "the app told you what to do to get swagger. What gave you swagger?"

"Uh, head tilt? Sunglasses? Uncomfortably tight pants?" Logan's voice rose an octave at the memory.

"Yes!" James sat back triumphantly. Logan was too puzzled to even try to ask for clarification.

"So, I smell plan?" Carlos asked again.

"You do indeed, Carlitos." James leaned forward, tying a purple bandana around his forehead. "But first you smell shopping."


Katie jumped them the second they set foot into 2J, nearly knocking Carlos off his feet. "How's Kendall?"

James set down his shopping bag and scooped her up over his shoulder, carrying her into the living room.

"How's Kendall?" she continued, undeterred. "Stupid doctors won't let me go to the hospital today! They say I'm 'susceptible to illness'." The venom in her air quotes was diluted by her upside-down position. "It's so totally not fair. Carlos, how's Kendall?"

"Tall," Carlos twisted his head to address her face to face. "Annoying. Smelly."

"He looks a lot better." James gently flipped Katie onto the orange couch and accepted the game controller she handed him.

"Does he?" Mrs. Knight finished fitting a casserole into the fridge and straightened up.

"The swelling is down some," Logan confirmed, hesitating by the kitchen counter. "It would probably go down more if he listened to medical advice and stopped talking. And moving."

And crying.

"Really? Well, I'm looking forward to seeing this active Kendall." She reached for a foil-covered plate. "That tells me he's feeling better."

"Um, yeah… In fact he's so active he wants you to bring a few things from his room."

Carlos swept into the kitchen, taking the plate from Mrs. Knight. "Mmm, more people sent over food? Who's this from?"

"Oh, I'm not even sure, there've been so many." She smiled but it was tired.

Carlos carefully peeled back the foil on his plate. "Egg rolls, sweet! I'll take care of this for you." He sampled a mouthful while nodding purposefully at Logan. "You guys go get 'at 'uff. Hey 'ames, 'ook!"

Any notion Logan had of playing the strong, comforting bringer of difficult news vanished once Mrs. K stepped inside his and Kendall's room.

"So," she turned, partially closing the door, "what is it, Logan? Am I bringing Kendall some things from his room tonight?"

"Actually." His entire speech flew out of his head. He knew he should have made notes. "Uh."

She placed her hands on her hips, fixing him with a not unsympathetic look that nonetheless said 'out with it'. "Just tell me, honey."

"I, uh," he looked guiltily at his sneakers, "I'm not sure if he's going to be that with it when you see him. He got really upset this afternoon. He might, maybe, be sedated? Or at least on more pain meds."

"Oh, Kendall." Mrs. Knight sighed, shaking her head as she took a seat on her son's bed.

"I'm so sorry, Mrs. K!" Logan blurted. Why had he behaved so stupidly? "We just, you know, thought we could cheer him up, and we were talking, and he was talking, even though he wasn't supposed to be talking, and I told him not to, but we were looking at teddy bears and bracelets and talking about interviews and fans and it seemed OK." Logan paced the room as he related what had happened, interrupting his own narrative with stops, starts, and constant apologies for their – for his - thoughtless behavior. Butting his head against the wall between their desks, he groaned. "It would have been better if you'd been there instead of us." He pressed his forehead harder against the surface. "You wouldn't have said something stupid to set him off, and he wouldn't have needed the meds." He could feel grooves from thumbtacks and poster edges etching into his skin as he rolled against them, left to right, right to left. "The guys want to go back tomorrow and bring him stuff… but I think maybe we shouldn't go see him again just yet."

He'd lived with Mrs. Knight long enough that he should have expected her reaction, but it still surprised him when she tapped his shoulder and drew him into a hug. She released him quickly. He appreciated that she knew his boundaries.

"Logan." She stepped back and briefly held his chin, forcing him to look at her. "Stop apologizing. You boys didn't cause this. If anything, you helped him start to work it out. "

For about the millionth time that day, Logan was confused.

"Come on," she prompted. "You're the future doctor. You know all of you have had to deal with your feelings about this."

He nodded dumbly.

"Kendall's been too sick to think about what happened, and what nearly happened. He didn't have the chance to throw it all up last week." Logan blushed and she laughed. "It wasn't just you. Believe me. We all made contributions to the porcelain god. Did Kendall…?"

"Puke? No. He just yelled, and threw things. And, uh, cried." Logan swallowed and starting shifting papers on his desk. He'd told her. The conversation needed to be over. "So I guess you should really go see him now." Please go see him now. I'm fine here. All's well.

"Hey." She wasn't going anywhere. "I'm sorry it frightened you. But I'm very glad you were there, all three of you."

Logan ceased arranging pencils by length. "But we made him - we upset him."

"No you didn't. His best friends being with him made him feel secure enough to admit he's hurting. You know, he's got his hands full, lying to doctors and nurses and counselors and sometimes me. It's good that he let his guard down for you."

Logan rolled a pencil across the desk with the flat of his hand. Fingertips to palm. Palm to fingertips. Repeat. "I've never seen him like that. Ever."

"Well, a scared Kendall is a rare thing."

Logan looked up sharply. "Kendall's never scared."

Mrs. Knight smiled ruefully. "He does put up a good front. Do you know he's worked to not show fear since he was seven?" She gazed at the photos Kendall had tacked up over his desk. His favorite showed him on the ice in uniform, skating with Katie perched on his shoulder. "Really worked at it, until it became how he is. So I've had to learn to read the signs. And right now, he's scared because he can't protect Katie from the big bad world."

"But," Logan started.

"Oh, he protected her that day, you both did, but he can't protect her from knowing what's out there. From growing up." She shrugged. "It's how a parent feels every day, and Kendall has always taken on that role with Katie." She traced the hockey photo with her fingertip.

"But he's frightened for himself, too, and he'll try not to let us see. He's scared about his future. The surgery. Whether his sight will be ok. Or his face. Whether he'll regain his memory in time for the trial. Whether he'll be able to be in the band again."

"What?" Kendall wouldn't think that. It would take time, but of course he'd be in the band. He was the band. "Of course he'll be in the band!"

"And that, Logan Mitchell, is why he needs you back in his room tomorrow. You can tell him that and he'll believe you. Of course, you might have to tell him over and over. "

Logan laughed at the reference to Kendall's bullheadedness. "I still think he'd rather see you than us tonight."

"You might be right." Mrs. K leaned against the desk and folded her arms. "Even brave young men can use their moms when they're feeling vulnerable. You know what I mean?"

"Yeah," Logan smiled. "I guess I do."

"Good." She clapped her hands together. "Then you'll be glad to know your mom is flying in on Friday."

"What! No!" No way, not his mom. She'd smother and hug. "No, I told her-"

"I know what you told her." No-nonsense Mama K was back. "And she has given you lots of space, Logan. Believe me when I tell you how hard that was for her. Now that the immediate crisis is over, she's coming to hug her boy and make sure he's all right. "

He tried to sputter a response but he'd walked right into it.

"No one else will see it, Logan." She wagged a finger at him. "But you will let her hold you. She was scared to death and needs that reassurance. Trust me on this. Oh, and then you'll be seeing a counselor."

"A counselor!" This was too much. He was being completely backed into a corner, and Kendall was the one who was hurt. "I don't need a counselor!"

"What kind of doctor goes against his own medical advice?" She countered. "You saw Katie needed counseling, and you're right. It's time to start Kendall, now that he's feeling well enough to think about what happened. Let yourself have that help too, Logan. I want all of my kids back healthy."

Feeling thoroughly had, Logan gave it one last try. "Mrs. Knight, I'm all right. I don't need counseling."

She smiled at him and ruffled his hair. "You're amazing, Logan, you truly are. But you don't mess with moms." She started out of the room. "There's plenty to eat in the kitchen. Katie is staying home with you because her doctors think her immune system is stressed and the hospital isn't good for her today. Maybe you could help her make a video greeting for Kendall. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go hug the stuffing out of my son."

"Mrs. Knight?"

She stopped at the door, looking back expectantly.

"He tried to protect you, too. The morning we went out." His throat was swelling and starting to ache and damn, was he going to cry all the time now? "He didn't want you to know we were out driving in the car. He didn't want you to worry more than you already would. "

"Kendall." She leaned her head against the door jamb and this time she looked like she might cry. But the moment passed and she straightened up. "Thank you, Logan," she smiled. "You get some rest tonight. He'll need you tomorrow."


Thanks for reading, sorry it has been a long time. Combination of being very busy, struggling with this chapter, (Mama K would not let me go forward without her, or the story would have been finished by now) and being completely capitvated by youngeratheart's stories. You ever read stuff so good it makes you wonder what you're doing writing? Yeah. Thanks to Glee Clue Rock 1251 for reminding me that I needed to post. And for Hez for helping me do it.

So, worth the effort?