Of Tea and Secrets

Ino opened the next Girl's Club meeting with the traditional formal into and rule reading and then said, "forget old business, how's the One-Eyed-Wonder? Is he still the Copy-nin, or is he out of toner yet?" She winked suggestively.

"That doesn't even make sense," Sakura said.

"It's a sperm joke. You'll get it eventually."

"Ino, rule three," Hinata said, blushing as usual.

"Fine, come on Sakura. Spill it. I want details. Hinata, cover your ears. Tenten, pick up your jaw."

"You're dating Kakashi-sensei?" Tenten asked.

Hinata giggled. "Maybe we should have gone over old business after all."

They caught Ten-ten up, reminding her of rules one and two.

"Anyway, details?" Ino asked.

"No details! No details!" Hinata squeaked. "I have to take a refresher course with him in a couple weeks, and I'm having enough trouble with mental images of you two as it is."

"Alright, no graphic details, but I have to tell you this. He did this thing with the Sharingan that did things to me I couldn't describe if I wanted to. It's a pity it took so much chakra though. He said we can't do it very often."

"So, once, twice, three times the lady?" Ino asked with a dirty leer.

"Five," Sakura said quietly.

"Over a whole week for a new relationship? That's not very good," Ino said.

"No, just last night. I haven't seen him today. He does have obligations."

"Seriously, just last night? I would have had him in every room the first night," Ino said.

"I thought he wasn't your type," Hinata said.

"Well, I might have lied about that. He is brooding, even if he's pale and light haired for me. Why did you wait so long, though? That's unusual."

"This is embarrassing, but he didn't want to until last night."

"Oh, you're lying," Ino said.

"Why would I lie about that? I got up the nerve to kiss him about a week ago, and we were about to, um, do more…" She hesitated, thinking about Rule Three.

"Maybe a few details are ok," Hinata said.

The other girls gave her a surprised look. "This is really interesting," she said.

"He just stopped, and then he left and didn't come back for hours. When he came back we watched a movie, but he would hardly even touch me."

"That's weird," Ino said. "I hope he doesn't have some odd neurosis. All the jounins are crazy. You know that, right?"

"He said I looked frightened, and he didn't want to be with me until I was ready."

"Now I know you're lying," Ino said, and she looked angry. "Men don't do that. They're all just after one thing."

"You don't think that about Choji, do you?" Hinata asked.

"Sure I do. He just doesn't want to share me, that's all. He'll have other women before he gets around to me. I just love him because he's Choji. I'm not naïve."

"Why would you think that way? That's so cynical." Ten-ten said.

"I have my reasons," Ino said, and clenched her fists. She relaxed and smiled. "That's ancient history, though. This is Sakura's time, and I want to hear more."

"We have to talk about this sometime," Hinata said forcefully. She wasn't going to let Ino distract her this time.

"I will, when I'm ready. I promise. Anyway, Sakura, let's get back to "As the Sharingan Burns." He obviously got over it."

"He was like that for days. We talked, had dinner, and then a movie or chess. It was driving me nuts. He wouldn't do anything but kiss me, and he kept his hands on my back, face, or hair. I thought I'd die, but I didn't know what to do."

"I would have dumped him," Ino said.

Sakura sighed. "I know you would. So Thursday he was all serious, and he said we needed to have a talk. I figured he had decided he wasn't attracted to me after all and was going to break up with me before we even really went out."

"Would have dumped him," Ino said. She was scowling.

"He said that he had done something really horrible on a mission a few months ago, and he couldn't let it go. He told me that he had to do some really bad things on the mission, and one of the mission parameters had been to do some things to a woman he couldn't tell me about, but it had messed him up so bad in the head he didn't know if he could ever have sex again."

"Are there really missions like that?" Ino asked. She looked scared. "I've had that training, too. Do you think I'd ever have something like that?"

Sakura squeezed her friend's hand across the table. "It's ok. You'll see, just let me finish the story."

Ino nodded, but she still looked scared.

"He told me that jounins aren't allowed to refuse missions, and that Konoha doesn't refuse missions unless it's against the best interests of the Fire Nation or the Konoha village. It's against the rules to moralize about missions, apparently."

"That's horrible," Ten-ten said.

"And then he said he'd do anything he could for me, but he might not be able to do that. And he told me that if I couldn't stay with him he'd understand and we could pretend last week never happened, but he'd love me forever. I was so shocked. You have no idea."

"That's horrible," Ten-ten said. "I can't imagine a relationship without ever…"

"Yeah, but I can't imagine my life without him," Sakura said.

"You mean you'd really do that?" Ino asked. "That's stupid. You couldn't have kids or anything."

"Artificial insemination, dumbass. But that's not important. I told him it was ok and I loved him, but I needed to think about it. I did his healing really quickly and went home. I had a huge fight with mom just because I was really stressed.

The next night I showed up and he looked like maybe he'd been crying a little.

All he said to me was, "Well?" I hugged him and told him I'd be with him no matter what, and he just held me and cried."

"No way," Ino said. "I will not believe that. He's not the crying type. He's the making women cry type."

"Well, I found out why later it was so emotional for him. Apparently this was a huge thing with him. He just kept kissing my hair and telling me he loved me and I was a treasure and not like any woman he'd ever met, stuff like that. It was kind of creepy, actually. It's not like him at all. I think he's got some psychological problems."

"You think?" Ino asked. "You'd better keep an eye on this."

"So, when I left he was smiling again, and he said he had a huge surprise for me the next night, that I'd understand a lot and he'd make us both really happy."

"Ok, so crazy but sweet. Maybe that's not so bad. It's not too insane for a jounin," Ino said.

"Oh, there's more. I showed up at his apartment and he had these sandalwood candles going, and the lights were off. He'd cooked us dinner and had some music going. It was wonderful. I was thinking I could get used to this and maybe sex wasn't too important. I mean, there's do-it-yourself kits for that … or something. I don't know."

Ino snickered. "Grow up, Ino," Sakura said.

"So we sat on the couch, and he told me he was really sorry but he had some things he needed to tell me, and he hoped I wasn't angry. After the night before it made me wonder just how crazy he was."

"It wasn't more crazy stuff was it?" Hinata asked.

"Kind of. He told me that the first night he hadn't wanted to rush me, but then he got to thinking and he wondered if I just wanted him for his body, and maybe scars turned me on or something."

"That's loony," Ten-ten said. "Scars are ugly."

"I told him that he was being silly, but he told me some people have a scar fetish. Apparently Ibiki has a stalker who just wants to touch his scars."

"Ew," Hinata said.

"He said he'd never been with a woman that didn't just want him for sex. He'd even been with this one girl for months and was thinking about marrying her when one of her friends told him she was just with him because she wanted a baby with the Hatake White Chakra. When he confronted her about it, she told him he was an arrogant bastard, and no one would ever want to be with him for any other reason.

He really thought he loved her, and he said he's never been with any other woman he'd respect, even if he found them attractive. He said he had thought all women were whores underneath, and I'd shown him different."

"That kind of makes sense," Ino said. "He is the type that gets the shallow chicks. I've never noticed him with anyone particularly bright."

"So then he said that he didn't have any problems with sex, he just wanted to see if I would stay with him without it. He said he'd never loved another woman before, not even the one he was thinking about marrying. He'd just thought he'd loved her.

He said there was no way he could be with me wondering if I was going to leave him as soon as I got pregnant or if Saskue came back."

"Oh, he did not bring up Saskue!" Ino said.

"Yeah, he went there. I told him if Saskue came back now I wouldn't care that much. He's still like a brother to me, but I can't imagine being with him. I want a man, not a revenge obsessed boy."

"So he grabbed me and kissed me, and, um, well…five times," she finished lamely.

All the girls were blushing. "That's better than Icha-Icha Paradise," Ino said, and said, "oops. Forget I said that."

"You read that smut?" Ten-ten asked.

"It's not that bad," Sakura said. "It's just misunderstood. It's a really good story."

"You too?" Hinata asked.

"I was bored the first night I was over there – after he left - and I wondered what the big deal with the book was. I figured I'd sneak a quick peak and it was amazing. I've been reading it when he's not around."

"Is it just me or do the main characters remind you a lot of Jiryiah and Tsunade?" Ino asked.

"Yeah, I noticed that too. He'd better hope she never reads that, or he's a dead man. I think she might use forbidden jutsus so she could kill him and resurrect him just to kill him again."

Sakura decided to use the times Kakashi was on missions to make sure she didn't lose track of her friends. Naruto was with Hinata as much as she was with Kakashi, so they didn't see much of each other.

A few days later, Kakashi left for a three day escort mission, and she was bored and lonely. She showed up at Naruto's place at about 10:00 P.M.

Hinata had gone on the same mission, so Naruto was bored as well. They hung out for awhile, and Naruto said, "I'm bored. You want to go hit the bars?"

"Why not? I've never done that before," she said. "I've been really busy lately."

"Yeah, I never see you. Where have you been?"

Sakura didn't want to lie to him, but she wasn't ready to go public with their relationship yet. There would be consequences, and she wanted to enjoy the peace they had. She had to tell him something, though. He was astute at exactly the wrong times, and it would be just her luck for him to figure this out. He'd probably pull out a few fox tails on Kakashi.

"I've been seeing someone lately."

"No way! I knew you'd get over Saskue someday! Who is it?"

"I'm not telling. It's still new, and I don't want to mess things up. He's really shy about people knowing we're dating."

"Is it Sai? 'Cause … gross."

"It's not Sai, Naruto. He's not my type."

"Sai looks a lot like Saskue." Naruto had no idea how annoying he could be sometimes, she thought.

"Saskue's not my type anymore."

"Kiba? That'd be alright. He's annoying, but I don't think he'd treat you bad."

"No, it's not Kiba," she said with a smile. This was starting to be funny.

"Fuzzy brows? He's pretty cool. He loves you."

"No, not Lee either."

"Who does that leave? Shikamaru?"

"Nope."

"Choji? That'd be weird."

"Not even close."

"Give me a hint," he said, whining a bit.

"Ok, he's someone you know, but don't really know." He didn't know Kakashi any more than she had before the lab incident. She felt like Kakashi was an entirely different person than she'd imagined.

Naruto frowned. He thought for a few minutes and stuck his tongue out at her and made a face. "Fine, don't tell me. I don't care anyway. He probably has ginger hair and acne, so you don't want to say."

"Sure Naruto. That's the problem."

"Let's go," Naruto said. "Wanna get Sai? It's almost like team seven being together again, except for Kakashi. I haven't seen Kakashi much lately. Wonder what he's been up to. Probably no good."

You have no idea, she thought.

She'd never done the "bar thing", as Naruto called it, but it was really fun. She danced with Naruto and Sai, and then as the boys got drunk they started having "contests". Naruto turned out to be really good at beer-pong. She spent most of the night laughing, and they finally got kicked out of the Tango Lounge after Sai told a waitress she was so ugly she should be in pictures.

Sakura was never sure what Sai meant when he said those things. She knew he was just trying to fit in, but he was so socially backwards it was almost like he wasn't human.

They were making their way to Naruto's place, where they would crash for the night, when Sai said, "that was fun Ugly Girl. We usually reserve these nights for the guys, but you're enough like a guy. I guess we can make an exception."

"Don't call Sakura-ni-chan Ugly," Naruto said. "She's not that ugly."

"I'll say whatever I want to. She's my friend and I read in a book that teasing a friend encourages closeness."

"It's not her fault her forehead's so big, or that she's freakishly strong. Leave her alone," Naruto slurred.

"Naruto," Sakura said, "you'd better let up. You're not making any points with me right now."

"Lighten up, Deckles," Sai said. "It's just a joke, like your manhood."

"I've had enough of the deckles jokes," Naruto said and grabbed his pants with one hand and his zipper with the other. "Take a look at this! Who's dickless?"

Just as his hand reached the zipper Sakura's fuzzy mind registered what he was about to do. "Naruto, no! Don't do that. We're both sure you have a dick, right Sai?"

She turned to Sai. "For the love of everything, tell the man you know he has a dick."

She heard loud laughter and turned to see Naruto rolling on the ground, fortunately still fully clothed. "That's the best thing you've ever said, Sakura-ni-chan! Tell the man you know he has a dick. That's priceless."

He howled drunkenly on the ground. Sakura heard an odd sound behind her. Sai was trying to laugh. His face didn't move much, but he made a forced chuckling sound. When he saw Sakura watching him he asked, "laughing is an appropriate response right now? I think so."

She hugged Sai, as much to maintain her balance as to hold him. The ground was swaying a bit. "Sai, you laugh when you want to, not when it's appropriate."

He rested his forehead against hers. "I don't really think you're ugly. I'm just doing what the book about making friends said."

"Sai, quit doing what books say. Just do what you feel like you should do. It'll be ok."

"You sure Sakura-chan? I might do something wrong."

"Then you do something wrong, you get over it, and you go on. That's how things work."

He kissed her awkwardly. She jumped back and almost fell. "Sai, what are you doing?"

"You said do what I feel like."

"Kissing is out of the question. You're a friend Sai. Friends don't kiss." Well, not unless they're really hot friends with one eye and a load of angst, she thought.

"Yeah, she's got an ugly ginger guy with acne," Naruto said. This was apparently the funniest thing he'd ever said, at least to him. He roared with laughter.

Sai looked confused and upset.

"Hey, it's not that big of a deal. If I wasn't already seeing someone, I'd totally be into you," she lied.

Sai smiled, and this time she thought maybe it was a real smile. "Thank you Sakura-chan."

"Hey, Naruto said from the ground, "is that Ino?"

Sakura looked down the street and saw a vaguely familiar, purple-clad form swaying their way, being supported by a taller man.

"Yeah, that's Ino," she said. She had a really had feeling about this.

"Let's go see how Beautiful is doing," Sai said, and stumbled toward her. They met under a streetlight, and Sakura didn't like what she saw. Ino was so drunk she couldn't even open her eyes properly, and her lipstick was smudged. She hung on some guy's arm limply.

The man with her was sober, or close to it. He was thin and attractive in a slightly sleazy way.

"What?" he asked when he saw them staring, and flicked a cigarette at Naruto. "She's legal. This isn't your business."

"She's our friend," Sai said. "That makes it our business, Handsome." He looked at Ino, who was murmuring drunkenly.

"Ino, what's going on?"

"This nice man's going to help me out with a few problems," she said and laughed drunkenly.

Ino belched and frowned. "Ew. Vodka has bounce back."

Naruto stepped forward, fists clenched. "You'd better go back to the bar and fish for someone with less friends, jerk."

"You want some kid?" the stranger asked. He didn't let his hold on Ino loose. "You're too drunk to do anything about it. You can barely stand. Again, this isn't your business."

He turned away and started half-dragging Ino down the street. Naruto turned and grabbed him by the shoulder, spinning him around until their faces were just inches away. He snarled, and the fox whiskers grew more distinct.

Uh oh, Sakura thought. She knew what came next – fox time. "Naruto, it's against the law for a ninja to assault a civilian, no matter what."

The man gasped and dropped Ino. Sakura managed to grab her before she hit the ground. "Bitch! You didn't tell me you were a ninja."

"You didn't ask," she said, and laughed. "You didn't care, and neither did I. For all I know you could be the Fire Lord himself, or a trash man. Barry, Harold, Barold – whatever your name is, I don't care."

"Screw this. He turned to Naruto. I had no idea, man. Take her, just let me go."

Naruto spit in his face. "Get out of here while I can still control myself."

The man turned to leave, only to come face to face with Sai. Sai punched him in the face and he dropped.

"Sai," Sakura said, "you can't do that! We're all in trouble, now."

"You said to do what I feel like. I haven't read anything about this, but I think it's worth being in trouble every once in a while."

"You're ok in my book, Sai," Naruto said. "Why don't you move him out of the street and let's get Ino where she can sleep it off?"

Sai moved him out of the way and they got out of the streetlight, hoping there weren't any witnesses. They hadn't seen anyone, yet.

"We need to get out of here," Sakura said. "My place is closest."

"What about your mom?" Naruto asked.

"She'll be asleep by now and she doesn't hear well anyway. We just need to be quiet."

Ino chose that moment to wake up just a bit. "Aw, Sakura, you should have let me have a little fun. I was going to go to his place and pretend he was Saskue. Why'd you do that?"

"Because tomorrow you'd hate me if I didn't. What about Choji?"

"Screw Choji," Ino said. "He's a better-than-thou little prick. He won't have me just because I have to take some crappy missions. I want someone to screw and forget."

She looked Sai over. "I know you, right?"

"We met a couple times. I did missions with you a few times."

"You're tall, dark, and handsome. Wanna find a dark corner somewhere and make me not a virgin?"

Ino's a virgin? Sakura thought. That was a surprise. She hadn't exactly said what she'd done on those missions she'd mentioned.

"It's inappropriate to take advantage of a comrade in a drunken state," Sai said. "You need rest, water, and probably a Tylenol."

"Ah, well. You're loss, Slim. To the Haruno house!" she said and tried to walk by herself. She didn't make it very far. Naruto and Sakura supported her between them.

"We'll see you later Sai," Sakura said. "Thanks for helping."

He nodded and left silently.

Ino was passed out by the time they reached Sakura's house. As they lifted her through the window, she became an unwieldy mass of flesh.

"Be careful not to hit her arm," Sakura said.

"Ok, how much do you think she had to drink?" Naruto asked.

"I'd say way too much. I'm going to check her for alcohol poisoning when we get her in bed."

Ino giggled. "At least someone's getting me in bed. Hey Naruto. You getting me in bed?" She passed out again.

Naruto groaned. "How about we don't tell Hinata about that last part?"

"Deal," Sakura said. "She's just drunk. She probably won't remember tomorrow anyway."

About that time the lamp by her bed came on. Sakura turned to see her mom sitting in a chair, in her bathrobe with her long pink hair in curlers for the night.

"Hi miss Haruno," Naruto said.

"Hello Uzumaki. I see you're being a good influence on my daughter, as always."

"This isn't what it looks like," Sakura said.

"Really, so I'm not seeing you dragging your extremely drunk friend into my home and talking about possible alcohol poisoning."

"Ok, so it is what it seems like," Naruto said.

"Shut up Naruto," Sakura said.

"Sakura, I'm so mad I can't see straight. First you haven't come home until well after midnight most of this week. You know this house has a curfew. And now this? You will tell me what's going on in my house, young lady."

Sakura tried to control her temper, but she was still a little drunk. "I'm twenty years old. I don't have to explain anything."

"You do if you want to keep living here. I don't ask much, but I won't have you sneaking around doing who knows what to I don't know who."

"We found Ino with some guy. He was about to drag her off somewhere, and we just couldn't leave her. I was going to let her sleep it off and have a good talk with her in the morning. I need to check her for alcohol poisoning real quick."

"Ok, but I'm staying right here." As Sakura checked Ino, she realized it was really hard to mold chakra when drunk. She had the superb chakra control of a medic-nin, too. If she was a regular ninja, she probably couldn't have used a jutsu to save her life. It was a sobering thought, and she decided to be very careful about when and where she drank alcohol.

Sakura's mom glared at Naruto the whole time. Sakura knew she still thought of him as Kyubi. Because of the law against discussing the sealing, her mom had never said it out loud. She had referred to him as "monster", "nuisance", and "disaster waiting to happen". She had even protested when Sakura was put on the same team as Naruto, but she had been told that civilians had no say in military matters, even in their own childrens' cases.

Naruto shifted around and looked at the floor. He knew why she hated him. She was giving him the exact same look he got from people who thought of him as the Kyubi. He didn't care much anymore, but it was uncomfortable to be stuck in the same room with someone who thought he was responsible for her husband's death. Sakura's father had died from demonic chakra poisoning after the Kyubi's attack.

When she was done she pulled off Ino's shoes and settled her in bed. "Oooo…Choji, do that again," Ino said.

Sakura's mom scowled. "And? Who's the mystery man you've been seeing? Is it you Naruto? If it is, this isn't going to go well. You're nothing but trouble."

"It's not Naruto, and you don't have to insult him. Going to the bar was my idea." She could take one for the team, and she didn't want her mom hating Naruto any more than she did.

"We just had some fun with some friends. I'm old enough to drink."

"Are you old enough to find your own place to live? Because if you don't tell me what's going on right now, you'd better have someone to stay with tomorrow, because you're out of here as soon as your little sluty friend wakes up."

"Hey," Naruto said, "you may be her mom but that's too much. She's not a slut. We love Ino."

"You shut up you little monster. No one's talking to you. You should have been still-born, brat."

Sakura wasn't too shocked. Her mom had been this way for years. "That's enough," she said. She made a mental not never to act this way to her friends. She needed to learn to reign in that temper or she'd end up just like her mom. If her father hadn't died, her mom would probably be alright, but she was a bitter old harpy now.

"Sakura-ni-chan, it's ok," Naruto said. "I'm used to it. Let's just take care of Ino."

"It's not ok, and I'll never get used to it." She turned to her mom. "He's saved my life many times, and he's never yelled at me once no matter how mean I was to him."

"Your father would die if he saw you right now," her mom said.

"Well then I guess it's a good thing he's already dead," she spat, and he mom's eyes grew wide.

"I'm so sorry," Sakura said. "I shouldn't have said that. I was just mad. Forgive me." She felt horrible, as if she'd just stabbed her mother.

Her mom stood to go. "When your obviously sluty friend wakes up, take her home, get your things, and don't come back."

"Not a problem," Sakura said. When the door shut she sat down where her mom had been.

"Where are you going to stay?" Naruto asked.

"I don't know. There's an all-night Diner on the edge of town. I'll hang out there and try to find a place tomorrow. I don't have too much stuff," she said. Ninjas don't accumulate, as a rule.

"You can crash at my place. It's really small, but you can have the bed. I'll take the floor in the living room."

"Thanks Naruto, but are you sure Hinata will be ok with this?"

"Yeah, she knows she can trust me." He got a sneaky look. "That is, unless you're going to stay with your new boyfriend. I could walk you there, if you like."

"Honestly, Naruto, you're a freaking ninja. You could be just a bit subtle sometimes. If you want to know who I'm dating, just ask. I won't tell you, but at least you won't look so silly about it."

"I'm worried about this. Why won't you tell me who it is? He doesn't hit you or something, does he?"

Sakura laughed. "Naruto, I can put my fist through a rock face if I want. Who do you know in town who could possibly be abusive to me?"

"Just Tsunade. No way! Are you and Granny doing it? That's really hot."

"Naruto, did Kakashi hit you in the head too many times when you were training the other day, because that's one of the weirdest things I've ever heard."

They were interrupted by Ino sitting up in bed and groaning. "Where am I? Sakura? Naruto? What are you doing here?"

"You had too much to drink so we brought you to my house," Sakura said.

"I seem to remember something about a guy. Was there someone with me?"

"Yeah, we'll talk more about that when you're feeling better. You did try to kiss Sai though," Sakura said. "Maybe you should be more careful about the drinking. You're a sloppy drunk."

"Alright, mom."

Sakura cringed. "Speaking of mom's, mine said when you woke up we have to go. I am officially kicked out."

"Because of me?"

"No, she's mad because I've been staying out to late and I won't tell her who I'm dating. I got mad and said something stupid."

She met Ino's eyes. "Rule One and Two," she mouthed.

"Oh, that. Yeah, I wish I knew who you were dating too. No big deal though, right? Where are you staying? I'd let you stay with me, but my parents wouldn't go for it."

"I'm going to stay at Naruto's place for awhile. I need to save some money for a place. I should be out by next month, though."

"Hinata's probably going to be ok, but what about Hiashi?"

"I've got to take care of my friends," Naruto said. "It's part of my Way of the Ninja. If Hiashi has a problem with that, we'll just have to work it out."

"Thank you Naruto," Sakura said. "You're a treasure of a friend. You know that?"

He grinned. "I'd never let you be homeless, Sakura-ni-chan! Believe it!"

She was only able to convince him to keep his bed by suggesting that Hinata did have a key, and she probably wouldn't like finding Sakura in Naruto's bed.

Naruto was wandering back from the kitchen with a glass of water later that morning when he heard Sakura mumbling in her sleep. "Oooh Kakashi. Do that again. Use your Sharingan. I like that."

Naruto dropped the glass in surprise, but the glass breaking didn't wake Sakura.

She must be really tired for that not to wake her, he thought.

"Mmmm…" she said in her sleep and smiled broadly. "Bad sensei."

Or maybe some one-eyed pervy bastard has been wearing her out so she's tired enough for me not to wake her up with a glass breaking, he thought. He wished she had a ginger boyfriend with acne, but he knew the truth.

He dressed and left as quietly as possible, just in case the door would do what the glass wouldn't. He didn't want her to interfere with the "talk" he was about to have with a certain pervert. He was still feeling drunk enough to have trouble thinking about anything but beating his uncle.

Kakashi was having a really good evening. He had finished his mission half a day early. He had thought about finding Sakura, but he decided to take some time off and just chill for awhile. She could probably use a break, too. It wasn't good to be with one person too much.

He didn't drink a lot, but when he did he really enjoyed himself. He broke out the sake and his favorite movies and drank himself into a good buzz. He stopped when he was just drunk enough to talk back to the movies, explaining plot flaws to the various characters. He felt just right.

He was just starting to nod off at about 4:00 when he heard an aggressive banging on the door. He opened it to find a fuming Naruto. He had forgotten to take off his frog night-hat though, so the effect was totally lost.

"Hey Naruto, what's up? Nice hat."

Naruto didn't even speak; he just stepped inside the doorway and punched Kakashi solidly in the jaw. Kakashi flew backward and actually dented the wall.

"What the hell was that for?" Kakashi asked.

Naruto punched him again, this time in the cheek, and flood flowed from where he split the skin just under Kakashi's normal eye. He tried for a third hit, but Kakashi managed to gather his drunken wits about him enough to dodge sloppily.

"I'm sure Sakura will heal it for you," Naruto said. He tried to punch Kakashi again, but now that he was alerted Kakashi was able to avoid Naruto – just barely though. If Naruto started using chakra, he was finished. There was no way he could mold chakra right now. Alcohol impaired chakra control.

"You weren't supposed to find out this way," Kakashi said, and dodged a punch that would have given him a nasty black eye.

"Yeah, well, I don't like hearing my best friend muttering about her sensei in her sleep. How was I supposed to hear about it?"

"I would have told you eventually, or she would. It was our business. I just wanted some time to enjoy her away from prying eyes."

"You've had since she was what, seven? You like seven year olds Kakashi? I can't believe I failed her so badly that I didn't see this."

"Think about it. How did you know she was dating anyone?"

Naruto stopped trying to hit him for a moment. Thinking required his full attention; it wasn't his strong point.

"She's been acting weird lately. It took me awhile, but I noticed. I asked her what was going on, and she said she was dating someone."

"And if we'd been together for years, would she suddenly be acting weird now?" Kakashi asked, and hoped Naruto would be calm enough to act rationally. He had noticed that the fox whiskers were distinctly visible. That was never a good sign.

"So when did this happen?" Naruto asked. "I'm not saying I won't still beat your ass for this. I just want to know if we're talking a few broken bones or full on body cast."

Kakashi's pride demanded a response. "You're assuming a lot there, brat. I'm drunk, not unconscious. I can still take you."

Naruto punched at him again, missing but destroying a wall. Kakashi hoped it wasn't a load-bearing wall. He liked this place.

"Just since I was captured. I swear I never had any feelings for her before." He was getting tired of telling this story. "If you really insist on this, meet me on training field six. There's no reason to wreck my apartment."

He transported and waited for Naruto. He didn't even bother with the cut on his face, even though he could feel the blood running. He was too busy trying to figure out how to defend himself without killing Naruto or getting himself killed.

He could probably use his chakra in a couple of hours, but that was too late. Even if he could, most of his best moves were far too deadly to use against a friend. Judging by Naruto's lack of jutsus in his apartment, he had probably come to the same conclusion, or he might be too drunk to use chakra himself. It would probably be straight Tai-jutsu – painful, but not deadly unless it was really meant to be deadly.

Naruto didn't waste any words. He just charged in, fists flying. Kakashi dodged most of the hits, but the ones that struck were powerful. Naruto had obviously been working hard physically, and he had a stronger build than Kakashi. If he had been sober, Kakashi could have dodged all the attacks, but he was seriously outmatched at the moment.

Kakashi found himself losing ground. He wasn't about to run though. He had the feeling if they didn't finish this here, they could never be friends again. He was starting to think Naruto was going to win, but it just wasn't in him to give up. Naruto landed a foot to his head and then a fist to the kidneys and Kakashi hit the ground hard. His arm snapped under him, and he felt a couple of ribs give way. He slid along the ground a good five feet and a sharp rock cut through his shoulder and out the other side like a knife through cake. He came to rest with the rock sticking through him.

He leapt up and off the rock, using only his legs. His arm hung useless beside him, and he could feel an alarming amount of blood flowing down his back and over his chest from the deep wound. His breath hitched with pain every time he tried to inhale. He swayed uncertainly and waited for the pounding to come. He would at least take it standing up.

Naruto stared at the spreading red stain on Kakashi's shirt. "You're bleeding… a lot," he said. He sounded frightened.

"That tends to happen when friends treat you like a training dummy," Kakashi said. His knees buckled, and Naruto caught him under the arm to keep him from hitting his head.

"That's my bad arm! Bad arm!" Kakashi said, and Naruto laid him on the ground.

"Oh shit. Oh shit. I'm sorry Oji-Kakashi. I was drunk, and I thought you hurt Sakura. Oh shit."

"Quit freaking out and get a medic. I'm bleeding too much here. You know how embarrassed I'm going to be if I bleed out because you beat me while I was drunk? I'll never be able to face Gai in the afterlife."

Naruto just stared.

"Are you still drunk? Get a fucking medic!" Kakashi said.

"I'm so sorry," Naruto said.

"Get me some help and let this Sakura thing go and we'll call it even, ok?"

Naruto nodded and ran toward the village. Kakashi had just enough consciousness to hope Naruto wouldn't be too hard on himself if he died. Judging from the amount of blood he was losing, it was a very real possibility. He couldn't let the kid wallow in grief like he had done for so many years. He dipped his finger in his own blood and wrote Naruto a message on the ground.

Sakura ran onto the field with her med-kit and set right to work. His heart-rate was slow, and his breathing was shallow. She put a blood pill in his mouth and broke it.

She did a preliminary exam and healed the wound that had pierced his clavicle. She gingerly turned him over to get at the backside of the wound, and healed that as well. She mended the ribs and a bruised kidney. He didn't have any other internal damage. She healed the worst cuts and the broken arm, and then she felt her chakra drain. Because she was drunk, that large wound had taken a lot out of her. The smaller wounds and bruises would have to wait.

Naruto stared at the ground near Kakashi. They had chosen one of the fields kept well-lit for night practices. Under the harsh yellow light, Naruto could make out a word drawn sloppily in Kakashi's blood. It just said, "forgiven."

"What should we do?" Naruto asked.

"We need to get him home," Sakura said. "And then you need to give me some answers. How did you two manage to spar enough to do this? I smell booze on him. Why were you sparing when you were both drunk? What were you two thinking?"

"Shouldn't we take him to the hospital?" Naruto asked. "He looks really bad."

"He hates hospitals, and they can't do anything there I can't do for him at his place."

She lifted him in her arms, thankful again for the marvelous strength that Tsunade had taught her to harness. She moved quietly through the village.

When they reached his apartment, she was shocked at the damage she found within. One of the walls had been destroyed, and she could see into the bedroom through the hole. She stepped over debris and laid her scarecrow on the bed.

"If he doesn't get an infection he should be ok. I'll probably need to give him another blood pill in thirty minutes or so. I think since you made this mess you should clean it up, don't you?"

She stopped as she saw Naruto's face. He was standing in the doorway, with his eyes locked on Kakashi's death-like pale face.

"He'll heal," Sakura said. "He's forgiven you already. I don't know why you two were training at this hour, but you're lucky you got to me in time."

"Hey kid," they heard from Kakashi. "Don't take it too hard. Training accidents happen right?" His voice was weak, but it was good to hear him speak.

"Yeah," Naruto said. "Training accidents happen. I'm a dumbass. We're cool?"

"Yeah, we're cool. Let's not do that again, though." He closed his eye. "I'm really cold."

"That's the blood loss," Sakura said, and pulled another blanket over him. "I'll give you another blood pill in awhile. Try to rest. I figured you'd rather be here than in the hospital."

"Yeah, I could use a hot nurse to keep me warm right now, though." He opened his eye and tried to focus on her. "Hey look, there's a hot nurse right there."

She looked at Naruto, who just shrugged. "I already know. You were talking about him in your sleep."

"And you're ok with this?" she asked.

"Not really, but it's not like I have a choice. He's a perv and a lazy bastard, but I don't think he'll hurt you."

"Thanks for the glowing recommendation," Kakashi said.

"Oh, go to sleep," Naruto said.

"Sounds good," Kakashi said. "We need to spar again when I'm sober. I won't go so easy on you next time."

"You coming back to my place, or are you staying here?" Naruto asked.

"I'll stay here," she said. "Thanks for letting me crash there."

"You might want to stay with me for awhile." He looked over at Kakashi to make sure he was actually asleep, but lowered his voice just in case the old coot was faking it.

"You can't just show up here with your bags and want to stay. That's kind of "creepy girlfriend." Let him invite you."

"Sure, thanks Naruto. I'll stop by tomorrow and let you know what's happening."

After Naruto left she crawled in bed and curled up to him. His skin was clammy and he was covered in Goosebumps. She pulled the blankets up to their necks. "Poor sensei," she said.