Truth Hurts II

Tiredly Elrond leaned back in his armchair, with a glass of wine in his hand. Livon had left an hour ago to his room. He needed solitude right now, not company from his father and uncle. He closed his eyes. It was still hard to believe that his eldest son was already a father himself, although unknowingly and not during the best of circumstances. And Elladan still did not know and Elrond had no idea how to tell him best. It certainly would bring him near his breaking point, of that was Elrond sure.

He sighed before taking another sip. To avoid this topic, though, would make matters just words. Livon would surely want to speak with Elladan about this in the near future and it would have catastrophic consequences if he didn't know about his fatherhood. A knock at the door disturbed him from his pondering. After he allowed entrance he saw both his sons entering and knew that time for brooding was over. The twins adopted a surprised look when they saw their father with a glass of wine in hand, brooding about something, even if it was barely noon.

"Ada! What are you doing in here, brooding alone? Did Livon's examination not go well?" Elrohir asked concerned. It was so unlikely for Elrond to drink alone, even if it seemed to be only that one glass as there was no bottle nearby. They both frowned when Elrond shot them a thoughtful glance before waving at a nearby sofa. His sons shared a confused glance before following Elrond's wish.

"What did you found, Ada?" Elrohir asked, remembering what his father had done earlier. He was curious about Livon's elven family and assumed his father knew them, considering the rather disturbed expression his father still had.

Elrond sighed before he shot a sad look at his eldest. "I found his elvish family, and know who his father is," he said and then decided to not delay this conversation. There was no easy way to tell. "You are, Elladan." Two identical gasps sounded in the study and the twins' eyes grew wide.

"How?" Elladan breathed. He was as white as a sheet and his brother didn't fare any better.

"It happened during the time you were taken by the orcs," Elrond said with a pained expression. It always hurt to think back to that time. "Sixty-one years ago. My guess is that the orcs – or their masters – used a potion or a spell to…" He couldn't say it. It was too horrible to speak aloud. His sons looked horrified. They immediately knew what their father was speaking about.

"It does not have happened that way," Elladan said finally, a stubborn streak on his face and a glint in his eyes that hadn't been there for a long time. "It could have happened without an outside force."

"Perhaps. But I never met a dwarf who at least was neutral to an elf. I cannot see a dwarrowdam doing it willingly," Elrond countered, still not being able to name the actual event, despite his age and that he was a father of three.

"It's true what you say, Ada. It does not mean that it is impossible, though," Elrohir said, agreeing with his brother. "Miracles happen sometimes. Look at Glorfindel. He returned from the dead, which should be impossible. A liaison between a dwarf and an elf in a desperate situation? Possible." Elrohir shrugged. "The fact is: we do not know and we shouldn't make rash conclusions." Elrond was surprised at his son's wisdom. He hadn't thought of this possibility and scolded himself that he hadn't. Livon probably felt guilty for the pain his parents had endured. He sighed.

"You are right. We should not," he said and smiled a little, proud at his son's quick thinking.

"What about Livon? How did he take it?" Elladan asked, worried about the youngster. Like most elves he loved family and he wouldn't shun his son despite the reason he came to life. A new spark of life shone in his eyes and filled both his father and brother with hope.

"He is confused and I fear I let him think about the worst-case scenario. I should speak with him again or else these thoughts settle in his mind. I was obviously not in the best state of mind when I spoke to him," Elrond said and looked slightly guilty. He still remembered the desperate look of his grandchild.

"I'll do it," Elladan said, determined to form a connection with his son. Elrond wanted to protest, not wanting to let his son take the consequences of his mistakes but was stopped by Elrohir.

"Elladan should do it. Livon trust him the most and will most likely believe him as he is his father." Seeing the reason in his son's words Elrond finally nodded his agreement.

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When Elladan left the study he first leaned against the next wall. Even after all those years he still had nightmares about this time, even though he never remembered what they were about when he woke. Before the incident he had never understood the reason why his mother sailed west. But after his rescue he'd only felt despair and pain and coldness. His remaining family had barely been able to keep him alive and in Middle Earth.

He would never have dreamed of anything positive emerge from that time but a son did count as a positive outcome. For the first time he wanted to remember, for Livon's sake. The lad needed to know and he needed as well. Without this knowledge they would always worry and wonder.

It would be difficult but he was determined to learn the truth. He knew the track was long cold and that they had next to nothing to go with but he wouldn't give up. And he knew his brother would support him. But first he needed to get to know Livon anew. Not as a friend, but as a son. With his mind set he pushed himself from the wall and walked towards the guest room the young half-dwarf resided in.

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Thorin watched his nephew from the corner of his eyes. The lad had been terribly silent lately and barely spoke, though it doesn't surprise him. He himself was still burdened by the loss of Kíli and knew the hole in his heart wouldn't ever fully heal.

At the moment, though, they needed to be alert as they were on their way to a dwarven settlement, together with Balin and Dwalin. He nudged Fíli with his elbow and the young dwarf snapped out of his thoughts and shot him an apologetic look. Thorin noted satisfied that his nephew started to pay closer attention to their surroundings.

They could already see the small group of houses when a shout from behind made them stop. It sounded like a dwarf and when they turned they could indeed see a dwarrow hurrying to catch up with them. Thorin narrowed his eyes and scrutinized the newcomer's face as it seemed vaguely familiar. When he came closer he recognized him as Frár, one of the scouts he had send to look for both his missing nephew and anything that could help them enduring their exile.

"What've you got, Frár?" Dwalin asked just after the scout skidded to a stop.

"I've patrolled the Lhûn, searching for any sign of Kíli," Frár started his report after gulping down some air, "when I found a place where someone camped for a short time. The ground at the shore was trampled down and there were even some stones in the river where it would have been possible to drag someone out." The scout had the attention of all four dwarves who dared not to breath in fear to overhear what they all wished to hear.

"And I found this," Frár said and opened his palm to reveal a hair-clasp that at least Fíli and Thorin recognized as Kíli's. "It was at the place of the camp."

"Do you know where they went?" Thorin asked, eagerly to learn something new about his youngest nephew's fate.

"I tried to follow the trail eastwards but I didn't get far as it started to rain yesterday and washed away all signs. They could be anywhere," Frár said grimly, seeing how their faces fell.

"Did you find any hint who was with Kíli? Maybe we can find him that way," Balin inquired but was disappointed when the dwarrow shook his head.

"No. All I could tell that it wasn't a dwarf. The footprints were not of the shape of dwarven boots," Frár said and the group groaned desperately.

"Then it is possible that Kíli's not anywhere near the Blue Mountains," Fíli said and seemed utterly crestfallen. Thorin couldn't do anything but agree: his lost nephew could be everywhere when he was dragged out of the river at the east shore. Men didn't cross the river often. He barely listened how Balin and Dwalin questioned Frár a bit longer and then thanked him.

"What are we going to do now, Uncle? This is the first lead we have of Kíli in weeks!" Fíli asked, with hope shining clearly in his blue eyes.

"Unfortunately, there isn't much we can do. It is winter and we cannot spare many for a search this wide-spread. The groups would need to be big enough to fight against bandits and orcs and we cannot leave our settlements unprotected," Thorin said and hated to see the disappointment in Fíli's whole posture. His nephew didn't argue, though. He just nodded and turned around to walk towards the village again. Thorin shared a look with Balin and Dwalin before he followed the blonde dwarf. He had a feeling it would take years until he could see Kíli again.

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Fíli's mood was at its worst. He thought he had accepted his decision to live on. Kíli, after all, wouldn't want him to be depressed all his life. It had only worked for a few days after Balin and Dwalin's arrival and now he was as silent as never before and when forced to speak he would answer in short, snappish sentences.

And now, they were on their way to do the first not-Kíli-related mission since this dreadful day. It wasn't that he didn't understand Thorin's reasons for not following the vanishing trail actively, because he did. His mind agreed, but his heart did not.

And then the scout had come. When he heard the first sentences hope had flared in him and even though Frár hadn't found his brother Fíli was still relieved to hear he had at least find some proof that Kíli was still alive. It wasn't much and there was a chance that it meant nothing but it was better than nothing. But Kíli might be everywhere and Fíli knew it could take years to search all possible – and maybe even impossible – places his brother may have gone to. The prospect wouldn't stop him, not when he was determined to see his baby brother again.

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Dís had stood at the door of their hut for a long time, looking after the small company that had left to answer a call from a nearby village. She watched the sun rise slowly, reflecting its brilliance from the snow. It had hurt to see her brother and son leave for a task that hadn't anything to do with her youngest.

Finally, after her feet got tired from the long standing, she turned around to enter her home and busy herself with some work. She still believed Kíli was still alive and she would never lose this hope. She would cling to it like a lifeline lest she would break into pieces.

AN: I don't have much to say, other than how glad I am that my muse had found me again, so I'll just answer the reviews I got for the last chapter.

readergirl4985: I am pleased to hear that you continue to like my story. I hope you found this chapter as satisfying as the last.

TMI Fairy: Thank you for repeatedly reviewing to me, it makes me really happy. …I wonder how much this bridge cost…? :-)

syeern: 1. You're right: it is prone to draw the wrong conclusion but Elrond was just too shocked to think of all the possibilities at that moment. I hope this chapter made it more clear. 2. Dís is Kíli's mother. She was missing at the same time as Elladan was, though I haven't said it was due to orcs. 3. Since there was no place in the last chapter the update for the dwarves is in this one. They do as well as one can expect, I suppose.