All settings and characters belong to Stephanie Meyer. Only the story is mine. I know this is my longest chapter to date and considered breaking it up, but the flow just wasn't there that way. Enjoy, and have tissues on hand.

I was standing in the clearing, in between Edward and the shaggy russet wolf, my heart beating so loud I was surprised I could hear it over the growls that were coming from deep within the wolf's chest. Edward lowered himself into a crouch, his eyes never leaving the wolf. I knew the danger that was coming and began to cry. I was afraid for both of them, and for myself, caught in between them. I knew I should move but it was if my feet were glued to the ground. I begged Edward to calm down, pleading with my eyes not to fight when the growling stopped. Twisting around, afraid of what I would find, I was shocked to see that the wolf was gone. Relief flooded through me. I was safe. Edward was safe. I turned back to Edward, ready to extend my hand towards him and leave the clearing, but where the vampire had once stood, there was only air and trees. They were both gone, and I was alone. My relief dissipated and anxiety ripped through my stomach, my breathing stalling and I practically fell to the ground, overwhelmed by the fear building into a scream in my throat.

I was alone.

***************

It was deceptively easy to forget just how small a town like Forks is until you had a secret you needed to keep. Like engagements. It was impossible to keep it to yourself. I found myself suddenly grateful that Edward didn't come into town anymore as he was hiding out from the wolves until I said otherwise. If he had, he would have heard all about it from Mabel the clerk at the grocer, or John who ran the gas station. As it stood, Jacob and I had barely told Charlie the good news before the rest of the town knew the whole story. If I had thought that Charlie would be happy about it, I was wrong.

"You aren't pregnant are you?" he groaned, unable to stare down Jacob, focusing on me instead. He really liked Jacob, but he had had his heart set on a big University for me.

"Good god no!" I sputtered, finding this line of conversation completely unbearable. Thank goodness he found it as distasteful and uncomfortable as I did. I found myself suddenly grateful that the sex talk had come from Renee and not Charlie. I don't know that I would have learned anything except how to avoid conversations and just how awkward silences could get. If I was ill at ease, Jacob was practically shaking with mirth. I scowled at him, only succeeding in making him laugh harder.

"We figured we'd wait a few years for that Charlie," he snorted. "But if you like, we could get started right away. I don't mind the work, and if it makes you happy Grandpa, I'm willing to make the sacrifice…"

Charlie glared at Jacob silently, and I wondered briefly if his Cheshire cat smile would disappear if I elbowed him sharply in the gut. Self preservation won out since I didn't really want to break any bones today. Jacob wouldn't even feel it. There were better ways to pay him back for this. Like sneaking tofu into his food and laughing at him later when he realized he had eaten soybean curds.

"We're not getting married right away Dad," I insisted. "We've just agreed that it is going to happen eventually."

This seemed to mollify him and his smile returned. He had always liked Jacob, and now that he had been assured that we weren't rushing into anything, and that we had no immediate plans to make him a grandfather, he clapped Jacob on the back and welcomed him to the family. I rolled my eyes knowing full well that he and Billy Black, Jacob's father, had probably been planning this moment since we were in diapers. Billy probably would have gotten up and danced a jig if it were at all possibly. Instead, he had sat in his chair and gloated. Jacob came by it honestly.

Now there was only one person left to tell, and it was the conversation I dreaded the most. If my blood had once driven Edward to distraction enough that he had compared it to heroin, his very presence was just as addictive to me. I could feel myself starting to get anxious and twitchy and begin to doubt that I was making the right choice. Jacob was the right choice despite what my wretched heart might say, and I wasn't going to break his, even if it killed me. I had seen and heard how rejection had twisted Leah Clearwater into someone so dead inside that the others could hardly bear to be around her for long periods of time. She didn't phase often anymore unless she was the only one doing so at the time, unable to bear being intimate with Sam on such a level. She couldn't escape knowing firsthand the depth of his love for Emily, the same love that was once hers by right. Jacob had once shared this with me, after another long and uncomfortable night patrolling with her. I didn't want that for Jacob. I refused to let him grow cold and angry like that. Not my Jacob, not while I had a say in it. Even if I was the one who would die inside a little at a time, it was a sacrifice I would gladly make.

Jacob kissed my cheek and promised to be home early as he ducked out of Charlie's house, heading off to the reservation to visit Paul and see how he was holding up before their wedding tomorrow. I sat next to Charlie and watched a little of the Mariners game on television before making my own excuses and leaving too. I only just made it to my truck before I was swiftly dialing Edward's cell phone and asking him to meet me in the meadow. It was where this sordid affair began, and it was only fitting that it should be where it ended.

I made it to the clearing before he did. I hadn't told him why I wanted to see him, so I was sure he was hunting quickly in preparation for seeing me. It had become a habit of his to take down a small deer before we met up, and one that I was immensely grateful for as it ensured my own continued survival.

Being in the clearing by myself brought back the dream that I had had that morning. Anxiety built in my stomach until I thought I was sure that if it twisted anymore I would pass out from it. My dreams were generally pretty good indicators of how things would turn out and I wasn't going to ignore this one. I was no Alice, but I knew when my subconscious was trying to tell me something. I was positive that my dream was telling me that if I chose Edward I would be alone anyway. Even more so, it reminded me how painful Alone really was, and I wasn't strong enough to live through that again. I wrapped my arms around myself and leaned against a tree, certain that if I just held tight enough I could counterbalance the painful twisting in my gut. I wished Alice was there. A little foresight, the knowledge that I really was doing the right thing would have been a blessing right about then.

I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn't even realize that Edward was there until I glanced up and found myself inches from him. Startled, I gasped and I think he must have misinterpreted what that sound meant.

"I've missed you, "He whispered, leaning into me and pressing his cold lips to my own warm ones. I found myself responding, despite my better intentions. I had no self-control where he was concerned and had never taken the time to develop any, choosing instead to rely far too heavily on the strength of his will. Hands that should have pushed him away slid up his arms instead, coming to rest at the nape of his neck. I never quite got tired of the contrast between his hard skin and the soft pliable hair felt like silk as I ran my fingers through it.

"I've missed you too, "I whispered against his lips, refusing to relinquish the grip I had on him. His self control wasn't nearly as strong as I thought and he didn't push me away. Instead it felt as though he was drawing me closer to him, his lips moving over mine. His hands roamed the length of my body, knowing my body just as intimately as he knew his own.

"Just say the word," he moaned as I kissed just underneath his ear, "Just say the word and we'll stop sneaking around and then we won't have to miss each other anymore."

He had done it now. He had reminded me inadvertently of my purpose here today. I managed to reign myself in, but only barely. I inhaled deeply and closed my eyes, ducking my forehead until it rested on his chest while I searched desperately for the words that I would need to explain a choice I didn't fully understand myself.

"About that," I mumbled. "You're right. The sneaking around has to stop." I didn't get the chance to finish the rest of my thought because his hands were under my chin, yanking it up so that I could see the fierce joy in his eyes. My will was wavering again as I stared into the topaz depths of the man that I loved. I had to get it out before I changed my mind.

"We can't see each other anymore." The words were barely out of my mouth before the happiness that had radiated from him only a moment before died swiftly, leaving him bleak and distressed. I wished with all my heart that I could take the words back, to take the hurt back. No matter what I did, I was hurting someone.

"So you've chosen the wolf then," he whispered, his face contorted with pain.

"It's not like that Edward," I pleaded, tears gathering in the corners of my eyes. "Please don't think I don't love you. I do love you, more than anything. But Jacob, he needs me. I can't hurt him like I have been. He deserves better than that." I was a fool. I was a damned fool who hurt anyone who came near me and deserved every bit of misery that came my way from this mess I had entangled myself in.

"Bella," he said, cupping my face with his hands and wiping the tears that were falling down my cheeks away with his thumbs. "It's okay. I understand, and I have to say that I'm not surprised. So if this is what you truly want, I won't stand in your way."

"It's not what I want," I moaned. "What I want is you, but I don't want to pay such a high price for it. I just...I don't know how to explain how hard this is for me. I don't want you to think that this was easy. "I was becoming frustrated both with the situation and with my inability to express to Edward how difficult it was to make this decision. His face softened and he tried valiantly to mask the hurt he was feeling before he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into his chest, calming me and hiding his face from me so I couldn't see the damage I was doing. It was for my benefit most likely, not that I deserved it.

"I know where we stand, Bella. I want you to know that I'll always hold onto the memory of what we were and what we shared, and that's enough for me. I hope that in time, you can look back on our time together without regret or guilt. Just know that when the time comes, when and if you want me, I'll be here. Just be happy, and I'll be happy for you."

I couldn't stand it, I was sobbing openly now, my shoulders wracking with the force of my grief. I had never imagined that this would be so difficult, or how much I would hate myself for doing it. I held happiness in my hands, or rather it held me in its arms, and I was letting it go. All that time I had spent hoping and praying he would come back for me, knowing that I would never be whole again unless he did, and I was pushing him away again. It was downright masochistic.

"This would be so much easier if you could just hate me," I cried, soaking his shirt with my tears.

"I could never hate you Bella," he replied softly, "You are too big a part of me for me to hate you. I blame myself for leaving you in the first place, for putting you in this position. But at least one good thing has come of this."

"What is that?"

"You'll have everything I always wanted for you. A long life full of human experiences. You'll get to have children, and grow old. All the things that I wanted to give you but couldn't. He can give you those things, and I'll content myself with that"

I wrapped my arms around him tighter and lifted my face to his. I knew it was time to say goodbye, but loathed to do it. I let my hungry gaze devour every detail about him, memorizing them for later. The glint of bronze in his hair that was always more dominant in the sunlight, the depth of his eyes, darkening slightly with pain, and the feel of his cold skin pressed against mine.

Wrapped in his arms, staring quietly at each other, we savored the moment as long as we could, know that it might very well be our last. I stood on my toes and lifted my mouth to his, kissing him with all the emotion that was welling up inside me, threatening to overwhelm me. He responded in kind, and it felt like we were locked there, engulfed in the pain of the moment. When he finally pulled away, the tears were streaming down my cheeks, and his face was perfectly still in an effort not to betray what he was feeling.

"I meant what I said Bella," Edward reminded me. "If you change your mind, I'll come back for you. Just be happy."

"I won't forget," I promised as I stepped back. "I love you."

"I love you too," he responded, and before I could say anything else, he was gone. I tried to breathe, feeling the enormity of what I had just done sweep over me but failed miserably as I sank to the grassy floor beneath me and gave in to the sorrow that threatened to drown me, praying that I had made the right choice. I would have to take a few moments before I could leave to regain my composure. Jacob would be suspicious if he saw how upset I was, and I wasn't in any condition to think up something reasonable to explain it away.

As it turned out, I wasn't as alone as I had thought, and the grief and shame that overtook me in that moment, wasn't as secret as I had thought. The time was coming when I was going to have to answer for my crimes.

A/N: This chapter was so incredibly difficult for me to write and I truly don't feel as if I did it justice. That depth of emotion is so overwhelming that adequate words to describe it just don't exist. I cried through the last half of the chapter. On a side note, if you truly want to jack yourself up emotionally, listen to SheDaisy's Still Holding Out for You and reread the section of new moon after edward leaves. Music is so darn powerful.