We go to the best motel in town, which isn't really much, and Chloe gets us a room. After bringing our bags in, I manage to convince her to take us to her house to see Joyce. Showing caution, Chloe parks the car on another street and we walk the rest of the way.

We let ourselves into the house, which is quiet. "Joyce," Chloe says loudly as I close the door. No one answers. We separate, with me going upstairs. A wistful part of me wants to see Chloe's room again. So many memories in it pull at me.

My hand is on the doorknob to her room and it focuses my mind on the last time I was in there. It was after she died. Joyce had let me in to reminisce. Suddenly, a loud thunk startles me, breaking my thoughts. Another thunk echoes through the house and I faintly hear swearing. Movement draws my eyes to the window. What's happening outside? Drawing close I see more movement, and hear more thumps and thuds.

A prickle of cold sweeps through my body. My feet lock into place and my hands ball into fists. What I see outside is unbelievable. It's something I hoped to never see again. The whirling debris confirms it's no mistake. A smaller, but still powerful, tornado is outside.

In the next moment, the window shatters scattering glass all around me! Sharp pricks of pain lance my hands and my ears are assaulted by the rushing wind. The sound and pain break my paralysis. Automatically, I enter the stillness between moments.

Chloe! I have to find her! Fighting the stillness I shamble to the stairs and down. Something drags at my grasp of the stillness, making it difficult to stay there. The downstairs is empty, and the garage door is open. I can feel my hold slipping as I enter and find Chloe in mid-step.

My hand takes hers, bringing her into the stillness with me. Immediately, it's a lot easier to hold onto the stillness. I pull her against me, briefly explaining what's happening. I end, saying, "We have to get out of here, Chloe!"

"No," she says, "not until we know Joyce and David aren't here!" Nodding in agreement we do a sluggish search of the house and backyard. We are the only ones present. Chloe leads me away from her house, my steps wandering and shuffling. It's becoming harder again to maintain my hold.

Some distance away we stand, looking at her house. Although much smaller than the storm of last October, the twister is still quite powerful. "I'm going to restore time," I mumble. Chloe nods. Her grip on my hand hurts but I don't say anything.

The rush of sound deafens us. The storm heads straight into Chloe's house, dismantling it in seconds. Boards, furniture, and more shoot into the air. Some launch sideways, hitting other houses or crashing into cars on the street. Others blast into the air like rockets. We're far enough away we should be safe. Still, I pull Chloe after me under a tree.

The old swing set is sent spinning into the air, then the tornado vanishes.

Words escape me. They don't escape Chloe though as she launches a stream of profanity into the air on the tail of the storm. I keep her with me under the tree several minutes while debris rains down. She pulls hard against my grip until I step in front of her.

"I'm not letting you out there until it's safe! I won't let you get hurt."

I shudder to think what will happen if anyone gets in her way when I finally do let her go. Her face is wrinkled by a deep frown. In between outbursts she grinds her teeth. A minute or two after the last debris falls I let her go. She's off like a rocket. With her long legs there's no way I'll catch her.

The scene in the fading light dumbfounds me. Just moments ago Chloe's childhood home stood here. Now, everything is gone. As we stand there, people start coming out of their houses. In the distance I hear sirens.

"Chloe, we have to go." She's kneeling and digging through the debris.

"We have to go!" Struggling, she pulls a small box from under some broken boards and nods at me. Together we sprint back to our car. In moments we're inside and she has it started. Only then do I notice cuts across the backs of my hands. That must be what I felt when the window broke.

Now that we're away, the strangeness of the tornado consumes my thoughts, blocking out everything else. There's no question in my mind: that storm was controlled by someone. To appear out of nowhere, destroy only Chloe's house and immediately disappear is too suspicious and strange to be natural.

That means, I think, the storm we stopped last October was not due to my time traveling. The thought burrows deep into my mind, undermining my decision to let Chloe die. If I was so wrong about that decision, what else was I, am I, wrong about? Did I really kill my best friend for no reason?

Yes!

Did I really put myself through six months of despair because of a poor decision?

Yes!

Can I really trust any decision I make after this?

No!

"What's wrong, Max?" Chloe's question brings me back to the present. My body is shaking, my hands clutching my bag tightly. I want to speak. I open my mouth, but nothing is happening, no words, no sound. No air.

It's like my lungs forgot how to work! My mouth opens and closes and my hands start fluttering. A terror paralyzes my mind, consumed by one thought: I killed Chloe for no reason!

"Shit, Max! What's wrong?" Her hand starts thumping my back. Like something popped free, air suddenly fills my lungs. Ragged gasps escape me as I start breathing again. "What happened?"

I notice we're parked on the side of the road. "It-it was all for nothing!" The words are like nails across the blackboard. Chloe flinches as they screech into the air. "Your sacrifice…the last six months! It was for nothing!"

Her hand is rubbing my back, probably trying to calm me. All I want to do is scream! Scream! Next thing I know, I'm shoving my hand into my mouth and screaming. "Max!" Her words are faint in my ears next to my scream. I scream and scream and scream.

Pain blossoms in my vision, again and again. Fingers scramble to latch onto my arm. I scream. I killed her! For no fucking reason!

Someone is whispering. Words of comfort. Telling me everything will be ok. She died for no reason!

My cheeks are wet. My head hurts. I'm the one that should be dead! Not Chloe. Not Kate. Me.

How long I sit there, surrounded by blackness and pain, I don't know. Those thoughts tumble around in my head, destroying any good thought that surfaces. I'm no good. I shouldn't be alive.

Pain and blackness slowly fade into pale evening light. There's a head on my lap, black haired. Hands clutch my wrists, holding them down. My throat hurts. I can barely hold up my head. I just want to slip to the floor of the car in a limp pile. The slightest move shoots pain through me.

Soft sobs decorate the air. Not from me, from Chloe. My fingers twitch as I try to move my hands and Chloe looks up at me. The look on her face breaks my heart. Eyes reddened, cheeks tear streaked and lost. When she sees me looking at her she sobs out my name.

Her arms are around my neck, hugging me tight. "Max," she whispers, "Are you here? Are you with me?"

Why is she wasting her time on me? I'm not worth her attention.

With great mental effort I push those thoughts aside. Her eyes are searching my face now, as if answers will be found there. My hand strays up and I brush away tears with my finger tips. What little strength I have ebbs away and my hand falls.

She catches my hand, holding it like a cherished treasure. "Yes." My voice is someone else's, harsh and scratchy. Her lips move but she doesn't say whatever she is thinking.

Whatever claimed me is past, although the damage remains. There are teeth marks on the hand she holds, some scratched and bloody. My head hurts something fierce. Strength does seep back into me. Chloe is clenching at her hair, her face, my arms.

"I'm…ok, Chloe."

"No you're not, Max." She places my hand on my lap, stands and brushes off her knees. "Let's get you back to the room." She closes the passenger door and runs to the driver side. My eyes focus on nothing. Her hand takes mine, holding it while she drives.

Everything from there to sitting on our bed is a blur. My shoes are off, along with my hoodie and I'm propped against the headboard. Chloe paces at the foot of the bed, hands wringing. She's mumbling something I can't hear, shooting me glances now and then.


Cold rain pelts my face and body. My hair and clothes are plastered to me. I look around, confused. The motel room is gone and I stand upon the cliff beside the lighthouse.

Lightning shatters the sky, deafening thunder sounding before the light dies. My heart is racing and my body begins shivering. Again and again the lightning shoots across the sky.

There! The light glints off water! Only it's not a wave…it's the twister again! My breath catches as I revisit a scene from six months ago.

I step back, not wanting to watch. Movement catches my eyes. Two other people stand near, watching the storm bear down on the town. Two girls with short brown hair. Two girls I recognize. As one they turn to me.

"You have to stop it, Max!"

"Let the storm wash this place away!"


Light stabs painfully through my slitted lids into my mind. "Fuck, fuck, fuck" Chloe's voice is distant. My head feels so heavy, like it wants to roll off my neck. Hands are holding me up. My face and shirt are wet.

I try to push the hands aside, which elicits a sob. "Oh god, Max," Chloe chokes, "you're back!"

Poor Chloe. What she must be going through right now! "Sit still," she urges, "you fell over and knocked a water bottle all over you."

That is a new one for me. "The vision," I whisper.

She doesn't say anything.

"I need…ibuprofen. Bad."

Now I can see her face, creased in concern. She's pulled the sheet up to wipe my face with it. It feels like my head is being squeezed. She lets the sheet drop, moist with water and blood, and digs through our bags, retrieving a blue and white bottle. Popping open a water bottle she hands it and two blue capsules to me. I down them and she takes the bottle from my hands as I close my eyes.

"Turn…off…the…light," I groan. Darkness blankets me, reducing the pain stabbing my head. The bed moves as Chloe settles next to me. She pulls me against her, making me lean into her shoulder. Her hand plays with my hair as she waits patiently. Gradually the pain lessens as the medicine begins to work. I let out a deep breath and my body relaxes. The pain from earlier ebbs as well.

"So…that was different, Max."

"Yeah." I don't feel like talking yet. She continues stroking my hair, not saying anything. I let time pass, just enjoying the feel of her fingers on my scalp.

"It was not the same vision I had before coming here."

Her hand stops moving at my words. "What do you mean?"

"It was the vision I had six months ago. A storm crossing the bay to destroy the town." Only it's not. In my other visions I was the only person present. This time…this time the other Max's were there.

"What about earlier, in the car? What happened then?"

The honest truth is I barely know. I mean, I know what started the episode, and that's not the first time I've…hit myself. She even saw me do it the first night. The rest, I've don't really understand. The reminder is enough to knot my insides. I don't know if I have the willpower to share that with her.

Tell her so she can show you the hate you deserve.

My body flinches at that thought. Chloe gasps and I feel her hands on me. "M-Max?"

I have to tell her. I'm not strong enough to do this on my own. That is another thing Kate taught me, even though I never fully leaned on Kate. Opening my eyes I look at her in the dimness of the room. My hands are grasping my elbows. "When…" My voice dies. Her hands pry mine from my elbows so she can hold them. That's not what I need right now.

"Hold me…please?" Moments later I'm in her arms. She's cradling me like a child, arms wrapped around me tightly. Leaning my head against her chest, I listen to her heart beat.

"When I saw the storm destroy your house…" The words are dragged out of me with great effort. "…it made me realize my decision at the lighthouse…the decision to sac…sac…not stop Nathan was wrong. I killed you Chloe! I let you die for no fucking reason!"

It's rising inside of me again, the terror, the hate. A shaking captures my limbs. My hands start tightening and the loathing rushes into my mind. I'm not worth her care! She should focus on helping herself, not me!

Before I can raise my hand, Chloe grabs it and holds it. She strokes it until I stop shaking. The loathing is still there, lurking, waiting to unleash the punishment I deserve.

After a long time she says, "Everything you told me says you and I made the best decision we could. Yeah, maybe it was the wrong decision. You're here now. I'm here now. That's what matters."

My head is shaking, denying what she says. No. I fucked up. I killed my best friend. You don't make mistakes like that.

Her hand strokes my hair, holding me tight against her. The gentle rhythm of her heart soothes me despite my inner demons.

"I tried calling Joyce." Her voice is quiet and empty. "No one answered. I tried several times. I even…I even tried David. He didn't answer either."

A chill rushes through me at her words and I angle my head to look at her. "I'm so sorry, Chloe," I murmur. "We'll find them! We have to!"

My words bring a wan smile to her lips. "You're remarkable, you know that? You just experienced shit I barely understand and you're concerned about me? What did I do to deserve you?"

"You gave me a friendship and love that surpasses my mistakes. It's not a matter of deserving, it's a matter of loving."

Light glitters in her eyes at my words before she turns her head aside. "Do you believe that," she asks.

"Believe what?"

"That you are loved?"

My whole body goes tense at her words and I don't know what to say.

Deny it.

"You say that, Max, and your actions show me more than your words do…but do you actually believe you are loved? That you are worth it?"

The trembling returns and my hands are clenching again. In my shame I can't speak. In that moment I know she knows and that hurts even worse. I lower my head so she doesn't see the shame and loathing in my eyes.

"Promise me something?"

What could she want? How have I failed her now?

"What?"

"When all this is done, that you'll come see my therapist with me."

Oh. My failure wrestles with her care in my mind. It's all I can do to say, "Ok."

Her arms continue to hold me tight. I only wish she could guard me from myself.


Wind whips my clothes around. Clouds darken the sky, chilling the air. Rain pours down. "Why didn't you save me, Max?" Kates voice is hurt, accusatory. She stands on the edge of the roof, heels hanging over the drop.

Like before, my arm raises, beckoning her. "I did save you, Kate," I protest, "and then you saved me."

"You didn't." She shakes her head and steps backward, tumbling from view. I fall to my knees. In the distance I hear her body hit the ground. The sound cuts my heart.

"You said you were my friend, Max. Why didn't you save me?" She's standing again on the edge, heels hanging over.

"No, Kate! I did." The wind tears my weak words apart as she disappears from view. The sound of the impact sends a blow through me.

"You left me behind, Max. You said things would be better if you went back and saved Chloe. Why aren't things better for me, Max?"

"They were supposed to be, Kate." My voice is breaking now. Another impact, my heart is breaking into pieces.

"I was supposed to be fine, Max. Why aren't I fine?"

Body falling, hitting the ground. I'm bent over, head touching the roof. The rain has drenched me. The coldness from the rain is a pittance compared to the pain in my heart. My grief is ripped from me in a tearful shout.

"Why wasn't I good enough for you, Max? Why could you only think about Chloe?" Hair whipping from her bun as she plummets from view.

Fingers grab my hair and shirt and jerk me up, forcing my head to stare at Kate. "Every choice you make hurts others, just to make you happy." The words hurt, stabbing my heart.

"Why, Max? Why wasn't I good enough for you?" She falls, always falling. I don't want to watch but I can't stop, just like I can't stop the tears running down my face.

"I said I would always be your friend, Max. Why weren't you always my friend?" The sound of impact, a cry ripped from my heart.

Max looks at me. A darkness in her eyes, so deep it scares me. Strange colors surround her eyes, purples and blacks and reds. "You call your power a curse, but it doesn't stop you from using it!" I gasp as her fingers dig into my shoulders.

Behind her, Kate appears again. No! I want to shut my eyes but Max commands my attention. "Max the Destroyer is a more apt name for you." Now her words are low, piercing the wind with their hate. "You have destroyed more lives than you've saved!"

"Why…" I choke on my words as Kate appears again. "Why do you hate me so much?"

"Because you took everything from me."

"What-" She's gone. Only Kate remains. She looks at me one last time. The hurt and betrayal in her eyes stop my words.

"I loved you, Max. I gave up everything I was taught, everything I held dear, to love you. Why didn't you love me?" She steps off the ledge. The pain in her eyes is the last thing I see.

With a scream I fling myself upright. "Kate! No!" My breaths are shallow and quick, my thoughts a mess. Where's Kate? I have to save Kate!

Hands touch my arms and I shake them off. Words tumble from my mouth, words I don't hear. Gibberish shouted in pain and terror. Sheets and blankets tangle my legs as I struggle to stand. I have to get to the school before Kate jumps!

Arms wrap themselves around my waist. I struggle to free myself, shouting words I don't understand.

"Max! No! You can't save her! Kate is gone!"

No! I struggle even as my mind acknowledges the truth of those words. No! My heart aches as the truth sinks in. No!

I'm in Chloe's arms. Tears are on her own face, looking down at me. "She's been dead for six months, Max." Such pain is in her voice. My fingers rise and trace the tears flowing down her face.

It seems like someone else is talking, but it's my voice, my words. "Kate is dead?" I see her again, standing on that ledge. Pain and betrayal in her eyes as she falls. I flinch when her eyes pass the edge of the roof. "Kate is dead…and I'm broken."

Chloe's arms are like a lifeline around me. I cling to her. I'm afraid if I let go I'll slip away, back into that painful nightmare, back into Her control.

"I'm broken, Chloe." I whisper the words. "Broken and worthless." I repeat the words over and over. It's my mantra. It is who and what I am.

All night she holds me, not sleeping. I'm afraid to sleep, afraid to see Kate, afraid of that other Max. My words of loathing and self-contempt are countered by her words of comfort and care, but they aren't enough because I don't believe them.

It's when the room is starting to brighten from the dawn that I decide I have to tell her. I have to tell Chloe how broken and worthless I am. So she can throw me away like the refuse that I am. Not here though.

"Please take me to visit Kate today." My voice is hollow and as broken as my soul. Chloe strokes my hair and murmurs agreement.

After washing my face and changing clothes, we're out in the car. My bag is clutched tightly against me. Chloe gives me a smile as she backs out of the spot. She's being strong for me. I rest my hand on hers as she shifts into first.

The drive is over before I realize it and we're standing at the entrance to the cemetery. Chloe takes my hand in hers, leading me through the grounds. A small stone, modest just like Kate, marks her site. A variety of flowers surround the stone. Some are planted, some are small bouquets in vases. The care around her grave tells me people do care for her and miss her.

Sinking to my knees, I trace the letters on her stone, much like I used to do with Chloe's. Kate Beverly Marsh - Daughter. The similarities are not lost on me. Part of me though is angry that her headstone is so small. Is her family ashamed that she committed suicide? Fucking hypocrites!

Chloe kneels next to me. "Max…you were inconsolable after she jumped." Her hand holds mine as she speaks. "She blamed herself for Kate jumping. She was on the roof with her. Later…she told me she felt like jumping also, because she failed Kate."

"Chloe…there's something I have to tell you." How do I do this? If not for the voices and nightmares I wouldn't believe it. How can I make Chloe believe?

I think about the different ways to share this, to admit this.

-Brace yourself, Chloe. Your girlfriend is still alive. In my head.- Blech.

-Ok, things are about to get weird.- That sounds so…corny. It's not serious like she deserves.

Her fingers entwine themselves in mine. "What is it, Max?" She can see me, see my face as I think of the right way to tell her.

My eyes close. When I tell her, Chloe will see me for who I really am. She will see how worthless I am. She will hate me. How could she not? But she deserves the truth. Even if it means I lose her?

Max the Destroyer is a more apt name for you! Her words shoot through me, a bright wound across my heart.

"It's something I don't…I don't understand. I won't blame you if you don't believe me…or hate me."

"Max." She's moved behind me, wrapping her arms around me. "My girlfriend is a time traveler. Do you know how fucking unbelievable that is? Don't worry about what you want to tell me. I'll believe it no matter what it is."

Girlfriend. She doesn't know how much those words both delight and hurt me. For I have hurt her in ways she doesn't yet comprehend. And in a few minutes when she does know?

She's pulling me back into her. "And how could I hate you? You're amazing, Max!"

She's trying to reassure me. It's almost helping. The words of that hateful Max haunt me though, undermining the effect of Chloe's words.

She's holding me against her, arms wrapped around my shoulders. I hold onto her arms. Her touch is so comforting. I just have to do it. I have to trust her.

"Your Max is still alive." Her body stills against mine. I can feel the question before she asks it. "What do you mean?"

"Your Max, Chloe." The words burn my tongue as I speak them. "She's still alive…in my head."

Silence. Right now I wish she was facing me so I could see what she is thinking, what she is feeling. "Explain." One simple word, neutral, without a hint of what she is thinking.

"I…don't really understand. The first night after the switch I thought I was having a dream. I saw her." I tell her about that first conversation. The pain Max experienced, the anger in her voice. "Like I said, I thought I was dreaming…until she started talking to me during the day."

"And…I have another Max inside my head. When she spoke to me I thought it was my normal…self-doubt…self-hatred. Now I…don't know."

My voice feels like someone else is talking. A part of me is detached, floating above us in the air. I see Chloe holding me, her arms loose as I tell her everything.

The hurt and pain of Chloe's Max. Max's coercing me to share my pain with Chloe. The torturous parts of the dreams. The fear in her Max as she spoke of the hateful Max. I tell her.

The pain she felt watching Chloe struggle with losing her and accepting me. The remorse her Max felt about not discussing her pain of saving Chloe. The silences. How they fill me with fear.

The hateful words spoken to me during the days, fueling my guilt and self-loathing. My fears as it seemed those words were true. The episode yesterday. My nightmare last night as Kate died over and over as I was forced to watch.

Telling her about hating myself is like ripping broken glass across a raw wound. But I do it. My body shakes and trembles and I try to hurt myself more than once. Each time she catches my hands and won't let me. I lay my soul bare in a way I've never done and I'm scared, oh god I'm so scared!

Sharing all this is both draining and liberating. Like a tightly wound spring gradually loosened, tension bleeds from my mind and body. I tell her everything, and she listens. Sharing all this feels so good, so right, even though it's so selfish. I'm dumping my burdens on her. She doesn't deserve this. She deserves a strong, powerful woman. Not someone weak and broken like me.

My heart is in my throat when I finish. I'm waiting, expecting her to not believe a word I say. Expecting her to hate me, wanting her to hate me, because I hate myself.

Her head leans against the back of mine. Warm breath washes down my neck. My body is tense waiting for the rejection I am sure will come.

"Ok." The word, so simple, washes over me. Ok? "Ok," she repeats, "We'll figure this out…together. We'll figure out what this means, Max. And we'll figure out how to make it better."

The confidence and warmth in her words floors me. It is not what I expected. "Chloe…"

"I mean it, Max. Yeah, this is some crazy, class-A shit. But I can't pick and choose which parts of you I'm going to love. I gotta love all of you, even parts that don't make any sense to me. I'm not giving you up just because you're dealing with shit I don't understand."

"Aren't…aren't you mad at me for hiding her from you? You should hate me for that!"

"No, Max, I'm not mad at you and I definitely don't hate you. Two other people in your head? How do you even explain that to someone and not sound crazy! How can you even live with it and not be insane?"

"But I've done such horrible things to you! Everything I've done has hurt you!"

"That's an exaggeration. Without you, I'd have never enjoyed the magic of the stillness. In the few days you've been here I have learned more about you than I ever knew. And you're still in there, Max. The girl from six months ago? The girl who helped her best friend? She's still in there buried beneath six months of guilt. I see her. Just like you see me."

Her acceptance and belief loosens the tightness in my throat and I melt into her embrace. She cradles me against her body, giving soft kisses to my head. After a time, when I'm feeling spent, she holds me up.

"Was that other Max, the hateful Max, involved in what happened yesterday?"

"Yes. She talks to me all the time, just to tear me down. She fuels my self-hate and gets really happy when I make a mistake or get hurt. Honestly, Chloe, it's hard not to believe her. I've fucked up so many things with my power." There's something I really want to ask, but fear the answer.

"What…happened yesterday?"

She doesn't answer right away. I wait, patiently. After seeing my face in the mirror this morning, I can guess at what happened. Bruises up and down the left side of my face.

"You went crazy. It freaked me the fuck out. When you started hitting your face…" She stifles a sob. "That first night, I saw you doing it and I said nothing. Yesterday…it was one of the worst fucking things I've ever seen. It took everything I had to stop you. You wouldn't respond to anything I said. You just kept saying 'I killed her' and 'I'm worthless.'"

She crawls in front of me and sits close, putting her face next to mine. "You are not worthless, Max Caulfield! You make mistakes, just like everyone else-"

"My mistakes kill p-"

"Max!" The force behind my name stops my vitriolic words and scatters my thoughts. "You make mistakes. We all do. That's ok." She takes a deep breath. "The point is, I love you. And nothing that hateful Max can do will change that. Shitting on yourself will not change that."

My head ducks at her words and I feel something warm inside. She has such confidence in me. I wish I had that confidence.

At the same time, the belief she has in me gives me strength. An energy has infused me knowing that I'm not in this alone, that Chloe chose to stay with me. To accept me and all my fuck-ups.

Her fingers touch my chin and I look up. "Now," she says, "let's do what you came here to do. Talk to Kate, Max."

My fingers trace her jawline and I nod. Moving around her, I sit by Kate's grave marker. My thoughts turn to her again. Her warm, unassuming smile. Her unique perspective on life. Her simple needs and desires. In whatever world, whatever reality she exists in, I hope she has peace and love.

Returning to the here and now, I compose my thoughts.

"I love you, Kate. You were there when I needed you most. You helped me when everyone else left. You cared when others didn't. I miss you. I will always love you."

Tears swarm my eyes, spurred by these words.

"I'm sorry that I was so selfish that I didn't see your love when it was right in front of me. I'm sorry that I wasn't good enough to save you. I want to be better. I want to be like you. Please forgive me for not being there for you."