Something was wrong. The weight of her son was in flux causing Kathryn to change her focus to the boy. A red alert screamed in her head when she recognized a transport was in progress. Someone was transporting her son.

She screamed with a bloodcurdling tone that the hologram was there when she finally took a breath.

He s gone! She cried before tapping her commbadge. Janeway to Bridge. He s gone. Her voice barely made it through the comm as she was trying to suppress her grief.

Gone? Who s gone? Came Chakotay s distracted voice.

Henry. She paused trying to keep her composure. The Tumay must have taken him. Track them and set a pursuit course.

Aye, Captain.

Keep me informed, Janeway out. She said as she closed the channel.

Kathryn s heart was breaking. Henry had been become her life and she was afraid that she would lose her son. Nevertheless, she was willing to pursue the Tumay. She would do whatever it took to get her child back no matter the cost, even if it meant sacrificing her vessel, crew or herself. After all, Henry was her little boy and she loved him more than life itself.

She would not accept failure now.

Using her command codes, Kathryn tapped into the tactical and sensor logs so she could track the progress of her bridge officers. Tuvok had pinpointed the Tumay s ship and both their ship and Voyager was at high warp. The chase was on.

Voyager wasn t within transporter range of the kidnapped children just yet, but she was actively scanning for human and Bajoran life signs. She realized that Harry Kim was probably doing the same from his bridge station. Was he detecting her efforts? She didn t care.

And if she managed to lock on to the children, and Kim did the same, would there be a conflict in the transport lock. Kathryn decided that though her feelings were motivating her actions, she would ultimately let Kim do his job.

But she would not rest until the children were back aboard Voyager and Henry was in her arms. She just hated that her body wasn t up to par and she was stuck in bed. However, she wasn t interested in taxing her body just yet. It wasn t time for her to sacrifice herself just yet especially if they were successful in rescuing the children. Her son needed her alive.

However, Kathryn found it difficult not to openly cry. Her son was technically missing and the emotional pain was difficult to compartmentalize. But she was the captain. She didn t get promoted by giving into her feelings even when they were overwhelming. And she was a woman with deep feelings. So she funneled her emotional pain into extreme determination to complete her goal, getting the children back, getting her son back. Nothing else mattered.

And the Tumay were playing hard to get by somehow staying just beyond transporter range so she began working on extending the range. As she was working, she sighed. Kathryn felt powerless where she was. Here she was confined to sickbay when she wanted to be on the bridge leading the search, pushing for a rescue of her son and the other children. Instead she had to accept tracking Voyager s efforts from her sickbay workstation. It had to do, but it was hard to sit still when she needed to do something more than sit on the sidelines when every fiber of her being wanting to do what it took to get Henry back.

Adrenaline surged through her fueling a deep anxiety and an ever so slight bout of nausea. Not good when she was recovering, healing, from her pregnancy, but she couldn t help it. Her son was her life, her purpose for living, and she would not feel better until he was back in her arms safe and sound. And she was determined to get him back even if it delayed Voyager from her original goal of getting back to the Alpha Quadrant. It did not matter. Her son came first.

The Tumay ship fired weapons at Voyager further agitating Kathryn. She knew this was an attempt to keep Voyager from keeping the children back. She wanted to hiss at them when she felt the slight jolt that accompanied weapons fire on her ship. She needed to be on the bridge.

Her eyes widened when she felt Voyager dropping out of warp. The weapons had destabilized the engines furthering the distance between Voyager and the other vessel. The Tumay ship soon went out of sensor range and Kathryn cursed under her breath. She could not break down not now, not yet. After all, she was still the captain and she needed to know what was happening beyond what she could monitor herself.

Janeway to bridge, report! She called loud enough for her voice to activate the comm.

We ve dropped out of warp, Captain. B Elanna has crews repairing the engines. Warp drive will be back online in 2 hours. Chakotay reported. He was understandably distracted she figured.

What about the Tumay vessel? She asked while trying not to fear the worst.

We lost them. He paused as her heart sank. She tried not to react. Don t worry, Captain. We will find them. We will find them, Kathryn. Chakotay out.

Kathryn was trembling uncontrollably; her emotions were overwhelming threatening to strip her of any pride she had left. She finally could not hold back her tears as she realized that her main reason for living was gone. Her son, Henry, was snatched from her arms. Now she was left with the pain, an agony she had no words to describe. The grief was more intense than anything she had previously experienced and she felt herself shutting down on the inside.

Gone, gone, gone was all she could think about. Nothing else mattered. Gone, gone, gone.

The Doctor had come over and was apparently saying something to her, but she could not focus on the words. Disorientation was temporarily taking hold.
The shell shock must have been so obvious to the hologram that the next thing she peripherally knew was her usually calming first officer approaching her. She didn t know if he was trying to give a sympathetic smile as her mind couldn t handle the stimuli.

I m so sorry, Kathryn. You have to believe that. She barely registered his words, she could not really comprehend what he was saying.
Kathryn couldn t talk, couldn t find the words needed to express her grief to those around her. Only the onslaught of tears conveyed her state of mind and she didn t care who saw it. Pride was gone, vanity as well. Pain was all she knew which meant she couldn t be the captain now or ever. She couldn t be the Kathryn Janeway her ship needed with her anguish and now she didn t want to live anymore. Suicide was the only option she could have without her boy.

No, no, no, no her mind looped over and over, gone, gone, gone

Kathryn wasn t sure if she was speaking or thinking, but all she knew was that she was retreating further into herself in an unsuccessful attempt to keep herself from feeling. She really wanted to be numb so she wouldn t hurt so bad.

She was being hugged, but her mind couldn t register the touch let alone the embrace. Normally a touchy feely person, Kathryn didn t want this physical interaction. It felt foreign and unnatural given her all-encompassing pain. Who she was before was gone. She was now a new Kathryn Janeway of whom could not process emotion because her heart was shattered and numb.

Kathryn owed it to her crew to get them and Voyager home and that was all the strength she had left. Once she fulfilled her promise, then she would end it all. Without the will to live, she wanted to die. Only then she would find peace.

Kathryn? Kathryn!

TO BE CONTINUED